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“That attaboy,” Sagawa purred as he stroked Majima's hair. “If I didn't know better, I would think you've had some practice with this.”
Majima looked up as defiantly as he dared. It was a dangerous game they played, but only on Majima's end. Were he ever to step over the line it would be the first and the last time he ever made such a mistake. Yet, he toed the line, careful to know where the boundaries lay, careful to never cross the line, but to get close enough that it at least felt like he was fighting back. At the end of the day, Majima had no illusions about which of the two of them held the control and what would happen if he bit the hand that fed him.
That was precisely why when Sagawa had told him to get on his knees, he had. When Sagawa told him to unbutton his slacks, he had. And when Sagawa told him to suck his cock, he did.
Sagawa was right, however. Majima did have practice with this, more so than even just the practice he got practically daily from Sagawa. Although the last dick he’d had in his mouth that wasn't Sagawa's had been twice the size. There was a slight satisfaction that came with knowing that Sagawa was average at best in this regard. Majima was pretty sure even he was bigger. Majima briefly fantasized about how cathartic it would feel to mock Sagawa for this, but he knew that fell neatly into the category of things that did more than just toe the line.
“Well?” Sagawa said, pulling roughly on Majima's long hair. “Stop stalling. I know you know how to do this properly.”
Majima's chest burned with resentment and bitter anger but he swallowed it back, instead focusing on the task at hand. Majima took Sagawa’s length with ease, running his tongue along the sensitive underside as he bobbed his head back and forth. Sagawa’s hands forced him to pick up the pace until it was less Majima moving on his own and more Sagawa fucking his face.
Majima resented himself deeply for how much it turned him on to be used like this. He would never admit it, could never admit it. It had always been like this for him and his list of past sexual experiences weren't all particularly pleasant. There had only ever been one person he had been able to trust enough to allow himself to really give in to that desire, but those days were long past and now Majima only managed to get off in the sick way he enjoyed Sagawa forcing him down and fucking him.
It was a relief when Sagawa finally came in the back of his throat. Sagawa forced his thumb into his mouth, forcing his jaw open wide to see the fruits of his labor. The satisfied smirk on his face both disgusted him and caused his slacks to feel ever tighter.
“Are you going to swallow or are you going to savor the taste of my cum all night?” Sagawa's voice dripped with disgust despite the fact that this was entirely his fault.
Majima was tempted to bite down on Sagawa's thumb as he swallowed but he didn't. Instead, he obeyed like the good little pet Sagawa so desperately wanted him to be.
Sagawa pet Majima's hair in a poor attempt to smooth it back into his ponytail. Majima wanted nothing more than to slap his hands away and fix it himself. Instead, he waited patiently as Sagawa pulled his hair free and tied it again.
“There. Now you look...well, closer to being presentable,” Sagawa said, smirking to himself as he pulled a cigarette from his carton. Majima instinctively moved to light it for him. It only occurred to him afterward how perfectly trained he was. Disappointment and disgust at himself flooded his chest.
Majima moved to finally stand up but stopped when he felt Sagawa's foot on his leg.
“Did I tell you to stand up?” Sagawa asked, looking down on him.
Majima felt his lips twitch into a near snarl.
“What the hell do ya want, then?” Majima asked, unable to hide the contempt in his voice.
“You didn't think I was done, did you?” Sagawa asked him, taking a long inhale from his cigarette for the sole purpose of blowing it in Majima's face.
Majima felt his blood run ice cold. Up until now, this is all Sagawa had ever asked him to do. A blowjob, sometimes a handjob. Never anything more. Majima had been grateful for that, at least. One less thing that would forever remind him of Sagawa's barely average cock.
“...here?” Majima asked, glancing around the back room at the Grand. It wasn't exactly spacious and there really wasn't a great place to do much of anything, let alone fuck.
Sagawa seemed to be contemplating something as he leisurely smoked his cigarette. Majima felt his body become tenser every second that passed in stifling silence.
“You're right, Majima-chan,” Sagawa said and Majima quickly recognized his tone as being dangerous. The way a snake sounded as it lured its prey in with honeyed words, just before it bared its fangs and struck. “Meet me on Iwao bridge once the Grand closes.”
Majima felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle. He could only imagine what laid in store for him and he dreaded finding out. He hated himself a little bit more for daring to question Sagawa at all.
“...of course, Sagawa-han,” Majima swallowed his pride and whatever bit of self-respect he had. “I won’t be late.”
“Good,” Sagawa said and he finally got to his feet, adjusting his suit. “You know how I feel about people who waste my time.”
Majima gritted his teeth as Sagawa walked past him, patting his head like a child as he went. He should have felt relief at being alone, but lately, he found being alone with himself made him hate himself in ways no one ever could. Not Sagawa, not Shimano, nobody. Nobody could possibly make him feel worse about himself than he could.
Majima stood and glanced in a mirror only long enough to check that he was presentable, refusing to notice the dark circles under his eyes are the stripe of black that marred his once beautiful face.
For once, Majima did not dread going back to work. Instead, he dreaded what came after.
It was so late into the night that the streets of Sotenbori were actually mostly empty. Majima usually savored his walk home in the brisk night air. Sometimes he stopped on the bridge and looked into the river for a time and fantasized about what it would be like to take the plunge. He could feel the cold water rush into his lungs, his body sinking peacefully to the bottom of the river. But Majima was a coward, so instead of jumping, he would continue on his way home. This night, however, he walked past the bridge he normally crossed to get home and instead walked by the long line of restaurants. He suddenly realized his hungry he was. For a moment he debated on stopping for food, but two things made him keep walking. One, Sagawa would be none too happy and whatever he had in store for him was likely bad enough. And two, every yen he spent on something frivolous meant less money he could give Sagawa. He wasn't that hungry yet. he decided. He could wait another day.
Majima spotted Sagawa smoking on the bridge, looking out into the murky waters of the river. He wondered if Sagawa ever thought about jumping in, but he knew the answer before he even finished the thought.
“Ah, Majima-chan. Right on time.” Sagawa flicked his cigarette into the river as he turned to face Majima. “Let's go.”
Majima said nothing. He followed Sagawa through the winding backstreets of Sotenbori like a lost lamb being led to the slaughter. Even though he was taller, even though he was physically stronger, Majima always felt insignificant whenever Sagawa was around. Something about the way he carried himself, the way he spoke to him just said, “ you don't really think you matter to anyone, do you? ” The worst part about it was that he was right; Majima mattered to nobody now.
Majima nearly ran face first into Sagawa when he failed to realize that he had stopped. They were in an alleyway he didn't recognize and that realization made him feel intensely uncomfortable. Sagawa wordlessly opened up a door and beckoned for Majima to enter. Every instinct in his body told him to run, fuck the consequences.
Majima entered the room. It was completely dark. He waited for his eye to adjust, taking cautious steps towards the center of the room. He heard the door close behind him and then a dim light flickered on above him, nearly blinding him.
They were standing in what appeared to be an old office. A few desks littered the small room, a chair here and there. Old posters were falling off the walls. There was a door leading to another room and a small unisex bathroom on the left.
“Why are we--" Majima turned to question Sagawa but before he could even finish his sentence he felt hands on his throat. The force of it shoved him back against a desk and he nearly fell backward but managed to catch himself at the last second.
“You know,” Sagawa said, that calm, dangerously even tone of his rang throughout the dilapidated office. “I should have done this to you earlier but I didn't want to have to pay for the damages to the backroom of the Grand.”
Majima felt beads of sweat roll down his forehead. Sagawa wasn't constricting his airflow yet but the threat lingered, Sagawa running his thumb across his windpipe.
“I don't--" Majima began to protest but Sagawa pressed down suddenly and he choked and spluttered instead. His lungs burned with the need of oxygen and Majima desperately clawed at Sagawa's hands.
Sagawa looked into his eye and Majima could see the cold detachment. He wasn't even enjoying this. He just wanted to make a point. Somehow, that made it all the worse. It was just Sagawa reminding Majima who was really in charge. As if Majima could forget for even one second.
Spots began to dance between his vision and he knew this was the telltale sign of slipping away. He felt his limbs grow weak, heavy, useless. Was Sagawa going to actually kill him? Was this finally going to end? A thousand thoughts raced in his rapidly fading mind.
He had wanted Saejima to be the one to kill him.
Suddenly, the pressure on his throat lifted. He gasped and coughed and breathed, falling to his knees as his body focused solely on sending oxygen to his vital organs. He realized that he had been crying when he wiped the drool from his mouth and he felt deeply ashamed. Slowly, his breathing became even again.
Majima looked up at Sagawa. He prayed that this was the extent of it. A warning, a reminder of what Sagawa could do.
Sagawa tangled his fist into Majima's hair and the string of his eyepatch.
“Are you going to be a good boy now, Majima-chan?” He asked and his voice was hushed, quiet, nearly a whisper.
“...yes, Sagawa-han,” Majima mumbled and he sounded as defeated as he felt.
“Good,” Sagawa purred, petting Majima's face like a dog. “Get up.”
Majima obeyed, although it took his legs a second to remember how to stand without wobbling. Sagawa opened the back door of the office and Majima once again entered first. It had been a break room once, but now it was a bedroom of sorts. A bed stood in the middle of the room and a settee stood at the foot of the bed. There were no windows and no light illuminating the room except for the dim light filtering in from the doorway.
Majima knew what happened next and he wanted no part of it. He thought, again, of the dirty river and why hadn't he jumped when he'd had the chance?
Sagawa touched the small of his back as he pushed him towards the bed. Majima stumbled in the dark but eventually made it to the bed before he hesitated.
“Something wrong?” Sagawa asked. It was a warning.
Majima shook his head quickly. “No, sir.”
“What's the matter, then? It's a nicer set up than your apartment. I thought you'd be thrilled.” Sagawa chuckled to himself as he shoved Majima onto the bed. “Take off your clothes.”
Majima swallowed back every single thing he wanted to say and began to remove his jacket and unbutton his shirt. He could feel Sagawa's gaze on him and it unnerved him. He removed his shoes and his socks and set them aside. Finally, he unbuckled his belt and slid his slacks and underwear off at the same time, piling them on top of the rest of his clothes.
Majima finally looked up at Sagawa who was leaned against the wall, lazily sizing him up. Majima resisted the urge to find something to cover himself up with. He was certainly not shy, but he felt unusually vulnerable under the scrutinizing gaze of Sagawa.
“That too,” Sagawa said and he motioned to Majima's eyepatch.
Majima froze. Though he might not like how it looked on him, he liked how his face looked without it significantly less. The empty void where his left eye should be was disturbing. The eyepatch, at least, allowed him some measure of normalcy, of seeming human. Without something to obscure his eye he felt naked in ways he didn't know existed. Majima reached up and pulled it off, carefully laying it on top of his pile of clothes.
“Look how nicely it's healed,” Sagawa said, grabbing Majima's face and examining him closely. “You're welcome for that, by the way. Imagine what it would look like without me.”
Majima did not feel thankful in any way shape or form. He had paid his dues to Sagawa ten times over by now.
Sagawa leaned in and Majima tensed further. For a moment he didn't know what he was doing and then he felt a sudden presence in the empty socket where his left eye should have been. He flinched and tried to pull away but Sagawa's hands held him firmly in place. Majima's hands dig into the sheets on the bed in a desperate attempt to not move a muscle. It felt violating in a way Majima couldn't begin to describe. Nothing was ever meant to go into that space ever again, and certainly not anything connected to Sagawa. Majima felt Sagawa curve his finger and feel the inside of his empty eye socket near his cheekbone and he fought hard against his every instinct to do something, anything to get it to stop. He was more terrified of what Sagawa would do if he made any sudden moves right now. Sweat dripped down his forehead and he tasted blood in his mouth from biting his lip.
Finally, Sagawa pulled away and Majima started to breathe again. He hadn't even realized he had been holding his breath. He looked at Sagawa who ignored him entirely, seemingly preoccupied with digging through his jacket pocket for something. He pulled out a small bottle and tossed it to Majima.
“Use this if you want. Or don't. Doesn't make a difference to me.” Sagawa said and he pulled his cigarettes from his jacket pocket. “You have until I finish this smoke.”
Majima was frozen in shock until the door to the building slammed shut and knocked him back into reality. He wanted to sob, to cover his face in his hands and just give up. He fought back deep, embarrassing whimpers as he fumbled to open the bottle. His hands were failing him and tears were clouding his vision. Frustrated, he tried to force it open improperly and it broke, oozing the contents onto the bed. He scooped up whatever he could, which was not nearly enough, and began to prod his entrance. It had been a while since he'd done this but the instinct was still there. Despite the situation, Majima managed to relax enough to get a finger inside of himself with relative ease. It felt strangely good to rub against his prostate again. He hadn't properly gotten off in years. He moved his finger slowly but deliberately, teasing himself and readying himself for what would come next. He was surprised to hear a soft moan leave his lips.
“How cute,” Sagawa's voice caused him to jump. He had been so preoccupied he hadn't heard him reenter the room. “That excited for me, are you?”
Majima turned his head to at least try to hide his grimace of disgust. “...yes, Sagawa-han.”
“Doesn't sound very convincing to me,” Sagawa said. “But I can fix that.”
Majima looked up as Sagawa finally got onto the bed. He was still fully clothed aside from his shoes; he hadn't even taken his jacket off. Something about the fact that he was fully nude, completely exposed while Sagawa kept his clothes on just added to the vulnerability he felt in this position.
Sagawa unzipped his slacks and pulled out his cock, and somehow it looked bigger when Majima imagined it going in his ass versus his mouth. He watched as Sagawa leisurely stroked himself, one hand on Majima's knee in a way that felt uncomfortably intimate.
“Turn over,” Sagawa ordered.
Majima obeyed, rolling onto his stomach. Sagawa grabbed his hips and without warning he shoved his cock deep inside of him. Majima hissed at the suddenness of it, of the pain and the pleasure mixing up inside of him. Sagawa grabbed tangled a fist in his hair and yanked his head back, forcing his back into an uncomfortable arch. He whined at the sharp pain of his hair being torn from his scalp and the cock throbbing in his ass. Sagawa began to thrust into him, deep, long thrusts that never seemed to end. Sooner than he'd like to admit the pain began to ease away as Sagawa's cock thrust against his sweet spot. His cock even twitched in anticipation, begging to be touched. Majima reached to do just that when Sagawa yanked on his hair hard.
“Not until I say so,” he said sharply.
Majima grimaced and moved his hand back to its original position. His cock ached for any sort of friction but he was too far from the sheets to even get that much relief. Sagawa's thrusts became harder and harder until Majima was pretty sure he could cum from just that. The thought disgusted him and he wanted to pretend he hated every minute of this but his body couldn't lie. He hadn't been fucked hard in years and he craved it desperately. He needed it.
“Say my name,” Sagawa demanded in a breathy voice, pulling at Majima's hair once more.
“S-Sagawa-han,” Majima tried to stifle the moan that came out when he opened his mouth and failed miserably. “Fuck, Sagawa-han, f...fuck me harder."
“What?” Sagawa chuckled cruelly. “What was that?”
“Fuck me harder,” Majima cried, giving in to his own pleasure and forgetting about everything else. “Please, just fuck me as hard as you can, I--”
Sagawa pulled on his hair and thrust with a strength Majima didn't know he possessed.
“Yes,” he moaned and he could feel the tears rolling down his face. “Yes, yes, Sagawa-han, fuck, fuck, fuck me just like that!”
Majima could scarcely hear Sagawa over his own cries of pleasure and the sound of Sagawa thrusting into him so hard he knew it would leave dark violet bruises on his ass and thighs.
Majima didn't care what Sagawa did to him anymore, he grasped his cock and stroked himself wildly, desperate for release. He was close, so close and when he thought he couldn't take it anymore he felt Sagawa's grip on his hair tighten even more and then he felt him cum in his ass. Majima cried out, practically sobbing as he felt himself cum in his hand. He took deep, shaky breaths as he tried to compose himself. He shuddered as Sagawa pulled out of him slowly, deliberately, making sure he felt every inch of him leaving. Just as Majima thought it was over, he felt fingers inside of him and he instinctively moved his hips against them.
“What, you really want more?” Sagawa asked coldly, pressing his fingers against Majima's erogenous zone.
Majima moaned out against his will, looking back at Sagawa with pleading eyes. It rode the line between pleasure and pain, almost blindingly overstimulating and yet Majima's cock jumped at the chance to cum again, even so soon. Sagawa met his gaze as he finger fucked him and Majima could feel Sagawa's cum still deep inside of him being mixed around with every thrust of his fingers.
Majima reached for his cock again only to feel Sagawa's hand get there first. He looked at him in surprise as Sagawa wrapped his fingers around his length and began to roughly stroke him. Majima squirmed in delight, arching his back and panting furiously. He could barely breathe.
It didn't take long for him to cum again, a deep shuddering orgasm wracked his body and left his legs weak. This time Sagawa pulled his fingers out quickly, without care. It gave him one last pulse of pleasure before all he felt was an aching soreness and emptiness.
Majima watched as Sagawa straightened out his suit and made himself presentable. There weren't words for the things he felt towards Sagawa, especially in that moment. A hundred emotions mixed in his mind but the foremost one was humiliation. He shouldn't have given in, he should have fought him more. Now Sagawa knew something about him that he couldn't take back. Something deep, shameful, typically hidden behind layers of cold detachment, resentment.
Sagawa leaned over Majima and pet his hair and then traced his face in such a gentle way that Majima was almost inclined to accept it at face value.
“Well, you should get cleaned up,” Sagawa said, lightly slapping his face. “Can't be tired for your next shift, right?”
Majima glared up at him, gritting his teeth. Sagawa said nothing before he stood and exited the building.
When Majima heard the door slam, he allowed himself a moment of weakness and curled up into a ball, letting hot tears stain the sheets for the second time that night. When his body couldn't cry any more tears, he stood up and dressed. He didn't bother to fix his hair or make sure his eyepatch was adjusted properly. He knew he looked like shit and he didn't care.
Majima walked home in the faint light of the rising sun and as he passed the Sotenbori river that morning he thought about how one of these days he would do it.
But not today.