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“Jeonghan, don’t eat so fast, you’ll choke to death.” Seungcheol chuckled as he stared at the long haired man stuffing pasta down his throat. “But I’m hungry……” Jeonghan replied, his mouth full of food. “Then choke to death you bitch.” Seungcheol’s face changed into Jihoon’s angry one. Despite having pastel pink hair, his glare was sharp and piercing. “How dare you steal my boyfriend away from me.” The pink haired man said. Just as sudden as the change from Seungcheol’s face to Jihoon, Jihoon’s features morphed to Joshua’s cat-like eyes and soft smile. Except this Joshua was nothing but soft. Face full of disgust, Joshua spoke quietly. “Yoon Jeonghan you whore. You deserved to be dumped. Why would I even date you in the past, I don’t know.” Joshua’s words were like nails scratching on a metal plate, sending shivers down Jeonghan’s back. “Yoon Jeonghan you slut.” “Yoon Jeonghan I hate you.” Faces of people close to him started appearing and they were all chanting hurtful words.
“Jeonghan hyung, wake up!” Mingyu shoved Jeonghan, trying to wake his hyung up from his nightmares. “No! I am not a whore! Don’t leave me…” Jeonghan shouted in his sleep. “Jeonghan!” Mingyu shook the male’s shoulder hard. “No!” Jeonghan awoke with a start, shivering uncontrollably. “Jeonghan hyung, you should go see a therapist. Your nightmares are getting worse.” Mingyu said as he handed a glass of water to Jeonghan. “It’s alright. It’s my punishment after all. There’s nothing I can do about it.” Jeonghan spoke tiredly. The nightmares never left him since the day everything went wrong. Yeah, he deserved this. It was his fault anyways. His fault for breaking Seungcheol and Jihoon apart. His own mistake for dumping Joshua just to fulfill his own selfishness. And it was his ultimate wrong to have wrecked his relationship with Seungcheol. Way to go Yoon Jeonghan, he thought.
***
People always want things that they don’t have. For Jeonghan it was Jihoon’s lover, the ever famous Choi Seungcheol. Even if he was already in a relationship with Joshua who was the perfect boyfriend that everyone wishes for, he wasn’t satisfied. He liked how Seungcheol carried himself. Always with ease and swagger, confident. Joshua was soft spoken and gave into Jeonghan’s every whims, staying by his side quietly as he let the Jeonghan shine. Jeonghan had no idea how many times he had fallen asleep thinking about Seungcheol’s eyes and lips instead of Joshua. He felt sorry for Joshua, who had been by his side for years but there was nothing he could do to stop his heart.
“Shua-ya, let’s break up. I can’t continue like this anymore.” He said on the day before their 5th anniversary, not wanting to cling onto the relationship any longer. He wanted change. He wanted Choi Seungcheol. “Why so sudden, Jeonghan?” Joshua asked, honey-like voice trembling. “I don’t love you like that anymore. Cliché as it sounds, it’s the truth.” Jeonghan said and without another word or glance, left the restaurant, leaving behind a dumbfounded Joshua. Jeonghan returned everything significant in their relationship, including a bracelet that Joshua gave him during their 3rd anniversary in a box with a post-it note in it. “Sorry Shua-ya. You can hate me all you like but I would hate myself even more if I continued to pretend that I am still romantically in love with you. But I really loved you. Just not anymore.”
A month later it became known to the whole campus that Choi Seungcheol dumped Lee Jihoon, his long term boyfriend for Yoon Jeonghan. There were people who scolded Jeonghan for being a relationship wrecker, but majority of them thought that Seungcheol looked good together with Jeonghan compared to the grumpy Jihoon. There were also people who believed that if Seungcheol would dump Jihoon, he will dump Jeonghan in the future and they might get a chance to be with him. Jihoon wasn’t stunned at all when Seungcheol left him for Jeonghan. He could already see it happening when he saw the way Seungcheol looked at Jeonghan when they first met and the way Jeonghan subtly flirted with his boyfriend. Jihoon knew that even though Seungcheol loved him, he was still unfit for the man. Jeonghan was someone better for the famous and flamboyant Choi Seungcheol. He gave up the fight with his heart and agreed to leave without a word.
***
If you ask Seungcheol, the largest flaw that Yoon Jeonghan has was probably the emptiness in his heart that was always constant. “Jeonghan, you can’t snatch things away from their owners just because you want it, honey.” Seungcheol would always say tiredly when the man whined about something their friends had and he doesn’t. Even so, he loves Jeonghan with all his heart. “But that’s how we got together, no?” Jeonghan retorted. “Honey, that’s because Jihoon left willingly.” It pains Seungcheol to say it out loud but what could he do. It was both their choices. He couldn’t stop himself from falling in love with Jeonghan and he too could not stop Jihoon from leaving him. He could still remember the small frame shaking as he left without looking back at him. It hurts as Jihoon had been there for him during his weakest, but his heart already belonged to Jeonghan.
“Jeonghan-ah, I’m back!” Seungcheol shouted as he dragged along his suitcase to their shared bedroom. He had just gotten back from a long trip back home and he missed his lover dearly. He heard scrambles as he neared the room, and what awaited him when he opened the door was something he feared deeply. Jeonghan was putting on his pants as a woman was struggling with her dress. “What is this Jeonghan? Tell me. What. Is. This.” It took all of his self-control to not hit Jeonghan or the woman. “You… you were gone for a long time and I was bored…” Jeonghan said timidly, afraid of the sudden change in Seungcheol’s eyes. He has never before seen the man in such a state. It frightens him. “Are you really that desperate that you’ll sleep with a random woman?” He shouted. “But… You weren’t by my side when I needed you Cheollie.” Jeonghan pouted as if it was all Seungcheol’s fault. “We’ve been through this Jeonghan. No taking things that don’t belong to you. That’s it. We are over.” Seungcheol slammed the door and left the house, dragging his suitcase behind him.
Jeonghan never realized how huge an impact Seungcheol had in his life. He never once thought that he would leave him either. He thought they would be together forever and ever. Tears slid down Jeonghan’s cheeks as he hugged his pillow, trying to smother the sobs. His heart hurt when he recalled Seungcheol’s angry and hurt look. Why? He has never been like this with others before. Not even when they dumped him because they couldn’t take his terrible habits. Only Seungcheol stayed by his side even though he was flighty.
The breakup broke not only their relationship, but Jeonghan too. It forced him to grow overnight and to blame himself. He didn’t eat and cried constantly, but what? Seungcheol would never go back to him anymore. He’d hurt Seungcheol, and not only that, but people who cared for him like Joshua or Jihoon. He didn’t have the courage to see them or contact them. Day by day, he grew weaker and that angel like shine to his features was gone. He was ridden with nightmares as soon as he fell asleep. And that was the state Kim Mingyu found his hyung in when he came to Seoul to live with him under his parent’s orders. It gave him quite a shock to see how someone so beautiful become someone who might shatter into pieces any moment.
***
“Wonwoo, what can I do about Jeonghan hyung?” Mingyu sighed in his lover’s arms after putting Jeonghan back to bed. The three now lives together but no one really knew how to deal with Jeonghan. He wallowed in his sorrow and dreams, living in his own world. “Nothing Mingyu. We can only take care of him unless he decides to move on. And that’s hyung for you, I am still older than you!” Mingyu giggled but his troubled expression told Wonwoo that would not let go of the matter. “Mingyu yah, just leave this matter to Jeonghan hyung. Because even if he cries a thousand tears, nothing will change.” Wonwoo spoke softly and hugged Mingyu even tighter. His lover was a precious bean and for that he will protect him with his life.