Chapter Text
“Hey Bakubabe.” Kirishima said casually as he patted the spot beside him, inviting Bakugou to sit with him.
“Don’t tell me what to do, shitty hair.” His voice had come out more abrasive than jokingly than he had intended but Kirishima seemed unfazed. He was too tired, he didn’t have the strength to lighten the mood and feared the Kiri had sensed it despite his smiling face that gave nothing away. He walked toward Kiri almost mechanically and sat beside him, their shoulders barely brushing against each other as he looked at the ground. He didn’t want Kirishima to see the hurt and pain in his eyes, he knew it wouldn’t escape him. The shadows under his eyes were too grave to be missed by him even in such dim moonlight. Kirishima may be the one person that Bakugou kept close but that didn’t mean he didn’t fear losing him sometimes. He knew his boyfriend would jump to help him but he didn’t know how to tell him. He didn’t want to tell him. Kirishima was responsible, he would tell an adult, perhaps All Might or Eraserhead then soon enough everyone else would find out too, then there would be questions and pity and too much attention focused on him. He didn’t want to deal with that. He didn’t trust adults as it was and this...this was really something he didn’t want getting out.
“Baku?” Kirishima asked with a hint of concern in his voice
“Are you ok?” Is what Bakugou had heard. He refrained from saying the words out loud, because honestly who wouldn’t be annoyed by such a pointless question, but the tone in which he spoke his name was enough to convey the message. Bakugou shrugged but didn’t look up. He didn’t want to tell Kiri what was wrong, he wasn’t ready yet. Kirishima seemed to notice the shift in tension and put an arm around him slowly so as to not startle him. Kiri was the only person he had allowed to touch him in any sort of friendly manner, outside of battle, without freaking out and attacking. He had been too paranoid and had too little trust in people’s intentions to let them get close neither physically nor emotionally. Above all, he didn’t want to be betrayed or disappointed by people and their lack of commitment to him because they couldn’t handle every aspect of him or they just wanted to fix him . A few names and faces in particular came to mind: Mitsuki the hag with her sneering face full of satisfaction when she found a way to pin the blame onto Bakugou for anything, Best Jeanist’s disappointment when Bakugou failed to socialise or be civil in public, his father’s helplessness in front of his wife, his indecisiveness when when it came to difficult but important choices for Katsuki’s benefit, his attempts at supporting Katsuki that are nice at the time but ultimately meaningless, Todoroki the bastard that got him in this mess and Deku...Deku’s pity-filled eyes that always seemed to look down on him.
“You looked like you were asking for help”
Bakugou cringed at the memory. Then his mind wandered to All Might, his idol, who had only seen the best in him but had picked the shitty quirkless fanboy over him, and Eraserhead who had only said good things about him after he had been kidnapped seeming as if he meant every last one but when the hag embarrassed Baku in front of him and All Might, he had been silent.
He never really meant it.
A voice in Katsuki’s mind whispered. He only said all that because he didn’t want the school to have a bad name. Katsuki couldn’t blame him for doing his job but it still sucked. His mind saw flashing images of the sports festival again, his fight with Todoroki, his body tied to a post and his mouth muzzled as he tried to fight free. Then the heaps of letters that had arrived addressing his savagery, his incapability to become a hero, his fight with Floaty pink cheeks that had left him with the title of “woman beater”.
Nobody said shit about how she had nearly killed him. For as long as he could remember, Katsuki had to fight for what he wanted, he had to prove himself at every turn, show that his quirk wasn’t just destructive but versatile and that he would learn to make it so.
Nobody saw that all he wanted was a fair fight and the effort he was putting in to get that, but no, that Todobastard got off with an easy quit, no one called him a coward, no one mocked him, partly because he was the number 2 hero’s son and everything was practically handed to him on a silver platter, partly because Bakugou was easy to target. Everything that had happened had been pinned on him but that IcyHot freak didn’t face any punishment because he wasn’t directly linked to anything. He made Katsuki’s blood boil, that freak irritated the crap out of him, he hated him. If it hadn’t been for him then he wouldn’t have to deal with all this shit. He could practically feel his anger resonating through the room as he searched for more ways to deflect blame on someone else.
He felt Kiri’s grip tighten on his shoulder as he pulled him closer and buried his face in Bakugou’s hair. As if he could read Bakugou’s thoughts and wanted to calm him down, tell him that he was right here, reassure him that he wasn’t going anywhere. He didn’t resist the affection, at least they weren’t talking. Kiri knew when Bakugou wanted silence, not everything had to be discussed, sometimes silence was better for both of them so he didn’t pry. He had known that dating Bakugou came with a cost and that cost was time and patience to allow Bakugou to get rid of his walls and let Kirishima in. Bakugou wouldn’t let anyone close and he knew that, and he was okay with it. That was one of the reasons Bakugou loved him. He didn’t expect anything from him. He didn’t require something in exchange for his love, he just loved him with no conditions as he should, as love should be. He didn’t need any privileges, he just didn’t want to be pushed away. He wanted Bakugou to be able to rely on him, to know that he would always be there for him, and that if he wasn’t ready to share then he didn’t have to, he could take all the time he wanted because Kiri wasn’t going anywhere. Tears stung Bakugou’s eyes, how could anyone love him this much? He didn’t deserve it.
He leaned further into Kirishima as if he could simply melt into him, Kirishima absently stoked his spiky blonde hair, leaving light kisses on his head at intervals the way Bakugou liked. Bakugou closed his eyes, his eyelashes brushing against Kiri’s shirt. He had been so patient.
Kirishima was one of the few people that had caught Bakugou’s eye for reasons other than his strength. His valour, his treatment of those around him and his respect for personal space. He had never pushed Bakugou, only approached him a few times and made sure that he wasn’t putting Bakugou in an uncomfortable position, he understood that Bakugou didn’t like to talk about his feelings, sometimes he didn’t like to talk at all, and Kiri understood and respected that. Eventually (he hadn’t noticed when which was strange for Bakugou) Bakugou began to seek out Kirishima more, walking faster to cross him on the way to school, making eye contact with him and returning his wide toothy smile with an almost invisible quirk of his lip that only Kiri could see.
It was raining the day that Kirishima had found Bakugou jogging through the forest, his salty tears had blended with the rain but his sniffles and uneven breathing gave him away. Kirishima had approached Bakugou, clearly masking his concern, and gently tapped him on the shoulder. Bakugou didn’t remember reacting but the next thing he knew, his headphones had fallen out and his hands were at his sides as he crouched a little, almost hissing in Kirishima’s direction. He was shocked but Kiri was unfazed. He moved closer but Bakugou flinched away in shame. Kiri seemed a little hurt but he tried to hide it as best he could while assuring Bakugou that he’s alright. At this point Bakugou was on the floor hugging his knees to his chest and sobbing into his jumper, trembling with fear and embarrassment at the inability to hold back his tears.
Kiri sat beside him and lifted his chin so their eyes met. KIri had such honest eyes, genuine with concern. Bakugou had never felt this vulnerable in front of someone and did not want to run away, he felt as if he could say anything to Kiri but he didn’t. He bit his tongue and stayed silent. Kiri cupped his cheek with one hand and Bakugou felt himself leaning into that small level of contact and realised that for all his hardening ability and calloused hands that should have been rough and dry from training, his skin was warm and soft. He wiped Baku’s tears with his thumb.
“I’m here, Baku.”
Such gentleness in his voice, Baku had thought as he grabbed Kiri’s hand and squeezed it, his sobs intensified leading Kiri to shift closer and hold his wet face in both hands, carefully wiping away the tears. Once the crying had slowed down and Baku’s breathing was slightly more normal, they realised they were only inches apart. They both hesitated for a second, unsure if they should move away, they knew they didn’t want to. That’s when Bakugou saw Kiri blushing. He thought he had embarrassed him and immediately tried to move away, apologizing (which was unusual for him) but Kiri squeezed his hand, his eyes pleading. They didn’t need words to convey the message, Bakugou heard him, read his eyes and the raise of his eyebrows in desperation.
‘Don’t leave.’
Bakugou sat back down, this time his heart was beating fast. No one had ever...ever any of this. He didn’t have words to describe what he felt, the way Kiri relied on him, the way he let Bakugou rely on him, the gentleness in his hands when he touched Bakugou, the honesty in his voice when he told him that something wasn’t his fault, the desperation in his eyes as he willed Bakugou to believe he wanted him to stay. It made his body tingle with electricity, small sparks spread through chest and a rush of adrenaline but not the same as one before a fight, something more tender and intimate than that. Bakugou hadn’t realised his skin was streaked with salt again until Kiri drew him near and cupped his face again, only this time, he was giving Bakugou small kisses on his cheek, on his forehead, and on his nose. The feeling in his chest and the butterflies intensified but he didn’t pull away, he had never let someone this close to him.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to make you deal with me. I-”
Kiri’s grip got tighter but not in a way to cause pain, rather to convey what he wanted to say through the force of touch. “Baku, you are not a burden.”
Bakugou was taken aback. The raw emotion in his voice had moved Bakugou, making him even more emotional and trusting of Kirishima. No one had ever made him feel like this.
“Why?” He croaked
“Because I love you,” Kiri whispered, his voice surprisingly calm. Bakugou’s face had gone red, and Kiri’s had gone redder before he slapped a hand on his mouth.
Baku smiled at the memory. That was only 3 weeks ago and they had begun dating after that after realising that they both liked each other. Bakugou had always been alright with his sexuality but he had never talked about it, simply expected his partner to accept it too, though realistically he knew that wasn’t likely so seeing Kiri have the same reaction was adorable, not that he would say that out loud. Bakugou thought he deserved a little more credit for still staying here than had been offered to him.
They fell back on Bakugou’s bed, Baku curled up against Kiri’s side, syncing the rise and fall of their chests as he lay there unable to sleep, listening as Kiri’s breath evened out and he had drifted away.
Bakugou’s alarm rang and he reached over to his side to feel for Kiri. He wasn’t there. Baku sighed, of course he wasn’t there he’d probably left after Baku had fallen asleep, or he had gone for a shower after waking up a little earlier, or gone to train or…
No. It wasn’t a dream, Kirishima was here. He dug around the blankets in search of a sign of anything that proved he was there, that the words they had shared were not just something Bakugou had imagined. He paused, his hands brushed against something thin and sticky under the pillow. He pulled it out: it was a note, a quick scribble in that same familiar handwriting that had reached Bakugou so many times.
Went to beta track
didn’t want to wake you
Meet me there?
Kiri♡
Bakugou let out a shaky breath, it wasn’t a dream. Kiri knew Bakugou needed reassurance, he hadn’t forgotten even once to leave behind proof that he was there. Though Bakugou hadn’t told Kiri why he was so paranoid, why he doubted everything, Kiri knew what he had to do to help. Bakugou had let him. He fell backward onto the bed and hugged the pillow to his chest and nuzzled his face into it, when did he become so childish? He wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep, his bones were wary and his body shaking with anxiety, he wanted to stay in bed even if it meant nightmares or no sleep at all. No. He would not become lazy, that was for losers and he was a hero. He had to train to be the best even if he had to force himself to work to the extremes. Nothing came for free and Bakugou knew that when he decided he wanted to be a hero. With a surprising amount of effort he dragged himself out of bed, discarding his blanket and pillows in a heap. He had never been one to leave his room messy though that is what everyone expected, the thought of bowing to those expectations gave Baku a temporary drive to fold the sheets and clean. Once he had successfully sorted himself out he took a look in the full length mirror on his wall. He was wearing his regular black vest and camo shorts with white socks. There were shadows under his eyes. He looked...older, yet vulnerable still. He saw as his face contorted to disgust at the pathetic visage he saw. He ruffled his hair to make it spikier and practiced looking more normal or at least awake.
Maybe you should try smiling to yourself in the mirror
Best Jeanist’s voice rang in Baku’s ears and he scowled. He had hated his time with that stupid full-of-himself adult and didn’t need a constant reminder of his mockery when all he was trying to do was see his boyfriend. He plugged in his headphones and hit play on whatever god forsaken song played first. His mind stilled, his pulse steadied and his breathing paced with the beats.
“ Slow. ” he heard a voice in the back of his head, he couldn’t remember who had told him that music was a good outlet, that it could make something like running a little more relaxing while he still used it to spread out his very concentrated anger. He started with a small jog on the spot then left his room through the window, bending his knees and rolling over as he came in contact with the ground to spread the shock from impact. It had been one too many falls before Bakugou had taught himself to fall correctly, many buckled knees, bruised elbows and breath being knocked out of his lungs to learn to fall. Not fall, he reminded himself, descend. Heroes didn’t fall.
With that he jogged towards the Beta track, unaware of anything around him.