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Flashing lights and loud, pounding music were not markers of a good time for Barney Ross and the club Gunnar had dragged him to had both in abundance. He preferred a low key bar scene to the dance party atmosphere. He liked having a few beers with friends and a plate of ribs. This club, a gay bar called “The Empty Closet”, was entirely out of his comfort zone. He felt out of place. Even at a straight club he would feel out of place. Besides having no idea what social protocol was like at a dance club, he was a little alarmed at the intended age group for the venue. Looking at the people on the dance floor, young couples of all genders, reminded him how much older he was and how inappropriate it seemed to be there.
Gunnar was in his element. There was something about being at the club that brought out a different side of him. He smiled a lot, and had even brought out some old clothes he hadn’t worn in a long time for the occasion. He had chosen a pair of tight leather pants, a plaid shirt that was unbuttoned past his chest, a vest, and his motorcycle boots. He was also wearing a pair of dog tags around this neck on a silver chain. Having been so far unsuccessful in getting Barney to dance, he was on the dance floor with strangers. Uncomfortable as he was, Barney had to admit that Gunnar was being damn enticing. The way his hips swayed to the beat of the song with a drink in his hand and the handsome, crooked smile on his face made Barney want to take him home right then and there. The song faded and a new one started and Gunnar pushed his way through the crowd to get back to Barney. He drained the drink in his glass and put it down.
“Come on,” he said over the music, holding a hand out. Barney shook his head, clutching his beer tighter as if it were an anchor to the table. Dancing was not something he enjoyed either. Gunnar grimaced at him. “Try it.”
“No.”
Shrugging, Gunnar returned to the dance floor. If Barney was going to be a fucking bore then he would go have fun. If Barney wanted to join him, he had the option. He shoved his way back onto the packed dance floor, slipping past writhing dancers and finding a group that was open for a new guy. A young man who couldn’t have been older than twenty-two flashed him a welcoming smile and moved closer, pressing his body against Gunnar and dancing in an almost endearing, awkward way. He had obviously not been out as gay for that long and was overestimating his chances with the much older man. Gunnar laughed to himself at the daring gesture and humoured the kid by dancing with him.
Barney watched with narrow eyes from his table. He knew it was innocent, this kid who was dancing with his man, he knew that Gunnar was not interested, but something about it sparked anger inside him. He finished his beer. The kid was moving in closer now, reaching his arms up around Gunnar’s neck to hold on to him. Barney jumped up from his seat. On the floor, Gunnar realized what the kid was doing and grabbed his wrists to stop him, shaking his head. “No,” he started to say, “I’m here with my—”
The kid was bumped out of the way by Barney. Seeing that the tall Swede was a lost cause and he had no way to compete with the dark-haired man who had just arrived, he returned to his friend group to continue dancing. Gunnar grinned at Barney, delighted he had moved in when ‘his claim’ was being threatened. “If you had come with me earlier that wouldn’t have happened,” he said in his ear, drawing his boyfriend closer and grinding his hips against him. Barney breathed out heavily, holding back the severe physical wanting he had for Gunnar. He refused to let go of his self control. They were in a public space and the nature their relationship was private. He would not flaunt it in front of strangers. Gunnar kissed his neck, pressing his tongue against Barney’s skin and licking the spot he knew would drive him crazy. Barney protested as Gunnar rammed him against the wall, pressed his hips against him harder, took his face with his hands and kissed him. The kiss was rough and Gunnar’s teeth split his bottom lip in one place. Barney elbowed Gunnar and broke away from him. “Fuck off!” he spat, throwing him an angry look.
“What?” Gunnar growled, frustrated. He wanted to have fun; that was all. Why was Barney mad at him? He followed Barney off the dance floor and outside. It was a crisp autumn night but Gunnar ignored the cold. Barney had stormed out of the club and was heading straight for his truck.
“What the fuck!” Gunnar called after him. “What did I do wrong?”
“We’ll talk in the truck,” Barney snapped.
Gunnar stopped abruptly in the parking lot. “No, we’ll talk now. What did I do wrong?”
Barney looked at him, whole body tense with emotion, fist curled around his car keys. The metal teeth dug into his palm. “You know I didn’t wanna go there, but I came anyway. I tried to do this for you but you ignored how fucking tense I was the whole time.”
“I can’t read your goddamn mind!” Gunnar shouted. “If you could just relax and stop being so uptight maybe you coulda had fun.”
Barney didn’t even reply. He gave Gunnar another long look before getting into the truck. For a moment, Gunnar thought he was going to drive away without him. When the truck’s engine roared to life but remained parked, he jogged up to the driver’s side door. He opened it and leaned in with his hands on the top of the doorframe. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.
“Yeah,” Barney grunted.
Gunnar ducked his head a little, trying to make eye contact. “Are we cool?”
Barney nodded.
“Can I kiss you?”
“Not yet.”
--
Barney threw Gunnar against the wall in the front hallway of his house, pinning him against it and kissing him. He was aware of the irony in their role reversal but didn’t care. His erection was hot and hard and he groaned as Gunnar reached down to stroke it through his jeans. Gunnar’s breathing was hitched and panting as Barney opened his pants. His hands were cold from being outside moments before and it made him shiver when they brushed the hollows of his hips but he arched against the touch anyway. He needed it to release the pent up frustration that had built at the club.
With Gunnar moaning beneath him, Barney had a surreal flash to all the times Gunnar never came home until noon the next day. He remembered all the times that he refused to acknowledge Gunnar’s erratic behaviour, writing it off as him ‘coping’ with something when it was really Gunnar sinking deeper into the horrific place in his mind. Every time they accounted for the physical wounds but never the mental ones. The unspoken agreement that their ‘arrangement’ (which was easier than saying relationship, lust was easier than saying love) was to remain a secret from the team, a weighty responsibility that crushed them both for years before finally coming clean about it. But even after that, things remained twisted. What had he said to Maggie Chan once? “...we keep it light until it's time to get dark. And then we get pitch black.” Back then he had been referring to how they handled the deaths of loved ones but it applied to most aspects of his life. Gunnar was light; he was fire and heat and electricity and a bright burning star that threatened to blind them all until suddenly he wasn’t. Suddenly he would be dark, he would be darker than black, he was a black hole sucking everything around him inside and destroying it with his personal chaos.
Tonight Gunnar was light. He was burning with passion and energy and searing, heady craving. Gunnar was going to destroy him one day. He had a death grip on Barney’s heart, had hooks in his soul. Barney looked forward to the destruction. It would be monumental. He pushed Gunnar towards the living room.
“On the couch. Bend over.”