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Jeonghan is famous for always having the worst games at his parties. Soonyoung knows this, yet he still continues to go to these awful parties, to get roped into these terrible games. The occasion of this particular party is something like the joys of summer or something equally stupid, so he should've known from the second he got Jeonghan’s text that he better not show up. He did know, but it doesn't matter, because he came anyway, and now he's standing here, mentally readying himself for what may be Jeonghan’s worst evil yet.
The game of choice this round is one of Jeonghan’s own creation. He claims to have heard of it on the internet, but he can't remember where, and as far as Soonyoung is concerned, it's something only he would have the drive to devise. According to the rules, a jumbo sized marshmallow is hung on a string from somewhere like the top of a doorframe — the same place you might hang mistletoe, now that Soonyoung thinks about it — and two people bite from opposite sides of the marshmallow. Whoever wins is technically the person who eats more, or something, but Soonyoung knows that kind of thing doesn't matter. In its simplest essence, this game is just an excuse to make people kiss each other. Such is often the case with Jeonghan’s mischief.
To demonstrate, Jeonghan himself went first with Minghao as a partner, and it went just about how Soonyoung envisioned. They walked up to the marshmallow, put their mouths on it, and after Seungcheol called out a brief countdown, they just started kissing each other. Mostly, it seemed like just Jeonghan wanted to show off, but the intentions don’t matter much once Soonyoung has lost his chance to escape. After their enthusiastic demonstration, the rest of the partygoers drew straws to see who they'd be up against, and now Soonyoung is staring hopelessly across at Junhui on the other side of the marshmallow and wondering how quickly this will be over with.
He'd be lying if he said he hasn’t thought about kissing Junhui before. He’s actually done it embarrassingly many times, sometimes so much he has to detox by watching a few episodes of Naruto, but the core issue is that he is at heart a very soft romantic, and kissing Junhui in front of a small crowd around a mouthful of marshmallow isn't his ideal setting. In his mind, he already has the perfect back row of a dingy movie theater picked out, a half bucket of popcorn between them and some movie on its final week running playing on the screen to an audience of only two. There's something special about the idea of darkness, the pure value of a kiss when nobody is watching. It's very like Jeonghan to rob him of something he technically doesn't even have and probably never would have had to begin with.
As he places his mouth lightly against the hanging marshmallow, he wonders whether Junhui will take the “rules” seriously. Given that he's almost upsettingly earnest, Soonyoung figures there's a good chance he might, and if that's the case, it's better if he takes them seriously, too. Lips braced against their fluffy white enemy, he begins concocting a strategy, a way to eat the most as quickly as possible without ever meeting Junhui in the middle. A sprout of hope comes alive in his chest at the idea. They won't kiss here, and then, someday, maybe, when he has the guts, he can still have that perfect movie theater moment. Soonyoung one, Jeonghan zero.
Distantly, he hears Seungcheol’s voice booming, counting down from five, and he tenses his shoulders up. Quick as lightning, he thinks. Fast as a butterfly, lighter than a bumblebee, right as a rhino. Just as he realizes his thoughts stopped making sense, he hears Seungcheol bellow out the zero, then scrambles wildly to remember the flawless strategy he just came up with. It's no use. Even if he could remember, it's still no use. Junhui is already kissing him.
For one hot second, there is the taste of marshmallow in his mouth, and he's barely registered it before it's being replaced by Junhui’s tongue, slowly but surely, until that's the only taste remaining and his head is painfully light. Is there even any of the marshmallow left? Soonyoung doesn't know. He can't even remember what it tasted like now. Junhui’s hands are warm on his shoulders, thumbs pressing into the dips of his collarbones, and he can vaguely make out the sound of cheering coming from everywhere around them. When Junhui disconnects, the cheering gets louder, just like a background object coming into focus on a camera. It takes a while for Soonyoung’s lips to stop buzzing.
“Wow,” Jeonghan hoots, clapping a palm on Soonyoung’s back. His hands are so annoyingly lukewarm. “Good game, eh, guys?”
“It sucked ass,” Soonyoung almost says, but he stops himself when he realizes that would be just like saying kissing Junhui sucked ass, and it didn't. It really didn't.
Across from them, Junhui laughs a lighthearted sort of chuckle, tilting his head to the side with a sort of charming innocence like he didn't just kiss Soonyoung very brazenly and very on purpose. “I think it's my win, though,” he says, scrunching his nose up in a little smile. With one hand, he reaches over and brushes a stray dot of marshmallow from the corner of Soonyoung’s lip, then pops it into his own mouth like it's nothing. Maybe it is nothing, Soonyoung guesses, but it sure feels like something. “Better luck next time, yeah?” A warm grin spreads over his lips, and in the middle of his crumbling lungs, Soonyoung knows he will never live to regret something as strongly as this again.
Wonwoo is a good friend, if only because he'll listen to Soonyoung complain even when he doesn't want to, and Soonyoung can tell this time that he really doesn't want to. He sits cross-legged at the end of Soonyoung’s bed devoting both eyes and almost all of his attention to his Animal Crossing village while Soonyoung mentions for the sixth time just how gravely Jeonghan has betrayed him now. Only about two percent of his brain space is reserved for catching the groans Soonyoung throws his way, but Soonyoung doesn't care as long as he's listening at all.
“The movie theater,” Soonyoung cries again, smashing his cheek into a pillow. “It was supposed to be at the movie theater.”
“I get it already,” Wonwoo sighs, kicking at him without moving his eyes from screen the screen of his 3DS. His heel nails Soonyoung in the knee. “You've said that a hundred times.”
“It's important to me.”
“Is it really?” The calming music from the game is interrupted by an abrupt beep when Wonwoo catches a fish, fist clenching in quiet pride. “It's not like you were ever gonna do that anyway.”
“That's what you think.”
“So you're telling me,” Wonwoo says, finally looking up from under two skeptically raised brows, “that you were really planning on asking Junhui out on a date to some shitty movie theater?” The corner of his lip quirks in that irritating way it does when he knows he's right about something Soonyoung doesn't want him to be right about. “And then you were gonna make out with him there?”
Soonyoung glares for a minute, frowning. “Maybe.”
“And you really thought he would say yes to a date with you to begin with?” Wonwoo blows his hair away from his eyes and laughs really hard, once, like it's even a little bit funny. “As if. The way I see it, you should be thanking Jeonghan instead of cursing him. No way you ever would've had a chance like this without him.”
“Now you've gone too far,” Soonyoung says, and this time it's his turn to kick at Wonwoo, swinging his feet around wildly until he's hit close enough to the crotch to ensure Wonwoo knows he means business. “I don't owe Jeonghan anything. I bet Junhui would go out with me if I asked him.”
“Why?” Wonwoo folds his DS and sets it to the side, steeples his fingers beneath his chin. “Because you're so nice and normal? I don't think you fantasizing about kissing him all the time is enough to qualify it as possible.”
“Why are you so cruel to me?”
“I'm honest with you,” Wonwoo amends, less than gentle, “because you're my best friend and I care about you.” He sighs, gathering his knees up under his chin. “And if you embarrass yourself trying to get a date with Junhui just so you can make out with him in a gross movie theater, I'll be the one who suffers most.”
“I hate you,” Soonyoung barks, kicking again, but Wonwoo has outsmarted him this time. When he pulled his knees up, he was actually creating a protective wall of shin between them, and now Soonyoung can't strike anywhere that counts. “Why are you so sure he'll turn me down?”
“I'm very beyond sure you already know this,” Wonwoo says, carefully eyeing the trajectory of Soonyoung’s legs, “but Junhui is pretty hot, you know?” For a second, Soonyoung thinks he'll say more, but he lets it hang right there. As if that even constitutes a reason. Oh, how Soonyoung wishes he would lower those knees.
“What's that supposed to mean?” he grumbles. “I'm hot.”
“I mean, I guess,” Wonwoo allows, very annoyingly, “when you want to be, you are. But Junhui does it, like, accidentally. You know?” Soonyoung lowers his eyebrows.
“You know, everything you're saying pisses me off.”
“Listen, if you don't want my advice, you should whine exclusively on someone else’s shoulder.” Huffing, he reclaims his game, careful to avoid giving Soonyoung even the slightest opening for an attack. “I'm just trying to help.”
“Help, my ass.” Soonyoung rolls over and presses his ear to the pillow, glaring hard at the wall, which has suddenly started to look like a great place to hang a picture of Wonwoo and subsequently throw darts at it. “I bet he would go out with me. I bet he totally would. You asshole.”
“Well, you're free to try taking that road,” Wonwoo says, “but when you wind up at the inevitable dead end, I refuse to be the one here listening to you gripe about it.”
“You have a disturbing lack of compassion.”
“No, what I have is already long exceeded the threshold of my own willingness to listen to you talk about your weird crushes. You should be grateful I still show up.”
“All you do is play Animal Crossing and nod sometimes.”
“That's not true!” A hint of playfulness sneaks into his tone right at the end. “I mean, we're arguing right now, aren't we?” After a few moments of snickering all by his lonesome, he fades into another sigh. “Well, whatever. A guy’s gotta pay off his mortgage somehow. We can't all waste our time daydreaming about people way out of our league.”
“Out of — ?” Soonyoung is too stunned to repeat the rest. Out of his league? Wonwoo has some nerve to say that, when Soonyoung knows he's the total package. He listens to the gentle melody of Wonwoo’s Animal Crossing tune and furrows his brow against the realization he's surrounded by untrustworthy hacks.
“Hey, Jihoon,” Soonyoung says, and Jihoon looks at him with eyes that imply he’s already heard enough, but Soonyoung continues anyway. “Do you think Junhui would go out with me?”
For a long time, Jihoon just stares at him. “There are seven billion people alive on this planet right now,” he begins slowly, “and for some reason, I’m the one who has to deal with this question?”
“Hey, come on.” Soonyoung pokes at him with the plastic prongs of his fork, careful not to use too much pressure lest Jihoon gets angry and decides to brutally murder him. “I was gonna ask Wonwoo, but he won’t answer my texts.”
“Nor should he, if this is the kind of thing you’re texting him about.”
“Why is everyone so mean to me lately?”
“It’s called ‘tough love,’ actually,” Jihoon says, using a little too much force in the air quotes he puts around tough love , “and we’re ‘toughly loving’ you because there’s a chance it might get you to dislodge your head from inside your asshole.”
Soonyoung glares. “Okay, but I’m just asking if you think he would go out with me.”
Jihoon grips the underside of the table like he’s going to flip it over, then sighs and resigns to slumping wearily. “If you don’t know, how should I? Ask him yourself if it bugs you so much.”
“You have no delicacy,” Soonyoung scoffs, reclaiming his fork to dig up another bite of his burrito bowl. While he eats, he watches the lines of all the restaurants in the food court shift continually only to ultimately find themselves the exact same way they had been before. “I can’t just ask him. That’ll basically be like asking him to go out with me, which I still don’t know if he would.”
“Well, I hate to remind you, but asking literally anybody else aside from him isn’t going to get you the information you’re after.”
“But maybe if I…” Soonyoung frowns and turns his attention to the bowl in front of him. After a few bites and a little ingredient mixing, it looks so much less appetizing than it once had. “I don’t know. I guess I could ask him, but maybe if I got someone else to ask him for me?”
“Hey,” a soft voice says from just beyond Soonyoung’s field of vision, and he looks up to see the very same Junhui approaching them with his own burrito bowl in hand. Soonyoung chokes just a little bit when he realizes he can’t make eye contact because he’s too busy focusing on his lips. “I thought it sounded like you guys,” Junhui says, sitting down with a smile. “Who’s asking who what?”
“Oh, great timing,” Jihoon says. Soonyoung feels a sour sort of dread pooling in his stomach, wearing at the insides of his lungs with a slow acid burn, and he looks up at Jihoon as quick as his neck will let him, catches a glimpse of that awful, shit-eating grin. Just in time to be unable to do anything. “Would you ever go out with Soonyoung?”
There is no physical way for Soonyoung to prevent his jaw dropping in betrayed despair, so he just lets it happen, still staring when Jihoon turns that evil sneer his way, eyebrows raised. Soonyoung grapples for words to somehow get that thought to flow backward through time and stay in Jihoon’s mouth, but the only one he's able to come up with is four letters long and starts with a very capital F, and as the volume at which he wants to utter it falls outside the bounds of what's acceptable in a mall crowded with families, he's forced to remain silent. He doesn't even want to think about looking at Junhui. Partly because he might accidentally fixate on his lips again.
Seconds pass, but they might be hours, or they also might be years. Soonyoung can't tell. His brain is so close to dissolving under the volcanic pressure inside his skull that he almost misses when Junhui finally says, “Well, sure. Why?” His hand is on Soonyoung’s arm, but his nerves are too fried to register it until ten minutes too late. “Are we doing something?”
It is then that Jihoon turns to face him expectantly, amused curve still dancing on his lips. Soonyoung gropes through his mind frantically, but just as Wonwoo always likes to remind him, there is absolutely nothing in there. He can feel Junhui’s gaze sawing at him, but it isn't urgent enough to get his mental cogs turning, and all he manages to do is stare at Jihoon helplessly. Partially, he’s still too stunned by how easily Junhui said yes. After an awkward length of silence, Jihoon sighs like he hates having so many responsibilities and frowns.
“I think Soonyoung was thinking--”
“I was thinking,” Soonyoung blurts, drawing a lovely glare from Jihoon’s end, “the movies?”
Junhui thinks it over for just a moment. Not nearly long enough for Soonyoung to get his grips back on reality. “Sure,” he says, easy. “I’ll go to the movies with you.”
Looking at the calm smile on his face, Soonyoung is overwhelmed with guilt. That smile is so pure, so innocent, so unaware all Soonyoung’s really after is making out with it in the back row when the lights go off. He considers trying to backpedal his way back to safety for a few moments before he sees Junhui’s tongue run a little too slowly along his bottom lip, then remembers how Junhui didn’t seem guilty at all when there was a marshmallow between them not so long ago. His cheeks warm at the recollection of Junhui’s tongue inside his mouth, he bares his teeth in a grimace he hopes looks close enough to a grin.
“Great!”
When initially concocting his fantasy, there were a lot of logistics issues Soonyoung never bothered to think about much, and now that he’s so close to actually potentially maybe realizing it, they’ve all become glaringly obvious. He’s had plenty of idealized situations in the past — like many years ago, when he thought he’d like to kiss Wonwoo in a dusty library, or just a few months ago, when he dreamed he wanted to kiss Seungcheol in the back seat of his car — but he’s never come so close to grasping any of them, as much as whiffing one hand side to side repeatedly within five feet of a target can be considered close to grasping something. Basically, as he stands waiting for Junhui in front of the ticket booth at the crappiest movie theater in town, he wonders if just having the guts to try is enough.
Suppose, he tells himself, that Junhui doesn’t want to kiss him. When he imagines the scenario, Junhui is usually madly in love with him, so this isn’t a problem, but in real life, it certainly seems to be the one most worth sweating over. And he doesn’t need to be sweaty, because if he is, Junhui almost definitely won’t want to kiss him. It’s a vicious loop that does nothing but build on itself.
There are other issues, too, cropping up like garden weeds the longer Soonyoung stands here staring at the nearly-empty parking lot and waiting for a car to come into it. What if Junhui is a really bad movie talker? Provided this is the case, even if he is willing to kiss Soonyoung, when are they ever going to get a chance? Additionally, the theater might not be empty, and what if the other moviegoers decide to sit right in front of them? What if it’s too dark and Soonyoung misses and gets his nose by accident? What if leaving the theater gets somehow awkward?
Junhui doesn’t seem like the type of person to claim a trip to the bathroom and use it to escape, but he also didn’t seem like the type of person to humor Jeonghan so fully with his stupid marshmallow game, so now Soonyoung has a tough time being sure. If he does pull such a classic maneuver, Soonyoung figures he would probably be right to do it. He’s nice, but not nice enough to endure torture. That’s respectable. As his mental worry list draws even longer, Soonyoung thinks maybe he should beat him to the punch by leaving before he even gets here. He does consider it. But he’s already bought his ticket and called Wonwoo an asshole in a text (unanswered), so if he chickens out now, he’ll be the real hack in town. Besides, Junhui’s car is pulling into the lot when he blinks again, and since he’s the only soul standing outside the front doors, he’s definitely been spotted already.
If ever there were a specific outfit on Junhui in his daydreams, what he’s got on now would probably be the one. Dark wash jeans — always a classic — and plain black shoes, a T-shirt that’s loose enough to seem comfortable but not quite tentish enough to disguise his frame much. The design on the front is vague and artsy, but Soonyoung knows enough to know it’s a Naruto reference. To the common eye, this ensemble may not seem worth noting, and perhaps the common eye is correct, but Soonyoung notes it anyway. An outfit so spectacularly unspectacular is exactly perfect for back row makeouts at the movie theater.
“Hey,” Junhui says as he walks up, grin clueless. “Sorry I made you wait. Had to fill up on the way.”
“Don’t sweat it. I haven’t been here that long,” Soonyoung lies. In the grand scheme of universal time, thirty-nine minutes isn’t that long.
“Awesome.” Junhui holds the door open to let Soonyoung in before him, and it becomes an achingly horrible thing the moment he rest his hand on the middle of Soonyoung’s back to guide him inside. “Do I still have time to get snacks, or is the movie going to start too soon?”
Soonyoung stares at the concession stand and its one bored employee and the zero people waiting in line to be served while Junhui steps up to purchase his ticket. “Yeah,” he says slowly. “I figure you have time to get something.”
He’d never pegged Junhui to be the kind of idiot who buys overpriced snacks at the movie theater concession stand, but Junhui buys so many Soonyoung has to help him carry them into the theater. As they walk in, he’s careful to watch for any other sign of life inside, steps a little too light on the ugly carpet. Junhui throws a glance back as he tiptoes along behind.
“If you think you’re gonna drop something, just give it to me,” he says, though his own arms are clearly too full to handle it. How pure, his heart. Soonyoung feels bad again, but he’s reinvigorated by the absolute vacancy of the theater enough to ignore it.
“I’ve got it,” he says, marching steadfastly past Junhui toward the very back row. “Don’t worry.”
“Hey, where are you going?”
When Soonyoung turns around, he finds Junhui stopped following him somewhere in the middle, eyeing his back impatiently from where he stands ready to enter his row of choice. A chill crawls over Soonyoung’s skin. He didn’t even think he needed to think about this. Who doesn’t immediately go for the back row at the movie theater? Slowly, he gulps, hands going clammy around the three packets of sour straws he holds. No! Anything but sweat!
“The back?” he says, soft. If there were pre-preview programs in this theater, they would have drowned him out, but it’s too cheap to run them, so Junhui stares back at him in silence, screen behind him hauntingly blank.
“But how are we supposed to see from the very back?”
“It’s… a movie?” Soonyoung struggles to wrap his head around having to clear a hurdle this small. “It’s… the screen is really big, Junhui. We’ll be able to see no matter where we sit.”
“So let’s sit in the middle.”
“Huh?”
“The middle,” Junhui repeats patiently. Strangely, Soonyoung would love to scream.
“The back,” he insists. “It’s best to sit in the back.”
“But why?”
“Because it’s — come on! It’s the back!” For another moment, Junhui just looks at him. Then he sighs, tightens his grip, continues to the rear of the theater with a frown etched on his face. Soonyoung exhales a sigh heavier with relief than it should be.
“Next time,” Junhui says as he waddles to the middle of the row and lowers himself into a seat, “we’re sitting in the middle.”
“Sure, whatever,” Soonyoung allows. With the way his hands are already grossly damp and Junhui is now at least a little angry, neither of which propagates a nice mood for kissing, the chances they’ll be doing anything like this again are in the grave. If they never go to the movies again together, it doesn’t matter where they agree to sit beforehand.
A few minutes after they’re seated, the previews start. The volume is weirdly low, likely a fault of the underpaid employee running the operation in the booth behind them, and it highlights the crinkling sound of Junhui opening his first box of candy, the rustling sound of his hand in the popcorn bag. His elbow is hot when it squeezes onto the armrest where Soonyoung’s is sitting already.
“You want one?” he stage whispers, shaking the box. It seems useless to whisper when you’re making so much other noise. Especially when the rest of the theater is empty anyway. Even so, Soonyoung is still undeniably charmed. He can feel Junhui’s face very near his own, but his gentlemanly instincts and premeditated plan tell him to wait at least until the real movie has begun to try anything.
“What are they?” Soonyoung asks.
“Sour straws.”
“I’m okay, then.”
“Popcorn, then?” He shakes the bag a little too violently, a few stray pieces flying out and landing in Soonyoung’s lap.
“Hey, be careful!”
“You don’t want any?”
“I’m good.” What he really means is he doesn’t want to make his breath smell like butter. The more he considers it, though, it doesn’t matter as long as Junhui is destroying his own breath like this. Thinking about it makes him gulp a little bit.
“Aren’t you going to have anything?” Junhui says, and he sounds like he’s frowning. “Did you eat before you came or something?”
Don’t people normally eat before they come to the movies? “I just don’t want to steal all your snacks,” Soonyoung evades, quite smoothly in his opinion. Smooth points have to count for something. “You paid for them and all.”
“I bought them to share,” Junhui huffs. “Did you think I would eat all this shit by myself?”
Soonyoung sighs. If they were going to share snacks, he should have bought them somewhere else before and snuck them in like a normal person. There was no need to spend a billion dollars on undersized candy boxes, but now Soonyoung is somehow responsible for the bill. He sighs and allows himself to be guilted into taking a handful of popcorn and two sour straws. Junhui may be hot, but there’s certainly room for improvement in his business decisions.
The volume spikes suddenly when the actual movie starts, and it’s followed very closely by a similar spike in Soonyoung’s heart rate, accompanied by a pronounced jump in his seat. This is it. The movie is some indie flick that apparently isn’t very good, and it opens on some rainy gray scene with a soft rock beat in the background. Almost perfect, he thinks. But maybe about halfway through is a better time than right now. As it stands, they have too many snacks between them to avoid making a mess, and Junhui is crunching his popcorn much too loudly. So he’ll wait.
Twenty minutes in, Soonyoung is beginning to wonder if he’ll make it. At first, he was afraid Junhui would talk too much, but in reality, he’s way too quiet, intensely focused on the movie in front of them without so much as a whisper. It’s a bad movie, really bad, and Soonyoung is incapable of understanding how a functioning adult can devote so much focus to it. Every so often, Junhui will tilt the bag of popcorn his way, and the layer of butter gathering on Soonyoung’s fingers is not doing much to raise his hopes for the day.
This was a mistake, he guesses. It was way too simple of him to assume just having Junhui beside him in the back row of a cheap movie theater with nobody else around would be enough to yank his dreams into reality. He was not prepared for Junhui himself to be the most volatile factor. When Junhui holds a sour straw out his direction, he leans down to bite it, but he only thinks about the moral repercussions of slipping out and running home in shame. It’s too much, way too much, to be so close only to hit a trip wire and fall into a ditch lined with barbs. Wonwoo will laugh when he hears.
While Soonyoung chews the straw in his mouth, a few things occur to him. First, when he is halfway done, he realizes he should have grabbed it with his hand before just starting to eat it. Second, he realizes it doesn’t feel any lighter the more he eats. Third, as he reaches the end of the rope, he realizes there is something waiting there. Using just his lips, it should be easily recognizable, but after a few moments of wondering with quiet horror if this is Junhui’s hand, he realizes with even more pronounced horror that this is his mouth and these are lips and that he’s just Lady-and-the-Tramp’d Junhui with a sour straw.
Rather than recoil, Junhui stays right where he is, leaning in a little bit. This is how Soonyoung knows he did this on purpose, but it makes his stomach clench up somehow. Almost exactly right, but still so weirdly off. He’s supposed to be the one who kisses Junhui, damn it! This is basically round two of Jeonghan’s party, only this time it’s so near the ideal all it does is taunt him. He can hear Wonwoo cackling at him already when Junhui frees his lips.
“I,” he begins drily, “need to go to the bathroom.” He has only just stood up when Junhui grabs at his wrist to stop him. Soonyoung hates the tingles he gets from the strength in that grip. “Hey, what gives? Let go.”
“I have a feeling,” Junhui says, “that you’re actually just going to leave if I let you go.”
Unusually perceptive. Soonyoung didn’t expect him to be so sharp, and it catches him a little off guard. More than a little. A lot. It catches him so off guard that he’s too stunned to speak for an entire minute while the movie rolls on in front of him.
“No,” he manages after a while. If Junhui has enough wit to realize Soonyoung was going to leave, there’s no way he’ll be dim enough to think that’s not a lie. Soonyoung sighs in defeat before he even says anything.
“Sorry,” Junhui says. “I should not have… You stay, and I’ll go.”
“If you leave, I’ll just go anyway.”
“Sorry,” Junhui scoffs, pulling Soonyoung back down to his seat and standing himself, “but I can’t make a good exit of shame if we leave at the same time.”
“This movie sucks,” Soonyoung tells him. “I am definitely not staying to watch it if you leave me alone.”
A brief silence, then clamor. “What? If the — huh — the — ?!” Junhui’s shadow moves violently while he splutters, broad shoulders shifting in the undersaturated light from the screen. “Why did you pick it if you’re not even gonna watch it?”
“I picked it because...ugh! Damn it! I hate this.” He heaves a breath, face hot, equal parts frustration and embarrassment. “I wanted it… I wanted to… fuck! This is impossible.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“Jeonghan ruined my life.”
For a moment, Junhui is quiet. “Oh, shit,” he says. “Because we… the other time… I thought you asked me out because you wanted to, uh…” Soonyoung sees his hands run through his hair like shadow puppets, quick and frazzled. “I didn’t even realize you weren’t into it. I am so sorry. I’m really gonna leave now.”
He moves to make his exit, but Soonyoung’s legs shoot out with wills of their own to stop him short. “That’s not it!” he says, wincing at the surge of pain when Junhui’s legs brake against his own. Thank god it’s darker than a normal movie theater in here. Soonyoung can tell he’s gone full tomato. “I was… you know, it wasn’t that I did not want to kiss you.”
“Huh?”
“I just always…” He cannot believe he’s saying this. “I had this, like… scenario… that I imagined.” He really can’t believe it. Words are coming out of his mouth right now, and they’re these ones. “Where I would kiss you. In the back of a shitty movie theater.” And now he’s said the whole thing. He still can’t believe it. “And Jeonghan made us play that game, and then there was the marshmallow, and he ruined everything.”
“You...huh?”
“And Wonwoo said I wouldn’t even be able to do it anyway,” Soonyoung groans. “And he was right! God, this sucks!” He throws a piece of garbage at what he hopes is a piece of Jeonghan’s disembodied soul suspended in the air before him, then lobs another to where he hopes Wonwoo’s soul is waiting. If either of them even has a soul! “I hate both of them!”
“But we… I mean, just now,” Junhui says. He peters out and waits a moment before asking, “What, are you not counting it because I Lady-and-the-Tramp’d you?”
Soonyoung hesitates. “Yes and no.”
“Jeez, I didn’t realize you were so particular.”
“I was supposed to kiss you ,” he groans, covering his eyes. “Not the other way around. And you did it both times!” His own sigh ghosts light against the palms of his hands. “I really hate this.”
“Does it matter that much?” Junhui asks quietly, and when Soonyoung opens his eyes, Junhui has sunk to be level with him, one hand resting heavy on his knee. The way it shocks his heart into freezing up is mortifying.
“Yes,” Soonyoung tells him. Nervous, his eyes go back and forth from the silhouette of Junhui’s head to the drab movie on the screen so far in front.
“Just kiss me, then,” Junhui says, “if it’s that important.”
“What? You’re not supposed to tell me to do it.”
“What am I supposed to do then?” Junhui sighs, fingers digging deeper into Soonyoung’s leg. “It’s already wrong anyway, isn’t it? Don’t be so picky.”
“I mean…” Soonyoung blows out a breath. Everything from the neck up is on fire, and he’s so embarrassed now that he’s almost not embarrassed at all anymore. Almost. Fingers shaking, he reaches forward to grab Junhui’s neck. Can he really do it, he wonders. Can he really do this right now? After a moment to inhale, he pulls himself in for the kiss.
Everything is all wrong, just like Soonyoung already knew it would be. Junhui’s mouth tastes like a weird mix of popcorn kernels and sour candy, and his tongue is there again, eager and impossible to ignore. Somehow, this is exactly like the first time, with the stupid marshmallow and the stupid string and stupid Jeonghan. One of Junhui’s hands is on the back of his neck now, hot, and Soonyoung is frustrated. It frustrates him how much he’s still able to enjoy this when it’s so far off from what he dreamed. There’s a loud smacking sound when they separate from each other, and Soonyoung wants to die even though nobody is around to hear it.
“So?” Junhui hums.
“So,” Soonyoung echoes, head fuzzy. This is the third time now, but it’s only just begun to sink in that he’s kissed Junhui. It’s a bizarre thing to have this be reality.
“How about it?” Junhui says, patient. His eyes are close enough to see, just barely, and they sparkle. Soonyoung runs through words in his head so quickly he flies straight off the track.
“We should’ve both been sitting,” he spits before his brain can send the necessary signals to his mouth demanding it say something else. Junhui groans and releases him.
“This is ridiculous!” he says. The way his arms tense, Soonyoung can tell he’s about to stand and leave. “If you’re going to keep — ”
Soonyoung kisses him again, and it’s easier this time. Gradually, the weight of expectation is sliding off, and he’s very close to not caring anymore that Junhui kissed him first twice or that everything tastes bad or that his hands are greasy or that Junhui is squatting in front of him or that Jeonghan ruined everything to begin with. Junhui is laughing into his lips, hand back at its former post behind his neck, and for a moment, Soonyoung thinks he almost has the heart to forgive Jeonghan for being terrible.
The moment passes quickly. Even though Soonyoung keeps kissing Junhui, he will never thank Jeonghan for being the match at the end of that trail of gunpowder, nor will he thank Wonwoo for being the fan that stroked the fire. As for dreams, he’s starting to think it may be alright if some of them only come halfway true.