oh, this was so so excellent. i LOVE the absolute wild and crazy swings slade and dick make here. "You haven't changed a bit," / "How about later tonight I show you just how little I've changed?" to breaking his LEG within seconds. my god. i love how slade's fondness and utter ruthlessness are not mutually exclusive—and neither are dick's hatred and need for slade's approval. it's so messy and visceral and toxic. despite it being so plainly abusive you can also see why dick still feels the way he does about slade, and you walk that line really masterfully
the pacing was really good, and the nonlinear structure helped a lot! i liked the choice to tell it in order of increasing suspicion from his friends/family and increasingly vulnerable peeks we get into dick's mental state about the whole thing.
and god the convo with babs about "rose" made me go insane. you paint such a clear picture of dick's self-critical hypocrisy here—he would never hold it against rose (or cass, or jason, or jade, or or or) but expects everyone to hold his time as renegade against him. when this comes up later with cass i'm like dick! you are so close to getting it...! His "full capability" is something dark and ugly and— / Powerful. And Powerful. — and then wondering if cass feels rotten inside or if she feels powerful.... i'm biased because i love cass and i love the friendship between them but that part realllly got me.
("You don't have to be tied to him," Dick told Rose once. "You get to choose who you are, who he is to you. He doesn't have any control over you without your permission." He's shocked she never really called him out on all his bullshit.) — such an effective sum-up of dick's simultaneous desire to help others make the right choices and disappointment about his perceived failure to, his belief in others and lack of belief in himself! it's so casually heartwrenching.
"There you are, kid," Slade purrs, as Dick lets Slade push him higher and higher, forcing Dick out of his "play pretend" as Slade would call it, hitting the next gear in the way only a fight with Slade can make him. "There you are. Now give me some more." — oh my god... this whole line. slade here is so sleazy and manipulative and inflammatory and... hot. very hot. you make him so awful and yet so so compelling, it is not surprising why dick is completely GOT by him.
then following it up with Dick does as he's told, just as he always does. — god, his voice comes across so strongly here. you can feel his self-loathing and desire and his self-loathing about his desire. same later, when slade calls him "mine" ...!!
overall such an incredible read, thank you for sharing!!!!
Comment on I Am What I Am
cheju Mon 09 Dec 2024 01:32AM UTC
Last Edited Mon 09 Dec 2024 01:33AM UTC
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