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Rin kept her arms around herself, walking briskly against the cool night wind. She’d slipped from the small hut that was her own well after the village was asleep, had headed directly for the woods. Now, the village wasn’t even visible, and as she slipped into the trees, the wind lessened.
She let her arms fall to her sides, dodging around trees in only the pale moonlight. There was a long dead tree a few minutes walk into the woods, she knew. The stump remained, and she had worked to smooth it out on her own, in the afternoon hours when she wasn’t needed. The corpse of the tree itself from where it had fallen remained, but the stump was smooth and rather comfortable, now.
Reaching it, she turned and hopped up, settling in comfortably. She sighed, stared out ahead of her at nothing in particular.
She’d always been plagued with sleepless nights, nights where she was restless and wanted nothing more to wonder. She vaguely remembered when she was small, creeping around the hut she shared with her family. And when they were gone, walking listlessly in a tired stupor.
The only time she’d slept sound without incident had been in Sesshomaru’s presence.
A second, more drawn out sigh, and she perched her chin on her palm, leaning forward. She stayed at the village he had left her at because he’d asked it of her. Because she was safe. Because she was needed , when Sango had started having little ones. And then, years later, when Kagome had. It had been nice to have her around, they had both said. Helpful.
But they weren’t babies now. And while she felt she had truly learned from Kaede, the woman was in failing health now. Sad, but the time came for everyone, Rin knew. Knew all too well, having cheated it twice herself.
She wanted to be gone before someone could argue they needed her to help fill the void Kaede’s passing would leave. It was selfish, and she knew this, but she had spent years of her life here. While she looked at everyone as family, she was severed from the one person who was wormed so deeply into her heart, into her bones.
Sesshomaru came to see her. Sometimes he took her away for a time. Weeks, even. But eventually, she was always returned. And he always left. The past year it had been worse, he would come to see her and be gone it seemed barely moments later. Rin couldn’t figure out why , but it hurt. It stung deep in her belly and chest and behind her eyes.
She worried her lip. She just wanted to be with him . And while the later years of her life had revealed that perhaps she didn’t look at Sesshomaru in the parental light everyone expected of her, she was willing to take that if it was all that would be offered. She could bury her own emotions and desires, so long as he was in her life.
“Six weeks,” she mumbled to herself. Six weeks since she’d seen him. That hadn’t even been for a full day. Nearly two months before that. She wondered if eventually he’d stop coming all together.
Rin closed her eyes, eased back ad laid across the stump. Her legs dangled off, and she listened to the wind whistle around her, through the trees. It was hypnotic, and while it wouldn’t lull her to sleep- not with her heart as restless as it was- it calmed her.
She didn’t register the movement in the air, the sound of feet delicately touching down on the earth. Lost in her own thoughts, trying to sort and tame them enough that she might return before sunrise and get an hour or two of sleep, she missed the footsteps until they were close. But something changed, she swore she could feel eyes on her, and she was bolting upright, turning and gripping the stump, ready to launch herself off it.
But the golden eyes that watched her only a few paces back were far from hostile.
“Sesshomaru-sama?” she whispered, so sure this was a dream. Had she actually fallen asleep out here? Dreamed walking out here entirely? He did not come in the middle of the night. No anymore. There had been cases when she was younger, and it was a surprise to wake up to him watching over her- but those years were gone.
He didn’t react. His face was stoic, the side of him the rest of the world knew. Rin sucked at her tongue, afraid to speak, not wanting to crack this illusion. She so desperately missed him that even a pieced together mirage from her memory was welcome.
But then he moved. Took a few steps, stopped only a foot from her. She could reach out and touch him.
She didn’t dare.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, instead. Her words were slow. The wind was back, and while the trees tamed it, she still felt chilled. It made her throat dry.
“I could ask that of you.” He inclined his head slightly, studying her, and Rin almost shivered over his voice.
“I couldn’t sleep,” she said with a shrug of a single shoulder. “Happens all the time.” She turned away then, afraid that if she kept staring at him she might start sobbing . How terribly lonely she felt, inside her chest, without him. This time when he moved though, she heard him.
His hand came down to rest on her shoulder, to grip it gently, and she wanted to reach up and grab it, tangle their fingers together. To tell him to stop leaving her.
“It’s dangerous out here alone.”
She snorted a laugh, completely unbecoming and childlike. Dangerous her ass , she was just fine in the dark of these woods. Nothing came this close to the village, and if it did, she was capable of taking care of herself. She might have been small, young, naive when Sesshomaru first gathered her up, but she had grown. She could take down a man twice her size.
The hand on her shoulder squeezed, and without thought, Rin muttered, “You wouldn’t even know.” Her voice was cold, and the hand on her shoulder suddenly pulled back. Rin looked over her shoulder, saw a trace of surprise in Sesshomaru’s eyes.
She hadn’t ever used even a chilled tone with him. But damn , it had felt good, honest.
“You’re never here,” she continued, “you don’t know what these woods are like. What anything is like here.” She paused, before adding, “Do you even know what I’m like anymore?”
Sesshomaru moved quickly, stepping around the stump. Rin followed with her gaze, until he stood in front of her. He seemed massive endlessly tall in that moment, slim toned muscle and pure, terrifying power.
She wasn’t afraid, not in a single crevice of her mind, body, or soul.
“Rin.” Her name rolling off his tongue made her shiver, and she couldn’t fight it off. Could only wish to blame it on the cold. But it heated her belly, sent warm tendrils snaking their way down between her thighs. He reached out, like he was going to touch her, but his hand faltered, hovered, before falling to his side.
Rin frowned, stared down at the ground. “What did I do?” she asked, her heart sinking. “What did I do to make you leave?” She felt her hands begin to shake, and her confidence was quickly fleeting. She felt impossibly small in the worst way, and was so sure she would just disappear if this kept up. “You barely come see me,” she continued, her voice wavering. “You leave after barely looking at me. You don’t take me with you…” she squeezed her eyes shut, shook her head. The corners of her eyes burned. “What happened that you hate me ?”
Her voice cracked, and a single sob followed the question. She hated herself for it, for losing her composure, but she hurt so badly, it was as if her soul was being ripped into.
She wasn’t sure what she expected- nothing at all, most likely. Sesshomaru to simply leave- and this time never return. So the sound of his knees hitting the ground, and the feeling of his arms enveloping her shocked her so completely she held her breath.
He held her tightly, pressed into his chest. Rin trembled, as one of his hands stroked her long, free hair. She dared to suck in a breath, was engulfed in his comforting scent, and sobbed again, brokenly.
“Rin.” This time he murmured her name, said it like something special, and Rin cried openly. She trembled and shook, reached up and clutched at his silken clothing. How badly she had wanted to be held like this again, to be comforted. How impossibly she had ached for the smallest of touches.
She shuddered, opened her teary eyes and saw the folds of his clothing, the dark around the. His hand was still stroking her hair. She could feel his heartbeat in his chest-
And it was shockingly quick .
“I could never hate you.” He said it while staring out into the dark as well- and yet seeing an entirely different part of the woods, of the worlds, then Rin. His arms tightened around her. “ Never .”
“Then why do you leave me?” Rin forced herself up. His hands fell to her back, and she stared into his golden eyes. “All I want is to be with you. But you force me away.”
Something flashed in his eyes. Something like shame , and Rin was so sure she had never seen that expression on Sesshomaru’s face. He glanced away from her, stared into the dark nothing around them.
“I stayed away to protect you.”
Rin tsk’d , frowning. “I’m capable of taking care of myself,” she stated. “You made sure of that! Everyone did. I’m not a child anymore!”
“I know that.” He snapped, his eyes jerking back to her. “That is my problem .”
Rin froze. Sesshomaru rarely snapped at her . At Jaken, yes, and when she was a child with him, back in the Shikon no Tama days, he had snapped in their general direction, but…
Wait. How was that a problem?
The hands on her back oved. One clutched her bicep, the other finally reaching up, gripping her chin. She felt the points of Sesshomaru’s claws, and yet felt no danger. He had never once harmed her.
“You ceased being a child too soon,” he whispered softly. He tilted her face up, and she realized he was studying her face. Something soft had invaded his eyes, a tenderness she swore she hadn’t seen from him in so long. “And I noticed…”
Rin swallowed, her throat feeling tight. Was he… was Sesshomaru battling the same demons she was facing?
“Sesshomaru-sama,” she said, reaching up. She gripped his wrist, thumb pressing into the brilliantly hued marks on his skin, forcing him to keep his hold on her. “I don’t want to be a little girl to you.”
Her chest fet suddenly light, having said it. The feelings, the desires had weighed her down since they began to develop, as she had grown. And she had kept them to herself, hadn’t shared them with Sango, Kagome- not even her dearest friend, Kohaku.
She had suffered alone.
There was a war in Sesshomaru’s eyes. Conflicted feelings fleeting back and forth, and Rin took a breath and told herself there was no going back from this point anyway.
She pulled his hand away before tossing her arms around his neck. She hoisted herself close, and crashed her mouth to his. The kiss was sudden and clumsy, with little movement, just Rin basking in the pure heat that came off her demon. For a moment he didn’t touch her, but then his arms encircled her, holding her close, cradling her.
Dizzy with glee, Rin inclined her head, tried to kiss her lord properly. His mouth was hellishly warm and wonderful, and when she opened her mouth, he seemed to suck the last of her breath entirely. She made a little noise, and in that moment he was pulling back. He stared at her with wide eyes- and it was shock .
Had she truly ever seen Sesshomaru shocked? Not in a long time.
“Rin,” he said, his voice unsteady. She could only smile over the sound of her name. “You’re-”
“Not a child any longer,” she finished, reaching up. Carefully, her fingers brushed his cheek, moved to trace the slashes of color that decorated him. His eyelids grew heavy, and she leaned in closer, pressed her forehead to his. “And my feelings for you,” she admitted, “are things children are not capable of.”
His eyes dropped shut entirely, as Rin threaded her fingers into his long, silvery hair. She forgot about the cold wind, about the way the chill of the night had wanted to settle into her bones. Everything was right , in that moment.
“Rin,” he whispered again, as if her name was the only word he was capable of. His eyes opened slowly, and one of the hands on her back slid up her spine, cradled the back of her head. “Allow me to kiss you again…”
Despite that it was phrased like a command, Rin knew it was a question. She could deny him and Sesshomaru would obey. And the idea that she had any power when it came to him- it was dizzying. She had never thought of them in this way.
But there was not a moment where she would have considered denying him.
Instead, a quiet, “ please ,” left her lips, before they were covered again. This time he guided the kiss, tilted her head while still cradling it. His lips guided hers, and she tried to mirror his movements. She felt herself shaking as she stole little breaths, her mouth open and yielding. When his tongue pushed inside she whined, trembling so hard that the arm around her tightened, pulled her closer to steady her.
Her hands slid down to his chest, gripped his clothing tightly. She felt she was holding on for dear life, like she may fall off the face of the Earth. His sharp teeth nipped tenderly at her lower lip, and the heat pooling in her belly and between her legs felt suddenly unbearable. She had thought about this, so many times before, but the actual experience was so far beyond what she had imagined.
Suddenly Sesshomaru was moving. He stood and bent over, laying her down along the stump with ease. He broke the kiss and dipped his face down, pressed his mouth to her pulse. Rin gasped loudly, tipped her head back and bared her throat, body arching. Her hands moved from his chest to his shoulders, clutching tightly.
“Sessho...Maru...Sama…” she breathed, feeling his tongue tracing her pulse down her neck, until he could pepper her collarbone with kisses. She squirmed, and one of his hands began pushing at the folds of her clothing. It moved slow, almost questioningly, and Rin squeezed her eyes shut. She reached down with one hand, covered one of Sesshomaru’s and eased it inside, until his palm was sliding over bare skin, and then the swell of her breast.
She heard his breath escape him, and Rin smiled to herself. She kept her eyes shut, afraid the very sight of him might send her heart racing out of her body, and felt the tips of his claws prick her skin as he cupped the flesh, squeezed gently. She shifted, wanted to squeeze her legs together an squirm- but was left gasping when the chilled air was suddenly on her bare skin.
Sesshomaru had completely pulled her yukata open. It pooled at her sides, left her chest and belly bared, was sliding off her legs. Her cheeks flushed a feverish red, and she opened her eyes, realizing he could see every inch of her…
And yet, he was taking his time. His mouth was back on her collarbone, easing down her soft skin. His mouth moved up the swell of her unheld breast- the other still being teased by his hand- and when his lips ghosted her nipple, Rin shivered. He smiled against her flesh, let his tongue glide in a slow circle around the bud until it hardened and darkened. Only then did he open his mouth, suck gently.
Rin mewled, reaching up and covering her eyes with one arm. She was breathing quicker, feeling warm little waves seeping from her breasts throughout her whole body. When she felt the points of his sharp teeth she gasped loudly, startled, and he pulled off suddenly.
“Are you alright?”
Rin didn’t uncover her eyes, only nodded weakly. “Surprised me,” she admitted, before adding boldly, “I liked it.”
Sesshomaru smirked- and god, somehow Rin knew , before his mouth was back, now on her other breast. He gave it the same treatment, his hands wondering down her belly now, along plump skin. His fingers feathered out before reaching her pelvis, pushed her yukata fully off her hips, then ran down along her thighs. He squeezed the plush flesh, and Rin opened her legs instinctively.
Sesshomaru’s mouth moved to the center of her body, eased down over her ribs, to her belly. Gooseflesh rose up as he kissed, but it had nothing to do with the cold. Rin bit at her lip, trembling when his lips reached her lower belly. There was a pause, and Rin heard the rustling of him getting back on his knees-
And then he wasn’t kissing her, put spreading her thighs wider.
Embarrassed, Rin’s cheeks burned. No one had seen her like this, touched her like this- and yet, here she was laid out shamelessly for her lord to see. And yet… it was a dream. It was everything she had wanted, since her desires budded.
Those sharp nails ran up her thighs, before Sesshomaru’s fingers traced her lips. Rin whimpered, and she could heard Sesshomaru breathing.
Wordlessly, there was a sudden warmth as he kissed her pussy, before his tongue pushed between her lips. Rin cried out loudly, as his tongue traced up to her clit, rolled over it slowly. She trembled, little noises escaping with each passing second. Her arm fell from her face an she gripped at the mess of her yukata pooled out around her.
“Sessh-Sessho-” she couldn’t even finish his name. Her mind felt as if it was going into a haze, turning to mist. She arched as his tongue switched to flicking over her clit quickly, the motion driving her to a sudden frenzy. It mimicked how she touched herself- and gods, how did he know this was what she needed…
She felt so close, her muscles so suddenly tight, that when he moved his tongue away, chose instead to lap at her with the flat of it, she whined i pure need. Huffing a breath in frustration when he didn’t listen, she felt more than heard him chuckle.
“Impatient,” he mumbled, before he spread her lips, teased her entrance with his tongue. Rin arched, shook all over, nerves she rarely indulged suddenly sparking to life. Her fingers didn’t venture inside herself often, as much as she wished for it. She heard him groan as he did so, felt his nails digging into her thighs then, before his tongue moved back up with focus. He pushed at her clit, began the quick flicks of his tongue again, and Rin was quickly panting, feeling her entire body tense and relax rhythmically.
She was losing her entire sense of self, swore he could only feel the pure joy her body was radiating from Sesshomaru’s mouth- and when her body finally couldn’t take it anymore, she cried out so loudly she was sure the heavens heard her clearly. She trembled as the orgasm racked her, sent wave after wave of pure bliss throughout her. Sesshomaru’s hands held her firm, his tongue guiding her through it, not stopping even as she began to relax. Not until she was squirming and mewling, overly sensitive and overly pleased .
Sesshomaru lifted his head slowly, turned to kiss her inner thigh. Rin sighed happily, pushed herself up on her elbows to peer down at him.
There was color to his cheeks, almost seeping into his eyes. This hint of red bleeding into him, as if the demon inside him was snaking his way out.
Rin sat up completely, reached down for him. Her mouth crashed into his awkwardly. She licked at his lips, tasted herself and felt a whole new wave of desire flood her. His hands on her thighs moved to her hips, held tightly, and Rin shuddered.
“More,” she whispered into his mouth, demanding in a bravery no one had ever had with him. Sesshomaru growled, didn’t fight when Rin pushed at him and followed him to the ground. Sprawled out in the cool grass, Sesshomaru stared up at Rin, who let her yukata fall away completely, straddled him completely naked.
She smiled at him, looked like slivers of pure white moonlight and the cool blackness of night. Her eyes were so dark, and they seemed to bore directly into him. She slid along him, grinding into him, and it was impossible for her to not feel his own arousal pushing up against her.
Rin bit her lip, before her hands began pushing at armor and cloth. Sesshomaru could only watch, somehow amazed that this woman had become something so desireful, something so at ease with her desires.
When Rin’s bare fingers touched his chest, he groaned. She smiled, leaning over him as her hands mapped his chest, his own clothing open now, before they trailed lower, over the trim muscle of his stomach, stopping to tease the silvery hair leading to his groin.
Pleased with herself for the sheer look of awe on her lord’s face, Rin gathered her courage- which suddenly didn’t seem a difficult thing at all- and let one hand trail further, down into his pants. She felt his erection strain against her hand, and palmed it slowly. Sesshomaru’s eyelids fluttered, and Rin smiled coyly.
“Sesshomaru-sama,” she whispered, “I want this too.”
It felt so damn delightful perfect to be so devious, and the sheer look of shock and desire on her demon’s face was all the proof Rin needed that he enjoyed her teasing. She smiled, fingers curling into his clothing and trying to guide it down. In the end, the two of them ended up in a tangle, Sesshomaru’s cock free but his clothing still clinging to him awkwardly.
Neither seemed to care. He had pushed himself up, was sitting with an arm curled around Rin’s waist, kissing her as she stroked him slowly. She reveled in the feeling of warm, firm flesh in her hand, at each little groan he made into her mouth.
Restless, soaking wet and still wanting, Rin finally pushed closer. She arched on her knees, but it took Sesshomaru’s help in guiding her hips to get her into a position where she could finally get his cockhead to push against her entrance. She bit her lip, easing down very slowly.
The stretch was intense, had her shaking. He gripped her hips tightly, quick obviously fighting down his own noises and the urge to buck up into her. Rin gasped when he was half way into her, before she fumbled and eased down quickly. He was fully inside her suddenly, and she gasped loudly, eyes going wide, a mix of shock and the barest hint of discomfort.
Sesshomaru gathered her into his arms, stayed completely still as he kissed her cheeks, the corners of her eyes. His hands mapped out her back, toyed with her hair, and Rin closed her eyes, let herself melt into the tender touches. She began to relax, and when his kisses were tracing her jawline, she finally shifted a bit.
He pulled back, leveled a gaze with her that seemed to ask a thousand questions. And all she could offer back was a smile, reassuring and warm, before she reached for his shoulders. Hands gripping them, Rin shifted her hips, grinding down into Sesshomaru. His eyes flickered, and his hands reached for her hips again, starting to guide her.
The movements were slow, clumsy and novice on her end- but Rin didn’t think Sesshomaru cared. He groaned all the same, cheeks tinged with a flush, his nails digging in but never once breaking her skin. She trembled as she rode him slowly, trying to keep a rhythm but feeling as if she was losing it with each intensifying wave of pleasure. She tried to move faster and her thighs burned with the effort, unused to these movements.
Before she could speak, could even hint at her frustration, Sesshomaru was lifting her. She pulled out of her- which caused her to whine angrily- before he shoved her down onto the ground. He enveloped her, blanketed her as he thrust back in quickly, and Rin arched, pushing up against his chest as he took control. His thrusts were faster, deeper, and Rin was shaking all over, hands scrambling along his bare shoulders, down his arms to where his clothing still clung.
Her fingers brushed the scar along his left arm, the one mar that never healed on his body, and she pressed her palm to it as she clutched. She was saying his name without realizing it, crying out “ Sesshomaru ” with every thrust, as the same tight desire as before began to build in her.
He broke her words off with a kiss, shoved his tongue into her mouth and let her whine around it. His thrusts turned almot ragged, rhythmless and desperate, and Rin was grinding into his body with each movement, getting moments of friction on her clit.
He was still kissing her when she came roughly. She felt so utterly filled with every inch of him that she sobbed into his mouth, tears spilling down her cheeks as her body clutched at him. He groaned, fucked her through the orgasm until she was a whimpering mess- and when she gave his name one more breath, he growled into her mouth and thrust into her a final time.
She could feel his cock throbbing inside her, felt a spreading heat. She kept kissing him, until his movements completely ceased-
And then kept kissing. She kissed until her mouth felt numb, until the chill of the night began to seep back into her damp skin. She shivered, and when Sesshomaru finally pulled back, she grinned up at him.
He studied her face, her smile, for only a moment, before he smiled himself. And it felt like eons since she had last seen it- his smiles something he did not share with everyone, but with what seemed like only her. She giggled over it, reached up to cover her slightly swollen lips, and he arched a brow.
“What?” he asked, and Rin let her giggles turn into full laughter.
“I don’t know,” she finally admitted, “you smiled Sesshomaru-sama… and I just feel good .” She kept giggling, even as he moved- only broke off to utter a tiny gasp when he finally pulled out of her.
He adjusted his clothing slightly, before pulling Rin up as well, holding her close. “You’ll get sick,” he said, reaching up to turn her still warm forehead, “if I keep you out like this.”
“I’m only going back if you go back.” The demand was out before Rin could stop herself, but Sesshomaru didn’t seem bothered by it. Instead he stood, helping her up as well, and gathered up her abandoned yukata. He held it out and Rin threw it on sloppily, not even caring, before Sesshomaru was hoisting her up, holding her like he did when she had been a child.
She didn’t argue, just wrapped her arms around his neck and let him carry her back to the village. It was still silent with sleep, and no one seemed to stir as Sesshomaru took Rin into her own small hut. He let her down near her bedroll, and Rin got down on her knees to spread it out properly.
He didn’t argue when she slid to one side of it. She glanced at the space next to her, and Sesshomaru simply pulled at his armor again, removed excess pieces of clothing, before he was stretching out with her.
In the silence, Rin rolled onto her side and pillowed her head on his chest. Her legs entangled with one of his, and she felt his hand pressing to the small of her back. She smiled to herself. “You’re not going to disappear before I wake up, are you?”
Sesshomaru seemed to think about it, before his hold on her tightened. A silent response, but enough. Pleased, Rin let herself fall into silence, listening to the soothing, familiar rhythm of Sesshomaru’s heart. She was drowsy now, a little sore in her thighs and between them, but still feeling so good it highly outweighed any discomfort.
“What… were you doing out there…” she mumbled, before yawning. She didn’t expect an answer- almost wondered if Sesshomaru had decided to indulge in sleep , but then-
“You never noticed,” he started, “but I’m here often.”
Rin pinched her lips together, before she slowly raised her head. “You mean you just come at night?” He nodded, and she furrowed her brow. “ Why ?”
“Because you keep me up at night.” He reached up with his other hand, caressed her cheek. “Thoughts of you…” he sighed. “I needed to be near you. To make sure you were alright.”
“You could have just come like you used to,” Rin countered.
“Not when…” he paused, glanced away- and the color on his cheeks had nothing to do with desire. It was shame , and Rin knew she had not seen that on him before. “Not when I desired what I did.”
Rin rolled her eyes, before she lay back down, folding her arms on his chest. “Your desires are mine. You can have me way you like.” His silence told Rin she had gotten him with her boldness, and it only encouraged her. “Do you want me again?”
He groaned then, pulling her to his mouth, kissing her. “Wicked girl,” he whispered into her mouth, fingers tangling in her hair. “You’ll be my death.”
“Never,” she breathed, almost wanting to rise to her own bait. Her desire was building, but her body was tired. Instead she simply kissed him back slowly, enjoying all the little touches, until the kisses stilled, and she was nestled into his chest again.
She didn’t question him again. Satiated for the moment that he was simply there, that somehow the fates had aligned and had mirrored her desires in him, Rin decided there was nothing else she needed. After all, when she had been younger, she had not doubted that her lord loved her deeply. And while his actions of late had confused her, this night had solidified her previous thoughts.
Sesshomaru loved her. He didn’t need to say it- if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have feared his own desire for her so greatly. He wouldn’t have had such tenderness for her.
He wouldn’t have stayed the night, holding her so, if he didn’t.