Chapter Text
You had known the Winchesters for what felt like the beginning of time, Mary had been best friends with your mother and both were hunters until agreeing with Azazel for a normal life to bring back John Winchester and Caroline, your aunt aka your mother’s sister. After both dying in their untimely deaths you and the Winchesters went out to find the demon who had killed your mother and then later on your aunt as well as Jessica Moore, Sam’s girlfriend.
You weren’t a cruel person, you knew that the death of Jessica would tear Sam apart but you couldn’t help to not be so sad that he would be hunting again, that it would be the three of you together trying to find John. Maybe also the fact that you lost your aunt anyway made you realize that your mothers deal was a waste anyway, so you wanted to throw yourself right into the deep end of hunting.
Maybe also the deep end of falling in love with Sam Winchester, again. Okay so you weren’t some love sick idiot (at least that’s what you told yourself) you just couldn’t help falling for Sam. In the beginning everyone, yourself included would have said that if you were gonna end up with any of the Winchesters it would definitely be Dean, not just because of your slightly closer age difference but because you and Dean had so much in common. You both listened to classic rock, doing Sam’s head in with replaying the same AC/DC records over and over again, both you and Dean shared an unhealthy obsession with fast food (pun intended) if it weren’t for the job of hunting you were convinced that you and Dean would be well over obese by now.
Not only that but you and Dean both shared a lot of similarities in your personalities, you both had over 110% sass, the best comebacks known to man, you were obsessed with the same TV shows and if possible the only exercise ever done was training.
To anyone else you were the perfect couple, but to you and Dean you might as well have been brother and sister, twins possibly.
Then there was Sam Winchester, you and him were so opposite that if you would have been in WW2 Sam would be German and you would be English. Sam loved all that stupid exercise stuff, he watched boring TV shows and barely listened to music, Sam ate rabbit food and was just too damn tall, but you loved it. Just because you were so different, it didn’t mean that you didn’t get along – you and Sam were practically best friends. Then Sam went of to Stanford which pissed you off probably even more than it did Dean, it was then when you made yourself fall out of love with Sam it didn’t really work but you convinced yourself that it did. You made yourself forget about the shaggy haired, doe eyed puppy dog, you denied the fact that during different light spectrum’s Sam’s eyes changed colour and you almost begged the doctor’s to lobotomise you so that you’d forget that one time when Sam walked out of the shower in just a towel because you’d had to share a motel room.
Then the demon wrecked all your progress by killing Jess and sending Sam back on the road with you and Dean to help look for John. Sure the whole thing with Jessica burned like a hot rod in the back, but you tried your best to ignore it – and then she died which stirred uncomfortable and unwelcome feelings of relief within you. You had developed a crush on Sam at about the age of 17, Sam was 14 at the time which made it seem so wrong but he was such an early developer, any time before that was trying to work on a crush toward Dean but there was just nothing there. Then it was about four years ago Sam was 18 and you were 21, you were alone for once and squatting in an abandoned house whilst waiting for John and Dean to get back from a Rugaru hunt, you found an old record player and John had left the Impala opting for a truck instead, you and Sam found some old Elvis L P’s and began playing them. ‘Can’t help falling in love’ came on and you and Sam were dancing away, you couldn’t dance but somehow Sam could and he taught you – this was something you had in common, you both loved Elvis. This was also the moment that you fell in love with Sam, he was barely an adult and it felt so weird too you but you couldn’t help it, then that year he announced that he was going to Stanford and you barely heard from him for four years until now.
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Now, you were sat in the back of the Impala because of course Sam gets shot gun even though he hasn’t been here and you were riding up front for the last several months. Sam’s been back with you and Dean for about a month now and the tension between the two of you is almost unbearable, Dean pulls into the parking lot of a diner “why did you stop I thought we were heading on?” You ask, impatient to find John so that some order can get restored.
“I stopped because I’m starving sweetheart, and I know that you and Sam haven’t eaten for about a day so if you can stop hating on each other and making it awkward as hell for me, I’m gonna get some grub, up to you if you come with me” with that he got out the Impala slamming it closed and walking up to the diner.
An uncomfortable silence fell between you and Sam, just as you were about to leave he spoke up “it’s been two months now Y/N, you can’t still be mad at me for going to Stanford, even Dean’s forgiven me.”
You shook your head “yeah well I’m not Dean am I? You left without any consideration for how it would make me feel Sam. I thought we were friends-.”
“We are friends” he butts in interrupting you.
“Then I find out that you’ve got Law school lined up, as well as a girlfriend of what three years? That you were no doubt gonna propose to and then what Sam? Live a nice apple-pie life leaving me and Dean behind? You didn’t even try to contact me!” It was true, since Sam left he spoke to Dean a little and maybe you once but he hardly bothered.
“Oh come on, it wasn’t like that Y/N, I wasn’t trying to leave you or Dean, I just wanted a chance at a normal life what’s so bad about that?” He asked awkwardly turning to face you from the front seat.
'It wasn’t with me, that’s what’s so bad about it’ you wanted to say so badly, but knew that you just couldn’t. “You know better Sam, I’m sorry about what happened to Jessica I really am but no hunter gets a real life, you should know that of all people” you said thinking of both your mothers.
“I never wanted this Y/N” he began to say, but you cut in wanting to end the conversation.
“None of us did, you think I wanted to hunt the monsters under my bed? You think Dean enjoyed practically raising you because of how hell bent on revenge John is that he forgets he has kids instead of soldiers half of the time? I understand it’s difficult Sam but why should you get the out that we all deserve?” With that you left the car and began walking up to the diner, maybe it was harsh considering what Sam was going through but you were going through the same, your aunt had just died. Shaking your head you pushed open the door and began scanning the room for Dean, you were not going to fall for Sam Winchester, not this time, not again, you were just going to focus on finding John and the son of a bitch who killed your family because feelings for Sam would hold you back, and you weren’t going to be held back anymore.