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To Taichi’s merit, he had made it home with a smile. The fact he collapsed on his bed as soon as he got there was another issue entirely. He had reassured his mother and Hikari he was fine — just spent — and weren’t they all?
For a while, he wasn’t entirely sure what to make of the heavy sensation building in the pit of his stomach. He had managed to ignore it and pull through the ordeal for the most part, but now it was all hitting him like heavy bricks all at once. Twenty four hours had never felt so long — Taichi wasn’t sure he could trust his emotions now he was settled in the dark gloom of his bedroom. He felt too drained — physically and emotionally — to even make sense of the exhaustion that seemed to have come to suddenly overwhelm him.
“Taichi…” Koromon’s voice mumbled into his belly and Taichi realised his partner had already fallen asleep cradled into the warm comfort of his arms. He was buried deep into his blankets with only his now closed eyes barely visible.
All he wanted was to close his own and join him...
The adrenaline induced afternoon he and his friends had experienced running away from Tokyo’s Metropolitan Police. The anguished relief he felt upon the sight of Omegamon’s white wings… everything in his memory was now a bit of a blur.
Like a smudged painting. A smudge of red.
No. Stop.
He knew he would end up giving in to the throbbing knot in his throat, but heavens, he just wanted to sleep now. He could deal with whatever emotions he felt tomorrow, please. That was all he wanted.
He had left the hospital, closed his eyes like this, and clung to nothing but those words, the words he had listened to inside of the pod. He had repeated them to the digivice brought to his chest, almost like a mantra — like a prayer. He remembered his voice, his plea. The message weakened by the pain he knew Nishijima struggled with… He had tried to focus on nothing else but his message.
Seize the future.
Perhaps the issue is that he could’t forget. He wouldn't let go. Not even if he tried. Not even if he ever wanted to. He had clung to his teacher’s voice in such a desperate attempt to keep himself together, now Taichi wonders if the darkness of that room will forever haunt his memories and if there is anything else he could have done or said to change the outcome. He allowed himself to wonder if a reboot would help, only to choke a laugh that came out painfully similar to a sob.
He had tried. For the sake of Daisuke and everybody else who had got out of that place alive. For Hikari’s sake. For his friends sake.
But in truth he wasn’t alright. It hurt. It hurt like hell and he did wish it had been him. For some cruel and pointless sense of heroism his teacher had made the selfish decision of saving him instead.
He wanted to believe he has been saved at least. The cruel reality had him wondering whether that was entirely the case. Maybe Nishijima thought he was injured beyond hope. Perhaps he knew he couldn't survive. The rocks had hurt the wrong person. And perhaps his guilt was just blind to it all. His rational knew there was chance that was the case. But his emotions told a different story. Admitting that, it felt wrong. He should have saved him. Taichi should have saved him... God what is the point of being a Chosen Child if he can't even save those he loves and make it right...?
Please kill Mei-chan...
Taichi closed his eyes and found out too late his hot tears could’t be stopped anymore. He wished he could have held it a little longer. Because crying in silence wasn’t helping. It still hurt.
Was it an insult to his memory? To their memory? To feel anguished about his departure when Nishijima had tried so hard to make sure Taichi wouldn’t give up? To cry and not start immediately living the happy future he had sacrificed himself believing Taichi could somehow contribute to? He didn’t know and it haunted him — it made his heart sink into his chest like a painful blade.
Why did he have to carry this burden? Another life — In the end, he had just taken another life, right? Just like Wizarmon, like Whammon, he had been another dear friend who had supported him, someone who had scolded him and tried to turn him into a functional adult and member of society for the past two years and a half of his life.
He just didn’t know — Taichi honestly had no idea where to even start. He just felt miserable and the tears kept falling. He desperately tried to make sure noone in the living room could hear him. He hoped his mother left him alone if she could, but he wasn’t sure Hikari would. He didn’t want her to see him like this.
He didn’t know how long it lasted before he felt a pressure in his stomach and realized Koromon was hugging him. Not a word, not even a sound. Just a tight hug and a sadness in his eyes Taichi didn’t know was there. When did he wake his partner up by accident he didn't know but Taichi was grateful. He hugged Koromon back and thenked every god that at least his belover friend was right here with him, right on his arms, with memories intact no less.
“Taichi…”
He didn’t answer. He didn’t release him either. He clung to the hug and choked another sob.
…and Koromon understood. He didn’t say anything else. This is a moment that didn’t need words… His presence was all he needed. The feeling was mutual, afterall.
None of them were alright right now, but both of them would heal. They would rest, and they would recover from this.
Taichi hoped so, at least.
…
He couldn't remember whether he had in fact cried himself to sleep or not. Maybe he has doozed off for a couple of minutes, but the loud buzz made him snap his eyes open with a jolt. He found himself submerged in the darkness of his bedroom. Whatever tears he had spilled seemed to have dried completely.
Taichi glanced to his side and realised Koromon was fast asleep again, his long ears keeping himself pressed against his chest. He tried not to move too much when he sighed to rub the dry tears off his eyes.
How long he hd been asleep he didn’t know, but the knot in his stomach seemed to have melted into a wave of pure exhaustion.
Except the annoying buzz wan’t stopping - he debated whether he should try pick up the call or ignore it; he didn’t know what time it was, he really wasn’t in the mood for talking either way.
Deciding he should at least take a look at the screen and figure out whoever he had to send an apology message the next morning, Taichi stretched a lazy arm over his head towards his desk where his fingers touched the smooth surface of his flip phone. With less than enough energy, he pulled the device and snapped the phone open. He blinked at the hurting screenlight a few times before he could figure out the shape of a familiar name.
YAMATO.
It was 11:25 p.m.
Taichi sighed, not knowing whether to feel relieved or alarmed.
Perhaps he should take this afterall. He wasn’t sure his friend would cut him the slack of ignoring whatever news he had. Considering the recent events, Taichi couldn’t even blame him. He just hoped this wasn’t too bad.
“Hey.” he winced at the sound of his own voice and tried to clear his throat before he tried again “What happened?”
“Hey…” the familiar voice of Yamato on the other side seemed to pause for a second “I… Sorry, did I wake you up?”
“It’s fine. Did you want anything?”
The silence on the other side made Taichi wonder if he sounded too harsh; he hoped Yamato could go on with it just so he could figure out whether he should go back to sleep or not.
“You know, a lot happened.” he could practically feel him shrug “Did you make it home?”
Taichi blinked.
So this wasn’t an emergency call or anything like that. To his own surprise... he wasn't annoyed. Yamato seemed alright, calm even, and something about his tone of voice reassured him this was his own way of checking on him. Taichi let out a sigh of relief.
“We did. Mom said we were lucky the military forced a curfew, the media had to wash out.”
He counted about two seconds of silence but Yamato did sound sligthly amused.
“That’s one way to put it.”
“So?”
Taichi allowed himself to relax on the matress, trying not to stir too much so he didn’t wake Koromon up. He still had his hears sligthly wrapped around him and Taichi found himself too fond of this current position to bother him.
“Hey, I know it’s late, but….”
“…”
“Takeru wants to go check on Ichijouji and everybody else over the hospital by five. We could go together.”
Of course. Taichi felt a pang of guilt for not thinking about it earlier. As soon as he had left everybody in the hands of much more competent people than him at assisting and taking care of their vitals, he has assumed his presence was needed somewhere else and at the sight of Ordinemon he didn’t dare look back.
It only made sense now things were over and Odaiba was no longer under fire he should at the very least go back and try figure out what had actually happened.
“I…”
If he was honest to himself, he didn't want to go. He just figured that he should. This was the least he should do for them right now, right? They were alright, he didn’t have to fear going back to the hospital and find out they were…
“Taichi…”
“…”
“We can meet a little earlier, if you want. I’ll go fetch you.”
Yamato did sound almost like it would be fine with whatever answer he gave him. Almost. Taichi wanted to come up with some kind of excuse but… perhaps it was for the best he could’t think of anything.
“Right.”
A new silence.
And Taichi knew. He could tell what Yamato was doing. He didn’t know whether to feel annoyed or grateful.
“…”
“Alright?”
“Fine.”
“Around three?”
“I…”
“…”
Taichi decided not to prolong this. He should trust Yamato’s judgement better than his on this. Given the current predicament, that was.
“No, it’s fine. Sounds good.”
“Cool. I’ll call you.”
“Okay.”
“See you tomorrow.”
“See you…”
“…and Taichi.”
“Hnm..?”
He could almost feel Yamato’s intense presence grow stronger as he let a pause fall between them.
“Don’t be late this time.”
Taichi felt the corner of his lips curl into a soft smile. Harsh, rough, yet warm — that was the tone of the voice he knew better than to disappoint the next day. It wasn’t a lot but this… this was something he could do.
“I won’t.”