Chapter Text
It started in the summer when the warm sun’s blaze was interrupted by a shadow and a voice. A voice with this unique rasp like you’ve never heard before, so much so that it catches you off guard with it’s femininity. You’re used to guys coming over and asking to kick around or boldly ask for drinks, because apparently that works on most girls, so when you hear that rasp you falter. Suddenly you remember you’re being spoken to, and have just missed whatever the enchanting voice said.
You open your eyes, to quickly, causing you to quickly blink and adjust to the bright sunlight as you mutter, “every damn time.” And in those few split seconds you’ve forgotten that whoever spoke is still there, waiting.
“Whoa now, flirting already?” The voice says in a teasing manner.
“Nah, you wish,” is your reply as you stand.
Now that you’re standing you can finally take in the stranger who interrupted the monotonous routine you have recently found yourself slipping into. As you take her, in you immediately notice the worn Cal Women’s Soccer cut-off. “Cal? Did you play there?” You ask just as your eyes land on the purest blue you’ve only ever seen in surfing magazines.
“I did, starting forward.” She replies.
And it’s then, that you realize you don’t know her name, or whatever she said when she first captured your attention. “I’m Tobin, and not to be rude, but I didn’t catch your name or whatever you were saying. I was uh… lost in thought.” You say, as you mentally thank God for not having word vomit and mentioning that that-thought was of her.
“It’s okay, I didn’t introduce myself anyways. I’m Alex, and it’s nice to meet you Tobin.” She says with not only the rasp, but a smirk.
You didn’t know it that day, but you would learn in the coming months that it was her calling card. Every time she was up to something it always graced her features.
“Well, Alex, can I interest you in a little one-vs-one?” You ask as you pop the ball you were resting your head on into your arms.
Chuckling she agrees, especially since it is literally almost the exact same question she posed to you only minutes ago.
____________________
“Same time tomorrow?” You ask breathlessly, after she scores on you for what feels like the umpteenth time.
“Totally, best competition I’ve had since I don’t know when.”
She won that game, but you shocked her by not making it easy. You want to ask her for her number, but you don’t. You also want to ask her for dinner since the sun is beginning to set, but you don’t. You don’t know her from Adam, and don’t want to think you’ve been misinterpreting the flirtation in her voice, or the way she was extremely competitive and all over you, but you part with hope that maybe tomorrow you will.
That’s how it continues for the rest of the week, meeting at 3 o’clock, by the bench on the far side of the open grass that looks out at the calm Organ coast. You’ve been dodging Alex’s questions for the past four days, and you know if you don’t tell her where your “mad skills” came from, she may just lay you out. Little did you realize just how right you were.
You’re startled when she sneaks up and says, “I have a proposition.”
“I’m all ears,” you say not knowing where this is leading.
“If I win today, you tell me how you’re so good. Annnnd for every goal I score, I get to ask you a question.”
You should hesitate and think about how little she knows, and how much she could find out, but you don’t. “That’s fine if I can get a question for every goal I score. Buuuuut if I win, I get to ask you 20 questions at dinner tomorrow night.”
She smirks and accepts. And that day you find out to never underestimate the competitive nature of Alex Morgan. It’s also the day that you jump head first into the unknown.
“So Alex are you read for me to reveal the history that is Tobin Powell Heath?”
“I am, but how about dinner? If I’m gunna make you reveal your deepest and darkest secrets, then I think I can at least buy you dinner.”
“Mystery number 1- I am always down to eat.” You reply without any hint of embarrassment over the little fact.
“Great, how about I pick you up in about 2 hours?” She says with a small and what you think is a shy smile.
“That sounds great,” you say with a smile.
Running over to retrieve her phone you enter your contact information and address as you silently fist pump in your head. Taking back her phone, she calls your phone so you have her number, and you begin to start parting ways. You’ve almost made it off the grass when she yells, “Oh! And Tobin, that mystery doesn’t count.”
You smile and shake your head, “I wouldn’t dare Alex.”
That night she takes you to a sushi bar in the arena district and you find yourself lost in this girl; her smile, her voice, and of course her eyes, but its more than that. There’s so much more to her then her body, her mind is… something you cant even find words for at the moment. While Alex is in the bathroom, you can’t really describe this sensation, until you glance at you watch and ponder how the last 53 minutes have felt like 10.
She returns and with her return so does the conversation, it flows like alcohol at an open bar wedding, and like that open bar the restaurant begins to show signs of closing. She pays, though not after you put up a fight that leads to an intense duel of rock-paper-scissor.
The evening ends and as you exit the car, where you feel as if there has been some shift in your atmosphere, but you push the sensation away as you say goodnight and thank her for everything that has been today.
Over the next few weeks things progress, and the daily pick up games in the park turn to morning runs followed by coffee before she heads to her environmental developing firm and you to the advertising agency. The conversation doesn’t stop at coffee; there are emails, phone calls, and text messages that seem to occupy your thoughts almost constantly. And they continue to do so as the weeks turn to months.
___________________
You have always been coasting through life, enjoying friendships and short relationships when it was simple and easy. Never thinking you needed someone, or more like, there just wasn’t someone out there for you. You had accepted that, but Alex- Alex makes you start to think differently. It scares you, that feeling of vulnerability on a number of levels, such as being so open and honest and trusting of someone else, of you. It’s a feeling that begins to consume you.
You want to ask, where you stand but you’re afraid to know the truth. You don’t think it’s one sided, the flirting and the signs that she cares for you as more than just a friend are there. Yet you don’t know how much she really means it. Sure you’ve casually dated before, but those girls were different, they weren’t Alex. And that thought makes you wonder, all the time, if you’re just wishing for what you want.
It’s on a night like tonight, where you have just gotten home from going to Alex’s company Thanksgiving potluck as her plus one, that you get tired of the constant questions that plague your mind. So after rationalizing that if you can wear a dress for this girl, then you can have the balls to ask where you stand. So you do.
From Tobs-
“Hey”
From Alex-
“Hey! What’s up”
From Tobs-
“You’d be my sun, you’d be light, if I were a simple man”
From Alex-
“What… are those lyrics?
From Tobs-
“yeah”
From Alex-
“What are you really saying?”
You sit and stare, as you feel your heart picking up speed. You try to maintain your composure and finally you finish the message and send it before you can change your mind.
From Tobs-
“Well I think I’m asking you to be my girlfriend”
From Alex-
“You think or you are?”
Her response sends you over the moon and back and then back to the moon again. You actually have to remind yourself that you haven’t answered yet, nor has she really.
From Tobs-
“I am. Will you be my girlfriend, and let me take you out tomorrow afternoon?”
From Alex-
“Sometime”
You’re taken aback and you panic, but she saves you from it’s consumption.
From Alex-
That’s a yes, you goofball
And now your face hurts because you have a smile that rivals that of the winner of the World Cup.
From Tobs-
“Then why did you say sometime?!”
From Alex-
“Because it’s the name of the song. Well almost, I did leave off the S”
The fact that she knew the song causes you to smile that much wider.
_______________________
You take her out to dinner, and she looks stunning in a short black dress, which you are thankful for. Not only because she can, quite frankly, rock the dress, but because you have surprised her with tickets to see the Trans Siberian Orchestra at the opera house. The smile she makes when you stop and park in a shady parking lot will forever rival the shocked expression she makes when you walk up to the will-call box office.
“How did you plan this?” She asks when you walk back over to her.
“I always pay attention to what you say… But in all seriousness I bought tickets back in October when you mentioned them in an email.”
“So was your plan to ask me out all this time?”
“No actually, but I’m happy I did.”
That’s when Alex Morgan kisses you for the first time, and you pray it won’t be the last. After staring into her eyes entirely to long than what is considered socially acceptable you wrap your arm around her waist and guide her to your seats.
“Me too.” She whispers, and you kind of just look at her until she continues. ‘I’m happy you asked me too.
The first date you planned went spectacular, and so do the others that follow, and before you know it the New Year is quickly approaching. Which excites you for the first time, ever. You’ve never had someone to share the holidays with, to share that New Year’s kiss with, and you can’t wait to start the year off with her.
You don’t expect it when you open the door, to see who is knocking so late a few days before Christmas. It’s Alex. She typically doesn’t just show up out of the blue, so you know something is amiss, especially since you haven’t talked to her since this morning before her 8 a.m. meeting. She walks in and towards the living room, where you follow.
She turns around, and there’s a look in her eye that tells you that you won’t like whatever she has to say. You sit down not ready for whatever is about to happen.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
You aren’t sure if you want to know, but you know you have to ask. “For what?”
“I accepted a position in Colorado.”
“Wh- what do you mean you accepted a position in Colorado.” After a pause you ask, “Where you ever going to tell me if you didn’t get the position?”
“No honestly.”
“Why? I’m your girlfriend Alex, don’t you think I should know if you plan to move across the country!”
She finally looks you in the eye. “I interviewed before we were dating.”
“Oh so that makes it okay? What about before then? We flirted for, like what 5 months! You didn’t think to slip that into one of our conversations then? It’s not hard to just be like, ‘Oh hey, by the way, I might be moving to Colorado!’” You’re so angry you have to get up and pace the length of the room.
Alex squares her shoulders. “I didn’t know what we would become Tobin. Yeah, I liked you and knew I wanted more but I had already applied and I honestly didn’t think I’d get the job. So I figured there was no reason to worry.”
You’re still angry and don’t know what to think. You know you need to talk about it, about the future, but you cant, not tonight. “I think you need to go Alex.”
The look on her face hurts, more then you could have ever imagined asking her to leave would. But you’re angry and not thinking straight so you tell her, “I just need space and to think when I’m not angry. It wouldn’t be fair to you or me. ”
She doesn’t fight you, she just wipes the tear that rolling down her left cheek and makes her way to the door. “Take your time Tobin, I know what I want… The ball’s in your court.”
You watch her walk out the door but you don’t hear it close, you’ve already escaped into your own mind.
She’s been gone for two hours and you want nothing to do but call her and hold her, but you can’t, you need the space. You need to decide. Can you do it, can you do the distance now that you know you wont be able to get coffee together before work or steal kisses right as she’s about to turn down Broadway towards her building. You don’t know.
__________________
So there goes my life
Passing by with every exit sign
It's been so long
Sometimes I wonder how I will stay strong
No sleep tonight
I'll keep on driving these dark highway lines
And as the moon fades
One more night gone, only twenty more days
It’s been a hard two days. The longest you have gone without talking to Alex, ever, and it’s that isolation that makes you realize you need to try at the very least.
But I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now
So you do what every fiber in your being has been craving since she walked out the door. You run, stopping at nothing until you’ve reached her office. As you ride the elevator to her floor, you realize you don’t know her schedule for the day and even in the office.
As you round the corner and see her office door is open you let out the air you’ve been keeping since the realization came to mind. Steeling yourself, you push the nerves of seeing her again since you asked her to leave, and knock on the door.
“Come in.”
You enter and she hasn’t looked up yet, but you just stand frozen, trying to decide if you should wait or just give in. You give in. Your body moves, acts, on it’s own accord. Once you’ve reached her desk she finally looks up, and you don’t waste a moment. Your lips connect and it’s as if you’re sharing your first kiss all over again, sweet and unrushed. Unfortunately, you require oxygen so you pull away and wipe the tear that falls from the Alex’s ocean blue eyes.
“I really hate seeing you cry,” you say. “And I hate even more that I am the cause.”
“Well you’re gunna hate me in a few minutes.”
“I don’t think I will,” you smile encouragingly.
“Can we sit down?” She asks. “Like on the floor, I don’t want my desk between us and I know those chairs are not comfortable. Period.”
You can’t help laughing. You’ve missed her bluntness. You’ve missed her. And that’s when you realize how hard the distance is gunna be. But you also know how much it’ll be worth it when you’re together. “Of course.”
“Sooo-” she starts. “I found out I have to leave the 27th of December for Colorado.”
“Wow.” And you’re stunned into a momentary silence, and all you can hear is your breathing. “That’s okay. We’ll make it. I know it.” But your heart is already aching at the thought of her leaving so soon.
“We have 5 days Tobin. I’m so sorry.” Alex says and you can tell she’s about to cry again, and that just wont do, because you can’t afford to fall apart too. Not with her present, you have to be strong.
“Shhh. It’s okay Alex, they’ll be 5 amazing days. Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to be explain yourself more, and I’m sorry I let my pride stand in the way of talking to you sooner.”
You hold her and you sit together, just being in each other’s company. After 15 minutes Alex says, “I took the rest of my time off after today. Do you want to too?”
It takes you no time to think about it, “Yes.”
____________________
Those 5 day’s were the best 5 days of your life, aside from meeting Alex and also asking her out of course. You haven’t really left her side, and you know it’s going to make it worse when she leaves but at the moment you don’t care. You just watch the beauty sleeping in your arms, trying to memorize every scar and freckle that has the opportunity to grace her skin.
The alarm sound, and she wakes looking disoriented and confused as to where she is since this is only the 4th time she has slept over. And you’ve decided that no matter what the distance is and how long they have to work with it, she’s always going to be worth it.
The time has come, and Alex has to get in line for security. You pull her in and hug her as if she is the last life jacket on the Titanic, which feels fairly accurate. You don’t have one of those obnoxious make out sessions, you took care of that this morning, no- you just look into her eyes. You see them getting watery, and bring your hands up to hold her cheeks so you can brush away the inevitable tears.
“I’m going to miss you.” And for the first time, you say how much she really means to you. “I honestly don’t know if it’s love, but I really, really, like-you like-you.”
She smiles, “I’m glad were on the same page.” She says as you see the storm brewing in her eyes.
She gives you one last kiss to last you till your first visit in January. You watch her go through security, and wait for her to look back at you before she heads to her gate.
And there goes my life
Passing by with every departing flight
And its been so hard
So much time, so far apart
You know you should leave, you are crying in the middle of the observation deck but you cant. You cant leave when you know she’s still here. She’s at least here is in the same building, all to soon she will be to far gone.
How many hearts will die tonight
And will things have changed
I guess I'll find out in seventeen days
But I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now
Because if you’re brutally honest with yourself, you don’t know how you’ll make it. And that scares you more and more each minute.
My body aches,
and it hurts to sing,
and no one is moving
And I wish that I weren't here tonight,
but this is my life
And I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now
And I will see you again
I will see you again a long time from now