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For the past couple of weeks, Ryuji has been… different.
His body language when they’re alone isn’t what it was before. Akira keeps noticing him doing things like moving to put an arm around his shoulders and suddenly stopping, or hesitating oddly when taking something Akira is handing him. It’s like he’s suddenly treating casual touches as something to actually think about.
Akira isn’t sure what happened to trigger the change. He’s paranoid that his friend has somehow figured out that he has a crush on him, but there’s really no reason for it. Akira hasn’t slipped up at all; the only one who even knows he likes guys is Ann, and she’d never out him. Ryuji isn’t a mind reader, and he keeps inviting Akira to hang out, so the situation probably isn’t as serious as he’s worried it is. It’s just lingering anxiety from the social shutout he went through after his arrest.
Then there’s an afternoon where the cafe they usually study at is full, so Akira invites Ryuji to Leblanc instead. Ryuji accepts and they set up shop in Akira’s bedroom, study materials spread out on the floor. Even that’s pretty normal, and it isn’t until Sojiro heads out for the night and Morgana starts complaining about getting enough sleep that things abruptly shift.
Morgana stays upstairs while Akira walks Ryuji out. They’re at the door when Ryuji turns and looks at Akira for a long moment, his expression conflicted.
“You sure you don’t want me to walk you to the train station?” Akira asks, worried about that look.
“Uh. Actually, is it cool if I stay a few more minutes? I’ve got… somethin’ I want to talk to you about.”
Akira’s whole body responds to that, dipping into cold panic. He swallows it, and nods instead.
“Of course. What’s up?”
Ryuji runs a hand through his hair, pauses, and then claps his own face with his hands.
“Come on, just do it,” he mutters to himself, and then shakes his head like he’s trying to get something off it.
“Ryuji?” Akira asks, a little bit of his anxiety slipping into his voice.
“Okay, so, uh. Don’t get pissed, okay?”
Well, that’s not comforting.
“Did something happen?” Akira asks, not sure what on earth would make Ryuji this nervous. He responds to most problems by getting mad, not shaky.
“No, shit, everything’s cool,” Ryuji says, a hint of hysterical laughter under his words. “This is a me thing. Err. So, uh. You know how Ann was askin’ us about what kind of girls we like?”
“Yes?” Akira asks, totally lost. “In Hawaii?”
“Yeah. So, uh, I wasn’t exactly-- I wasn’t honest. I mean, I was, nice and modest are good traits for a girl to have! Er, or-- or, like, a guy. A guy can also have those traits.”
There’s an awkward pause where they just stare at each other. There’s no way Ryuji is going where Akira thinks he’s going with this.
“Uh, yeah?”
“Shit. This is a damn mess, I’m sorry, man. I’m just-- I really like you.”
This pause is more stunned than awkward.
“Crap, don’t look at me like that. Are you mad? You’re totally mad.”
“I am… very, very not mad,” Akira says, dazed. “You. Is this a confession?”
“Shit, yeah, it is-- am I supposed to have flowers or something? I tried googling this but I got weird manga and bailed-- You probably don’t even like guys, shit, I didn’t even think I liked guys. The shit in that google search was so weird, man, I don’t know what I’m doing here--”
“I like you too, Ryuji.”
Ryuji stops talking about the yaoi that turned up in his google search.
“You-- you do?”
The reality of the situation is starting to set in, and Akira can’t help but grin. Ryuji immediately mirrors the expression, and manages a disbelieving little laugh.
“You do. Holy shit. Holy shit, dude.”
“I was worried you’d figured it out and were uncomfortable,” Akira admits in a rush, and Ryuji makes that same amazed noise.
“Uncomfortable? Me? I thought I was going to ruin our whole friendship!”
“You didn’t,” Akira assures him, stepping forward and putting a hand on Ryuji’s arm. “You couldn’t. You mean too much to me.”
It’s probably polite to ignore the way that Ryuji has to blink away tears, but then he actually reaches up to wipe them away and makes the decision irrelevant. “Shit, you-- Akira, man, the hell did I do to deserve you?”
Akira laughs, his pounding heart blossoming into something giddy and explosive.
“Would you like me to make a list?”
Ryuji laughs and the next thing Akira knows, he’s being hauled into the tightest hug of his life. He holds on eagerly, needing the anchor as much as Ryuji does.
For a long moment, they just hold each other, Akira hiding his grin in Ryuji’s shoulder. He’s not sure how long they would have stayed there, if Morgana hadn’t yowled down the stairs.
“Why are you guys still here?! Ryuji, go home!”
“Shut up, we’re trying to have a moment!” Ryuji calls back, which makes Akira finally break down into giggles.
“Have your moment in the morning!”
“Come on, Ryuji, I’ll walk you to the train station,” Akira says, before Ryuji can shout back up the stairs.
“The next time we go out, that cat is not getting any sushi,” Ryuji grumbles, but lets Akira lead him out of the cafe.
*
Morgana isn’t happy to hear Akira’s good news, but Akira is floating too high to care. Ann is excited enough to make up for it, anyways.
And Ryuji’s hesitance about touching Akira goes right out the window.
Within a day of the confession, Ryuji has adopted a new habit. He’s got an arm around Akira’s shoulders constantly. Futaba keeps sarcastically asking if he needs the help to stand up.
“Should we get you crutches?” she asks, barely contained glee underneath every word. Akira wonders if this is what it’s like to have a little sister, and rolls with it.
“Don’t outsource my job,” he says, putting an arm around Ryuji’s waist.
Futaba snorts and goes back to scrolling through twitter. “I didn’t know boyfriend duties included ‘literally physically supporting them’, Akira.”
“Hey, I can walk just fine on my own! My leg isn’t that bad!” Ryuji protests, but he doesn’t take his arm away. Futaba, realizing she might be touching on a sensitive topic, drops the conversation. Ryuji seems to actually think about it, though, and turns to Akira, still tucked into his side.
“This isn’t weird, right?”
“I wouldn’t care even if it was. I like it.”
Ryuji flushes happily and grins. Akira, charmed into bravery, leans in and kisses him on the cheek. Ryuji’s grin goes supernova right along with his blush, and he ducks his head to hide his face in Akira’s shoulder.
“Guys! We’re all still here, be cute somewhere else!” Futaba complains.
“No, fuck off,” Ryuji says, his voice muffled by Akira’s shirt.
Futaba flips him off, but Ryuji can’t actually see from his current position, so there isn’t much point.
*
They end up having their first actual kiss in front of the entire team. Akira didn’t see that one coming, but then, he didn’t see any of his relationship with Ryuji coming.
A trip to Mementos is overdue, so Akira restocks their supplies and texts the team. Morgana makes a few snippy comments about not being distracted by his love life, but Akira ignores him. He’s just mad Akira has been staying up late texting his boyfriend; nobody on earth cares more about Akira’s sleep schedule than that cat.
The shift in Akira and Ryuji’s relationship hasn’t changed the car dynamic much. They’re all jammed in too tightly for it to really matter who’s cuddled up with who, and preventing Yusuke from trying to draw and getting deathly carsick is a shared top priority.
Actual combat is a bit of a different story. They’re taking on one of Mishima’s targets today, and the battle drags on much longer than Akira would have liked. Their current rhythm for healing uses a lot of persona skills, so Akira has to switch tactics to pass out drinks so that his teammates don’t run out of SP.
The shadow they’re fighting catches the change in movement and comes at Akira from behind.
“Back off!” Ryuji shouts, putting himself between the blow and Akira just before it connects.
“Skull!” Akira reaches out to catch his boyfriend before he can hit the ground, but Ann’s got them covered before Akira can even process what Ryuji just did.
“I’ve got it!” she calls, just before the healing magic reaches them. Akira made a good call, fixing her SP first. Thank god.
“Way to go, Panther!” Morgana shouts, while Ryuji shakes off the hit and gets back to his feet.
“Keep it together, guys, it’s almost out!” Futaba announces, and Akira forces himself to refocus on the fight. It really doesn’t last much longer; Makoto finishes it off on the next turn.
Ryuji cheers, and Akira relaxes out of his battle stance. They’re okay, they won.
He turns to check on his boyfriend and is immediately bowled over by a hug so enthusiastic they both nearly end up on the floor.
“That was awesome!” Ryuji says, grinning. “We totally kicked ass!”
“What was that stunt you pulled at the end there, idiot?” Ann asks from behind them, hiding her worry under annoyance.
“What about it? It worked! Joker’s still in one piece!” Ryuji says, proudly. He obviously isn’t ashamed at all, and Ann just sighs heavily. She knows when it’s pointless to argue with him.
“Hey,” Akira says, rapping his knuckles against the armor protecting Ryuji’s back.
“Aw, not you too. I was totally cool back there! A guy’s supposed to protect the person he likes!”
Akira’s face warms and he bites his lip to force down a smile.
“Don’t get yourself killed for my sake,” Akira says, but he probably isn’t backing up his point when he cups Ryuji’s face in his hands and kisses him.
“Joker, don’t reward him!” Ann protests, crossing her arms over her chest.
Ryuji doesn’t even seem to register what she’s saying. He’s gone bright red behind the mask, his eyes comically wide and unfocused.
“Holy shit,” he says, raising a hand to touch his mouth. “You kissed me.”
“Oh my god, tell me that wasn’t your first kiss,” Ann groans. “That’s even more of a reward!”
“It… might have been,” Akira admits, before coughing and picking his Joker attitude back up. “We should keep pushing forward.”
“Skull, if you do that again, I’ll hit you,” Ann says, pointing at Ryuji. “So don’t be stupid to get kisses.”
“I wasn’t going to!”
Even Akira isn’t sure he believes him.
*
Ann might actually be right about kissing turning into a prize for dangerous stunts, and Akira certainly doesn’t want that. Just to be safe, he starts kissing Ryuji at every opportunity.
It takes a few weeks of that treatment before Ryuji’s brain stops melting into a puddle every time Akira does it, and by that point, Morgana is absolutely sick of the both of them.
“Please, just drop me off at Leblanc and find somewhere else to make out,” he complains while they walk into the cafe after school one day.
“We haven’t ever made out in front of you, you stupid cat!” Ryuji snaps, rising to the bait immediately.
“You get close enough!”
“No we don’t, you’re just being a jealous asshole because Ann won’t give you the time of--”
“Ryuji, weren’t you talking about wanting to show me your place? Maybe today would be a good time for that,” Akira suggests, before the argument can turn into a physical fight.
Ryuji glares at Morgana for another beat, before relaxing his shoulders, sighing and turning his attention to Akira.
“Yeah, we can do that. Wanna pick up takeout sushi on the way?”
“Hey, no fair!”
*
They do end up getting sushi, and Ryuji obviously feels better after that little act of spite. He carries the sushi all the way to his apartment, at which point Akira takes it from him so he can fish his house keys out of his bag.
“Mom doesn’t want me eatin’ in my room, so we’ll hang out in the living room,” Ryuji says, taking off his sneakers in the doorway. Akira sets the bag of takeout on the floor so he can do the same; Ryuji snags it and starts putting the food out on the low table in front of the TV. It’s an old television, and the table itself is littered with rings from glasses left out without coasters.
Akira doesn’t mind at all. The only thing that really catches his attention are the pictures of Ryuji and his mother on the walls. The closest one shows Ryuji at his middle school graduation, his hair unspiked and unbleached. He’s smiling the same bright, victorious smile Akira sees so often at the end of fights, but there’s no mask on his face.
“Man, don’t look at those, it’s embarrassing,” Ryuji says, making Akira realize he’s been staring. “Come eat some of this tuna.”
Akira pulls himself away, joining Ryuji on the floor.
“It’s weird to see you with black hair,” Akira comments, deciding not to say anything deeper about that younger version of his boyfriend. He knows enough about Ryuji’s father to know that even back then he’d already lost a lot of innocence, but knowing that kid’s hopes got crushed within a year of the picture hurts his chest.
Ryuji laughs and shakes his head.
“My mom says it’s weird to see me without it. You guys should have a debate or somethin’,” he says, breaking the takeout chopsticks apart.
“I bet I could get childhood stories out of her,” Akira says, shifting closer so their knees touch. Ryuji’s body heat is comforting, and the contact makes Ryuji grin.
“Don’t, man, she’ll just list every damn tree I fell out of,” he says through a mouthful of rice and fish, swallowing halfway through the sentence.
“You should give me a tour sometime. Every tree you conquered.”
Ryuji laughs and elbows him playfully.
“See, there’s the spirit,” he says, nudging the takeout container he’s eating from closer to Akira so they can share. Akira grabs his own chopsticks and gives it a try.
“Oh, this is better than I thought it would be.”
“I know, right? For the price, this place has got some freakin’ awesome sushi.”
“Morgana’s going to kill us,” Akira says, reaching for a second piece.
“I’ll share my damn sushi when he stops being an ass about us,” Ryuji says, shrugging. “Doesn’t it bother you?”
Akira chews his next bite of sushi while he gives that some thought.
“Not really. I kind of think of it like having a little brother who’s giving me a hard time. And even if it was a big deal for me, I’d still put up with it. This is important to me. You’re important to me.”
When Ryuji doesn’t say anything in response to that, Akira looks up from the sushi. He finds his boyfriend staring at him intently, and in the seconds before Ryuji leans in and kisses him, he understands how much Ryuji needed to hear that.
Their previous kisses have been pretty chaste, in part because they’re almost never without Morgana or some other member of the team. This time, Akira quickly finds himself on his back on the floor, Ryuji’s warm, welcome weight on top of him. He immediately forgets about dinner in favor of putting his hands in his boyfriend’s hair and doing his best to get as close as physically possible.
Hormones being what they are, it doesn’t take long for things to get heated. When the front door opens, they aren’t quite in dry humping on the floor territory, but it’s a close thing.
“Oh, Ryuji, whose shoes are these, do you have a friend--”
Ryuji’s mother stops talking immediately upon actually catching sight of her son.
“Mom?!” Ryuji yelps, rolling off of Akira frantically. “What are you doing home, I thought you had work--”
“A pipe burst, so they sent everyone home-- wait, hold on, you explain first,” she says, dropping her purse next to the boys’ school bags. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend? I would have made time for introductions if I knew he was coming over!”
Akira’s nerves, which were strung tight a second ago, relax monumentally.
“Mom,” Ryuji says in a pleading voice, putting his head in his hands. Akira shifts gears, deciding his own embarrassment should probably take a back seat to damage control. At least the sudden interruption totally killed the mood, so he can safely stand up.
“I’m Akira Kurusu, a classmate of your son’s. It’s nice to meet you, Sakamoto-san,” he says, bowing lightly.
“Oh my god,” Ryuji groans. “This is not happening.”
“Oh, Ryuji, you picked such a polite boy! I would never have guessed.”
“Mom, please,” Ryuji says, although Akira honestly doesn’t know what he’s asking for.
“Sorry for surprising you,” Akira offers, although the mood has already drastically shifted. In spite of how painfully embarrassed Ryuji is, this really isn’t so bad as far as parental discoveries go. Akira was expecting her to get mad. “We have sushi, if you’d like some.”
Overall, it isn’t the most awkward dinner Akira has ever had, but it certainly comes close.
*
“I still can’t believe my mom walked in on us making out and decided she likes you,” Ryuji says the next morning while they’re waiting for the train. “She asked me if I wanted money to take you out for a movie.”
Akira laughs. “I’m glad she likes me. Better than the alternative.”
“Well, yeah, but how do I explain the team fund? No, Mom, I don’t need your money, we sold all of our demon toenails last week and now we’re loaded! She thinks I’m letting you pay for everything and she’s worried about it.”
“Want me to reassure her that you’re not dating me for my money?”
“Why would you saying that make her feel better?”
“Because she likes me?”
“She likes me too, man, come on.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
*
Things reach a sort of equilibrium after that. They deal with the usual teenaged problems of having no privacy, meddling parents, and the need to regularly fight sinister monsters from the depths of human consciousness.
The last one is significantly more serious than the previous two.
Their first kiss is far from the only close call Akira has in battle. It’s to be expected; even a small slip in a low-stakes battle can be enough to put the whole team in a dangerous spot.
Today’s mistake is not realizing an enemy can inflict despair. It’s happened once or twice before, and it’s never pretty.
Akira’s never been the one to get hit, though.
It’s like all the energy has drained out of him at once. His mind fogs over and he sinks to his knees, unsure where he is or what’s going on. He remembers the dismissive, disappointed looks on his parents’ faces when they picked him up from the police station. The helplessness of being a child facing a master manipulator in court, all the decks stacked against him. The moment he stepped into Leblanc’s attic and understood how alone he was.
What was the point? What is the point?
Distantly, he understands that his friends kill the shadow. There’s a faint thud as someone joins him on the floor. Someone’s gloved hands touch his face, and the dull hum of healing shivers down his spine.
He blinks once, twice. The person in front of him is Ryuji, his eyes panicked behind his mask.
“Ryuji?” Akira asks, still a little too out of it to remember to use codenames. Ryuji ducks his head and bumps their foreheads together; the masks make a noise when they collide.
“Shit, man, you scared me,” he says, his voice unsteady with relief.
“The spell worked, he should be okay now,” Futaba says.
“That was still pretty freaky,” Ann says, peering around Ryuji’s shoulder to look at Akira. “I’ve never seen you look so defeated, Joker.”
Akira takes a deep breath and lets it out in a sigh.
“Just… give me a second,” he requests. Even knowing that the status ailment has passed, he still has the echoes of last year’s chain of rejections in his head.
“You want me to give you some space?” Ryuji asks, dropping his hands from Akira’s face. Instinctively, Akira reaches out and grabs them.
“Please stay,” he mumbles, not quite able to make eye contact. He’d thought he was getting used to what happened, but he feels remarkably vulnerable.
“Yeah, sure,” Ryuji says, sitting down properly. “C’mere, man, I’ve got you.”
He lets go of Akira’s hands and pulls him into a hug. This time, nobody teases them.
*
Ryuji insists on taking Akira home after they leave the dungeon, and even Morgana doesn’t say anything about it.
Sojiro is already out for the night when they get to Leblanc, so Akira flips on the lights when they get in.
“Curry?” he asks, already grabbing his apron and walking behind the counter.
“You got hurt like two hours ago, I’ll make something,” Ryuji says, following him back there.
“Can you even cook?” Morgana asks, skeptical.
“It isn’t that hard!”
“All we have is stuff for curry. Don’t worry, I’ll make it,” Akira says, smiling weakly. “I’m feeling much better.”
Ryuji frowns.
“Are you sure? Do you wanna like… talk about it? You were muttering about your parents, man.”
Akira sets down the pan he’d just picked up.
“Yeah,” he replies slowly. “I think I do want to talk about it. Morgana, would you mind waiting upstairs?”
Morgana considers this for a second, then turns to Ryuji.
“You’d better make sure he’s okay.”
“Damn, what do you think I’m trying to do here?”
“Just do a good job!” Morgana insists, before making his way up the stairs.
“That stupid cat has no faith in me at all,” Ryuji complains.
“You want to help me cook?” Akira asks, taking ingredients out of the fridge.
“Yeah, sure,” Ryuji says, joining him in the tiny kitchen.
For a few minutes, they don’t talk about much of anything. Akira explains different parts of the recipe or asks for Ryuji to pass him things. It isn’t until he’s begun stirring the curry that he actually starts talking about anything serious.
“So, despair draws on things you’ve actually been through, then,” Akira says, watching the curry simmer.
“Yeah, it sucks,” Ryuji says. Akira nods, and stirs for another moment while he decides what to say next.
“When I got arrested, nobody believed me.”
Ryuji steps closer and puts a hand on Akira’s back, a little reminder that he’s there but not an interruption.
“Even when they came to pick me up from the police station, it was obvious my parents had already decided I was guilty. They sort of… acted like I was more of a problem than a person, after that. They’re in the middle of a divorce and it felt like they were looking at the whole situation as something I did to spite them. They barely even know Sakura-san, they just wanted to shove me at anyone who would take me.”
“Shit, man, your parents sound like assholes,” Ryuji grumbles.
“I guess so. It isn’t like my friends were any better, they all stopped talking to me before the trial even started. I got expelled from school and my family didn’t want me and neither did anyone else, and I just felt like… this is my life now, you know? I tried to help somebody and now everything was going to suck forever.”
“Hey, we totally want you--”
“No, I know. Things got better pretty quick after I got here.”
Akira spends another long moment stirring the curry. He can feel Ryuji practically vibrating with the the effort of letting him just talk without interrupting to comfort him or cheer him up.
“When I met you, actually.”
Ryuji suddenly goes very still. “Wait, really?”
“Yeah. You didn’t even know me but you believed me right away. We had no idea what the hell we were doing but I felt like myself again around you, and I wouldn’t… If I hadn’t met you, I don’t think I would have had the guts to do the phantom thief thing in the first place. I didn’t need a persona, I needed you.”
Akira looks up from the curry. Ryuji is staring at him, dumbstruck.
“I’ve loved you the whole time,” Akira admits, looking Ryuji right in the eye.
Ryuji makes a noise like all the air tried to escape his lungs at once. He’s already close enough that he barely has to move to pull Akira into a kiss. Akira barely has time to drop his wooden spoon before the gesture shifts into a tight hug.
“Shit, Akira, I love you too,” Ryuji says, audibly choked up.
Akira puts his arms around Ryuji and tucks his face into his shoulder.
They stay like that for a long while.