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They were all abuzz when Loki wrote that he was coming home, and he was bringing someone with him.
Morticia fluttered around in muted excitement, already planning a three-course meal of the most wonderful and despicable delicacies available in their pantry. (She would not cook it, of course. She tugged on the noose-bell pull and the mansion shook with the sound, as if shaking for Loki’s imminent homecoming.)
Gomez was in ecstasies, the sort only seen when his wife teased him with her foreign tongue. “Our prodigal son is returning home, Cara Mia. The Addams family will be whole again. Do you know this person Loki is bringing home with him?”
“Perhaps it’s a gift for me,” Wednesday said with delight, clapping her hands. “Marie Antoinette could use a husband. Her last one was very useless.”
Pugsley gave an eager grin. “We could feed him to the alligators! They’ve been pretty lonely lately.”
“Now, now, children, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Morticia said. “You know that Loki doesn’t like to share.”
Thing fluttered all over Uncle Fester’s shoulders. “You’re right, Thing. I should make new explosives to welcome home Loki.” Uncle Fester shivered with excitement. “But I’ll blow myself up first to see if it really works!”
“Can I help?” Pugsley asked.
Uncle Fester jumped up and down and raced Pugsley to the lab. Wednesday looked after them wistfully. “Come on, Marie Antoinette; let’s find your future husband some clothes. One without a collar, because we all know Pugsley has been keeping his guillotine sharp.”
Gomez grabbed Morticia’s hand and pressed kisses along her arm. “Don’t you think this is a cause for early celebration, Cara Mia?”
Morticia fluttered her eyelashes. "Oui, mon amour. Laissez-moi obtenir mon chalumeau."
For the next few days, the Addams mansion was a hive of activity. Thunder rumbled constantly. The gardening grew even more chaotic. Explosions shook the mansion at regular intervals.
The Normanmeyers peeked out their blinds up at the old house.
“Those Addams lunatics are up to something again, Normina.”
“Wednesday told me her elder brother is coming home. They’re all really excited,” N.J. told his parents.
Norman and Normina exchanged horrified glances.
“There’s one more Addams? God Almighty help us all.”
The doorbell rang on a gloomy Friday afternoon. The whole family was gathered at the foyer, tugging each others’ clothes to right.
Pugsley tugged on one of Wednesday’s pigtails when she ran forward to get the door. They tussled briefly, and the chainsaw would have been brought out if Gomez hadn’t sidestepped them and pulled open the door.
“Loki, my boy,” Gomez cried happily, moustache bristling with joy, “welcome home!”
Loki gave a small, warm smile. “Father.”
“Now, none of this ‘Father’ nonsense,” Gomez chided in amusement and hauled his tall son forward for a hug. “You should visit home more often, Loki. You worry your mother.”
“Is it really Mother?” Loki asked, quirking a brow. Gomez laughed.
Morticia gently pulled Loki towards her. “Dear boy,” she said and kissed his cheek.
“Mother,” Loki said and with that one word was conveyed all the complexities of their relationship. Loki was very much his mother’s son, with their shared love for quiet and books and the subtle wickedness.
The rest of the family clamoured round Loki, Pugsley talking of his latest experiment with deadly chemicals while Wednesday stared up at her brother with gleaming eyes. Thing vibrated from atop Uncle Fester’s head and Loki spared him a look and held out his arm. Thing eagerly crawled up to sit on his shoulder. Loki listened to their greetings with a fond twist of his lips, and then very gently he angled his body towards the doorway and said, “Father, Mother – let me introduce my friend, Thor Odinson.”
“Hello, it’s great to finally meet you,” Thor said, striding forward with an easy smile as he shook hands with Gomez. He didn’t look at all concerned about the disembodied hand on Loki’s shoulder, although he spared a few seconds staring at it.
The family stared at this tall, strong, blond man standing next to their Loki, looking like he could pick Loki apart with his bare hands. Normally that was not a problem but Thor had such a bright genial look about him that made Pugsley and Wednesday share a troubled look. Morticia’s face was a study in graciousness as she offered Thor a hand. He placed a kiss on the back of her knuckles.
“Are you staying for the weekend as well?” Morticia asked.
Thor nodded. “Yes, ma’am. As along as it’s not a bother, of course.”
“Hm,” Morticia said. She tugged on the bell pull – Thor looked up with amazement, his face clearly saying Where the hell did that come from? – and the house fairly shook. A moment later, Lurch arrived in his silent, lumbering way and rumbled, “You rang?”
“Prepare one of the guest rooms, please, Lurch,” Morticia said. She tucked her hand into the fold of Gomez’s arm as they led the way to the dining room. Wednesday dragged Pugsley after their parents. Thor hesitated, glanced at Loki who looked as if he was having the time of his life, and moved forward.
“Er,” Uncle Fester said. “He doesn’t look like your type, Loki.”
Thing fluttered a pinkie in agreement.
Loki smiled. “You’ll all come to like him, I’m sure.”
“So, Thor, how did you meet my son?” Gomez asked, cutting into his steak.
Thor grinned. “It was on a business trip, actually. Loki was the financial advisor for the rival company. My Father wasn’t very pleased.”
Morticia took a sip of from her wine. “Oh, was that when you were playing with business takeovers, Loki?”
“Yes,” Loki said, “it was a perk of the experience, really, on hindsight.”
“Why?” Pugsley asked. “It sounds boring anyway!”
Thor let out a rumbling laugh that had Thing jumping in surprise. “I was very persistent, I have to admit. I nearly drove Loki mad.”
“Like a dog with a bone,” Loki said, cuttingly. Thor glanced warmly at him, and leaned forward to press a kiss on his cheek. Loki batted him away in annoyance, but Morticia was watching her son closely as Loki drank from his goblet, at the faint colour on his cheeks.
Pugsley had a scheming look on his face as he deftly switched Thor’s glass with another one.
“Have a drink, Thor,” Wednesday said sweetly, giving him the mild smile that she learned from her older brother.
Thor beamed down at her. Uncle Fester squinted and shook his head, crying, “My eyes, I’m blinded!”
Thor reached for the glass but Loki firmly pushed his hand away. He took it instead, said, “It’s arsenic, a family delicacy, but not really your thing,” and drank it all. The rest of the family watched Thor’s reaction with a faint buzz of anticipation. Thor swallowed, briefly seeming nonplused, then threw his head back and laughed heartily. Loki’s eyes crinkled at the corners.
“Loki did warn me about you, little guy,” Thor said and reached with his hand to ruffle Pugsley’s thin blond hair.
With a huff, Pugsley turned to his sister and narrowed his eyes. Wednesday nodded.
Morticia led Loki and Thor to the second floor. “And this will be your room, Thor,” she said, placing graceful fingers on the mahogany door with the tiny gargoyle on the front.
Loki shook his head. “Really, Mother, Thor can stay with me.”
“I’m sure Thor would like his own space while he’s staying in a strange house,” Morticia reasoned.
“Ah, but he’d be more comfortable with the familiar,” Loki said, placing a hand on Thor’s arm.
Thor coughed and two sets of unreadable eyes turned to him. “I’d love my own room, thank you, Mrs. Addams,” Thor said and covered Loki’s hand with his own. “It’s no problem, Loki.”
Morticia favoured Thor with a kind look. “There, you see. Goodnight, Thor. Loki.” She kissed Loki’s cheek then did the same for Thor, who went wide-eyed. Morticia glided round the corner, leaving Thor and Loki to the scrutiny of the many portraits that lined the walls.
“You don’t have to do whatever my Mother says, you know,” Loki pointed out. “You’re taking your mission to make a good impression a little too far.”
Thor shook his head. “Hey, I do want to make a good impression. This is your family, Loki.”
“Yes, they are.” Loki watched him for a second or two and then took a step forward to wrap his arms round Thor’s broad shoulders. “My bedroom is only a couple of doors away. Have I ever told you about my fantasy to be shagged in my own childhood bed?”
Thor’s pupils dilated and he resisted for all of five seconds. “Is your bed – ”
“Oh, it’s plenty sturdy,” Loki murmured.
The next day was spent exploring the curious mansion. Loki led Thor through all the usual places: kitchen, sitting room, music room, the observatory with Cleopatra trying to eat Thor’s hand, and the family room. Loki shooed him away when Thor asked to see more, and Thor went ahead to explore on his own.
Uncle Fester was being chased by Thing with a stick of dynamite. Thor waved at his retreating back.
Lurch was preparing lunch and Thor, for a moment, was amused to see someone even bigger than himself wearing a tiny chef’s hat.
The library was huge and Thor avoided its dark depths.
Morticia smiled at him as she played on her shamisen, plucking at the string to create clear pure notes.
Thor met Grandmama in the attic, who cackled round her crystal ball and foretold horrible things in the future, but in the end said Thor would be lucky in love, then winked at him.
Thor was thinking about how strange they all were, and how marvellous, and told Gomez this as he put on the pair of boxing gloves the Addams patriarch had tossed at him.
“I don’t really box all that much,” Gomez said with a genuine smile. “I’m a lover not a fighter, you see, but it’s a great workout. After all, I have a lady to keep happy.”
Thor laughed. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” Thor reddened and stammered in embarrassment, but Gomez waved it away as he knocked his gloved fists together.
“You make my son happy and for that, I welcome you to the family,” Gomez said. From somewhere, a bell sounded, and they circled each other. “Loki has never brought anyone home before.”
Thor smiled in pleasure. Gomez came at him with quick shots, which Thor skilfully deflected.
Watching from the corner of the room were Wednesday and Pugsley.
“He’s really weird,” Pugsley said. “All shiny and stuff.”
“It’s like staring at the sun,” Wednesday said. “I wonder how Loki stands it.”
“Yeah. He’s so – happy! It’s disturbing. Maybe we should decapitate his head off. Maybe he won’t be so blond then.” He looked hopefully at his sister.
Wednesday shrugged. “Father seems to really like him, though. He’s not eloquent like Lurch, explosive like Uncle Fester, refined like Thing, or exotic like Cousin Itt. He’s normal. Why does Loki like him, anyway?”
Loki bent down to her ear and whispered, “I like him for his body.”
Pugsley and Wednesday jumped.
“Ew!” Pugsley said, wrinkling his nose.
Wednesday looked inclined to agree. Loki smiled down at him and turned his gaze to where his father and lover were ducking and swiping at each other in the ring. His eyes were uncharacteristically soft, Wednesday thought with a tiny scowl.
“Well, he’s not fit to be an Addams,” Wednesday announced with finality.
“Too bubbly,” Pugsley agreed.
Loki arched an eyebrow. “You’re right; he’s not an Addams at all.”
Wednesday huffed. “Come on, Pugsley, let’s try that electric chair again. Maybe this time your heart really will stop.”
“Have you seen Loki?” Thor asked, knocking on the door to Wednesday’s room. He paused briefly, eyeing Pugsley whose hands and feet were fastened with rope next to Wednesday’s dolled up tea table. “Hey, Pugsley.”
“Mmhhhmphh mhhphh,” Pugsley said round the gag.
Wednesday was brushing a doll’s red hair and now she put down the brush. “He’s probably in the library, with Mother. They like their books.”
After a moment, Thor went inside and carefully took a seat in front of the small round table. “Yeah, Loki does lose his head in those pages. I’m more of an action kind of guy.”
Wednesday curled her lips. “Uh-huh, I can see that. Don’t you, Pugsley?”
Pugsley squirmed.
“Do you like to read?” Thor asked, feeling as if he was talking to what Loki might have been like as a child. Sweet, but with very nasty teeth. “It should run in the family. It sounds like uh, bibliophile is a hereditary thing or whatever.”
“Oh, I like books. But it’s much more fun playing round the house with my brother. Isn’t that right, Pugsley?”
The boy wriggled closer to the table.
Thor wasn’t sure what to say. He glanced at the line of dolls round the tea table and asked, “Your friends?”
Wednesday’s eyes brightened. “This one right here is Mary Queen of Scots,” she patted the ginger-haired doll, then at her beloved Marie Antoinette, then at Anne Boleyn and Abigail Williams.
Thor raised his eyebrows. “ – Interesting friends you have there, Wednesday.”
“They’re my best friends,” Wednesday said. She pointed at Pugsley. “Him, too, I suppose.”
“What sort of games do you play?”
This time, Wednesday’s eyes positively glittered. “Do you want to join us, Thor? We’d like that.”
Half an hour later, Thor found himself in the swamp behind the mansion. Fog rolled thickly on the ground but Wednesday and Pugsley walked with certainty down to the river. Thor nearly slipped once or twice, but managed to keep his balance. They reached the river and Thor saw the mean eyes of the alligators pop through the calm surface. Their tails flicked through the water, sending ripples to the shore where Wednesday and Pugsley stood, staring at him expectantly.
“Uh,” Thor said.
Pugsley grinned. “You have to get in first, then Remus and Regulus will come in to tango with you. It’s brilliant!”
“You – Do you often play with uh, Remus and Regulus?” Thor asked. Loki had told him about the general idea of his family, but not really the specifics, such as childhood pastimes. “What about we play hide and seek? Or tag?”
“But the bogeymen are resting right now and Uncle Fester’s used up the dynamite we use for tagging for last night’s fireworks,” Wednesday said reasonably. “Besides, Remus and Regulus haven’t had any fun in a long, long time.”
A sheepish look passed across Pugsley’s face. “I know I’ve been ignoring them, Wednesday, but it’s not really my fault!”
Wednesday’s eyes softened. “You’ve been distracted by the cleaver Father got you.”
“And the new chemistry set Loki got me for my birthday,” Pugsley added with a smirk.
Thor fought with the urge to back away as if faced with wild dogs. “Do you often play in the river? With alligators?”
Pugsley nodded. “Oh yeah, it was all Loki’s idea. Before, we only poked them with sticks or threw rocks at them. But then he decided to wrestle them instead. It’s really cool, Thor. You look like your strong and you had that fight with Father.” He mimicked punching the air with his small fists, “Why don’t you go first?”
Thor raised a hand. “Uh, well – ”
Wednesday stared up at him with round green eyes. “Oh, you don’t want to. We thought you’d like to spend time with us, but I guess you were only humouring the kids, because of our brother.”
Thor knew that giving in would be madness and certain death, but he was weak against that particular shade of green. “No, of course not, Wednesday. But let’s play a different game, okay? Something that doesn’t involve hurting – “ me “ – the alligators.”
Wednesday thought for a moment. “How about we play Sink?”
“What’s that?”
Wednesday told him.
In the car on their way home, Thor let out a loud sigh.
Loki glanced at him.
“Did they like me, do you think?” Thor asked. He still smelled faintly of river-water. “I almost let Wednesday drown me but then I remembered I’d die. She was very disappointed.”
Loki resisted a snort. “I think they’ll cope, Thor. Next time, however, don’t let my sister talk you into doing anything. I’d hate all for all my hard work to go to waste if you die.”
Thor grinned at him, understanding.