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Damian wandered onto a scene so intimate that he felt like an outsider. It left him cold inside, and angry. He had never felt like an outsider around Dick. He had always felt included, cherished, until now.
It could have been touching, sentimental and heartwarming; if anyone else had seen it, but it was Damian that watched Dick lean over Tim’s reclining form, and plant kisses on his tired face.
It was Damian that had to watch as Tim rolled his eyes, but hid a smile, and pushed Dick away.
Damian couldn’t tear his eyes away from the tenderness on Dick’s face, or the poorly disguised delight on Tim’s. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, or burning from it.
Dick had never kissed Damian.
He knew that Damian hated it, and he respected that, Dick wanted to make him feel safe and comfortable. Damian knew this.
He was beginning to hate it.
It had been fine at first, the physical distance between them; it made him feel like less of a child and more of a partner. He had wanted it, and had felt satisfied each time Dick refrained from touching him as affectionately as he clearly wanted to. He had thought it meant that Dick was valuing him. He was: Dick was keeping what Damian wanted as a priority, but this wasn’t what Damian wanted anymore.
Damian had never thought that this would be how he finally lost to Tim Drake.
That he would lose with only four kisses and a soft, nearly unnoticeable smile.
-
“Why do you coddle him?”
They were in the bunker now, and Tim was in Dick’s room, in the penthouse. Resting.
“He’s injured, Damian, Just let him rest.” Dick yawned into a fist, and Damian didn’t care that he was obviously stressed out.
It wasn’t fair.
“You shouldn’t….” He stopped himself, what shouldn’t Dick do? Treat Tim more gently than he treated Damian? Chase after him so much? Care so deeply? It all sounded terrible, and cloying.
“I shouldn’t what, Damian?”
“He’s on his own now. He’s said as much himself.”
“Because he’s not Robin anymore?”
“It’s not him that’s Robin right now. I’m your only Robin.” Worry about me, he’s not your responsibility.
Damian regretted saying that immediately, because of course the fire that Tim Drake had lit wasn’t done burning.
“He was my Robin once, for a short time.”
Of course.
"Bruce was down with a broken back. From Bane, you know? Tim and I took over. It’s actually how we got so close."
Envy. Hatred. Fuel to the fire.
“Damian? Are you alright?”
“Was he better than me? You think he was, don’t you?”
“Damian? No, that’s not—“
“Is it because you think he’s kind to you? Because he’s not,”
“What are you saying, Damian?”
“Is that why Tim’s special?” He couldn’t stop, he probably wasn’t even making sense anymore, “Is that why Todd hates him? Is that why Todd hates you?”
“Damian, you stop right there."
Damian heard the danger in Dick’s voice, and knew he had gone too far in mentioning Jason.
He turned to leave, thinking that he was done now, that any chance he had of beating Drake was—
Who was he kidding?
This wasn’t about Tim. It probably never had been.
-
Tim heard Dick yelling on his way out of the elevator, and flinched. Dick would tell him off for being out of bed, but he just had one last thing to finish. He promised.
But then, Dick looked sort of busy, he might not notice. Tim tried to understand what was happening.
“IS IT?” That was a scary face Dick was making, and Damian looked horrified, and confused.
“ANSWER ME, DAMIAN! Why won’t you answer? It’s a simple question-- OH GOOD. Tim, you should be in bed. You’re injured. But tell me: IS MY LOVE A PIZZA?”
“What the hell?” Not this again. Tim was embarrassed, but also nostalgic; he remembered this.
“TIM.”
Damian looked helpless, and rather distant, like he was trying to wish himself away. Tim didn’t really blame him. He had had the pizza conversation with Dick before.
Tim sighed, and gave in, because it was in Damian’s best interests. He probably needed to hear this as much as Tim had needed to, back when he was worried about just being a replacement Robin.
Maybe even Jason had heard this ridiculous speech before, maybe Jason had scowled and glowered when Dick spent too much time at Titan tower.
“No, Dick, your love is not a pizza.”
“Then why do you people keep assuming you can take slices and leave less of it than there was? Do you think I give away slices like they’ll run out? Is it a ‘oh Tim got a piece, so obviously my piece is going to be smaller’ type of thing? Damian won’t answer, so Tim, why is this?”
“Because we’re insecure, and we need you to reassure us,” Tim deadpanned, and he rolled his eyes, because seriously. He didn’t need this speech. Damian did.
“EXACT—oh Tim, that’s really sad.”
“The speech, Dick.”
Dick turned back to Damian, and Tim decided he’d leave them to it. Damian wouldn’t take it well if Tim stayed to hear.
-
“I love you.”
Damian felt the heat rise in his face, because he wanted this, but then again he didn’t want to hear it spoken out loud.
“I love you so much.” Dick put his hands on Damian’s shoulders, his gaze serious and his face wasn’t tender at all. He looked formidable, almost terrifying. This wasn’t how Damian thought it would go.
“My love for you doesn’t take away from loving Tim, or Jason, or Cass, or Bruce, and my love for them doesn’t make me love you any less, because love isn’t a pizza party, Damian.”
Damian groaned, because this was horrible, and it was wonderful.
“You don’t run out of slices.”
Damian covered his face, and heaven help Gotham if this was Batman.
“I love you so much Damian, you’re so perfect, but don’t you love your mom?”
Damian nodded, sobering a little. Mother. He loved mother. He loved her, and he missed her, and… He knew where this was going.
“Do you love me any less because of how much you love her? Do you like being Robin less? Do you have to pick whether or not you’re going to love me, if you also love her?”
Damian shook his head, scowling, and blushing.
“Then you understand better than Tim did, when he first heard this. I’m sorry that I haven’t shown you how much I care. I really thought you didn’t want that.”
Damian was mortified, because he had been figured out, and now Dick knew. Dick knew.
“I’m sorry I made you feel that Tim— that anyone was more important to me than you. I love you all so much, but I can forget sometimes that maybe you need reminding.”
“That’s not it.” Damian knew Dick was lying, none of this was his fault, Dick never let anyone doubt that he loved them. It was Damian that had decided he wanted something different, after spending too long watching Dick pour affection into Tim.
“Shh, I’m giving you a way out, please take it.” Dick cleared his throat, “I’m so sorry Damian, that I made you feel unloved. I’ll try harder to show you that I love you.” Dick raised his eyebrows at him expectantly.
Damian played along, his face still hot and his palms rather sweaty: “I accept your apology, and I hope you’ll change your behavior to avoid such misunderstandings in the future.”
Never let it be said that Damian lacked a sense of humor, or an imagination.
“I’ll do my utmost.”
Damian nodded, and took a breath.
“About what I said…”
“Forget it.”
“He— maybe he does know.”
“He knows I loved him, he knew when he was Robin, but sometimes I wonder if he knows that I still do.”
Damian wasn’t fond of Jason, but he rather pitied him now. Although maybe it was fair, because Jason had had Dick and Bruce all to himself for years, with no competition. Tim lived in Jason’s shadow, and Damian now had to share with both of them.
Damian looked at Dick, and thought that this wasn’t good thinking at all. So he closed his eyes, and let himself be kissed and held, knowing that Dick was making almost the same face he had made last night with Tim.
Almost, because Dick’s smile was weighted with wistful sadness, but his eyes were bright with suppressed laughter.