Chapter Text
The entire time on the plane back home was hell, when they agreed to keep their hands to themselves in public. Similarly, when meeting the other members, they acted like they did before they left on the trip. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to tell the members about their relationship, they just concluded that they’d find a proper time and place to tell them, rather than blurting it out right as they come back.
It weighed Soobin’s heart. As much as he liked sneaking into Yeonjun’s room for midnight cuddles and Yeonjun stealing kisses from him while they were alone in the practice room, each time he felt guilty for keeping secrets from his brothers.
It took exactly a week from their arrival to encourage each other and finally call the members to the lounge of the BigHit building.
Soobin asked Yeonjun to be the one to say it. But despite being The confident Choi Yeonjun, even he seemed nervous.
When the confession was off their chests, only Huenigkai really looked surprised. Beomgyu and Taehyun shared a silent eye contact before smiling and congratulating them.
It wasn’t until the next day that the pair was told that Beomgyu and Taehyun had already figured it out by themselves. Soobin appreciated them being supportive and acting like it was news to them- when you come out to your friends, ‘yeah we knew’ isn’t exactly what you want or need to hear.
Hueningkai apparently didn’t know, but he might just be a very good liar.
“I’m going home for the weekend.”
Yeonjun is looking into his yellow notebook. He’s working on something new, though. There’s no saying if their song is finished, but Soobin doesn’t ask, as his mind is occupied by his own work he’s doing on his laptop.
“Both days?” He asks, without letting his eyes leave the screen.
“Yes,” Yeonjun answers. “But.. my parents are leaving on Saturday evening.”
Soobin furrows his brows in confusion. “Then what will you be doing there on Sunday?”
“I was going to ask if you’d like to go with me.”
He doesn’t respond or even think about his answer, as he’s finishing typing a sentence on his keyboard. A short while passes, until he finally gets what Yeonjun is asking- whether he’d like to spend a day with him alone at Yeonjun’s place.
His cheeks light on fire when the realization dawns on him.
It should be expected. They have been dating for some time now, and there have been times when they got a little too playful or close, only to stop themselves, because their work or the dorms just don’t provide enough privacy.
There hasn’t, however, been an occasion when the two just downright talked about wanting or planning to have sex.
“I- uh.. whether I want to go..?-” he gets stuck on his words from being flustered. He feels Yeonjun’s gaze on him, so he turns to face him- and indeed, Yeonjun is giving him a soft smile.
“Hey. It’s okay if you don’t.”
Soobin’s heart suddenly beats faster than he’d like to admit. “No! I’d.. love to go..” he says quietly, shyness overtaking him whole.
Yeonjun’s eyes sparkle.
Soobin can’t get enough of the tender smile he only has for him.
“So, what exactly do you need me for?”
Soobin buries his head in his hands, trying to hide the embarrassment. It’s afternoon, and the dorms are empty, aside from Soobin and his roommate he called for a reason he’s not even sure he knows.
“I don’t know, Gyu, just- tell me what to do.”
“Well, you go with Yeonjun hyung, greet his parents, you’ll probably have a family dinner or something before they leave.”
“I know that,” Soobin interrupts him. “You know what I’m referring to.”
“And if I don’t?” A smirk appears on Beomgyu’s lips.
“..Don’t make me say it.” He stands up and walks towards the closet. “What should I wear?”
“For the dinner or for those five minutes of the night before hyung takes it off of you?”
Soobin turns around and gives him a horrified look. “Oh my god, I shouldn’t have asked for your help.”
Gyu laughs and stands up, waving his hands. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” He stands next to Soobin and starts going through his clothes. “Hmm.. I don’t really know what the best option would be. But I called Taehyun, he should be there any minute to help you out.”
“Are you insane?!” Soobin runs his hand through his hair. “I try to be as discreet as possible and you go around telling people that me and Yeonjun hyung are leaving to sleep together.” He tries to sound mad but seeing him that embarrassed makes Beomgyu giggle.
“Hyung, it’s normal in a relationship, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.”
They hear a quiet knock on the door.
Taehyun walks in, nodding as a greeting. “I’m here.”
“Great, come here and help us with the wardrobe, Soobin hyung is desperate.”
“God, this is so dumb. I should have just kept quiet.”
“Chill,” Taehyun says with a calm smile on his lips, “I was just with Yeonjun hyung. We were talking about the same thing with him too.”
Surprised, Soobin can’t find proper words. “You were with him? Does he know you came here afterwards?”
“No,” Taehyun responds, “but if you think I’m going to be your spy and tell you what exactly we talked about, you’re wrong.”
Soobin feels a bit disappointed, but also proud that he’s keeping their conversation private, like Yeonjun probably wanted.
He nods.
“Okay, so what was the issue? What you’re gonna wear?” Taehyun says louder and walks over to where the other two are standing.
“Not only that,” Soobin admits. “I just.. I’m nervous, that’s all.”
“Firstly, take it easy. Yeonjun hyung will like anything you decide to wear anyway.”
“Yeah,” Beomgyu agrees. “Unless there’s something you know he would absolutely kill to see you in, I think you’re good with anything.”
Soobin suddenly remembers a little something that would fit Beomgyu’s description. He takes a hanger from the depths of the closet and looks at the shirt hanging on it.
‘You will probably see me wearing it at some point.’
The brown see-through shirt he bought in England, the one that he tried on but didn’t show himself in to Yeonjun, which left him disappointed.
“Isn’t it a bit too much?”
“Hyung.. where did you buy it? It’s sexy,” Beomgyu says, making Soobin blush.
“It’s not too much,” Taehyun answers Soobin’s question, “if you put a sweater on it for the dinner and then take it off after hyung’s parents leave.”
“Why did I not keep this to myself,” Soobin asks himself and covers his eyes with his free hand. Beomgyu puts his arm around his shoulder.
“I agree with Taehyunie.”
“Good.” Taehyun puts his hands on his hips. “Pair it with some jeans and your outfit is done. What else?”
Truthfully, choosing the outfit was the easiest task; what Soobin actually needed was moral support.
He never knew a night spent with his friend would stress him out that much.
He sighs and throws himself on his bed. Beomgyu takes a seat next to him.
“So his parents leave,” he starts, still covering his eyes and his blushing cheeks with his arm. “And what then?”
“Maybe you’ll watch a romantic movie or something. To create the atmosphere.”
“Or he plays some music. I’m sure he has a good playlist for such occasion.”
Soobin snorts at Beomgyu calling it an occasion. But he has a point.
“And then he just.. takes you to his room, I guess?”
“Okay,” he interrupts him, “let’s stop there and not talk about it again. Ever.”
Both Taehyun and Beomgyu laugh. It’s obvious that Soobin takes everything a lot more seriously than the two of them, but he’s not mad- rather appreciative, without them he’d lose his mind for good.
On the big day, he wakes up an hour earlier than usual.
He tries to force himself back to sleep, but with no results, so he just decides to take a long shower instead.
He styles his hair to have a small split of bangs in the middle of his forehead and excitedly gets dressed in the clothes him and his friends chose over four days ago. He checks himself out in the mirror and stops when looking at the shirt. The curves of his torso are well visible, but he feels like taking it one step naughtier.
He finds a black belt and ties it around the thinnest part of his waist.
Luckily, the belt is not visible with the black knitted sweater he will be wearing for the entire day on.
“You look cute,” he’s told by Yeonjun when they meet while eating breakfast. Aside from them, there’s no one there yet, and Soobin feels safer quickly checking his boyfriend out. He’s wearing a black turtleneck tucked in black jeans- the only colour to his outfit is the bright yellow stone of his necklace he’s worn ever since Soobin gave it to him.
It makes him happy every time he sees it.
The fact that his parents already know about their relationship saves them a lot of uneasy explaining, but frankly, this weekend Soobin would prefer if they didn’t know. That way they wouldn’t have figured that the family dinner isn’t the main purpose of Soobin’s visit.
They’re not the kind to ask too much, thankfully. The family evening goes well, and Yeonjun’s parents leave before eight. When Yeonjun closes the door behind them and turns to look at Soobin, the atmosphere suddenly feels heavy.
Heavy in excitement.
Yeonjun reaches out and pulls Soobin closer. He closes his eyes, expecting a kiss, but to his surprise there’s no pressure to his lips- only a quiet romantic swinging side to side as Yeonjun tightly wraps his arms around him. They stay like that for a few seconds, silent, until Soobin gathers enough confidence to tease him.
“Are we going to stand at the entrance door the entire night or will you actually take me to your room?”
Yeonjun looks at Soobin and laughs at the sight of his smirk. “Didn’t know you were so impatient.”
“I need to go to the bathroom, feel free to play whatever you want on Netflix.”
Soobin goes to his room alone. He knows where to go- he’s been to his place multiple times; as expected, Yeonjun, being his usual self, liking his room neat and organised, always keeps the remote control in the same place.
Soobin takes it and plays the first romantic movie that pops up, not really caring what it’s about one bit.
When Yeonjun comes from the bathroom, and sees Soobin sitting on the bed in his see-through shirt for the first time, looking both innocent and ready to throw all bits of his innocence away, red colours his entire face.
He sits next to him and shyly checks him out. “Binie, you look..”
“I told you you’d see me wear it. Looking back, I bought it with that intention. I just didn’t know it yet. I’m glad to see that you like it.”
Yeonjun deeply inhales. “You’re making it very difficult for me. I wanted our first to be all slow and nice, and then you go and put on the hottest goddamn piece of clothing you have.”
Soobin laughs. “Take it off if it’s bothering you that much.”
Yeonjun puts his hand on Soobin’s neck and brings him closer. Their lips meet, and Soobin lets his mouth be explored; he opens it, letting Yeonjun’s tongue slide in. He tastes like strawberries, Soobin finds.
His other hand pulls Soobin closer by his waist. Soobin huffs, feeling the sudden pressure against his back, and obediently seats himself on Yeonjun’s thigh. He links his arms around Yeonjuns neck. They kiss like that for a while, until Soobin moans against Yeonjun’s lips.
The sound turned both of them on. The more Soobin expresses himself with his voice, the further Yeonjun takes it, moving from Soobin’s lips to his neck. He sloppily kisses under his chin down to his collarbone, leaving wet 사랑해 written with his tongue on the way down. Soobin shivers under Yeonjun’s touch once he realizes what message the older is leaving on his exposed skin.
He returns up. ‘Binnie,’ he purrs into Soobin’s ear, to which the younger starts uncomfortably shifting himself on Yeonjun’s thigh, his hard on starting to feel a bit painful. It’s embarrassing, how fast the needy discomfort came. He grabs Yeonjun’s hair and moans louder; Yeonjun smirks when he feels Soobin rub himself against his leg. He grabs Soobin’s ass and positions him so that his crotch lines up with his.
“Hyung, god.. th- that feels good.”
Soobin grabs Yeonjun’s shirt and untucks it, sliding his hand over Yeonjun’s back.
Yeonjun’s moans are a bit quieter and less frequent than Soobin’s. When he sucks on Soobin’s bottom lip and tongue, and moans, the vibrations of his throat make Soobin mewl Yeonjun’s name. It’s not every day that he hears Soobin call his name without honorifics, but to Yeonjun’s new discovery, there’s something extremely arousing about it.
They make out for good fifteen minutes, completely ignoring the sounds of the TV, and only being immersed in each other.
Soobin pulls the turtleneck off of Yeonjun, revealing his chest and everything that’s admirable about it. He observes it for a short while and noticed Yeonjun’s abs- sometimes it’s more visible, sometimes less; now his abs are very much there and either it’s the universe rewarding him or Yeonjun has been working out more than usual to look good for his boyfriend this evening, Soobin is inclined to believe the latter.
He grabs his bicep and cries out. “Hyung.. I can’t any longer, please-”
Yeonjun kisses his sweaty forehead and presses him down onto the bed.
Soobin’s skinny jeans suddenly felt especially skinny.
He’s shy- Yeonjun has never seen him naked before. Yet, despite thinking he’d feel nervous taking his clothes off in front of him, he feels the urge to pull his pants down- or Yeonjun pulling them down, for that matter- foreign to him. He’s surprised at himself for every action he’s done so far this evening, and there’s no justification- it’s all because of Yeonjun, and how he’s completely, utterly driving Soobin crazy.
Yeonjun unzips Soobin’s jeans with his teeth. He pulls them down, revealing Soobin’s long legs and his painfully visible boner through his boxers.
Yeonjun delicately kisses his dick once, before taking Soobin’s underwear off, and once after, making the younger quiver.
He caresses his inner thigh and twirls his tongue around Soobin’s tip, and not long after feels Soobin’s pre-cum leak down his dick and Yeonjun’s chin.
“Soobinie..” he says in a low tone, “I’ll start, okay? Tell me if you feel pain or if you want to stop.”
Soobin closes his almost teary eyes and nods. He looks for Yeonjun’s hand, and holds it tight, the other hand pulling Yeonjun closer. The older plants a soft kiss on Soobin’s lips before pressing the fist finger into him.
Soobin whimpers and squeezes Yeonjun’s hand tighter. He puts his free arm around Yeonjun’s neck and plays with his hair as a distraction from the uncomfortable pain of Yeonjun opening him up. His hair is not enough when he feels the second finger- his nails dig into Yeonjun’s back, and finally, at the third finger, the pleasure starts to overtake the pain. If anything, Soobin wants Yeonjun to pull his fingers out, so that they can be replaced with the actual desired part of Yeonjun’s body.
Yeonjun reaches out to the drawer in his bedside table and takes out a bottle of lube and condoms. He must have put them there earlier, Soobin thinks. As always, the oldest is never unprepared.
He squeezes out a proper amount and massages it in his hands to warm it up. Soobin watches him in awe, impressed at how the older knows exactly what to do, and impatient to finally get the tools to their use.
When fully prepared to go in, Yeonjun gives Soobin the last tender smile and a kiss on his temple.
“Again, if it hurts, tell me.”
Soobin wants to tell him how grateful he is, for how caring Yeonjun has been the entire time, but all that leaves his lips is a weak “okay”.
When Yeonjun inserts himself in, it feels like Soobin is transported in another world. It’s not only the sensation of skin against skin- it’s the feeling of giving himself fully to Yeonjun and being given back. The intimacy the two share is seeing each other naked literally and metaphorically. Knowing each other's imperfections and loving despite them. Showing their vulnerable side to one other without the fear of judgement.
Being serious one time but playful the other.
Knowing exactly when’s the right time for what.
Soobin has never felt that with anyone. He’s never loved anyone the way he loves Yeonjun, and no person has ever loved him the way Yeonjun does.
When the final sensation comes, and the two are left with a mess in the bed and heavy panting in their chests, there’s no sentence that can express nearly what Soobin feels.
But until he finds his way with words,
until a better word is invented,
he settles with what he has for now.
He looks Yeonjun in the eyes and inhales deeply.
“I love you.”