Chapter Text
Remus paced frantically inside the common room. He was waiting for Y/N to appear as he knew she would for it was a Thursday, and on Thursdays, she would go to choir practice after dinner before heading back to the common room to collect her books so she could go to the library. The fire was warm against his cold skin. This cycle had been particularly harsh on Remus, leaving him feeling under the weather most days, so the heat was a saving grace as he waited nervously.
‘Mate, would you sit down, you’re going to wear a hole into the carpet,’ James said as he twiddled a snitch in his fingers expertly. Remus shook his head as Sirius groaned, obviously displeased with his friend’s disobedience.
‘What are you so het up about anyway?’ Sirius asked watching Remus curiously, but Remus only replied with a stern mutter of ‘Nothing,’ and the boys knew not to push it any further.
The was a sound at the portrait hole and Remus looked up as Y/N climbed through with her friend Odette. She smiled as she spotted him, and after saying something to her friend she was approaching him coming to wrap her arms around him and leaning up so she could place a kiss on his cheek.
‘Ugh,’ Sirius teased but Y/N merely rolled her eyes and ignored him, greeting Remus.
‘Hey,’ she said smiling before concern danced over her features as she looked up at Remus’ face, ‘You okay?’
Remus nodded. Glancing at his friends he looked back to her and asked ‘Can we go somewhere else, please?’ and Y/N nodded happily though a pit was growing in her stomach.
The two of them walked out of the common room and down the corridor until they got to the astronomy tower. This was one of their favourite places in the whole of the school, as they could see the whole of Hogwarts from here. Climbing the steps to the top they came out into the open, the cool evening air washing over them, making them slightly chilly. Looking out they could see all the grounds under a dusky sky and Y/N sighed, the true beauty of the scenery never failing to amaze her. As she turned she found Remus standing awkwardly by the stairs. She watched him quietly before saying ‘Remus, are you sure you’re okay?’
‘Yeah, well. I don’t know.’
‘It’s the thing with Snape again, isn’t it?’
‘Y/N.’
‘Well, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Remus,’ she sighed moving closer so she stood in front of him. He bit his lip as she placed her hand on his folded arms, ‘Remus we’ve talked about this- ‘
‘I know but Y/N.’
‘No! No, you can’t do this again. Just because something could have happened to Snape doesn’t mean it must affect our whole lives. It was an accident.’
‘I know it was but I can’t stop what I am. And what happened with Snape just proves that you’re not safe around me! And I’m just supposed to let you stay with me and put you in danger? How could I do that? And how can I do that to you?’
‘You’re not doing anything to me!’
‘But I could do. That’s the problem. I’m a monster Y/N.’
‘You’re not a monster. You’re Remus, my Remus and I love you. And I thought you loved me too.’
‘I do love you.’
‘So why isn’t that enough?’
‘Because I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you, if I-' Remus paused, turning out of Y/N’s grasp, the thought of something fatal happening made him feel physically sick. They’d had this conversation before, in the early days of their relationship. Remus had always known he was a monster but his friends and his family had accepted him so well he had kind of forgotten about it. All those old feelings had resurfaced when he got together with Y/N, the constant fear of losing her to his condition playing heavily on his mind, though she’d tried to put to rest all those worries.
Then Sirius had lured Snape into the shrieking shack, putting Snape directly in the path of Remus’ alternate form thus endangering his life. When Remus came back to himself the next day he was sickened by the idea that without James Potter’s intervention he’d be a murderer. He’d pondered these thoughts until he knew what he had to do. He knew his friends wouldn’t leave his side but if could make Y/N break up with him at least she’d be safe, and so he had to try.
‘Because you don’t want to lose me we should stop seeing each other, how in the world does that make sense?’ she asked impatiently and Remus knew that she was growing tired of this argument, but he also knew that to split up he’d have to go big.
‘It just does.’
‘No, it doesn’t- ‘
‘It does look, you just don’t get it! You have no idea what it’s like to live like this, like a monster!’
‘Then let me, Remus! Help me understand! Just let me be with you and we can figure it out together.’
‘No! Do you think that this is what it’ll be like outside of Hogwarts? Do you think that life will just be easy so long as you lock me away at the full moon? Well, it won’t be! It’ll be years of working job to job. It’ll be being shunned from society because they’ve figured out my big secret. It’ll be the risk of passing the mutation on to any kids that we have because I’m a monster. So, no you don’t get it Y/N because you’re living in this stupid little bubble. You can’t get it because you have no idea how anything works in the wizarding world! You don’t get it because you’re just a stupid little muggleborn!’
Remus stopped shouting, though his breathing remained ragged and fast. Tears pooled in Y/N’s eyes as she clenched her jaw tight as if to stop them from overflowing. Her heart had broken at every word and as Remus watched her react so had his. Taking a deep breath, she said ‘Fine, you know what if that’s how you really feel you get your wish. We’re over and you know what, I do get it. I get that if you really loved me you’d want to get through this not discard me as soon as the going gets tough. I hope you’re happy with yourself.’
And with that she stormed past him and down the stairs as Remus listened to her heart-wrenching sobs as they echoed back up the spiral stone staircase, causing his own tears to fall.