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There are times when Niall Horan does in fact love his roommate Zayn Malik. Other times, he wants to shove him off a very small cliff. For example: now as Niall trudges into his shared apartment and is met with an absolute mess. Usually, Niall doesn’t mind since he might be responsible for the small mountain of dishes starting to form in their sink and he can spot at least 2 snapbacks strewn across the coffee table, but Niall just endured a 4 hour lecture today-- no breaks because his professor is the embodiment of an actual demon--, so he really isn’t in the forgiving mood when he nearly falls to his death after tripping over one of Zayn’s bulky leather jackets left in front of the doorway. As Niall’s life flashes before his eyes, he thinks that maybe he deserves this since he lied about being late to class, but then Niall’s binder goes flying from his hands in attempt to steady himself, so no. The only reasonable explanation for this is, in fact, Zayn Malik.
“Alright! I’m sick of this shit, Malik!” Niall hasn’t actually seen said boy, but judging by the distinct smell of oil paints and the soft r&b music playing from the other side of Zayn’s painting room, Niall reckons he’s home. “When are you gonna learn how to put away your damn clothes? They’re all over the fucking house for fuck’s sake,” Niall rubs his throbbing temple in an attempt to soothe his headache as he toes off his sneakers. He passes an impressive sock pile that Zayn has collected behind the couch this past week and lets himself into Zayn’s “studio” (it’s really just a spare room he works in). The overwhelming scent of drying paint fills his nose. It’s a smell he’s grown used, but his nose scrunches up anyways.
Niall’s socks crinkle under the newspapers that Zayn threw haphazardly on the floor in attempt to protect it, but Niall can spot some bright blue paint smudged into the surface. He’s not surprised when he looks up to see a shirtless Zayn concentrated on his colorful work. “Are you even listening to me?” Niall grumbles, peeking his head over his shoulder curiously.
Zayn’s got his tongue in between his teeth as he paints a vibrant stripe down the canvas almost violently and Niall thinks that Zayn has forgotten he’s there before he hums out, “Would really appreciate it if we did not do this right now, babe. M’busy.”
“You know your leather jacket almost killed me when I came home just right now?” No response. “I could’ve died,” Zayn mumbles along to Drake instead of answering him. Niall huffs and leans his chin on Zayn’s shoulder grumpily, pinching at his bare hip.
“Oi, watch it,”
“You watch it,” Niall slips away from Zayn and instead folds the old school t-shirt that Zayn must’ve been wearing before he stripped it off. He’s told Niall countless times that he works better when there’s nothing “holding him back,” but it’s the middle of winter and Niall would’ve been concerned for Zayn’s health if Zayn wasn’t brushing off the problem at hand.
“Don’t you think you’re being dramatic?” Zayn mutters. Niall debates on whether or not to initiate another petty fight, but he remembers that they already fought over who was buying milk last night so he rubs at his temples again instead. Niall presses his forehead into the space where Zayn’s neck meets his shoulder. The atmosphere around this place has been intense since finals was just a few weeks away.
Zayn must’ve realizes this, too, since he sets down his paintbrush in favor of pulling Niall in by the waist for a cuddle. Niall bites back a grin and pushes his face into the warm skin. It truly does amaze their friends how Zayn and Niall seem to have this weird sense of knowing what the other is thinking. Harry told them that maybe it was because that one time Niall accidentally electrocuted Zayn after Niall slid across Liam and Louis’ carpeted floor and slammed into the other boy. Zayn yelled at him for fucking up his hair.
“Do you want tea, bub?” Niall asks, glancing down at the floor again. Zayn’s paint brush rolled off his desk which left the floor with a splash of green. Niall thinks it kind of looks like a 4 leaf clover and he tells Zayn so. Zayn snorts into Niall’s hair. “If you’re not careful, you’ll get us in trouble with the landlord again.”
(Niall and Zayn’s landlord is a scary 4’9 feet tall woman named Petunia who smells like expired milk and almost kicked the two boys out when she discovered Zayn’s pet snake, Nagini, or “Nee-Nee”. She told them that there was a strict rule against pets in the building and Niall witnessed Zayn’s face crumble before his eyes which really was not okay.
“I do recall you asking me if I’ve seen your lost cat a few weeks ago? Did you, like, ever find her?” Niall said carefully and smiled in victory when he saw a flicker of recognition flash through the small woman’s eyes.
Zayn gave Nagini two celebratory slugs to eat that day. Niall declared that it was a bit gross, but Zayn just happily kissed his cheek in return.
“You’re my favorite Nee-Nee. Get it? Like Ni-Ni,” Zayn told him with his cheek smushed against Niall’s.
“I have no idea what the fuck that means, but you’re welcome,” Niall rolled his eyes and ignored the fact that his cheeks were hot.)
Zayn makes a noise that sounds like approval and he pulls Niall away at arm's length so he can squish his cheeks together. Niall felt his face bloom into pink at the sudden pressure. “Tea would be nice, thank you,” then he’s off again, indulged into his painting and leaving Niall slightly colder now that Zayn’s body heat is gone.
Before he leaves the room, Niall leans over to dip his finger in the blue paint that Zayn seems to love so much and drags a stripe across Zayn’s sharp cheekbone. After living with someone for a year, Niall’s not surprised when Zayn hardly reacts. He makes a mental note to himself to snag more newspapers from his English lecture classroom tomorrow, making his way to the fridge. More cereal for Zayn, too, he adds.
Niall grins at the most recent sticky note left on their cheap refrigerator (the light occasionally does not work which makes midnight snacks at least 16 times harder) which read: I took a fruit roll up. Zayn was mad. All the love always. H. The smile is immediately wiped off his face when he sees one of Zayn’s t-shirts rested on top of the milk. Everyone had their ways for coping with stress, but it didn’t help that it was adding to Niall’s own pile of growing irritation.
“Oh fuck no, really? The fridge, Malik? How the fuck does that even happen?” Niall swears he hears Zayn turn up a Michael Buble song in an attempt to make peace. Niall returns minutes later with Zayn’s favorite tea in Zayn’s favorite mug even though Niall assaults Zayn’s face again except with the shirt he found in the fridge.
“Cheers, was looking for that.”
“Un-fucking-believable,” Niall swears. He’s said the word fuck in about every sentence since he’s got home and all he wants to do is sleep.
“Don’t curse in front of the children,” Zayn says as he gestures to the two clay figures sitting on the window sill that somewhat represent Niall and Zayn. Zayn made it in his ceramics class last semester.
“Here’s your stupid tea.” The grateful smile that Zayn shoots Niall almost makes Niall feel better about the whole dirty laundry situation.
“Thanks, love,” Zayn brushes his thumb and forefinger gently under Niall’s chin. Niall scrunches his face at him.
“Thanks, love,” Niall mimics sarcastically.
Niall finally decides to leave his roommate alone and is already preparing himself for a good 1 or 5 hour nap, but stops when he spots a sweater on the floor of his bedroom that is, surprise-surprise, not his. Niall holds in a groan because leaving clothes around their apartment is one thing, but leaving clothes in Niall’s space is another. He isn’t sure why he’s getting so worked up over this, but he’s got to annotate 70 pages of The Odyssey and it’s days like this when Niall wishes he majored in music instead of English. Niall takes a deep breath, reminds himself he’s got one more semester left and glares down at the offensive gray adidas sweater. He thinks about maybe chucking this at Zayn, too.
He just finished stripping off his coat and sweater, but his thoughts are interrupted when there’s a muffled vibration in Niall’s back pocket.
From Tommo: Where tf r u?
“God dammit,” Niall runs his hand through his hair and pouts as he looks longingly towards his bed just a few feet away. He could always just take a nap, but he wasn’t too keen on having Louis bust through his apartment unannounced again. Last time he did that, he interrupted a very, very serious dance party between Zayn and Niall.
Niall’s phone vibrates insistently in his hand again.
From Tommo (1): i kno ur fucking reading this. i turned on ur read receipts last week
From Tommo (2): dont u dare ignore me u shit
From Tommo (3): it’s my birthday month u hav to listen to me !
Niall rolls his eyes at his screen and texted out a quick reply involving the middle finger emoji and 12 different types of hearts, and then the boat emoji because he misclicked.
As he’s bouncing around living room trying to achieve the impossible task of pulling on his shoes while standing, Zayn comes out of the living room with a paint brush tucked above his ear and an empty tea mug. He looks far too amused at the situation when Niall almost trips over the leather jacket that’s still in the fucking doorway.
“I’m meeting up with Lou, Z. Clean up your shit while you’re at it?” Both shoes are on and he grabs his apartment keys from the glass bowl they keep near the door.
Zayn has his face buried in the fridge, but Niall can still hear him as he’s rummaging through the bag of baby carrot sticks Liam bought for them a few days ago. “Put on a jacket, it’s cold.”
Niall huffs in annoyance and steps out of their apartment a few minutes later with Zayn’s adidas sweater he found in his room. He ignores Zayn’s complaints and only hears “That’s my swea-” before he closes the door with a satisfied slam and tucks the beanie further down his mess of blonde hair.
-
It’s the beginning of December and the weatherman on tv has been saying that it’s going to snow for the past week, but snow has yet to make contact with the ground. Judging by the cloudy skies and on-again-off-again rain they’ve been having, Niall reminds himself to ask Liam to fix their heater.
The Starbucks next to Niall and Zayn’s apartment is only a 10 minute walk away, but Niall manages to step in not 1, but 2 puddles on the way there so his already gloomy mood gets impossibly gloomier. He breathes in the intoxicating smell of hot chocolate and coffee beans and although Thanksgiving was last week, there’s Christmas music humming in the background.
Niall’s lips turn up slightly when he spots Louis tucked away in a corner table and is even more pleased when he sees that he’s already bought Niall a drink.
His friend perks up when Niall slumps into the chair in front of him and makes an appreciative noise when he tastes sips the slightly above room temperature hot chocolate. “Can’t believe you were actually contemplating on ditching me to take a nap!” Louis tells him, but Niall knows he’s not mad.
“Sorry, Lou. Been a long day,” He rubs his palm down his face and sighs again. He’s been sighing a lot today. “Z’s driving me crazy this week.”
Louis laughs and rubs at Niall’s head as Niall buries his face in his arms, knocking his beanie out of place. “Glad it’s not me anymore.”
Louis and Niall, best friends before they learned how to walk, had purposefully enrolled to the same school, it was only luck that they both managed to be accepted. Louis met Zayn through the Arts Program as Louis was a music major while Zayn was an art major. Later, they met Harry who Louis found and claimed as his new best friend when he took a photography class that-one-time.
Louis and Zayn shared similar classes in the same building and by the end of their first year, they decided to move into an apartment together which was only a quick 15 minute walk away from campus.
“Sorry, just yesterday you were bitter that I stole your roommate,” Niall recalls.
“Well, that’s just cause I never see him anymore,” Louis pouts even though Niall knows they share at least 2 classes together. “And I miss the music he used to play. All Liam wants to listen to is Taylor Swift’s new album,” Louis says solemnly, but Niall can see how Louis’ eyes crinkle into something fond.
The iconic Louis&Zayn apartment was short-lived since Liam fell into their lives. Literally, he fell into their lives. It was one of those rare days Louis decided to skateboard to school since he usually didn’t want to lug it around campus. Niall and Zayn had been in the apartment watching a rerun of Pokemon when Louis came home with scraped elbows, a flushed face, and a new contact number in his phone.
Before Niall could even ask what the hell was wrong, Louis collapsed face first across Zayn and Niall’s laps. He mumbled along to the last lines of the Pokemon theme song before screaming into a pillow. Niall and Zayn exchanged a look and then Louis whipped his head with the most lovesick expression on his face that had Niall scrunching his nose.
“I ran into an angel,” Louis’ eyes were sparkling.
Niall’s heard the story so many times that he could probably recite it word by word at this point. Liam was on a run and Louis was on his skateboard and the rest was simply history.
Louis likes to boast about how it was fate that Liam and Louis had met that day, but one time when Louis was drunk, he told Niall that he had been secretly tracking Liam for months and memorized his running schedule. However, their relationship developed into something quite beautiful and made Louis the happiest that Niall has ever seen him, so maybe it was fate, after all. Louis moved in with Liam over the summer before Junior Year, everyone knew it was inevitable. Niall was the new Louis replacement since the English Department was right next to Arts and that was that.
The moving in of Niall and the moving out of Louis was a relatively easy shift, but sometimes Louis will randomly show up to the apartment to return one of Zayn’s flannels or “ridiculous t-shirts,” as Louis says, that have the sleeves messily cut off.
“I feel like he does it on purpose sometimes.” Niall steals a piece of the sandwich Louis’ is picking at.
“Yeah, we should buy him Logic’s new album,” Louis raps his knuckles on the table which is a thing he does often when he thinks about Liam. Always fidgeting like he handle his happiness about that boy, “or maybe Kendrick Lamar.”
“Talking ‘bout Zayno,” Niall makes a small noise when Louis slaps his hand away from his food. “I swear I’ll kick him out one day.” Louis snorts and gives Niall a look.
“Nah, you don’t mean that,” of course Niall doesn’t mean it, but he still tries to argue before Louis interrupts him, “Nice jumper. Is it Zayn’s?” Niall had almost forgotten about the sweater he was wearing and suddenly he feels like he’s been caught doing something bad.
“I- yes. It is,” Louis smirks around the straw of his drink which gives Niall an unsettling feeling in his stomach, “Hey, don’t give me that look. This is just the perfect example on how he leaves his shit everywhere. His stupid sweater was in my room and-”
“What exactly do you plan on accomplishing by wearing Zayn’s misplaced apparel?” Niall can feel the tips of his ears burning under his beanie and the jumper on him feels a little bit warmer. He takes a long sip of his drink before responding.
“Malik gets pissed off when I wear his clothes,” Niall finally says. The first time Zayn let Niall wear his jacket on a night out with the boys, Niall spilled an impressive amount of Liam’s cherry soda on both Niall’s new Eagles shirt and Zayn’s beloved jacket. Zayn had let out some kind of hurt war-cry and Niall had the honor of witnessing Zayn physically apologize to the article of clothing.
“I’m teaching him a lesson,” Niall adds as an afterthought. Louis makes an unconvinced mhm. “It’s all part of my masterplan!” Another mhm.
Niall rolls his eyes and takes another chance at swiping a bit of cheese from Louis’ sandwich. “Oi, I will not be bullied while I am enjoying my feast,”
“That is a 5 dollar Subway sandwich.”
“Shut up, you never know when your next meal is around here,” Louis makes a point of taking a huge bite out of said sandwich. Niall cringes when the other boy closes his eyes and makes a highly inappropriate noise that is really not used for eating cheap fast food.
“Save that for Liam, please,” Niall says with a shit-eating grin. Louis kicks his shin under the table.
-
Niall ends up accompanying Louis to buy groceries for Liam. Although Louis’s crumpled receipt with Liam’s swoopy writing listed very clearly what he was supposed to buy, Niall managed to convince Louis to buy marshmallows instead of celery sticks.
Louis bids Niall adieu with a kiss on the cheek and a tug on his hair and Niall takes it upon himself to buy dinner for him and Zayn.
By the time he’s home, it’s nearly 9pm and he isn’t surprised when he walks in to see that nothing has been changed except one of the kitchen cabinets are halfway open and now a High School Musical song is playing on the speakers of Zayn’s painting room.
Niall feels endearment taking over his annoyance when he walks in to find the boy belting out Troy Bolton’s iconic solo.
“Bought Chinese,” Niall says in between a laugh. Zayn pausing his song, not looking the least bit embarrassed, and grabs the bag gratefully. Without Niall, he’s certain that Zayn would starve.
“You’re one of my favorite people on this planet,” Zayn reaches up to ruffle his hair, but pauses with a slight tilt to his head, “Is that my beanie?”
Niall takes a second too long to come up with a snappy response. Zayn just shrugs when he doesn’t answer and flees the room to flop onto the couch in the living room. He’s already munching onto a piece of steamed broccoli before Niall can even sit down and turn on netflix.
Niall makes a face as he shoves Zayn’s fuzzy socks off of the couch cushion. “See what happens when you don’t put your clothes away?”
Zayn leans his head on Niall’s shoulder while holding up a forkful of noodles instead of responding . Niall ignores him for a whole 3 seconds before his stomach betrays him, begrudgingly allowing Zayn to feed him. The theme song to Friends plays fills the living room.
“Speaking of clothes, if you happen to find my black sweatpants, I need them for skating tomorrow,” Zayn hands Niall his container of food and a pair of chopsticks. Niall remembers seeing said sweats laying in the hallway and quickly decides that yes, Niall will steal it.
“Can you buy dinner tomorrow?” Zayn’s hair smells like paint. Niall wraps an arm around his shoulder anyways. Zayn feeds him another forkful of noodles like it’s second nature to him. (It probably is.)
“You know I won’t.”
After they finish dinner, Niall goes off the shower and snatches Zayn’s beloved joggers along the way. It’s all part of his masterplan.
-
Even though Niall is sure that he forgot to respond to an online discussion for his English class today, Niall feels giddy as he struts out to the kitchen sporting Zayn’s skating sweatpants. There’s a small rip developing on the right knee and Niall is kind of in love with how comfortable it feels. If Zayn’s clothes always felt this nice, he probably wouldn't mind stealing them after he successfully proves his point.
Niall hops onto the counter, bowl of cereal in his lap, waiting for Zayn to come out of the bathroom. A second later, a freshly-showered Zayn drags himself out of the steaming room, looking grumpy with Niall and Zayn’s shared glasses perched on his nose.
Amazingly, the two boys shared roughly the same eye prescription. Zayn’s been borrowing Niall’s glasses ever since he broke his during an intense ping pong game with Harry around last year. Niall doesn’t mind though. They usually only use it if one of them doesn’t feel like putting in contacts which is apparently how Zayn is feeling today.
“Morning, Petal,” Niall hums as he swings his legs back and forth eagerly. Zayn only hums in reply, but the movement makes Zayn pause halfway as he pours water into their dented tea kettle. Niall shoots him a grin as he starts to obnoxiously drum his heels against the cabinets under him. Zayn frowns.
Niall notices that Zayn is definitely wearing his jeans from yesterday. He can tell because Niall attached an Ireland pin to the right pocket before he left school the morning before.
“Yes, is there a problem?”
“Are you actually doing this right now?” Zayn huffs as he takes a bite of the waffle that Niall already made for him. Niall tries not to laugh with a mouthful of cereal.
“Well they were in my room. Clearly misplaced,” Zayn wouldn’t know if Niall lied a little. “Guess this means that they’re mine!” Niall shrugs innocently and Zayn shoots him a sleepy glare.
Zayn makes another grumpy noise when he realizes that the whipped cream can did not have any whipped cream left for his waffle. “You’re not being funny,” Niall can hear the annoyance in his voice, but it’s more along the edge of playful. “Do you know how hard it is to skate in jeans?” Zayn emphasises. And yeah, Niall thinks that he’s being very childish right now, but he can see not one, but two of Zayn’s scarves under their kitchen table, so he figures he’s justified in his actions.
“Nope,” Niall leans over to place his empty bowl onto the stack of dishes still sitting in the sink and stretches his legs out with a satisfied sigh. He feels Zayn slot himself between his thighs with that disapproving frown still on his face.
“I’m not walking you to class for being a little shit,” Zayn puts a threatening tone behind his words as if it’s the worst punishment in the world. Niall pouts nonetheless and taps gently on his glasses, laughing a little when Zayn makes a face.
“Of course you’re walking me to class,” Niall states plainly.
Zayn just grumbles and 20 minutes later, they’re out the door with Zayn’s arm snug around Niall’s shoulder because he was obviously going to walk Niall to his Literature class. Niall already knew that.
-
Zayn skips out on skating with Louis which annoys the fuck out of Zayn. Niall can tell by the way Zayn practically dumps his bag near the front door and moodily slumps far away from Niall on the other side of the couch.
Niall times about 3 minutes before Zayn finally surrenders and flops his head onto Niall’s lap with a pout. Niall smiles down at him and runs a hand through his hair, attempting to soothe him in a small apology.
The blonde boy can’t help but tug Zayn’s hair a little with a “Your sweats are comfy,” and a shit-eating grin.
“I hate you,” Zayn mumbles.
“You don’t,”
Not even a second later, “I know.” Niall smiles for no reason and he doesn’t have to look down to know that Zayn’s smiling back.
-
The following week, Niall stomps home with a frown permanently etched onto his face and a seemingly heavy weight of a new literature theory essay prompt stuffed in his binder. All Niall can think of is how much he’s looking forward to flying back home for the holidays in a few weeks, but his thoughts are interrupted when he notices the food channel mumbling nonsense in the background. When Niall peeks over the couch, he finds his roommate peacefully sleeping with one of Niall’s astronomy books balanced on his stomach.
“Aw, babe,” Niall murmurs fondly as he drags his fingers down Zayn’s cheek gently. The moment’s ruined when he finds Zayn’s swim trunks (even though it’s winter?) instead of the tv remote and Niall refrains his urge to shake Zayn awake as payback. He settles on shoving the wrinkled swim trunks down the front of Zayn’s shirt instead. He doesn’t even move. Niall rolls his eyes and drops a kiss onto his head before heading to his room to find a spare blanket.
-
Slowly but surely, Niall’s closet should no longer be referred to Niall’s closet since half of it are Zayn’s clothes being held hostage. Over the past few days, Niall had a newfound realization that he quite liked the way black looks on his skin. The distinct smell of Zayn’s cologne attaching to the rest of his clothes is only a plus to this whole situation. Niall even dared to prance out of his room in his favorite Joker t-shirt.
But when Niall threw a smug smirk before stepping halfway out the door, Zayn stopped him with a hand on his waist and something soft in his eyes. The fingers pressing into his hips sent warmth all throughout his body that he swears he was burning. Similarly, so were Niall’s cheeks. With careful hands, Zayn pulled the snapback off of Niall’s head and traded it with the knitted beanie that he was sporting. Zipping up the jacket to Niall’s chin, his lips perked up with a lopsided grin before closing the door on Niall’s face with a “Have fun, darling!”.
To say the least, Niall feels a little weird after that whole interaction and thinks about it for the next half hour at Louis and Liam’s apartment. Liam seems to notice as he nudges Niall’s thigh with his knee.
“Ni? Did you hear me?” Niall blinks and shakes his head.
“Sorry, shit. I was… just thinking about something,” Niall’s face feels warm all over again, so he takes off his jacket to cool off. “Where were we?” He glances back down at the math textbook in his lap. Liam was helping him out with his stats class, him being an engineering major and all.
When Niall is met with silence, he back up to be met with Liam squinting at his shirt in confusion.
“That’s not your shirt,” Liam’s voice sounds teasing and smug. Niall doesn’t like the way it feels and wants to defend himself. He doesn’t know why.
“How dare you-”
“Name at least 3 Batman movies,” Niall narrows his eyes at the boy and closes the math textbook shut stubbornly.
“Batman… One,” Liam looks unamused. “Batman 2,” Niall crosses his arms. “Batman... 3,” Liam clicks his tongue with disapproval.
“What’s Zayn’s favorite Batman movie?” Liam asks.
Niall is a little thrown off with the sudden mention of Zayn, but nevertheless, “The Dark Knight Rises with Christian Bale,” Niall grins down at the Joker picture printed onto the t-shirt. “Zayn thinks he’s hot,” Niall adds as an afterthought. All of a sudden, Niall’s gushing to Liam about the time Zayn and Niall dressed up as Batman and Robin last year, but his story is cut short when he sees a pleased looking Liam smiling knowingly.
Niall clears his throat and reopens his textbook, not really knowing which page they left off, but not wanting to look up again in an attempt to hide how flustered he feels. “Anyways.”
He pretends not to notice the way Liam snorts. “Page 219, Ni.”
-
Niall isn’t too bothered when Zayn makes a beeline for his art room the second he gets home. The blonde boy gets a ruffle to his hair and Niall gets a glimpse of Zayn pulling off his shirt and wow, that’s a sight. Niall trains his gaze on the dark ink hugging Zayn’s hip before the door is closed which shocks him back to reality.
“Dammit,” Niall curses under his breath before shaking his head and pulling his laptop closer to him. He’s only 200 words in and he can already hear the soft thump of Zayn’s music.
Niall finally hits 1,014 words out of the required 1,000 about climate change or something, he honestly doesn’t know, and his knees crack when he lifts himself up off the couch to satisfy his growling stomach.
Halfway through his hunt for food, Niall realizes that Zayn hasn’t eaten anything since he’s came home. Thankfully, it’s Niall’s lucky day because there is exactly 2 jello cups left in their fridge. Red for Niall. Green for Zayn.
With two jello cups and two forks in hand, Niall walks in proudly holding the snack in his hand, he announces, “I have come with jel-”
His words get caught in his throat when he takes in the appearance of his roommate clad in one of Niall’s snapback which Niall usually adores, but… that’s all he’s wearing. Well, he’s also wearing Harry’s very short black Nike running shorts, which very much puts Zayn’s thighs on display. Niall doesn’t have the excuse for why his cheeks are as red as they are. In fact, he feels the heat run through his whole body and he’s positive the jello will melt in his hands.
Zayn, in comparison to Niall, looks at him with such a casual glance like this is a thing that happens often (It’s not). Niall can’t stop staring.
“That for me, babe?” Niall nods dumbly. It’s when Zayn’s fingers brush Niall’s in the attempt to grab his jello that the shorter boy finally regains his knowledge of the English language.
“Put a shirt on, you menace,” Zayn quirks his eyebrow at that and there’s that smirk Niall loves to hate.
“Sure thing, I’ll just take the shirt you’re wearing then,” One of Zayn’s paint-stained hands sneak under the jersey that Niall’s wearing and the blonde boy definitely does not choke in that moment in time. Zayn’s pinching his side playfully, throwing his head back in a loud laugh when Niall yelps.
“You’re such a dork,” Niall pushes away Zayn’s hand, but he only pulls Niall in closer, fingers tracing over the “Z.M” engraved on the shirt. Niall rolls his eyes like he doesn’t care and opens his jello packet instead. Zayn follows, although struggling since one arm was preoccupied with the very important duty of hugging Niall.
As Zayn explains his current piece while munching happily on his green jello, Niall thinks about how he can feel the fingerprint shaped paint stain drying on his hip and hopes it doesn’t get on Zayn’s white jersey.
-
Niall decides on stealing Zayn’s flannel next. Not even for any particularly reason, he just likes the way it makes him look like a dumb hipster when he pairs it with his glasses. However, he leaves it laid out on his bed because Liam’s got the heat running again so Niall can get away with wearing a t-shirt without wanting to freeze.
Niall’s minding his own business, just sitting at their small dining table, enjoying some tiny pizza bites, when he hears Zayn and Harry emerge from Zayn’s room with Harry whining and Zayn looking a little annoyed.
Zayn greets Niall with a squeeze on the shoulder as he passes by the boy and to the fridge, Harry right on his heels.
“Mate, she’s so pretty!” Harry complains as he hooks his chin over Zayn’s shoulder. Zayn turns to look at Niall with a done expression and Niall laughs behind his hand.
“Got a new crush, Hazza?” Harry whips his head to beam at Niall and slides over into the seat next to him with his eyes shining.
“In fact, I do. I just want to like, take pictures of her,” Niall splutters out a laugh and chokes on his water. Harry gives him a stern look and tries to take one of Niall’s pizza’s. Niall bats his hand away. “Not like that, you dick. I would use my polaroid on her. Do you know what that means?” Harry doesn’t let Niall answer. “It means she’s diaphanous.”
“Bet she is, Harry,” Zayn pipes in as he takes the seat on the other side of Niall. He’s eating a yogurt cup. “I don’t understand why that involves me, though” Niall tilts his head in confusion.
“Because, Zayn! It would be weird to ask her out without going as a group first!” Harry states as if it's obvious. Niall still isn’t quite following as he looks back and forth between the two.
Zayn groans and steals the last pizza bite on Niall’s plate. “I have stuff to do, Haz, why don't you ask Aiden or Nick?”
Harry props his chin up with his hand, leaning forward on his elbows with a smirk, “Well, Z, I thought you would like Jesy’s friend,” Niall finds himself slowly slumping down in his chair, wanting to disappear a little bit. “You know, blue eyes, blonde. I know you’re into that,” Niall glares down at his empty pizza plate and tries not to meet Harry’s eye.
Niall feels a thud under the table that has Harry curling in on himself with a whine. He figures that either Zayn kicked Harry’s shin or Harry banged his own shin on the side of the the chair which are actually both really likely choices. However, the way that Harry is looking at Zayn with betrayal makes it obvious what happened.
“Shut up, Haz,” Zayn mumbles, not even looking a little sympathetic.
It’s true though, Zayn did have a type. In the middle of freshman year, Niall remembers seeing a pretty blonde girl named Miley attached to Zayn’s side throughout that semester. He thinks they were an on again off again couple since he also remembers Miley giving Zayn a sour look every few weeks.
Gigi was also one of Zayn’s ex’s and definitely Niall’s favorite of the two. The boy remembers how the girl used to sneak Niall candy in the shape of mini hospital crosses from the nursing building.
Niall can’t quite remember what happened with that relationship, Gigi would always be around Louis and Zayn’s shared apartment way back then until it all suddenly just stopped. In fact, Gigi is still really nice to him to this day (you know, liking and commenting on his instagram pictures and such). When Niall asked about whatever happened to them, Zayn always just shrugged and chucked Niall under his chin and said “You’re the only blondie I’ll ever need, Ni!” Which was bullshit by the way since Ellie is also very blonde, but Niall accepted it gracefully because when Zayn says the things he does with that stupid smile then Niall would believe anything that comes out of his mouth.
“What’s her name?” Zayn asks Harry in a surrendering tone which means that he’s already agreed to do whatever it is Harry wants him to do, Niall isn’t quite sure.
“Edwards. Perrie Edwards! I think I have her added on Instagram if you want to do a bit of stalking,” Harry says with a grin as he pulls his phone out of the back pocket with ease which is amazing considering his skinny jeans look like it’s been spray painted on him.
Niall notices the way that Zayn relaxes a significant amount. “Nah, mate. I know her,” Zayn says with a small smile. Louis once told Niall that Zayn had something called a “Niall Smile.” Niall didn’t really believe him until Harry had posted a picture of the two boys on his strictly black and white instagram feed. Zayn did indeed have a so called Niall Smile and it made Niall feel nice and warm on the insides. But then what is this that Niall is looking at right now? A Perrie Smile? That didn’t even rhyme. Niall puffs air into his cheeks to hopefully refrain from looking more moodier than he already does, but then he realizes that he probably resembles a constipated blowfish.
Harry makes a low whistle sound as he stares at his phone. “Quite a sight isn’t she?” and Niall kind of jerks in his seat in order to see who this Perrie girl is and on Harry’s phone he finds a picture of a group of 4 pretty girls smiling at the camera. He immediately spots the blonde girl who has to be Perrie who indeed looks gorgeous and Niall has to look away.
“Yeah,” Zayn mumbles and Niall feels really off about this whole situation and he really has to get out of here.
With a start, Niall stands up with his empty plate staring down helplessly at Zayn and Harry who are giving him a weird look at his sudden movement. “I-” Niall grips the plate when he meets Zayn’s questioning eyes. “Dishes. Gonna-... I’m gonna go wash the dishes,” Niall stumbles in both his words and his feet as makes his way to the sink.
When Niall turns on the sink, he feels someone pressing into his back and he doesn’t have to turn around to know it’s Zayn. “I’ll help you,” he doesn’t wait for Niall’s response and instead grabs the towel that they use to dry the dishes. Niall feels slightly better with just having Zayn in his vicinity and he feels the knots in his stomach slowly untangle themselves.
“Okay, Harry, I’ll go,” Zayn says. And yup, the knots are back. Harry does this high pitched “Woop!” that has Niall nearly dropping a ketchup-stained plate. Then there’s a curly head popping in between Zayn and Niall with a wide grin as he pulls Zayn in for a side hug. Niall’s afraid that all the jostling will seriously end in some dishes breaking.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you, Zaynie!” Harry smacks a loud kiss to Zayn's cheek and his dimples are on full display. The curly boy turns and gives a kiss to Niall’s cheek too since he was apparently in a good mood.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re lucky you’re cute,” Zayn says.
Niall huffs out a quiet, “Heyyy,” under his breath, but Zayn catches him anyways.
“Oh no, sunshine. It’s okay, you’re cute, too,” Zayn gushes as he nudges Harry out of the way to stroke a damp thumb down the blonde boy’s cheek. Niall leans into his touch and aims his wide grin to a weird purple stain on one of the dirty dishes.
“You two are gross,” Harry says as he shuffles through his dumb hipster passenger bag that wraps around and down his shoulder. “I’m gonna take another fruit roll up!”
“Don’t you dare,” Zayn flips around so fast that the dish towel he’s holding in his hand swats at Niall’s arm and leaves a sting. Niall makes a hurt noise, but Zayn is in the middle of tackling Harry to the ground before he can reach the cabinet where his precious fruit snacks are being held. Niall shakes his head with a fond smile at Harry’s weird battle cries and he shuts off the sink to reach up on his tiptoes to retrieve the container of fruit roll ups.
It’s a bit of a struggle since Zayn hid it on the very top shelf in order to keep it away from the other boy (which doesn’t make any sense since Harry is taller than the both of them, but whatever), but Niall manages to knock the box down and toss a few at Harry’s head.
“God bless you, Nialler!” Harry says as he’s sat atop on Zayn’s bum while shoving at least 7 of the brightly wrapped candy into his bag. Zayn struggles with his cheek pressed to the ground and he directs a playful glare at Niall.
“Traitor!” Niall shrugs and Harry runs out to the living room, his bag dropping a few fruit roll ups on the way, before Zayn can push him down again.
Niall’s the next one who’s tackled flat onto the ground and there’s fingers poking at his stomach insistently causing Niall to squirm and laugh loudly. Niall looks up to see Zayn chewing down on his lip to suppress a smile and Niall blames it on the tickling when his breath gets caught in his throat.
“Okay, Zayn,” Harry calls from the living room as he unwraps his snack. Zayn halts his attack on Niall’s sides and instead brushes Niall’s bangs out of his face. Niall squirms happily and brings his hands up to Zayn’s hips to dig his fingers in. “This part of the plan is crucial,” Harry continues and Niall’s mood drops a bit because he had almost forgotten that Zayn was going on a date.
“If you wear that one red flannel that you look stunning in and I wear my red bandana we will be so aesthetically pleasing standing next to each other and then Jesy will have to fall in love with me!” Harry explains as he pops his head from over the couch to look at the two boys. Niall remembers the flannel he’s got laid out in his room and he feels a sense of determination to hide the piece of clothing from Zayn for approximately 90 years. Niall’s eyes are trained on Zayn’s face and he tries to telepathically tell him not to go on this date, but Zayn is giving Harry a strange look.
“Aesthetically pleasing?” Zayn looks unimpressed.
Harry shrugs and throws his wrapper at Zayn’s head. “Don’t pretend you don’t plan Niall’s outfit to match yours every time we go out,” Zayn rolls his eyes like it’s not true. “Gotta have that good composition!” and Niall’s smiling, still absentmindedly tracing circles onto Zayn’s skin, but he’s not really smiling, not his Zayn Smile, because Zayn is going to go on a date with a blondie named Perrie and Niall is not completely okay with that.
Because if they date then Zayn will eventually move out and they’ll get married and have blonde kids and that definitely cannot happen because what if Niall won't be the godfather because he doesn't know Perrie? And yeah, that’s the logic Niall is going to go with so he formally decides in his head that he’s going to hide the flannel under his bed or something, but then Harry comments on how he might wear the bandana he finds in the cabinet (because of course it’s in the cabinet) and Niall thinks it would be best to wear it in front of Zayn. You know, teach him a lesson about his damn cleaning habits and all that…
At least that’s what he’s telling himself a few hours later when it’s edging 7:15, nearly time for Zayn to get ready. The two boys are curled around each other on the couch with Zayn filling out a crossword puzzle in a kid’s activity book that Niall bought at a gas station for him last summer. Niall’s bothering him with a head on his shoulder and he pokes Zayn’s pretty jawline with the pencil Zayn gave him with the intent of helping. It feels nice and warm and Niall thinks that Zayn will forget about the whole date thing, but it’s when Zayn finally gets the word “honey” that he declares “Alright, time to get ready.”
Niall’s bottom lip juts out and he wraps his whole body around Zayn’s arm like a koala with a drawn out “Noooo,” but Zayn tsks and gently pushes Niall away while he’s looking down at his phone. Niall glances down to see the name “Pez” at the top of the screen. Niall presses his lips in a thin line and bites at his bottom lip to refrain from pouting. Damn, already? Zayn pats Niall on the head much to Niall’s growing annoyance and walks to his room without looking up from his phone. The blonde boy is left on the couch feeling grumpy and uncomfortable because this girl was already taking Zayn away and Zayn didn’t even care.
Niall stubbornly stomps to his room and glares down at Zayn’s red flannel like it’s the clothing’s fault that Zayn is practically slipping away. He doesn’t realize he’s clenching his fists at Zayn’s quiet chuckle and it’s the thought of another person making Zayn laugh that causes Niall to forcefully tug on the flannel before marching right back onto the couch with his arms crossed and jaw set. The fabric feels soft against his skin, but nevertheless he feels pretty shitty and Niall pushes the thought away when he asks himself exactly the reason why he’s so worked up over this.
Zayn comes out of his bedroom with a white tank top on, his outfit clearly incomplete, and he pauses mid step when he sees what Niall is currently sporting. He looks a little alarmed, his voice calm, but edging a little annoyance, “Niall. I need that please,” it sounds like he’s chastising a younger sibling and it makes Niall even more angry than he already is.
“No, I found it in my closet so it’s mine,” Niall knows he’s not making any sense right now since half of his closet is Zayn’s clothes, but he can see Zayn’s phone lighting up with notifications from Perrie so he finds himself not caring that much. Zayn frowns and comes to sit on the couch next to him, trying to meet his gaze, but Niall’s training his eyes on the Spider-man stickers stuck onto the side of the coffee table (courtesy of Junior year Louis).
“You know this means a lot to Harry, okay? With his stupid ‘composition’ bullshit, so would you please take it off?” Niall drops his gaze to his lap and finds himself giving in until Zayn adds, “And plus, gotta make myself presentable for a nice girl,” and Niall’s blood kind of boils a little bit. Well, maybe not boiling, but a light simmer. He just wants to sit and solve easy crossword puzzles with Zayn all night and maybe watch the nature channel and listen to Zayn comment about how Niall resembles penguins as an entire species.
Niall holds his ground. “No,” he dares to look at Zayn with narrowed eyes. “It’s cold in here. It’s comfy and I like it and I’m not gonna take it off,” he states and Zayn is about to say something, but his phone buzzes again, this time from Harry. Niall’s eyes quickly scan the screen through his peripheral vision.
From Hazza (1): gonna be there in 5 minutes! Xx H.
From Hazza (2): Got 7:45 reservations. Really can’t be late… be ready!! Xxx H.
“Oh shit,” Zayn scrambles off the couch and back to his room to probably find a quick new outfit and Niall feels a sense of accomplishment that Zayn is in a hurry now. “Okay, Niall, I don’t care. Keep it, wear it, do whatever the fuck you want with it,” Niall hears Zayn call through the open door of his bedroom. He comes back out looking slightly flustered while trying to straighten out his barely wrinkled blue button up shirt. Of course Zayn Malik could dress himself up within 2 seconds and still manage to look like a runway model. Niall finds it hard to tear his eyes away.
And really, Niall should’ve left it at that, but Niall’s mumbling under his breath, “I don’t understand why you have to go out with another blonde,” he says it like the phrase is burning his mouth from the inside.
“Thanks for the reminder,” Zayn spits out as he quickly scans the room for his shoes, or maybe a hat, Niall doesn’t know, but his whole body turns to wherever Zayn is going.
“I just think you should be careful, you know?” Niall says as he picks at a loose string sticking out of the couch, “You never know who’s gonna suddenly turn on you,” Niall’s frown deepens on his face when he realizes Zayn is too busy looking at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror.
“Not too worried,” Zayn replies as he grabs his toothbrush. Is he brushing his teeth? For a date with a pretty blonde girl? Niall feels his chest tighten uncomfortably and he can’t help but replace his other foreign feelings with a hot surge of anger.
“Yeah, whatever,” Niall spits out and he tries to sound like he doesn’t care, but then he watches as Zayn sprays his special cologne. Not just any cologne, his I’m-going-on-a-date cologne. Niall scoffs a little too loud.
Zayn slams the bathroom door shut in return which makes Niall jump a little and he’s met with an angry Zayn. “Do you have a problem or something, mate?” Niall curls in on himself because yes. He does. He certainly does not want Zayn to go off and elope with a girl who’s face belongs on the cover of a magazine.
“No,” Niall mumbles instead.
“Do you have something against Perrie? Did she do something to you?” Zayn’s staring at Niall pointedly with something fierce in his eyes and Niall feels like melting into his own skin would be better than having to endure whatever this painful feeling is.
“No,” and apology is starting to form on Niall’s lips, “I just-”
“No you don’t know her, so don’t act like you know her,” Zayn breathes in deeply, “If I want to go on a date with this girl then I will. So, if I were you, I would really watch your fucking mouth, Niall,” when he says his name it leaks with venom and something mean and Niall physically recoils from it.
The blonde boy fidgets in his seat, feeling beyond embarrassed, and restlessly messes with the flannel buttons instead of trying to figure out how to reply without bursting into angry tears.
It’s quiet for a while, the only noise being Zayn shuffling around to get his boots on. “God, I’ll start putting my clothes away if it’ll make you stop stealing my shit,” Zayn says with a resigned tone. Niall wonders if this is even about Zayn making a mess in their flat anymore.
Zayn’s voice is back to normal, only a little annoyed and maybe a hint of regret, but Niall still feels like he’s been punched in the face because never in the 3 and a half years that they’ve known each other, have they ever had an argument like this. “Harry’s gonna kill me,” Niall doesn’t know if it’s directed at himself or at Niall, but Niall gets a sudden surge of energy. This may as well be the last day Niall is going to see Zayn before he goes off with Perrie, at least that’s what’s chanting in his head as Niall is quickly standing up and walking right over to Zayn.
Zayn’s looking at him with somewhat of a challenging glare and Niall shoulders past and into the bathroom to grab the bottle of Zayn’s date cologne. Before Zayn can even say anything, Niall is bringing the glass bottle up to aim another sprit towards Zayn’s chest. “Have a fucking blast,” he says sourly although he can’t find the courage to look Zayn in the eye.
The sound of insistent honking is erupting from the outside which is followed by Zayn’s phone buzzing, Harry’s caller ID is lighting up the screen.
There’s something in Zayn’s eyes that looks like he wants to say something, but then he’s out the door without another word. Niall doesn’t mind though. In fact, he couldn’t care less. The sudden silence of the living room is too much for Niall to handle, so he starts humming a Rihanna song angrily as he retreats back to his room, diving under the covers and hating the way that he sinks into the comfort of Zayn’s scent. Niall’s able to hear the screeching of tires skidding away. Niall can feel his blood boiling in his ears and he forces himself to take off the goddamn flannel. He hopes Harry yells at Zayn.
-
Niall feels slightly miserable the rest of the night. He thinks that writing would probably help with the stress, but he ends up scribbling an angry song about pretty blondes and dumb boys with inked skin and mesmerizing eyes so he chucks his book somewhere in his room and stares up at the ceiling and just tries to think of some sort of apology. He quietly admits to himself that he was being a pain in the ass and now looking back has Niall cringing because he starts thinking of all of the dreaded why questions. Why didn’t he just give Zayn the damn flannel? Why can’t he just accept that Zayn is starting to go out on dates again? Why does Niall feel the way he does now?
Niall feels his cheeks heat up as his mind wanders off to Zayn’s stupid smiley face.
Why? Well, because Zayn is… Zayn. Zayn with his stupid smile. And his stupid flannel. And his stupid swoopy hair. And his stupid brown eyes. And his stupid soft voice. And his stupid pretty face.
“Fuck,” he says to the wall, frustrated and hurt. His eyes focus in on a photo he has tacked on his cork board of himself and Zayn from last winter and Niall’s entire world crumbles even more. “Fuck,” he repeats.
Stupid Zayn.
It’s not denial if I don’t think about it too much. At least that’s what’s looping in his head as he stubbornly burrows his face into his blanket, burrows his feelings into his chest.
-
Zayn comes home with dinner.
Niall can smell it from his spot on the couch, the unmistakable smell of pizza quickly taking over the living room.
Although Niall was left alone for another hour, he simply could not pinpoint how to apologize to the other boy. In fact, he was in the middle of crafting the perfect speech on why he had to move out immediately before Zayn’s surprise text told him he was coming home soon xx. Niall had all but 5 minutes to quickly dolphin dive onto the couch and turn on Netflix and he even considered fixing his hair until the sound of keys jingling through the door forced him to steady himself, palms sweating and face reddening. What in the world was he going to say?
Niall slowly turned around from where he was seated, making eye contact with a guilty looking Zayn who was clutching the pizza box tightly between his hands. He was wearing Harry’s coat and his hair looked thoroughly messed up and Niall’s heart sank with the realization that maybe Zayn possibly kissed a certain someone tonight (hint: it wasn’t Harry).
Cautiously standing up when Zayn stays put in the doorway, Niall makes his way over, a small smile on his face as he tilts his head down to the box in his hands. “That for me, petal?”
Niall is rewarded with a matching smile from Zayn and he’s fully aware of the fluttering feeling in his stomach. Zayn looks pleased at the familiar petname and beyond relieved. “For us, don’t be selfish, sunshine.” Niall beams at the nickname and stares down at the logo on the pizza box while he carefully words his apology in his head.
“Z, look. I’m… I’m sorry that I-”
“No, Ni,” Zayn sets the pizza box on the counter and grabs Niall shoulders with his free hands, eyes staring deeply into Niall’s. Niall prays the flush on his cheeks goes unnoticeable.
Niall’s head is still swimming around with a million new song lyrics about how soft Zayn’s hands are when Zayn continues talking, “M’sorry for going off like that. I’m just,” Zayn sighs, “Pez is a good friend of mine. She’s a really nice girl and.. I’m a bit protective over her, like she’s my little sister,” Niall nods, “People have been treating her awfully lately cause of this controversial piece she presented last week. A passionate feminist she is,” and Zayn is smiling again and Niall feels relief wash over him, but he also feels like a downright dick from the way he’s acted today.
“Oh, god,” Niall covers his face, reddening with embarrassment, “Shit, Zayn. I’m so sorry. I feel fucking terrible. God, I’m such a dick, Zayn. I’m sorry,” It’s strange to feel both reassured and guilty at the same time, but apparently it’s the time for Niall to be living a miraculous life. It opens a floodgate of more apologies, tumbling off of Niall’s tongue one after the other after the other and Zayn has to shush him more than once before they’re moving onto the couch with the pizza box.
All is forgiven over pepperoni pizza and Stranger Things. Niall shoves the empty paper plates on the coffee table and hums happily when Zayn slips his arm around his shoulder, effectively pulling him in for a cuddle. Zayn smells like his date cologne, but Niall presses his face into Zayn’s neck and tries to ignore how he faintly smells like a sharp, unfamiliar perfume.
“My flannel looks good on you,” Zayn comments. Niall’s heart beats uncomfortably harder in his chest. He pretends its because of the small jumpscare that appears on screen.
-
The following next few days Niall felt like he was floating in some kind of limbo. His feelings for Zayn were practically bursting against his heart, but somehow he’s managed to convince himself that everything was just fine and dandy. Obviously, it was a bit of a struggle since he lived with said boy. In fact, all the things that Niall considered normal before were now seen as tiny eruptions of endearment that Niall hated to love. His brain appropriately termed it the Zayn Effect.
For example, when he peeks into Zayn’s room to ask him to correct his paper, he finds the boy curled up in his bed with colorful comic books spread about his blanket. If he listened closely, Niall could hear him making little sounds of joy as his eyes scanned the page. Years ago he would’ve rolled his eyes and pounced on the bed, but this time he only stared in quiet adoration. On that note, Niall decides to have his trusty friend Liam correct his paper to get the thought of his head before accidentally falling asleep with one of Zayn’s beanies which somehow ended up cuddled into his chest.
From Leeyum (1): Fell asleep on the skypecall. Writeup was fine ! :)
From Leeyum (2): r YOU fine tho? Seemed off last night :( :( :(
To Leeyum: fine !
It’s not denial if I don’t think about it too much.
-
Niall never thought that tacos and curly fries would be the trigger for his inevitable Zayn meltdown, but then again Niall didn’t expect to fall in love with his roommate did he?
Niall’s tummy does an extra loopty loop as he hears Zayn flawlessly recite both their Taco Bell orders memorized. A loopty loop. Over taco bell orders. And when Zayn tells Niall about his stressful day in school, Niall can’t help, but subconsciously zoom in on Zayn’s mouth. He feels hyper aware of his ankle curled around Zayn’s under the table. He focuses on picking at his food to avoid too-intense eye contact with him. Really, this whole Zayn orderal is getting a bit ridiculous. However, it doesn’t register in Niall’s brain that he needs something to change until Zayn snatches some of his fries and, get this, Niall doesn’t complain. Not even a little. The blonde boy even has the audacity to offer more fries to him before he catches himself and freezes on the spot.
Ah shit, I’m in love with Zayn.
And yes, deep, deep down Niall knew that he maybe kinda sort of had feelings for Zayn, but never ever did he dare to admit it except for in between the lines of his lyrics or with eye contact while belting out love songs or in the way he carefully blew on Zayn’s tea before it was hot or dealing with his knack of leaving his dirty laundry out for months. It was always through subconscious actions and never through words, never through direct thoughts and right now he can imagine his brain running around in head going through a complete and utter meltdown right now. You love Zayn! You love Zayn! So much! What do I do!
“You alright, babe?” Zayn has his eyebrow scrunched up in concern as he stares across the table.
“Fine!”
Niall is not fine.
“You don’t look fine,” Zayn brushes the crumbs off his lap and gets up to throw away the trash and nods his head towards the door when he realizes that Niall is still stuck in his seat. “Hey,” he says with a soft voice, always the fucking soft voice.
Niall nods and wills those butterflies in his stomach to maybe fuck off or something.
“Let’s go home?”
Niall nods again. The butterflies are, in fact, not fucking off, but quite the opposite. He figures there’s a huge butterfly party going on in his tummy and he thinks of what music would be played at a butterfly rave to distract himself from the overwhelming urge to kiss Zayn.
As soon as Niall even tries to decipher how he’s going to tell Zayn about these new revelations towards him, his head starts to spin. Those damn what-if questions come barreling into him like a punch to the chest. What if Zayn doesn’t feel the same way. What if this ruins our friendship. What if I have to move out. What if Zayn hates me. As soon as the two boys set foot into their apartment, Niall heads straight to the bathroom and pukes.
Niall pissed because his body is really being dramatic right now and he’s sure that being curled over the toilet with Zayn petting his hair is not the ideal place he’d like to confess his undying love. Sure, Niall has always thought boys were attractive sometimes But this is different because Zayn literally made his heart go into a full fledged attack because he thought Zayn’s laugh was pretty. Now here Niall is, his head over the toilet, possibly the love of his life grabbing him a glass of water and Niall wants to reevaluate all his life choices that he has gotten to this point. The lowest of the low. When he finally thinks that he feels better, a highly concerned Zayn walks in cooing gently and helps him up and out of the bathroom with an arm around his waist and a gentle hand in his hair. Then it gets worse because Zayn wraps him up in one of Zayn’s jackets that Niall stole awhile ago and the second Niall gets a good look at Zayn’s concerned face, Niall thinks that he might puke again.
“Thanks, Z” Niall’s sore throat croaks from under a million blankets that he has kindly layered over him. Zayn hums as he adjusts his soft hoodie that he buried Niall in and fixes the cold washcloth on his forehead.
“Bad tacos, eh?” Niall musters a small snort and sighs in pain because Zayn is always so nice and so considerate and so caring and now Niall’s brain has gone off again. He almost invites Zayn to stay in bed with him, but instead sullenly watches Zayn leave after a kiss to his head which is comforting, but at the same time makes Niall’s head spin which doesn’t exactly make the situation better.
As soon as Niall hears the click of his door closing, he dives straight for his phone and immediately calls Louis.
Rings once, rings twice, Niall starts bouncing his leg up and down in nervousness. He is probably going to explode on the spot if he doesn’t say his dumb feelings out loud. Zayn’s going to have to come here and find little pieces of exploded Niall on the walls of his room. Niall’s in the middle of cringing at his own imagery when-
“‘Ello?”
“I’m gay,” Niall whisper-yells because there’s no telling if Zayn will barge into this room or not. Niall doesn't even hesitate when he says it but his heart clenches uncomfortably when he’s met with silence for a few seconds before Louis starts laughing and Niall’s breath catches as he starts tearing up.
He’s in a sensitive and vulnerable state, okay (And Niall is a little delirious on pills for his sore throat).
Louis is still in between fits of laughter when he responds. “Okay, Niall. We had this conversation already about hmm 3 years ago? Is everything okay?”
He must’ve realized that something was wrong when all he hears is Niall’s unpatterend breathing and his tone quickly shifts.
“Hey, I’m glad you told me... like again I’m really proud of you Ni. really I-”
“I like Zayn,” Niall is speaking so quietly he doesn’t know if Louis can catch his voice over the line. “Like, proper in love with him, I think.”
Just like that, once the words are out there suspended in the air after years and years of just pushing it down, Niall loses his absolute shit.
It’s all spluttered sobs because what the fuck? and ugly laughing because finally and wet tears staining Zayn’s hoodie and Niall can’t seem to stop. Louis suggest that that’s what years of denial does to you and Niall can only giggle through tear-blurred eyes.
After Niall tears slow down to just the occasion hiccups and Louis can finally stop mumbling reassuring you’re alrights the two friends take a second to just breathe. The silence is nice and Niall stops struggling to regulate his breathing.
“It's fine if you like Zayn, yeah? In fact, I think you two would be quite cute together.”
“Yeah… yeah, but- but what if-” Niall can feel himself start to get choked up again before he’s shushed by his best friend.
“None of that now. You’re my best friend in the whole wide world and if your art major, badboy, skateboarding, nerd roommate doesn’t love you back then that’s his loss.” Niall sniffles and nods even though he knows Louis can’t see him. “I wouldn’t worry about that though.”
Niall flushes and covers his face. “Got a feeling about you two.”
“I love you, Lou.”
“I love you too, Niallers. Come over to mine tomorrow? We can talk more over ice cream. Maybe invite Liam and Harry if i’m feeling generous.”
“Yeah, definitely.”
As promised, Niall goes head over to Louis and Liam’s apartment feeling slightly better, but still apprehensive over his newly declared feelings. To his pleasant surprise, Liam and Harry bursted through the door halfway between Louis and Niall’s Harry Potter marathon with celebratory cupcakes (made by Mr. Styles himself). The act was enough to distract Niall from the fact that he was scared shitless on confessing to Zayn. Harry on one hand was excellent at reassuring the boy, but Liam was far too busy cheering that Niall has finally came to terms with his obvious feelings for Zayn.
“I called it! I called it since the day Zayn automatically wanted Niall as a roommate!” Liam claims as he shakes Niall’s shoulders in excitement.
“Actually, Li, I called it that one that Zayn volunteered to take care of drunk Niall that first night we all hung out!” Harry laughs, handing Niall another cupcake.
“Oi, I knew the second I introduced them that they would fall in loooove,” Louis teases.
“I hate you all.”
“You can’t say that as you eat one of my delicious cupcakes!”
“You’re right I hate all of you except Harry.” Niall grins as he takes another bite. Louis proceeds to give him an impressive ruffle to the head.
“You do know what the next step is do you?” Liam beams with an arm curled around Louis’ shoulder. “Telling our favorite Zayn Malik.”
At that statement Niall shifts his face into a frown squeezes one of the couch pillows into his chest for comfort. “I- I don’t know about that one, Payno-”
“Come on, you have to tell him. If you don’t, I sure as hell will.” Harry declares confidently. Niall shoots him a look and buries his face in his hands in frustration.
“It’s not that easy-”
“How hard can it be?” Louis pokes at Niall’s shoulder with a reassuring pat on the cheek. “Hi, Zayn. I’m home. Did I mention that I’m in love with you? What’s for dinner?” Liam and Harry laugh and Niall cracks a small smile.
“Just tell him, Ni. Trust us.” Liam gives Niall a wink before stealing a bite from Louis’ cupcake.
Just tell him. How hard can it be?
-
Turns out, it can be very hard.
Niall goes home with a determined look and one goal in mind as he enters the apartment.
Just tell him and everything will be fine. It’ll be fine.
“Zayn, I-” Niall stops mid sentence as he takes in the scene of multicolored pancakes stacked up on a plate.
“Nialler!” he turns around with a blinding smile and goes in for a tight hug. Niall isn’t quite sure what he just walked in on.
“I made rainbow pancakes in honor of your announcement!”
“Announcement? What-” Zayn’s eyes is just a big mixture of crinkles and happiness and Niall is just overall confused and endeared by this whole situation.
“Lou told me that you came out! Again… but who says that we can’t celebrate twice?” Zayn happily hands Niall a plate of a bright purple pancake and he can’t help but bite his lip to prevent himself from smiling too wide.
“Also! There hasn’t been any article of clothing in the fridge for the past few days! Are you proud of me?”
“Yeah, Z.”
The space in Niall’s heart reserved for Zayn gets bigger with each passing second.
-
The next time Niall works up the courage to tell Zayn everything that he’s been feeling since Louis introduced them the second day of college is late, late at night after a particularly emotional songwriting session.
Gentle and soft guitar melodies that can only be described as Zayn is still looping in his head as he lets himself into Zayn’s room. He realizes too late that Zayn’s curled over his phone as he turns “Come say hi to mum!” Niall only hesitates for a second before sagging against Zayn’s side with a welcoming arm around his shoulder.
“Hiya!”
Excited chaos ensues on the other side of the screen. There’s blurry movement of the phone passed from one Malik to the other and Niall stifles a laugh into his sleeve.
“Ni, Ni, Ni, when are you coming back to visit! I miss you so much! We have a new dog! I want to show you my new dog!” says the youngest Malik in seemingly one breath. Niall about to respond when the phone is shifted again.
“Zazaa won’t let me get any more tats” frowns another one of Zayn’s sister. Niall tsks in sympathy.
“You can get tats when Nialler decides he wants to get a tat,” Zayn nudges his fingers under Niall’s chin and Niall tries not to implode from the inside.
Hours pass and Niall momentarily forgets about telling Zayn important things as he catches up with his mum.
-
From Hazza: I see you did not tell him yet. All the non love. X. H.
To Hazza: i know I KNOW IM GONNA DO IT i promise
For once in a very long time, Niall is pacing around in his room fully dressed in his own clothes for once because the very thought of being in Zayn’s clothes right now is making him go crazy.
A knock on his door interrupts his stress walk. Laundry basket in hand, Zayn bounds into his room to pick up a lonesome sock sitting on the carpet. Niall glances down at the laundry basket and then back at Zayn, eyebrow raised and questions on the tip of his tongue.
“Laundry! I know strange sight innit?” He drops one of Niall’s tshirts into the basket. Niall thinks that he must’ve hit his head while pacing his room because Zayn has never done laundry. “Well I’m on my way to Liam’s to do the laundry!” Then he’s out of the room.
Niall facepalms and stumbles forward to poke his head out. “Zayn! Wait, just a second-”
He’s in the middle of pulling on his boots as he turns back in confusion. “What? Did I forget something?”
As Niall tries to formulate his grand love confessing speech, he’s startled by an armful of Zayn suddenly wrapping around him. “Oh, sorry I forgot, didn’t mean to be rude.” he holds Niall out arms length before giving a quick kiss on the forehead. “Thanks for breakfast this morning, babes.” Niall’s heart is a bit preoccupied with simultaneously blowing up and becoming fuller as Zayn makes his way out of the apartment.
-
Niall’s sick. And this time, it’s not a Zayn induced I-wanna-throw-up-because-I-like-you sickness, but one of those annoying colds that just kind of ruin your day. Although he’s bundled up in Zayn’s Captain America blanket and he gets to fly back to Ireland for Christmas in just a few short days, he still feels like shit after pulling an all nighter for his final english presentation (that surprisingly went well).
He hears the door open and close and then there’s Zayn with concerned eyes and a Starbucks cup in his hand. “Still feeling poorly babes?”
Niall whines and nods and a weight sinking into the couch next to niall brings immediate warmth against his side. He leans into Zayn's shoulder with a snuffle and tucks his cold toes under Zayn’s thigh. Stupid weather.
Everything is a little quiet because snow has finally started to fall this past week. Tiny white flakes spin gently in the air when Niall glances out the window and when he turns back to look at Zayn he realizes that he’s still got small snowflakes melting in his hair. While finals distracted him from his feelings towards Zayn, small moments like this are the things that really set off Niall’s heart again. He can already feel the heat rush to his cheeks to the tips of his ears as he runs a hand through Zayn’s slightly damped hair.
“You’re so beautiful” Niall mumbles. Is that really a normal thing to say to your roommate? Probably not. Does Niall care?
Zayn’s cheeks sport a light blush. “Yeah?”
No, Niall does not care.
“Yeah, Zayn, fucking model. I mean you just came home from a snowstorm and you still manage to look perfect.” Niall emphasizes with a tap against Zayn’s chest. “Compared to my sick-self.”
“Hey, you are more than exceptional, sunshine,” Zayn stares at him like he really means it and Niall has a dumb chant in his head saying Just tell him. Just tell him. Just tell him. Although Niall is an english major, he really can't formulate any sentence that can possibly encapsulate all his feelings to this beautiful, beautiful boy.
Just tell him.
“You… you never bring home dinner, only when I have the force you.”
“Uh, what?”
“And.. and your paint stinks up the house all the time..”
“Okay?”
“You always- always… leave empty hairspray cans in the bathroom.. Everywhere, Malik.” Niall’s fists curl up into the blanket, a soft smile slowly making his way to his face. Once he started it’s like he couldn’t stop.
“Is this your way of actually kicking me out of our flat?”
“And you leave your dirty laundry fucking everywhere” Zayn is just staring at him in bewilderment.
Just say it, Niall.
“Definitely sounds like a kicking me out speech. I’ll be gone by morning,” Zayn laughs. Then he does that stupid snort and Niall feels a spark of adrenalin that he thinks is similar to jumping off the edge of a cliff.
Niall sits up suddenly and looks around the apartment, their home for the last 1 and a half years. Zayn’s superhero figures lined up on the shelves right next to Niall’s miniature rocket ship collection. Niall’s high tops next to Zayn’s ridiculously hipster Doc Martens. The coffee table littered with spare paint brushes an Niall’s guitar pics. Niall feels his throat closing up when his eyes lock back onto Zayn’s. Just tell him.
“You alright, darling?” Zayn always has this soft tone to his voice whenever he speaks to him. Louis calls it his Niall voice. Harry said Louis’ Liam voice sounded just as sickening. Niall’s heart feels so heavy in his chest he might just sink into the couch. Just tell him.
“Ni?” Niall clenches his fist into the blanket and feels flushed from head to toe and maybe not because of his slight fever. Zayn takes his hand and smooths out the fingernail indents that Niall unconsciously pressed into his palm. Always gentle, always comforting, always there. Just tell him.
“You okay? Wanna watch like Step-brothers or something? That always makes you laugh, here, can you pass the remote?”
“I love you.” and there it is. Laid out for the entire world to hear. Niall’s entire world to hear.
“I know, Ni. Me too.” with no hesitation at all and Zayn is ruffling his hair and no no no no that it not at all what Niall wanted.
“No- I…” Niall clenches and clenches his fists in the blanket and refuses to meet Zayn’s eye. Oh god this was a mistake why did I have to say that of course he means it in a friend way of course he does god why do these things happen to me why, why, why-
Then Zayn’s fingers are under his chin and pulling him up so that he has to meet zayn’s eyes “I know” and his fingers feel so cool on his hot, hot, hot cheeks so he leans in closer and Zayn’s smiling his Niall Smile and Niall’s breath kinda catches in his throat.
“No you don’t understand Zayn, I-”
“Say it again,” Zayn looks like he’s blushing too. He’s not even making any sense but he’d listen to anything Zayn said in a heartbeat
“I love you,” Niall mumbles and drops his gaze again, “But-” Niall lets out a shakey breath, “not like that.. Zayn-”
And, okay, suddenly Zayn jerks forward and plants his lips solidly on top of Niall’s which has Niall making a strange noise because is this actually happening right now? And it ends as quick as it started because Zayn’s pulling away and taking in Niall’s expression.
“Oh.. was that not where this was going because-” and now Zayn’s the one who’s getting cut off because Niall is climbing onto his lap to kiss him again. Everything about their relationship has been soft, but this kiss was certainly the opposite of that. For so long, he has been waiting and waiting and he finally gets to touch in ways he wasn't allowed to before and he can’t help but curl his tongue around Zayn’s ending in a satisfied moan that makes Niall flush to the tips of his ears and down his chest and then his hands are everywhere. In his hair, on his neck, down his sides. Zayn isn't any bette and Niall knows that he’s breathing harshly through his nose, but he can't find the power to pull away from Zayn’s soft lips who are nicely sliding across his.
Finally, when it’s absolutely necessary, Niall has to pull away to suck in some much needed breaths and it's honestly a mistake opening his eyes and looking at Zayn. He’s all red lips and messy hair and his hands are still on Niall’s hips and thumbing them a little kind of urging him back in. He leans back in to press short pecks to his lips and giggling a little because he’s just so fucking happy right now he can hardly believe what’s happening.
“Just to be clear,” Zayn says as he ducks down to tuck his face into Niall’s neck, leaving hot open-mouthed kisses that has Niall stuttering out a small sound. Zayn drops his voice to a whisper and his hot breath has Niall curling in on himself and he bites his lip to avoid making an embarrassing noise, “You didn’t mean like a friend way right?”
Niall barks out a laugh and he can hear Zayn snickering as he nibbles down on the sensitive skin under his jaw. “No, you dick,” and then he feels Zayn grin against his skin and then Niall’s kissing him again because why didn’t he just admit it before? He could've been snogging Zayn way sooner, and Niall can’t stop smiling against Zayn’s lips feeling really giddy until Zayn’s hand is trailing down to sneak the tips of his fingers down the back of his sweats and Niall is now hyper aware of the semi in his boxers, when he shifts his hips forward a bit, he finds that Zayn is in the same boat.
“Oh, fuck,” Zayn moans into Niall’s mouth and then Zayn is leaning back on the couch with Niall straddling either his thighs and Niall experimentally jerks his hips forward again.
In midst of all the hurried movements and heated touches, Zayn seems to gain his last bit of composure over himself to pull away and gaze at Niall who’s flushed down his neck and gives him a soft look that contrasted greatly to how Zayn’s sinful fingers were dragging along the sensitive skin of his lower back.
“I love you, too, sunshine. You know that?” Niall beams and gets that feeling again, the one that makes him want to crawl into his own chest and bury himself in the warmth that’s taking over his entire body. All because of Zayn. It was always Zayn. Of course it was.
Zayn pulls his own shirt off of Niall’s body.
-
Jesus, it’s like admitting to his feelings has somehow umpthed the intensity of Zayn’s touches and, damn, if Niall could barely manage to handle it before, there was no way in the hell he could possibly handle it now. Zayn rubs a thumb on the exposed skin near the dip of Niall’s shirt.
Much the Niall’s delight, the nature channel is currently playing in the background.
Zayn giggles and squeezes Niall’s shoulder to get his attention, “Look, you’re on.” The penguin on-screen stumbles on the ice and falls into the ocean and it makes Zayn giggle even harder. Niall pretends that his fond endeared smile is for the clumsy penguin.
The penguin on screen falls again and Niall thinks, yeah, me too and falling into the cold water of the Arctic ocean and falling for Zayn may not exact same thing, but then Zayn’s smile causes warmth to erupt throughout Niall’s body so Niall decides falling for Zayn might as well be the equivalent of diving into a volcano.
A vol-ZAYN-no? A ZAYNcano?
It doesn’t really matter what Niall decides to call it. What Niall does know is that he is positively in love with Zayn and a million metaphors about volcanoes or penguins doesn’t do it justice.
Not one bit.