Chapter Text
It had been a long time since Jim had felt this kind of trepidation, but standing at the foot of Spock’s bed he felt his stomach clench and his palms turn clammy. He wished Spock could have given up his quarters instead, at least Jim’s bed was a fraction bigger and maybe they would have more than an inch of space between them.
“Sorry about this Spock,” Jim said as he lay down behind Spock, pretty much an inch away. “I would have bunked with Bones but he gave up his quarters for a biobed.”
“It is unnecessary for you to apologise Jim, it is only for one night. I am sure we will survive.”
Jim wasn’t as optimistic. He’d had hours to prepare himself for this, but unfortunately he’d used most of that time to think about what Spock’s skin would feel like under his hands.
“Night Spock.”
“Good night Jim.”
Jim turned away from Spock — out of sight, out of mind after all — and tried to sleep. But the heat radiating from Spock’s body and the soft sound of his breathing reminded Jim too strongly of how close he was to what he wanted more than anything. He lay still for as long as possible but eventually started tossing and turning. And eventually Spock noticed.
“Jim?”
“Yeah?”
“I can get up and meditate until you fall asleep, if my presence is making it difficult.”
“No Spock, it’s not you.” Yes it fucking is. “I just have a lot on my mind. Sorry… I’ll try lie still.”
“Is there anything I can do to help you?”
God yes. “Nah Spock, I’ll be alright.”
He felt and heard Spock turning over towards him, and it took a lot for Jim not to do the same.
“Lie on your front Jim.”
He wanted to ask why but more than anything he wanted Spock to show him why, so he silently obliged. And he shuddered when he felt Spock’s hand touch his shoulder. Spock clearly thought nothing of it, and started moving his hand up and down Jim’s back. It was meant to be soothing but it was the exact opposite.
“Will this help you relax?” Spock asked, his up and down motions becoming circular.
“Yeah,” Jim replied, not even sure what his voice sounded like anymore.
“Will it help you to fall sleep?”
Not a fucking chance. “Yeah… definitely.”
So Spock carried on. And Jim lay there, taking every drop of sweet torture, and wondering how this could possibly end in anything other than disaster. He didn’t get to think for long though, because with every pass Spock’s hand went a little bit higher, until his fingers grazed the naked skin of Jim’s neck. And if Jim made a sound Spock again thought nothing of it and carried on, making sure his fingers touched the nape of Jim’s neck every time after that.
Jim was beyond messed up, and any chance of getting out of this with his dignity intact was quickly slipping away. And then it was gone altogether.
Spock slipped his hand under Jim’s shirt and there was definitely a noise and it was much too loud for them to pretend it didn’t happen. Yet Spock somehow did, and dragged his hand across Jim’s naked skin. With no fabric separating them the heat from Spock’s hand felt overwhelming.
Jim was pretty sure he was breathing too loud, and Spock was probably going to notice that he wasn’t any closer to falling asleep. But it had gone way too far for Spock to not know what he was doing. He knew exactly what he was doing to Jim. But that didn’t matter, because Spock was his first officer and his friend and there were consequences to this ending in disaster.
“Spock…”
“Yes Jim?”
“I think I’m good now.”
“As you wish Jim.” Spock slid his hand off much too slowly. “Goodnight.”
“Night.”
Jim turned on his side, again away from Spock, and resigned himself to not getting much sleep.
And he didn’t, at all. Because moments later Spock’s hand was on his shoulder again, and this time it was firm and it pulled until Jim lay on his back. And then Spock’s lips pressed into his — hesitantly, but only at first. And nothing Spock did after that was hesitant, not when Jim moaned in approval and pulled him close. And then Jim was very thankful for the smaller bed.