Chapter Text
Fuck
That was the first thought that crossed your mind as the reality of the situation became clear. Firstly, movies and TV lied. Being shot wasn’t some dramatic touch your side, oh no I’m bleeding. Your entire side was on fire. It took all your willpower to just keep pressure on it with your left hand and not just crumple to the floor in the fetal position.
Your eyes raked over the room. The asshole that had surprised you was down, your gun still surprisingly unmoving in your right hand. You took steadying breaths as you quickly took the few steps to the door he entered from. A quick scan of either side cleared the hallway.
You hobbled backwards to the corner of the room, keeping your sights set on the door. When your back hit the wall you finally allowed yourself to slide down. A hiss pushed through your lips as you tried to keep the pressure on the wound that was quickly soaking your entire left side.
“Command come in.”
“Agent. What’s your status?”
“I’ve been hit. “ As if on cue the next breath you take causes the pain to flare up more. “I don’t want to be dramatic here, but I could use some help.”
You could hear the command team talking over each other, trying to figure out what the hell had happened as well as who was closest to your position.
Honestly, you were pretty curious about the what the hell happened part too. You knew how to take care if yourself. You were an Agent of Shield after all. But this was not in the mission parameters. Some of the Avengers came in before the secondary team. They cleared the whole building. Your team was just going through to gain any data that could be grabbed from any computers and servers. It’s a mission you had done more times than you could count. Usually these old Hydra holdouts were empty, and the few that had some stragglers were always taken out long before your team did their sweep. You should have paid more attention, but you weren’t even thinking you were in any danger.
“AGENT!” Someone screamed in your comms.
“Sorry. Sorry. Zoned out for a second there.”
“I need you stay with us, we have help on the way.”
“Yep. Yep. I’ll just be here. Bleeding out.”
You tried to keep the levity in your voice, but damn getting shot was just not part of your plan today. When you woke up this morning you were tired as hell, and had promised yourself you would go to bed early tonight to make up for it. And now? Now you were bleeding out. Clearly, even though before you had hurt like a bitch, the adrenaline was now wearing off and the pain was coming in harder waves.
You made out the sound of footsteps just as they were at the door. You cursed yourself for not paying better attention as you tried your best to keep your gun trained true to the entrance.
“Agent L/N?” The voice was familiar but you still kept your gun trained on the figure that was now coming through the doorway.
You saw him do a full sweep of the room, taking an extra few seconds to make sure the hydra goon on the floor was not breathing. You lowered your gun, but you know he noticed how bad your arm had been shaking.
“Well I’ll be damned, they sent an Avenger for me?” the shock clear in your voice. His lips gave a small twitch. Clearly unsure what to make of your attitude. He made it to you in a few large strides, crouching down to get to your level. “What the hell happened? The squints aren’t supposed to be in danger” you tried to ask casually. As if you had a paper cut rather than a gunshot wound.
“Squints?” he asked, the word sounding completely foreign through his lips.
“Us? You know the second entry team. The computer specialists. The neeeerds.”
“Nerds?” he said the word like an insult, “you took out a Hydra agent.”
“Since when does nerd mean I can’t handle a weapon?” His head quirked up at your response. Amusement flashed through his eyes.
“Speaking of weapons. How about we take the death grip off this one?” as his head nodded in the direction of your gun.
You looked down and saw the knuckles on your right hand ghostly white. A hardened grip on the weapon lowered to the ground beside it. His hand covered yours and felt like a furnace as he removed the gun from your grip, flicking on the safety and tucking it away.
“Shit doll your freezing.”
“Nah, I always run a little cold.” you tried to counter.
“Or it could be the massive blood loss?”
“Or it could be the massive blood loss.” you repeated.
He spoke quickly into his comms, probably letting them know your condition was a bit more dire then you let on.
When you noticed the quiet again you saw he had a large tensor bandage.
“I need you to push away from the wall. Just a little bit. And then we are going to remove your hand and I am going to wrap this around you a few times. It’s gonna hurt like a bitch, and I’m really sorry.”
And his eyes truly were sorry. It’s not like you hadn’t seen Bucky Barnes around the compound. In fact all of the Avengers were pretty common sightings. A few of them would be around during mission briefings and debriefings. You’d see them in the common areas and working out in the gym. They were all nice people. But it all felt very…. high school. They were the cool kids. They tried their best, but at the end of the day they were ‘The Avengers’ Their rooms were on a higher more restricted level of the compound. And you were sure they were much more impressive than the pretty nice room you yourself had at the compound.
For the most part they all kept to themselves. They would make efforts to seem approachable of course. Some way more than others. You were pretty sure Steve Rogers had memorized everyone’s name who lived and worked at the compound. You remembered gossiping to your fellow co workers that he probably had F.R.I.D.A.Y test him. Sam Wilson was most likely to be found with the more normal workers. Laughing and joking as he joined in on drink nights and BBQ’s. You always got the feeling he felt torn between the two worlds.
Tony Stark was all flash. Although you knew it was never with any malice, it always felt like his appearances were more a checkbox on his to do list. But he was nothing if not pleasant the few times you had spoken to him.
Natasha Romanoff usually just gave a nod if you made eye contact with her as you passed her in the hall. Which given her reputation was probably a pretty big deal.
But Barnes? You couldn’t remember ever seeing him outside of work related tasks. Meetings, briefings, that was the only time he was seen. It seemed clear he chose to keep his distance. Rumours swirled that he only worked out at night when no one was awake, or that he stayed in the Avengers area with the smaller gym to not be seen. So to suddenly have the Winter Soldier on his knees tending to your gunshot wound felt odd to say the least.
You managed with his help and your right hand to scoot your butt away from the wall. Without the support behind your back to hold you up, you really felt how weak you were.
“Stay with me now.” He must have seen you falter as his voice was hard, a command.
You nodded your head as you looked down to your left side. Your hand was camouflaged with all the red it was tangled in. There was also a nice little puddle with a huge drag mark from your movement. Your fingers wiggle involuntarily and you could feel the stickiness.
“Shit. That’s a lot of blood.” you whispered. Your mouth went dry with the words. You could feel the dizziness start to envelop you.
His hands were on your face, fully wrapped in flesh and metal. His metal hand was warmer than you expected it to be.
“Stay with me .” his words were softer. No longer feeling like a military command, “I have seen worse.”
You chuckled. “Of course you’ve seen worse. You’re the Winter Soldier. I could be cut into 17 pieces and you could still say you’ve seen worse.”
At that his lips quirked into a small smile. “See? There’s the strong nerd I came here to help.”
This time you actually laughed, but he could see your body sway again.
“Lean into me.”
And you did. Without question. Dropping your head to just below his shoulder. Feeling like all your weight was pushing through him.
“Now I’m going to count to three and you are going to move your hand. And I am going to wrap this as quickly and as tightly as I can. Looks like the bullet went right through. Which is good. But we gotta get this bleeding under control.”
You nodded into him. Trying to focus on the odd smell of leather and gun smoke and something else that was distinctly him hitting your nose.
“One” you took a deep breath.
“Two”, and another.
“Three.”
As soon as you moved your hand off you were hit with all the sensations. You could feel pain ten-fold at your wound, as well as the quick tightness that followed as Barnes quickly wrapped the cloth around your waist several times.
You tried to muffle your scream but there was no use as the tears started to fall.
“Okay. Okay. It’s done. Breathe. It may be harder with this so tight, but I tried to find a good balance. “ His hand was on your cheek, his thumb rubbing up and down.
He easily picked you up under your arms sliding you back against the wall. You blinked trying to clear your eyes back into focus.
His gorgeous? Wow were his eyes memorizing - were steely focused on you. And suddenly you wished you had had the chance to notice this before. And not on the floor of some dirty grungy Hydra warehouse, while you were bleeding out and feeling like you could die.
“Fuck, getting shot sucks.” you whined.
“Yeah, gotta say I agree with you there. But don’t worry help is on the way. They should be here any minute.”
“Barnes, I’m gonna need you to distract me. Cause I feel like I wanna sleep, and I’m assuming that’s the thing I don’t want to be doing in this situation.” Some of your words slurred as you tried to get them out.
“Bucky. Call me Bucky. And no doll, you gotta keep those eyes open.”
“Okay. So distract away Bucky.” You could see his face go blank. No idea what to do or say, “How about I start. So had I not ruined your mission and got shot, and inevitably added hours of paperwork to your night when I die -”
“you are not dying -”
“the night is still young -”
“You are NOT dying” You rolled your eyes at him so he continued, “And besides, the paperwork is actually easier when someone dies. It’s when someone gets injured that you have to write in all the detail. Death,” He waves his hand. “I can do that paperwork quick. Hell I could do it in my sleep.” And he breaks into a smile that only grows wider as it mirrors your own.
“So your saying to really ruin your night I gotta pull through?” you ask with pure mockery.
“Nothing would ruin my night more than being stuck in debriefings and report hell detailing how I got the… squint? was it? injured.”
“Well I know we only just met officially, but I like the idea of being a pain in your ass.”
“Ha! I’m sure you do!” his whole face was lit up. And somewhere deep in your brain you realized you were flirting with the winter soldier.
“I like the idea of you hunched over paperwork instead of I dunno….taking a nice relaxing jacuzzi tub.” You meant it as a joke but saw his eye twitch in response. “Oh my god! The Avengers rooms have jacuzzis? I thought that was just a rumour.”
“Yeah. Not so much a rumour I guess. But admittedly I have never used it.”
“Bucky! You must! I mean. Geez. I’m not saying my suite isn’t nice. Much better than anything I could afford on the outside. But come on now. You can’t let the little people know you have all these amazing things that you aren’t even using.”
“Tell you what. When your all healed up I’ll bring you on up to take advantage.”
You couldn’t help the twitch of your lips at the suggestion of taking advantage of Bucky Barnes and his jacuzzi.
“So I get the joy of knowing you’re gonna be in paperwork hell and a relaxing jacuzzi night?”
“Well you did get shot.” He deadpanned, fully invested in your flirting distraction.
“True. I may need to bargain for more.” You said with a smirk.
Before he could even think about his response footsteps were racing to your position. Soon the room was filled with people and you felt yourself being placed on a stretcher. You tried to look for Bucky but soon felt the small stab and burning of an injection in the crook of your arm before the world blissfully turned to black.
—————–***************************————————
Bucky Barnes had been right. The work involved after getting hurt was tedious. No sooner were you awake from surgery, you had superiors in your hospital room trying to get you to tell them what happened
“Do we really have to go over this again?” you were clearly annoyed as you played with your hand around the IV.
“We’re sorry but we have to make sure we have all the details while they are fresh.”
You sighed loudly and dramatically before going through the whole event again.
You were in and out of it for a few days. Once you had been debriefed fully they seemed to up your pain meds and you became a sleeping blob.
A few coworkers and friends had stopped by. Giving well wishes and dropping off magazines and flowers. Even a few Avengers had popped their heads in. Which had been very…surprising?
Sam had been first. Doing his best to make you smile and joking how getting shot was a weird right of passage. Clint and Natasha also stopped by, they had been part of the first team and wanted to apologise for somehow missing the guy that got you. You told them not to worry, and couldn’t help but feel you were part of the cool kids when Natasha returned later leaving a very nice and expensive bottle of Russian vodka with a wink.
But one Mr. Bucky Barnes never stopped by. You started to realize maybe his flirting was just his way to keep you distracted. But damn if it hadn’t felt like there was something there.
Shield was nothing but 100% accommodating. You were on paid leave, and they offered to transport you anywhere offsite to recover. But honestly, you really didn’t have anywhere else to go. Your job had become your life, and at least at the compound you had a steady stream of friends to keep you busy. Besides, telling your mother you had been shot had been hard enough, you couldn’t imagine being in her guest room while she panicked and thought what else could have happened.
So after a week in the medbay they were going to release you back to your room. Strict rest. And the nurses and doctor would still be checking in on you everyday.
Captain Rogers himself had visited you that day, thanking you for your brave service and apologising profusely for the mistake that allowed you to get shot. He was in full Captain America mode and it reminded you of the videos you had seen.
You had to bite your tongue at the snappy responses that wanted to leave your lips. Something told you Rogers wouldn’t take it as well as Barnes had. So you thanked him for his concern and babbled something about being a team.
Once you were settled back in your own room you felt like you could finally breathe. The fridge was stocked with food and snacks, a huge gift basket was on your counter with a note from Tony Stark himself. It said that during your leave all groceries and incidentals would be paid for. All you had to to was let F.R.I.D.A.Y know and the AI would make sure anything you needed would be there ASAP. Well that felt like something you could and would abuse.
Just as you began to open the basket and discover all its goodies you heard a knock on your door.
“F.R.I.D.A.Y can you open the door.”
You continued to dig into the basket when you were interrupted.
“So I guess the ‘little people’ aren’t big on security? They just open their doors to anyone?” Bucky Barnes stood in your entryway. His smile the same flirty one you had convinced yourself was not real.
“Well maybe us ‘little people’ trust our friends and compound mates?”
“You’ve clearly never been pranked by Wilson.”
You broke into a huge smile, and his eyes lit up at your response.
“You know I was beginning to think I had hallucinated the whole being saved by you thing. I expected a visit when I was in the medbay.”
“I told you, the paperwork you made me have to do was intense. In fact I still haven’t finished it yet.”
“Sorry Buck, but I did keep my word to be a pain in your ass.” and you winked at him.
He came over to you at the counter, “What are you doing up, can you at least not be on your feet.” he asked as he pulled out one of the chairs. You flopped down pretty ungraciously as you continued to pull things out.
“Well Stark sent me this very lovely basket and I was just going through it to see what getting shot gets you from Iron Man.”
He picked up the card and read it over, giving you a pointed look.
“I plan on pushing the limits on that.” you said proudly.
“I have no doubts about that doll. Stark never gets me anything when I get shot.”
“Well clearly I am just more liked than you. Plus I’m no Avenger-slash-super soldier. My wound is still here a week later.”
“Semantics.” Bucky waved his hand, “I’m going to be sure to bring this up at the next HR meeting.”
“Says the guy whose room is probably ten times the size of mine. Are you feeling claustrophobic in here? Should I open a window?”
Bucky began to scope your modest apartment out from his seat beside you. He purposely made a show of it. “I mean, if I just pretend I’m in my walk in closet I’ll be okay.”
Your mouth went agape and you playfully pushed his shoulder. He was nice enough to sway his body rather than easily stop the push without trying.
“I’m glad you’re doing better. I am also glad to see your kick butt attitude was not just due to thinking you were going to die.”
“Well to be fair I only thought I was going to die for…90% of the time we were together.”
“What about the other 10%?”
“I thought I must already be dead cause there was no way Bucky ‘The Winter Soldier’ Barnes was helping me.” You could sense he was about to give some witty remark back but you quickly cut him off. “But in all seriousness. Thank you. I know we are all one team, and you would have done it for anyone blah blah blah. But you really helped me down there. Not just in the physically helping me from not bleeding out, but you were great about keeping my mind off of it.”
It took everything in your power to not shift your hand over his in thanks. Bucky opened and closed his mouth a few times. A bit thrown off from your usual banter to switch to such sincerity. But finally his thoughts seemed to catch up to his mouth.
“Of course, I was glad I could help….and if I am being serious I’m sorry I didn’t visit you in the medbay. Me and hospitals….we don’t really mesh all that well. Bad history and all.”
“Oh, don’t even worry. You didn’t miss much other than hours and hours of debrief. Like you were not joking about that at all. Then there was the few days where I was high as a kite and sleeping. I’m sure I drooled and said some silly stuff, so maybe you should be a bit upset you missed out on that fine entertainment.”
He chuckled, “I think I may just be.”
“But you did miss some of the other cool kids coming down to visit me.”
He quickly caught on that you meant some of the Avengers and his face actually looked surprised.
“Who visited you?”
“Well Wilson was first. But he wasn’t all that surprising. He’s a pretty normal face in the common areas. But then Clint and Natasha came down. Natasha even came back and brought me a bottle of vodka!” You looked around seeing it on the counter beside the fridge.
Bucky hummed. He seemed surprised by that as well but tried to keep his reactions minimal.
“And Captain America!” you beamed.
“Steve? Steve visited you?” Now his shock was harder for him to hide.
“Well he was most certainly in full Captain America mode when he visited me. He reminded me of the videos shown in schools.”
You could see in his face he was hiding something.
“What?”
“I think some of their visits may have been because of me.”
“Because of you?” your curiosity was peaked.
“I mean. God this is really embarrassing. I mean the group obviously heard I had been the one to go back to rescue the shot agent. And I had talked to Steve about how kick ass you were and brave and funny.”
You couldn’t stop the huge grin that was taking over your whole face.
“And they knew I wasn’t going to go to the medbay so I guess some of them took it upon themselves to go down.”
You were hit with the sudden realization that Bucky had been talking to the other Avengers about you. And that some of them wanted to see who you were.
“You’ve been talking about me?” you couldn’t help but mock.
You could see him squirming in his seat. Usually you would relish in it. But the thought of making him feel uncomfortable around you was the last thing you wanted.
“Don’t worry about it Bucky. I would have been telling people too but I know how gossipy everyone can be. Good to know that’s the same even in the golden floors of the Avengers.”
“Should we get you something to eat?” Bucky asked clearly relieved to have an out from the awkwardness.
“Absolutely! Let’s see if this Stark card gets us access to some pizza from Manhattan.”
45 min later you were both on your couch with the fresh pies that had been delivered by drone. The TV was playing the latest Rock action movie. Still in theaters.
“I don’t think Stark had this in mind for your incidental recovery fund.” Bucky snickered while grabbing a slice.
“Well Mr Stark is a businessman. He should know that these things should have contracts and stipulations. If not it’s really easy for me to convince that anything is for me to get better. But if your feeling guilty you do not have to be my accomplice. I can take that slice back…”
You went to grab for it but he stuffed the whole thing in his mouth. Pulling away from your reaching arms.
As you reached over you automatically tried to follow his retreating form which caused you to overstretch your still healing side.
“Dammit!” you hissed grabbing at your wounds.
“Shit I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Did you open any stitches? “ Bucky’s voice was laced with guilt.
You lifted up the side of your shirt. The bandages were all still bright white.
“No no. I’m good. Just forgot about the hole in my body.”
“What can I do?”
“If you could grab me a slice.” Bucky was on it before the words fully left your lips. In fact he put two slices on your plate. Then grabbed your drink and held it in his hand so he could give it to you whenever you needed it.
He was so remarkably sweet, and you couldn’t believe there was a very large part of you that was happy you had been shot.
“Anything else?”
“For now I’m good. But we will just make sure to add this to our bargaining list for later.” you said smugly while taking a big bite and turning your attention back to the movie.
Had you seen his face you would have seen him glowing as he looked at you. Frozen staring at you for a good thirty seconds before an explosion on the TV caught his attention. He quickly grabbed another slice for himself with his other hand and tried his best to eat one handed.