Work Text:
"You need to get your mind off of it for a while. Occupy yourself with something else than thinking, then you can start again. It´s like restarting a computer to fix a crashed program." They sat in Downey´s office, David behind his desk and Connor in front of him. "But how do I do that? I can't just push a button or pull the plug to clear my mind. I...it´s..." the younger man stopped, sighing exhausted, "it's not that easy." David studied his protegee, face hidden in his hands, elbows on his knees, hunched forward, looking miserable all over.
The young man had just lost a patient and was blaming himself for it. Downey knew from years of experience that you always ask yourself the same question after losing the battle against time and illness: What have I done wrong? Could I have done something different? Why is this happening? Am I a failure? Connor, even though he often seemed in control and balanced, was no exception in this. He was devastated by the death of the young man he had treated, searching for answers, blaming himself and unable to let go. It was part of their job to deal with those feelings, as unpleasant and haunting they might be and in Downey´s opinion, when you don´t feel anything of this after a patient's death, you should quit your job. But there was a fine line between being a caring and self-reflecting medic and becoming mad, insecure or an alcoholic.
It was Connor's first day at work after a four days off, four days he was tormenting himself, four days of his mind running in circles without finding a way out of the dark place he had maneuvered himself into. There were new people to be treated, new lives to save. Connor wouldn't be able to do his job when he couldn't get over it. As hard as it may be, they couldn't dwell in these thoughts too long, they had to learn from their mistakes, they´ll probably never forget about those whom they´ve lost but they have to turn the pages to get to the next chapter.
"I could distract you. Make you concentrate on something entirely different." It was bold, maybe even stupid and definitely was against all existing work ethics, what have come to his mind but Connor seemed desperate and he needed to clear his mind, they had a difficult operation the next day and David needed his assistance and his undivided attention. "How? What do I have to do?" Connor didn't looked up, just mumbled into his hands. "Trust me." It was vague, David did play a risky game. Risking a good working climate with his colleague, a friendship, maybe even his job. "I do." The answer came instantly, the younger man finally looking up with tired eyes. David studied him once more, evaluating his chances of getting Connor to submit to him, he had had more than one exciting dream about Connor. He decided to put all eggs into one basket, after all, he didn't have a lot of time left… He made room on his desk, pushing everything on one side, leaving the other half empty. "Come here and bend over."
Connor's eyes widened, the only movement, as slightly as it was, that he made, frozen in place. David expected him to storm out of the room or to shout at him but what he didn´t expected, at least not that fast and without any need of further persuasion, was for Connor to stand up and move around the desk. His steps were slow, insecure as if he thought, David would start to laugh at him at any second. But no, the older man didn't moved at all, fearing that he could scare off Connor with an unreflecting movement or urging him into something he wasn't convinced of completely. It was perfectly clear what David intended to do, especially for someone who grew up under the thumb of a father like Connor´s.
Connor eyed the other man warily, then letting out a deep breath and bending over the hardwood desk. What did he have to lose anyway? He had tried everything to get over the patient's death but nothing had worked. It wasn't his first dead patient and surely, it wouldn't be his last. He couldn't explain why it hid him so hard, maybe it was because the man had been even younger than him and showed him that anybody, no matter how young or healthy they seemed, could be the next. Or maybe it was the fact that the man's cause of death was the same kind of cancer, Downey had. He had grown to like this man, had found a deep affection for the other inside him. He trusted him.
Downey was stunned by Rhodes´ compliance and needed a second to find his composure again. Connor was beautifully bend over his desk, arms on the dark wood, face to the wall. The time he waited gave Connor the chance to change his mind, to end this before it even started. But he didn´t. He just lay there and waited for Downey to make a move. The cardiologist stood up and brought his hand down in one swift movement, hitting the clothed buttocks of the other doctor hard and then stilled after this first blow, waiting for Connor to jump up and run out of the room or stopping it with words or even hits. But no, the dark haired man jerked, letting out a shocked gasp but apart from that stayed were he was, bent over a desk in the office of his mentor.
So, he was right, Rhodes needed this, even though he didn´t knew it for himself until he felt the heat blossom where the hand had met his ass. Another hit, the following gasp lower, no jumping this time only a wince. Doney set a steady rhythm, two fast hits on each buttock before pausing for a few seconds. It was just to warm the dark haired man up, to give him something else to concentrate on apart from his misery. He continued with this pattern for a few moments, Connor relaxing against the table, before switching it up, breaking the rhythm and forcing Connor to pay attention again.
The young doctor had lost himself in the steady beating of his bottom, feeling a bit of the tension from the past days leaving his body. But he still couldn't forget the face that was haunting him, his mind not wanting to let go, keeping the control. He was lost again in his thoughts as the pattern changed. It wasn't predictable anymore, David leaving pauses of different lengths, varying the force and strength of his blows and the place we're they landed. His ass felt heated, becoming more sensitive with every smack. The pain was good at first, he could concentrate on it, he deserved it. It was his fault that the man had died, he should have done something, should have saved him. “Harder.” he couldn't stop the word from coming out of his mouth, instantly regretting it as David stopped in his movements.
“You want me to hit you harder?” instead of answering, Connor remained silent, too ashamed of his cravings. “Answer me Connor.” there was something sharp in his tone, a special kind of authority Downey didn't showed too often, leaving Connor no other choice than to give an answer.
“Yes. Keep me from thinking, silence my mind, dammit hit me harder please.” he hated the pleading sound in his voice. “You're sure about that?” David sounded mildly concerned, Connor didn't cared. He needed it. He deserved it. “Yes.”
David hesitated, not sure if it was the right way to give in to the other man's wish, after all, David was the one in charge and should make such decisions. He nodded slightly, encouraging and assuring himself more than Connor who couldn't see him. “Then push your pants and underwear down.” he stepped away from the brunette, opening his own belt and pulling it from its loops while Connor fumbled with his pants, his hands shaking. As his pants finally fell down, he stepped out of hit, taking off his shoes and socks as well. Without a word, he assumed his former position again, this time with an exposed ass. Downey folded the belt, making sure that it wasn't too long and that only the soft leather would meet the skin and not the buckle.
It was quite a sight, the handsome Dr. Rhodes all splayed out on his desk, his naked ass a lovely shade of red. “Close your legs.” the belt wasn't as precise as his hand and he didn't want to risk hitting Connor’s penis or skrotum by accident. That would probably be too much pain for the young man. He brought the belt down in one swift movement after Connor did what as he was told without a further warning, the sound of leather meeting skin filling the room, mixed with a loud gasp from Connor. Downey waited for a moment, waited for a sign to stop. But instead, Connor even pushed his ass out a bit more, presenting himself in a more than inviting way. He brought the belt down again and again and again, leaving dark bruises on the flesh before him, the room filled with gasps and the loud crack of leather on skin. He wondered how much more the other man needed, how much he needed to be hurt to give in, to let his guards down completely, to understand that it wasn't his fault that his patient had died.
The pain was intense, it was so much more than a bare hand and his backside felt as if it was on fire. But still, the thoughts in Connor's head wouldn't stop spinning, maybe they got a bit slower but never coming to a halt. He had lost patients before but he could have saved this one. Right? If he just had did a few more tests maybe he would have been able to...- a sharp pain broke through the carousel of guilt and if and when, stopping it abruptly. Another hit - there had been nothing he could have done. Another hit - it wasn't his fault. Another hit, more pain - his mentor was sick too and there was nothing he could do about it. That was what bothered him the most, the inability to help the man who became one of the most important persons in his life during the last months. The gasps turned into sobs, broken and breathless. Tears were running down the younger man's face, dripping onto the dark wood of Downey´s table.
Connor didn't even realised that the blows had stopped, leaving his ass exposed to the warm air of the room. David let his left hand wander up and down Dr. Rhodes back, comforting him as best as he could. His other hand and arm hurt, judging from the dark red colour of the firm flesh of the presented ass, it must be feeling painful too. There were no hand prints or stripes of the belt to be recognized, the whole skin equally beaten and coloured and free of cuts and blood. David had stopped the beating as soon as the younger let go of his emotions, all tension leaving his body, the dam broken. Connor was left open and raw, and it seemed that he had finally admitted to himself the truth he was so desperate to deny.
Connor moved his head, hiding his face in the crook of his arm, ashamed of his break down but unable to stop the tears from falling, his body shaking. "It´s alright Connor." hearing his name felt so good, for once not being the impersonal Dr. Rhodes. "Come here" strong hands gripped his hips, dragging him away from the edge of the table, forcing him to straighten up and turn around. He kept his head bowed, eyes fixed on the ground, reluctant to meet the other man's gaze. David sat down on his comfortable leather chair, guiding Connor to sit on his lap, taking in the wincing when the still bare ass met his clothed thigh. It must seem awkward, the big, half naked form of Dr. Rhodes pressed against the other man's body, trying to make himself as small as possible and trying to hide from the world, but it was exactly what they both needed right now, even though they probably wouldn't ever admit it aloud.
David listened to the younger man's weeping, his sobs short and cut off, tears still spilling from his closed eyes. Instead of calming down, Connor seemed to work himself into a frenzy, his breathing becoming more and more ragged, he tried desperately to get enough oxygen into his lungs. "Hush Connor. it´s alright." David rubbed the other man's back, taking his hand into his own, laying it above his own heart and pressing it down. "Breathe with me. Slow and deep."
The warmth of the other body, the hand on his back, the feeling of the other man's heartbeat and the way the vibrations of his voice seemed to seep into his body - Connor couldn´t remember when or rather if he had ever felt so safe and loved..or at least accepted. The constricting feel around his chest lifted slowly, allowing his lungs to fill with air with every breath, every heartbeat he felt beneath his hand. His ass hurt as if it was on fire, but it was good, the pain something he could concentrate on, grounding him, making everything feel real.
They sat like this for several minutes, coming down slowly from these intense past moments. Connor´s breathing evened out, only interrupted by a slight sob from time to time. He had his eyes closed, head resting against Downey´s shoulder, keeping as still as possible. He didn't want to end this moment, wasn't ready to be thrown out, the fear of rejection almost making him choke on air again.
"Stand up Con.” ordered David and, as Connor tensed again, he added: “We should put some salve onto the bruises." The younger man relaxed a bit as the feared rejection did not came. "Why?" his voice sounded hoarse, weak.The idea of feeling these marks on him for days, maybe even weeks, made him shiver. "Because you'll be unable to sit for days if we don't tend to them now." Downey moved his hand from Connor's back to his neck, brushing his fingers over skin and brown hair. "No. I mean why have you done this?" he bowed his head even more, chin to chest, to give more room to the gentle caressing of his neck. "I wanted you to stop blaming yourself for the young man's death. I wanted you to understand that it wasn't your fault."
Connor slightly shook his head, as best as he could in his current position. "But why do you care? I understand that this, whatever this was, wasn't a punishment. You wanted me to face it and let it out instead of locking it all away like I always do. I just don't get why you care about me, why you're wasting your time with me." The hand in his neck tightened, forcing him harshly to look at Downey. "You´re not wasted time Connor. You´re a brilliant medic with the right amount of compassion." while still cradling his neck, Downey wiped away the tear stains, "You're worth every second of my time." Connor nodded slightly. "So...you're only seeing a good medic in me?" he asked almost shyly, again averting his eyes. "I said brilliant. And no, I see so much more in you. A boy desperate for attention, a man that cares more about other people than himself.” David pressed a kiss to Rhodes temple, whispering the last words into his ear: “A friend that hurts because I'm sick.” A revelation came to Connor's mind as the last words made their way into his brain, Downey must have known what had bothered him the whole time even before Connor admitted it to himself. And he was right. Knowing that the man he cared about, the man that cared about him, was dying hurt him almost as bad as the death of his mother.
"But enough of that. Stand up and turn around, I'll put the salve onto your backside." Connor did as he was told, standing on wobbly legs, facing the desk again. For a brief moment he wanted to bend over again but he resisted, not wanting to embarrass himself further by letting on how much he had liked to submit to Downey. Instead, he just held on to the table for leverage. He heard David rummaging through a drawer of his desk before cool salve was spread over his abused flesh. Probably some kind of skin treatment, due to the frequent washing and desinfection the hands of the clinic staff were always chapped. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the fingers wandering over his ass, massaging the salve into his skin. The touches felt good, a stark contrast to the former beating. He felt raw, exposed, feelings he wasn't used to. The wish that these touches would go on forever was forming in his mind. But he couldn't allow that wish to manifest, couldn't he? This wasn't real, it wasn't as if anything more was to happen between them even if he wanted to, Downey was his mentor and he wouldn't cross the line. Would he? Or rather, haven't they already crossed a line in the last hour?
To his horror he felt his cock filling with blood, his body craving attention. Between the exhausting shifts their wasn't really much time to find someone permanent, the few sexual encounters he had since he started working here, were short lived, the last one several months ago. His body was starving of human contact, no wonder he reacted like this to such a small amount of touches. "You should stop." He suggested, just because David helped him to clear his mind with a spanking and kissed his temple and comforted him and saw him crying and was now massaging his bare ass doesn't mean that he was interested in a sexual encounter with him. Right?
"Why? I'm not finished." The hands on his bottom didn't stopped, even though all of the bruises must be covered with salve by now. A shudder ran through his body, clearly visible for Downey. "What do you want Con?" Again, the shortening of his name which he had ever only heard from his mom. Could he honestly say what he wanted? Wouldn't that ruin their work relationship? What was it what he wanted anyway? "I want you to touch me." Downey stood up, letting his hands move up from Connor's butt, over his smooth back, to his shoulders and down his biceps, coming to rest there. "I´m already touching you."
David knew exactly what Connor wanted, the other man was like an open book for him, ready to read. He had known from first glance that Connor was a gifted young man and that he needed guidance to recognize that for himself. He also had known exactly what he had needed today, even though he hadn't dared to hope that Connor would give in to the physical attraction between them. But he had obeyed every command, from bending over to losing his pants to sitting in his lap.
"I want more." Connor broke the silence, finally able to admit what he wanted and put it into words. "I want your hands on me, anywhere, everywhere. Kiss me. Fuck me god dammit." The last one earned him a playful smack on his bottom, letting the pain flare up again. "Language." Connor could hear the smile in the single word before Downey's tone got serious again. "I'll do what you want, wanted it since you started working with me." Downey 's hand moved up and down Connors biceps, the younger man could feel the warmth radiating from the body behind him, leaning back into him without noticing it.
"You say stop and I stop, don´t let me do anything you don't want, alright?" Connor was in a difficult state of mind, David had to make sure that he understood what they were going to do. "Yes...please, touch me." it wasn't more than a whisper but it was enough for David to let his last guards down. One hand moved to Connors hip, holding him steady while the other pushed slightly between the broad shoulders. Connor let himself be moved the way David liked, surrendering completely to the other man, trusting him to know what he needed. He felt the cool wood pressing against his chest and arms again, cooling him down for a second before Downey moved to sit behind him in the chair, stroking Connor´s thighs while pushing his legs further apart with a foot. Now, he was completely exposed to the older man's gaze, before, with his legs closed, his hole had been hidden between his cheeks.
Connor closed his eyes, breathing deep in preparation of what was going to come. For a brief second, when he felt a cool and wet finger at his entrance, he wondered where David got the lube from. Then he remembered that vaseline was sometimes used to treat radiation skin burns and quickly concentrated on the finger massaging his muscle to prevent himself from thinking about the other man's cancer. "You're thinking again. Let go, Connor." David pressed against the clenched ring of muscles, waiting for Connor to open up by himself. As the dark haired man took in several deep breaths, Downey's finger was almost sucked in by Connors body who hid his face in his arms.
Downey took his time with preparing Connor, not knowing when he had been taken the last time and guessing that the other man needed every affection he could show him. Slowly, he worked another finger in, caressing Rhodes left thigh with his free hand, carefully avoiding the red skin parts. He felt the body go even laxer as he began to scissor his fingers, gaining a deep moan as he brushed slightly against Rhodes prostate. Another finger, another moan, now Connor seemed as relaxed as he could get.
"Get up." Connor felt the fingers leave his body and did as he was told, even though he didn't know what the other man had in mind. "Lay on the couch, please." Downeys voice was deeper than usual, another thing that made Connors knees weak. He crossed the room and placed himself on the comfortable sofa, oh the joys of having a private office. He looked over to the other man, taking in the healthy flush of his cheeks as well as the bulge in his trousers, he seemed to be quite big. He also noticed that, while he himself was completely naked, David still had all his clothes on. That changed now as Downey opened the buttons of his shirt, dark blue with hibiscus blossoms in orange all over, and threw it carelessly on the floor. He strode over to the handsome man lying there so invitingly on his sofa. Connor welcomed him by spreading his legs, placing one on the backrest and the other on the floor, making enough space for David to kneel between them. Their eyes were locked into each other, not even a blink disturbed their gaze. It was intense, intimate, even more than everything they have done before combined.
Downey stroked along Connor´s leg that rested on the backrest from his toes up over his shin and than along the inside of his thigh but then disappearing before he could come near to the place where Connor wished to be touched the most. David stood up again, followed by Connor's eyes, to take off his pants, then kneeling again in the same position. He guided Connors leg with a hand behind his knee, to lift from the floor and pushed it back and up until his calve rested on Downey´s shoulder, leaving Connor spread open, perfectly wide. With the pleading look in his eyes and the whimpers, it was as if the younger man was made for it. David had brought the vaseline with him, now coating his hard length, drawing a low groan from Connor as he followed his movements with his eyes.
They looked into each other's eyes again as David pressed against the now relaxed muscles of Connors entrance, slowly, teasingly moving forward. Connor groaned loud when he felt his anus give in, his body accepting the intrusion, his inner walls making room for the other man's length which pressed in steady until Downey's balls rested against Connor's ass. They breathed in unison, David stroking the other man's legs as he started moving right away, rolling his hips more than really thrusting. Connor´s leg slipped from David's shoulder as the cardiologist leaned forward, placing his hands on the armrest of the couch, framing Connor´s head and moaning as the shift in position pressed him even more into the heat of Connor's tight body. Their eyes met again, Downey stilling inside Connor when the younger man lifted his hands to stroke over David´s cheeks before pulling him closer, lips touching, the first kiss they shared. The touching of lips became more passionate, their tongues meeting as David began to move again, slow and gentle thrusts, letting Connor feel every inch of him.
Connor felt strangely full every time Downey was completely sheathed inside him. He wasn't a virgin, had experimented a lot during his college time but this was something entirely different from anything he ever had experienced. He had never been spanked before, the feeling of his still heated ass, his abused skin against the cool leather of the sofa, despite the soothing lotion it stung sweetly every time David pressed against him. He brought one hand behind his head, trying to find leverage on the arm rest, pushing against it every time David filled him completely.
David straightened up again, pulling Connor’s legs up and placing both over his shoulders. Leaning forward again for a bit, Connor was folded nearly in half, his thighs straining to accommodate the bend and stretch. In this new position the head of David’s cock rubbed against his prostate on nearly every push in, making Connor moan loudly.
They could only hope that the sounds were muffled enough through the door and walls. Neither one cared right now if somebody heard them, the only thing that mattered were the two of them, joined in the most intimate way possible. Joined as mentor and protegee. Joined as friends. Joined as lovers. Nothing mattered, not Conner’s loss of a patient, not Downey’s by cancer limited time. Nothing than the feeling of Downey above and in him, Connor beneath and around him. They moved together in unison, slowly, enjoying the way to completion more than the climax itself. As David’s hand closed around Connor’s hard erection, moving in time to his slow but deep and powerful thrusts, everything was right, every piece of them fitting into it’s predestined place.
Their climaxes washed over them, long and oh so good. They stayed together, still joined, for as long as possible, dragging out this perfect moment before heading down into the familiar hectic of the hospital, doing their jobs without letting anyone know what had happened. For the world, nothing changed. But for them, their world had changed completely.