Chapter Text
Diego looked up. Five’s eyes were wide.
“They know we’re here,” Diego said. He looked down at the EMF reader in his hands, sand spilling from within the wires. In his mind’s eye he saw a shadowy figure come upon their towels— a faceless person— putting down a briefcase and picking up the EMF reader, examining it with a little smile, amused. Drawing out a knife and stabbing the machine as if it were an animal. As if it were a person. Touching the tracker in their arm, discreet, then picking up the briefcase and moving on, disappearing as if they’d never been there.
“Christ,” Five said. “Christ.” He scrubbed his hands through his hair. “Fucking— we’re running out of time. I need to get up to the room.” He began gathering the chairs and towels, his back to Diego. “Go talk to Kara. Gather information.”
Diego felt a pang. “I’m—”
“Don’t apologize,” Five said brusquely. “They’re onto us. That’s what we have to focus on.”
Diego shut his mouth.
Five’s shoulders were tight. Diego watched him fold the towels, his movements quick and methodical, and then he looked down at the slashed EMF reader. He looked up.
“Five,” he said.
Five ignored him.
Diego swallowed. “This isn’t your fault.”
Five turned around and gave him a look. His face was exhausted and resigned, truly old in a way that Diego had never seen before.
“The mission didn’t fall apart just because you let your guard down,” Diego said.
“Don’t,” Five said.
“You don’t have to beat yourself up,” Diego said. “I made mistakes, you made mistakes, it’s not—”
Five warped away.
“Hey,” Diego said, stepping into the hotel lounge.
Kara was sitting lengthwise on one of the sofa, legs stretched out in front of her. Her big tote bag sat by her side like a sleeping pet. The late afternoon light slanted down on her from a tall window, lighting her up in stripes. She held a magazine in one hand, her face propped up on the other, casting her face in shadow.
She grinned at him when she saw him, leaning back and settling in her seat. “Here to shoot your shot where your boyfriend can’t see you?”
“Uh, no,” Diego said. He scratched his head. “He read me the riot act upstairs.”
“Oh no,” Kara said. “Are you guys okay now?”
“Yeah,” Diego said, remembering Five’s deeply unimpressed expression. The tension hanging in the air. “One hundred percent.”
“Well, that’s good,” Kara said. She stretched. “Did you get good make-up sex out of it?”
“Angry sex, actually,” Diego said, leaning against the wall. “Lots of grabbing and biting. Very possessive.”
Kara whistled. “Nice.”
“Gotta love it,” Diego said. He hooked his thumb in his belt loop. “Hey— can I ask you something?”
Kara raised her eyebrows, and then she pulled her legs off the sofa, tucking them beneath her and gesturing for Diego to sit.
Diego sat. “Has anything… weird happened to you this weekend?”
“What do you mean?” Kara said, looking at him. She smirked. “Like a guy hitting on me at the beach in front of his boyfriend?”
“You’re too hot to act surprised about guys hitting on you,” Diego said.
Kara laughed. “But seriously. What are you talking about?”
Diego fidgeted. “The murders.”
“What murders?” Kara said.
“You really haven’t heard of them?” Diego said.
“I have,” Kara said, “but tell me more.”
“If you already know, there’s not much to say,” Diego said.
“Are you scared?” Kara said.
“Nah,” Diego said. “It’s— I don’t know. I don’t get scared easily.” He cracked his knuckles. “But I know other people are. And the… energy around here is off.”
The radio in the shop. The EMF reader, dead on the sand.
“I know that people are worried about it,” Kara said slowly. “But I don’t think we have any reason to be.”
“You don’t?” Diego said.
“There are plenty of people vacationing here,” Kara said. She stretched. “The likelihood that I’ll die? Seems pretty low.”
“Huh,” Diego said.
“Is James worried?” Kara said.
“He’s been thinking about it,” Diego said. “Not too freaked out, but…”
“But he’s the stoic type,” Kara said knowingly.
“Yeah,” Diego said. “And he knows what he’s about. I’ve seen him agonize before, but never over something that wasn’t important.”
“Hm,” Kara said.
“So it really doesn’t bother you?” Diego said.
“You’re really lucky to have him,” Kara said.
Diego stopped.
“Excuse me?” he said.
“James cares about you so much,” Kara said.
“Oh,” Diego said. He felt like all of the blood in his body had suddenly changed direction.
“When you were flirting with me on the beach, he was pissed,” Kara said.
Diego looked away. “It’s our thing. I do stupid shit, he slaps me on the wrist.”
Kara shook his head. “I mean he was pissed.”
Diego rubbed his face. “He told me off earlier. You don’t need to hammer it in.”
“Good,” Kara said. She reached out and brushed her hand over Diego’s knee. “It was nice of you to give me your room number, though.”
“Yeah, well,” Diego said. “You’re still hot, but he’d bite you if you so much took a look at my biceps.”
“Then I’ll be sure to look at your abs instead,” Kara said, grinning.
“Oh, don’t tempt me, princess,” Diego said.
“There’s zero worry of that,” Kara said. “Like I said… you two are clearly fated for each other.” She laughed a little. “From your names, even.”
“What?” Diego said.
Kara tilted her head. “James is the Anglicized version of Diego.”
Diego blinked. “Really?”
“Well, Diego is a derivative form of Santiago,” Kara said. “Which comes from Santo Yago, which is an old Spanish form of Saint James.” She raised one eyebrow. “You really didn’t know that?”
“Really didn’t,” Diego said. He scratched his head. He felt strangely touched; a little seen-into. Five was too worldly not to have known that.
“But it’s not just that,” Kara said. She looked up at him. “He adores you, Diego.”
“He’s my boyfriend,” Diego said. “He’s contractually obligated.”
“It’s more than that,” Kara said.
“When he kissed me on the beach?” Diego said. “Yeah, that was just— yeah.”
“No,” Kara said. Her eyes on him were intent. “You should see the way he looks at you, Diego.”
“Oh,” Diego said.
“I’ve been watching you all weekend,” Kara said.
Diego chewed his lip. “You really think we have something? Me and him?”
“You look at him the same way,” Kara said.
Diego looked up at her.
“You turn your head when he talks,” Kara said. “You watch him wherever he is. You check out his ass. And his sense of humor is so perfect for you, too. You always make each other laugh. And off the record? He’s pretty damn cute.”
“Uh huh,” Diego said.
“Lots to think about,” Kara said, standing up.
“Yeah,” Diego said faintly, watching her.
Kara picked up her bulky tote bag and slung it over her shoulder. “I have to run,” she said. “But I stand by what I said. Your boyfriend’s quite a guy, Diego. It’s a pity you’ll never get to date him for real.”
Diego’s heart stopped.
Kara reached into her bag and disappeared in a warp of blue light.
Diego took the stairs two at a time, his body moving on autopilot. He wrenched open the door to the second floor, and he sized up the length of the hallway, heart pounding out of his chest. Distantly, he heard his own footfalls on the carpet as he ran, gathering momentum until he reached room 207 and threw himself through the door.
He landed in the room with a crash.
Everything throbbed. He always forgot how much that hurt, but no sooner had he touched the floor than he had two knives ready in his hand. His eyes flicked up, taking in the sight—
“Throw one of those and I’ll shoot,” Kara said, pressing the barrel of her gun into the side of Five’s head.
Diego recoiled.
Kara was holding Five in front of her like a human shield. The room was trashed around them: the linens on the bed were rumpled, mussed in a twist of surprise, and the contents of Five’s suitcase were scattered over the floor. The pants hanger was torn off the curtain. Five’s expression was delicately aggrieved, and his hands were bound in a pair of thin, mercury-silver cuffs.
“Look,” Kara said, jostling Five and pointing to the handcuffs. “Your boyfriend can’t teleport you out of this.” She laughed. “Your ‘boyfriend.’”
Five’s face was cool and empty.
Kara kicked him. “Show him.”
“Must I?” Five said.
Kara shoved him.
“You’re relying too much on bodily force, it’s unseemly,” Five said, but he held up his cuffed hands for Diego to see, resigned. He tightened his fists, summoning a weak blue warp that wobbled only an inch from his fingers, and then his face spasmed with a wince. He dropped his hands.
“Aww,” Kara said. “Does it hurt?”
“I’m not sure why you needed to confirm that,” Five said, tone cool, but his voice was audibly rougher. He cleared his throat. “You already crowed about restraining me.”
“Not to him,” Kara said, smiling.
Diego’s face felt hard. His whole body felt like an action figure; posable, but not entirely under his control. Carrying weapons that had no use.
“Number Five,” Kara said. She pronounced his name like a swear word she’d never been allowed to say out loud before. “You know that everybody at the Commission hated you, right? Like, the entire time you worked there.”
“Well, I hated everybody at the Commission,” Five said. “So I’d call that even.”
“The boss loved you, though,” Kara said. She looked up at Diego, smirking. “How much has he told you about her?”
“Let go of him,” Diego gritted out.
“She was into him,” Kara said. “And I mean into him. She watched him— kinda the way you do, actually.”
Five’s eyelids fluttered.
“He could get away with anything,” Kara said. “Ugh, what a slippery little— He didn’t need a briefcase, so he could always save his ass in any tricky case. Would you want to work with someone like that, Diego?”
“Let go of him,” Diego said.
“Oh, please,” Kara said. “You think you can Moses your way out of this, let my people go—”
“Can you elucidate for us exactly why you’re holding me hostage with such vitriol?” Five said. “Because from the way you’re talking, it appears to be a personal matter.”
“Of course it’s a personal matter,” Kara said. “You’re trying to screw up my mission.”
“Your mission that is already this close to being screwed up,” Five said, lips curving in a little smile.
“But that doesn’t mean it’s only a personal matter,” Kara said.
Her grip on Five was tight. Next to them, her tote bag lay open on the floor, a scuffed briefcase poking out.
Diego kicked the briefcase away. “You’re so—”
“Careful,” Kara and Five said at the same time.
Diego looked down.
“That’s my ticket home,” Kara said.
Diego inched his foot over to it. “Sounds like it’s pretty important to you.”
“Diego,” Five said sharply.
The briefcase lay half-out of the bag, scorpion brown. It was hard to reconcile its dusty exterior with the bright red signals of the EMF reader, or the blue flare of the warp Five could summon with his bare hands.
Or with Klaus’s glassy eyes at a grimy veterans’ bar, staring unseeingly at an impossible photograph.
Diego stepped away slowly.
“I mean, you could get lost in time if you really wanted to be that dumb,” Kara said. She tossed her long hair over her shoulder. “I’d just make Number Five teleport me back to HQ.”
Five worked his jaw.
“Leave,” Diego said. He pointed his knife at her. “Don’t carry out the murders.”
“The murders?” Kara said.
“The reason you came here,” Diego said. “He told me about it. Talk about a messy mission. You really couldn’t let your precious timeline go?”
A shadow flickered over Kara’s face.
“Sloppy work,” Diego said. “You might as well just leave without killing anybody.”
“You think I care about the murders?” Kara said. She tipped her head towards Five. “I want him.”
Diego’s blood ran cold.
Five blinked. His head was tipped to the side in Kara’s hold, and his posture was languid. “Pity. I don’t work for your organization anymore, I have no interest in cooperating, and I have nothing to give you.”
Kara pressed her gun into his temple. “The second you two came in, it was clear who you were.”
“To some,” Five said.
“To me,” Kara said. “And any other Commission agent.”
“I find that genuinely hard to believe,” Five said.
“You’re not earning yourself any points by sassing me,” Kara said.
“Is that really what passes for sass at HQ these days?” Five said. “Christ, you really must be missing me over there.” He turned his head, looking up at Kara. “If any Commission agent could have recognized us, explain how Hazel and Cha Cha didn’t.”
“After their little oversight, the Handler made them an example,” Kara said.
“I seem to recall they made the Hander dead, actually,” Five said, lips curving up in a smirk.
“Do you want me to shoot you?” Kara said.
Five shrugged. “I’m interested to see if you would.”
Diego’s breath constricted. His fist clenched at his side, and Five looked up at him sharply. He took in Diego’s expression, and then his eyes widened a little, seeming genuinely surprised.
Diego didn’t know how his face looked right now. All he could feel was the blood pounding in his face.
I’m fine, Five mouthed, very slightly.
Diego raised his eyebrows.
Kara looked between them, and then she lowered the gun.
Five stretched. “At least you’ve come clean about it now. If you want me to come back with you, of course you can’t kill me. That’s a fairly amateur move.”
“But I can kill him,” Kara said, raising her gun and pointing it at Diego.
For a second, Five’s face went completely blank.
Diego exhaled, long and slow. Somehow, being the one held hostage was easier. He’d had a gun to his head enough times that he could count himself familiar with the sudden, punishing clarity he always felt in that heart-stopping moment.
Five chewed on his lip.
“Everyone always told us you were the best, Number Five,” Kara said. “But it wasn’t hard to capture you. Especially when you two made it so easy. Your conveniently matching names? Leaving your little EMF machine up on the beach? Telling me your room number?”
Diego winced.
“You weren’t cut out for this,” Kara said. “You’re both so stupid.”
“That isn’t true,” Five said. His voice prickled. “If anyone’s—”
“You’ve acted like idiots,” Kara said. “Everything you’ve done has led me to you. Like, everything. It’s not not pathetic.”
Diego felt a trickle of shame in his gut.
“You could have just called us pathetic,” Five said. “It would have been wrong, but it would have been clearer.”
“Why are you fighting with me on this?” Kara said. “What is wrong with you?”
Five smiled up at her. His dimple was carved into his cheek, and Diego’s stomach lurched as he recognized the combination of anxiety and mania in Five’s eyes. It was the expression he made when he was cornered, drinking in adrenaline— but Diego had never seen this particular fevered edge to it before. “Prolonged exposure to crisis and despair. Rattled my amygdala around like a rock in a tumbler.”
“Jesus,” Kara said.
“How’s the Commission been carrying on post-Handler?” Five said.
“There’s a new Handler,” Kara said. “One who’s a lot less nice.”
“That’s dismal,” Five said.
“Don’t,” Kara barked.
Five’s smile broadened. “Problems at HQ without her?”
“I’ll shoot him,” Kara said. Her hand was shaking. “I—”
“I spent decades of my life working for the Commission,” Five said. “And I was the best agent they had. You can’t possibly think you can beat me.”
“Things are different now,” Kara said.
“Oh, I imagine so,” Five said. “No Handler, no me.” He flexed his hand. “You know, I gave her ideas. She liked me because I pushed back, I gave good suggestions. The rest of you were too spineless— I can still hear the sound of all of you hunched away typing at your desks. Hiding behind the Handler’s skirts instead of looking her in the eye.”
Kara aimed the gun between Diego’s eyes.
Five’s smile curved. “You know what the Commission’s flaw is, Agent?”
Kara’s arm wavered.
“You’re too bound by the goddamn books,” Five said, and he made eye contact with Diego behind Kara’s back and winked convulsively.
Diego dropped to the floor. Kara made a noise of surprise. In the moment before she aimed the gun lower, Five lunged at her and kicked her hard in the back of the knees, pinning her to the ground in a flash— knocking the gun out of her hands and sending it skittering to the floor. Diego reached out and caught it and tossed it to Five. Five smiled, and then he held the gun to the back of Kara’s head.
“There we go,” he said. “Now let’s talk, shall we?”
Several things happened in the next forty minutes.
First, Kara surrendered. She let Diego and Five manhandle her into a chair and tie her down, and by their orders, she undid Five’s handcuffs.
Five examined the silver contraption as Diego used Five’s tie from the first night to bind her to the chair. “Where did you get these?”
“R&D,” Kara said. “The Handler started working on them the second you went rogue.”
“Earlier, I presume,” Five said. His face darkened, and he slipped the handcuffs into his pocket. “She liked me, but she never trusted me.”
“That already puts you ahead of the rest of us,” Kara said.
Next, Diego had a niggling suspicion to confirm.
“Give me your arm,” he said.
Kara worked her jaw, and then struggled against her bindings, holding out her bare wrist.
“Other one,” Diego said, picking up her left wrist and pushing back all the bracelets.
A green light blinked under her pale skin.
“I knew it,” Diego said. He pointed at the bracelets. “These are tacky as fuck.”
“No shit,” Kara said. “I wasn’t wearing them for the style.”
“I can’t believe I hit on you,” Diego said.
Kara smirked. “Really?”
“Don’t take it as a compliment,” Five said to her. “He flirts with anything that moves.”
Next, the negotiation. This was long and complex. Diego paced, picking his way through the wreckage of the hotel room as Five and Kara talked shop. Five held the gun casually in his hands. It was striking how naturally he carried the weapon. The sun dropped in the sky, dimming the light in the hotel room. Eventually, Five told Diego to hold Kara at gunpoint while Five dictated a message for her to write on the hotel stationery, and once they’d deemed it satisfactory, Five plucked the gun out of Diego’s hands and handed Kara the briefcase back.
“Go to them,” he said. “Don’t bother us again.”
“Understood,” Kara said sourly.
“Or any of our family,” Five said.
Kara rolled her eyes. “Copy.”
Five hesitated. “The Commission isn’t taking care of you,” he said. “I can assure you that they don’t care about you in the slightest. If you have any desire for self-preservation— I’m not talking morals here— I’d strongly advise that you do whatever you can to escape their utilitarian calculus.”
“Aww,” Kara said. “Someone got soft in the Apocalypse.”
Diego twitched. Five held up a hand to pacify him. “The Handler personally saved me from decades in a wasteland,” he said to Kara. “She treated me better than anyone ever had. You saw how much she liked me in a, ah, personal fashion. If there’s anyone who should have been loyal to the Commission, it’s me.”
“You care too much about your stupid family,” Kara said.
Five inhaled, and then exhaled. “I won’t deny that.”
“The world is bigger than you, Number Five,” Kara said. “Your little Umbrella Academy? Your brothers and sisters? Yeah, it sucked that you got stuck in the Apocalypse for a couple years, but it’s not about you. The timeline is the timeline.”
“Que sera sera,” Five said.
“Yeah,” Kara said. “So get a grip."
“If you wanted out, I could help you,” Five said.
Diego stilled.
Kara raised her eyebrows.
“I’m the only Commission agent who’s ever managed to truly escape,” Five said. “My family and I are more than capable of protecting you. And if you kept your briefcase… you’re clearly a competent woman. You could be doing more than this.”
“The timeline is the only thing that matters,” Kara said.
“No, it isn’t,” Five said. “Not their version of it.”
Kara tossed her hair out of her face. “I don’t need you to be fucking prissy at me. This is my job. This is what pays the bills. And besides, did I mention that it matters? More than me. More than you. More than any little family.”
Diego saw Five’s jaw tighten, but only because he was looking for it.
“Then that’s your choice,” Five said. He handed her the briefcase. “Give HQ my note.”
Kara inclined her head.
“If you change your mind, you know how to contact me,” Five said.
Kara wrapped her fingers around the handle of the briefcase and vanished.
Finally, Five turned to Diego.
His face looked aged. His wrists still bore the marks of the cuffs. The light in the room was heavy and fading, and he looked exhausted, wrung dry by the interrogation. He looked down at the gun in his hands, and then set it down on the desk.
“Hey,” Diego said, and he caught Five in his arms.
“Hey,” Five echoed back, staring up at him. He was shaking minutely. They both pretended not to notice. “That was— I—”
Diego leaned in and kissed him, stopping his mouth.
Five fell into his embrace, wrapping his arms around Diego’s neck and deepening the kiss. Diego went slack with relief. Some part of him had been drawn up tight, ready to snap away— but Five was kissing him back, holding Diego tight like he never wanted to let go.
Diego broke away.
Five looked up at him.
“You still can’t wink to save your life,” Diego murmured. “You suck at it.”
“Try thinking that through in a literal sense,” Five said.
Diego laughed. Relief coursed through him, and he kissed Five again, uncaring of their surroundings, and everything seemed like it was beginning to fall into place.
“How do we know that she’s going to go to HQ?” Diego said later, when they were in the shower.
“We don’t,” Five said.
“Christ,” Diego said.
Five closed his eyes. His face was deeply weary. His skin was smooth, uncanny, restored to young-adult perfection like all his years of hardship had paradoxically buffed him to an even shine. Diego couldn’t stop noticing how pretty he was, even now; up close, it was hard to ignore.
“It must bother you,” he said. “That she might get away.”
Five lifted one shoulder.
Diego reached out, tracing a pattern with his finger in the rivulets of water down Five’s chest. “What about your killer mushroom?”
“The largest organism on Earth?” Five said, opening his eyes and looking down at Diego’s finger. “I never had any hope of uprooting it all.”
“But you wanted to,” Diego said.
“I’ve wanted a lot of things,” Five said, still watching Diego’s hand.
Diego withdrew his hand. “Like what?”
“Preventing the apocalypse,” Five said.
“That turned out pretty well for you.”
Five smiled. “Give or take forty years.”
“I always forget you’re ancient,” Diego said, smiling.
Five flicked water in his face. “Fifty-eight is not ancient.”
“Old man,” Diego said. “Cradle-robber.”
“Yes, well, I’m apparently dating my brother now,” Five said. “My scandal threshold is fairly high.”
“That’s wild,” Diego said. “I’m actually dating my brother too, you know that?”
Five shook his head, hiding his smile under his wet hair.
“Is it a trauma thing?” Diego said. “That you don’t like being made fun of for your age?”
“It’s more of a basic manners thing,” Five said, reaching up for the shampoo.
“Oh, whatever, then,” Diego said. “Silver fox. So can we fuck tonight, or do you need me to go get some Viagra—”
“I’m going to find your own knife and cut you with it,” Five said.
Diego smiled, moving in and plucking the shampoo out of Five’s hands. He kissed Five’s forehead, and Five let out a breathy little sound.
“Don’t cut me,” Diego murmured. “You like me too much.”
“Do I?” Five murmured back, but he swayed, tipping forward into Diego as if drawn by a magnet. “Wash my hair.”
Diego uncapped the tiny bottle of shampoo and poured it into his hands, placing the bottle back on the shelf and working his fingers into Five’s hair. Five made a purr of satisfaction. Diego massaged Five’s scalp in silence for a moment, and then he filled his hands with water, rinsing him.
“For real,” he said quietly. “You’re okay that she might get away?”
“Yes,” Five said.
Diego pulled back, looking down into his eyes. “Really?”
Five nodded.
“That’s a new one,” Diego said. “My brother Five is willing to give up a chance at beating the Commission.”
“Give up is a hell of a word for it,” Five said. He ran his tongue over his lower lip. “I’ve been thinking about taking them down for years. I’ve thought about it every single day for the majority of my adult life. Even when I was working for them— I spent all my daylight hours figuring out how to help them, and all my nights lying awake and trying to figure out how I was going to take them down from the inside.” He rubbed his eyes. “The Handler has a talent for hiring people who don’t have anything to lose.”
“Jesus,” Diego said.
“You have no idea,” Five said quietly. “She goes into war zones. Stops time with a bullet an inch from your head. Shows you that there’s more than yourself, that you could give yourself to a higher purpose, that you’d get insurance and benefits for it… who would say no? So you say yes. And then she takes you to headquarters and shows you to your desk. You get a shower and a hot meal and clean clothes. And then she tells you that she wants you go out into the field, and for the first couple of missions, it feels novel. You feel chosen. And then you look around at everyone else, and they clearly feel chosen too, and then you fire a gun and someone hits the ground, and you kick the timeline back into place, and then it starts to feel routine. Another bullet, another body, another paycheck. You ask someone if there’s a less violent way to do it, but then the Handler invites you to a cordial lunch, and she touches your hand and gives you that smile and somehow you forget you ever asked. And then you aim your gun. And then you fire. And then one day you look around and you find yourself in the trenches, fighting in the same war that you would have died in anyway.”
Diego stared down at him, horrified.
“It’s the same goddamn thing every time,” Five said. He looked down. “Maybe you weren’t wrong to call her God.”
“That isn’t salvation,” Diego said. “Not like that.”
“I don’t believe in salvation,” Five said.
Diego picked up the conditioner.
“I believe in evil,” Five said.
Diego poured conditioner into his hand, setting the bottle back on the shelf.
Five shifted. “Perhaps that sounds harsh.”
“A little,” Diego said.
“Empirically speaking,” Five said. “People act in their own self-interest. It’s much easier for me to play cat-and-mouse with wrongdoing than to believe… anyone else. Moral agendas are fallible. Everyone’s goodwill has a breaking point. Selfishness is the only thing I’m sure of.”
“Not everyone’s selfish,” Diego said. Eudora’s body, slack on the motel room floor.
“I am.”
Five was looking steadfastly at Diego’s chest. Diego ran his hand down Five’s spine, soothing, and Five tensed.
“You’re not,” Diego said. “You offered her a way out.”
“Maybe I just wanted to poach an agent away from the Commission,” Five said.
“You wanted to protect her,” Diego said. “You aren’t selfish, Five.”
“You really don’t know that,” Five said.
“You saved the world from the apocalypse,” Diego said quietly.
“Because I lived it,” Five said. “If I had stayed at the Academy, I wouldn’t have done shit.”
“But you didn’t stay at the Academy,” Diego said.
“But given the choice in retrospect,” Five said, “I would have.”
“You’re going in circles,” Diego said. “None of that’s real.”
“The things that don’t happen are just as real as the things that do,” Five said. He waved a hand. “Negative space. Shadows. Nightmares. Whatever you want to call it. I’ve thought a lot about hypotheticals and counterfactuals, Diego. They matter.”
“But they aren’t actually what happened,” Diego said. “Listen to yourself— you’re the one who’s always talking about empirical evidence, or whatever. You know what happened.”
Five worked his jaw. “But I don’t know that I was right.”
“But you are,” Diego said.
“Because I tell you I am,” Five said. “But you don’t know, Diego. Nobody knows. I’m the only one who knows, I can’t— you can’t possibly understand what it’s like. I’ve lived thirty years longer than the rest of you. I’ve seen things that would break you, and I’m not saying that for effect. People call me a prude, call me repressed, and sure, maybe I am. I’m never going to be Klaus, or Allison, or you, someone who can kick back with a smile and run their mouth without worrying about what they’re saying— about what they’re thinking—”
“Five,” Diego said.
“I go over my work over and over again,” Five said, talking over him. “Calculations on the blackboard. I let it rest a week and pretend I’m coming back with fresh eyes, but it’s all me. And the amount of information… I’ve seen so much in my life that it spilled out of me and into a goddamn mannequin, Christ. My brain isn’t meant to hold everything I know, but it does anyway. I can’t let anyone in. I spent my entire life protecting you from the horror of the Apocalype, of time and space— why would I expose you to it now? And there’s no way to end it all. There’s no way to even begin. And the more I try, the worse it gets, and the worse it gets, the worse it gets, it compounds, I’ve done the math—”
“Five,” Diego murmured.
Five looked up at him, haunted.
“You’ve done enough, baby,” Diego said. He cupped Five’s face in his hands. “You’ve done enough.”
The first thing Diego registered when he woke up was the warmth.
Five’s body tucked perfectly against Diego’s. He was curled in a little ball, more vulnerable in sleep than he ever let anyone see in daylight. The blankets draped over them both, heavy and soft, and the air conditioner whirred near-silently in the corner.
The events of the last day returned slowly to Diego’s mind. Diego blinked up at the ceiling. Kara’s smile. Her tote bag. Her briefcase. Her gun, Five’s head, Five’s eyes. Five’s voice. Five’s body, smooth and agile. Diego’s heartbeat, pounding and pounding.
Five stirred, making a small, sleepy noise.
“Hey, baby,” Diego said softly.
“Ngh,” Five said, muffled in the pillow.
Diego smiled. “How’d you sleep?”
“Good,” Five mumbled.
“Good,” Diego said.
Five shifted, rolling over in Diego’s arms and looking up at him. “Were you worried?”
Diego shrugged. “Nah.”
“You were worried,” Five said.
“No reason to be worried,” Diego said.
“Yeah,” Five said. “But you worry even when there isn’t a reason.”
Diego pursed his lips.
Five ran his hand up under Diego’s tank top, tracing over Diego’s abs. “I’m not making fun of you for it.”
“It’s stupid,” Diego said, suppressing a shiver.
“I don’t think it’s stupid for you to be invested in me,” Five said, eyes fixed on Diego’s collarbones.
“That’s not what I meant,” Diego said. He settled his hand on his stomach, covering Five’s completely. “I know you can handle yourself.”
“I know that too,” Five said. “And there wasn’t any evidence for you to be worried.”
“But,” Diego said.
Five ran his tongue over his teeth. “But I don’t mind knowing there was someone thinking of me.”
“Are you kidding me?” Diego said.
“I know it’s irrational,” Five said. “But—”
“Of course I was thinking of you,” Diego said. He looked into Five’s liquid brown eyes. “You think I’d ever forget it if you got into trouble? Shit, I still— I think about you all the time. When you got shot back when we were fixing the apocalypse for the first time and we found you. When you warped us out of the theater and passed out for eight straight days.” He swallowed. “When you left when we were kids.”
Five looked at him, stricken. “I…”
“We never forgot you,” Diego said.
“I wanted to come back,” Five said. His nails dug into Diego’s stomach. “Diego— you have to know that.”
“Yeah,” Diego said, squeezing Five’s hand. “Yeah, I swear I do.” He took a deep breath. “And you have to know that I think about you now a lot differently than I did when I was thirteen.”
“I know,” Five said. He shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe it. “I know.”
“Yeah?” Diego said.
Five pressed in, looking up at Diego with huge eyes. “I didn’t like having a bullshit cover boyfriend.”
“You never had a bullshit cover boyfriend,” Diego said.
“I don’t kiss people without meaning it,” Five said.
“Me neither,” Diego murmured.
Five looked at him, chewing his lip.
“You know you can smile at me, right?” Diego said.
Five looked away.
“Hey,” Diego said, laughing. He reached out and shook Five. “Hey, don’t get shy.”
“Don’t— that’s embarrassing,” Five said. “Don’t call me shy.”
“Then stop being shy,” Diego said. “C’mon, show me that dimple.”
“No,” Five said, biting his lip harder.
“What is possibly stopping you?” Diego said. “Give it to me. I want it.”
“You’re looking for it,” Five said. “And I know you’re looking for it.”
“You’re so full of shit,” Diego said, hauling him in closer. He moved in, pressing kisses over Five’s face. “I know your game. You think it’s gonna make you look bad if you let me see you be all cute or whatever, but you’re wrong.”
“Get off me,” Five said, ducking his head to hide his face. He hooked his leg around Diego and tugged him in closer.
Diego headbutted him. “Stop playing hard to get.”
“Stop being weird,” Five said, tipping his face up.
Diego pinched him. Five made a squeak of protest. Then his face creased in a smile, bright and infectious, and Diego dove in, kissing him all over.
“You know what’s a vacation staple we haven’t done yet?” Diego said, his hand steadily creeping up Five’s thigh.
“What,” Five said, narrowing his eyes. “Relaxation?”
“I was relaxed at the beach,” Diego said. “Kinda. We don’t need to get into that. Keep guessing.”
“Happiness?” Five said. “Funnel cake? We actually haven’t done most of the vacation staples.”
“Lazy morning sex,” Diego said, moving his lips down to kiss his neck.
Five made a little noise. “You—”
“C’mon,” Diego said, lips moving against his skin. “Let yourself have this. Let go, baby.”
“Oh,” Five said. His body relaxed a little, melting under Diego’s touch. “Well— this is… nice.”
“That’s one word for it,” Diego said. “Fuck, you’re so pretty. Just wanna eat you up whenever I see you.”
“You’re being weird,” Five said breathily.
“I’m gonna be honest, I wanna raw you,” Diego said. “Someday I’m gonna do you fast and hard, get you so worked up you can’t play cool. But right now, I want to take it slow.” He kissed Five’s jaw, lingering. “Nnh, yeah. Just like this.”
“Diego,” Five said. His fingers twisted in Diego’s shirt. “Diego.”
“Uh huh?” Diego said, grazing him with his teeth.
Five shifted. “Don’t stop,” he said. “But I’m… not good at this. Not like you.”
“What do you mean?” Diego said, pulling back.
“Like I told you,” Five said. He looked up at Diego,. “I’ve had sex before, but it’s never been— I’ve never had my mind blown by it.”
Diego paused. “Not even on all the private islands in your Armani suits?”
“Like I told you,” Five repeated. He looked down at his hands fisted in Diego’s shirt. “I need there to be… more.”
“But you want it,” Diego checked.
“Of course I fucking want it,” Five said. “I mean, Christ, look at you, you’re a page out of a pinup calendar. But I— you—” He swallowed. “You’re different.”
“Oh,” Diego said.
Five closed his eyes, and then he opened them. His eyes were dark. “Whatever I was missing… you have it.”
“Oh,” Diego said, quieter. He brought up his hand, cradling Five’s cheek, thumb brushing over his cheekbone.
Five held perfectly still, staring up at Diego, breath caught.
Diego leaned in and kissed him, fitting their mouths together. When Five broke away to breathe, Diego leaned in, pressing their foreheads together.
“I like you,” he murmured. “Think that might be the thing?”
“Plenty of people have liked me,” Five whispered. His face was bright; incandescent compared to his usual mask. “The difference is, I think I like you too.”
“You think,” Diego said, and he dragged him in for another kiss, harder and hungrier.
Five swung his leg over Diego, pressing as close to Diego as he possibly could, and Diego groaned. “Fuck,” he said. He ground against him a little, letting Five feel the press of his erection.
Five inhaled. “Christ,” he said. “You’re, ah…”
Diego smirked. “What?”
“Ugh, don’t make me say it,” Five said.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Diego said, widening his eyes.
Five flicked him. “I can feel how big your dick is,” he said. “And maybe— maybe— I like it. But don’t take this as invitation to—”
“You want it in you, baby boy?” Diego said, pressing forward. “You’re gonna take it so pretty, I promise you’ll be able to fit it—”
“Praise redacted, Jesus Christ,” Five said. “Perhaps I actually prefer them smaller.”
“You said you liked it,” Diego said.
“Maybe I lied to you,” Five said. He gestured down. “Perhaps I only give the time of day to dicks that are under— however many inches that thing is.”
Diego muttered something.
Five’s eyes flew wide open. “You measured?”
“You asked,” Diego said.
“I assure you I did not,” Five said, but a smile was tugging at his lips. He pulled Diego in by the shirt for an open-mouthed kiss. “To the half-inch, even. God, it’s unfortunate that douchebro overconfidence is so sexy on you. Someone needs to rein you in.”
“You think?” Diego said.
“But it’s not going to be me,” Five said. He looked up at Diego with a gleam in his eye, and he reached down and squeezed Diego’s dick.
Diego groaned. “Fuck, yes, I knew you didn’t have a complex about it.” He ground against him, hardening in earnest—
Five caught his shoulder. “Did you bring lube?”
“Shit,” Diego said, drawing back.
Five punched him. “Got my hopes up,” he said. “When we get back…”
“Blank check,” Diego said.
“I don’t think you can say blank check for one specific thing, Diego,” Five said.
“Blank check for getting fucked,” Diego amended.
“Which is one specific thing,” Five said.
“It can be more than one thing,” Diego said. His hand wandered to Five’s ass, squeezing and feeling. “You could ride me. I could pound you into the mattress. I could bend you right over your desk in your bedroom at the Academy.”
Five’s breath caught a little. “That’s— not unappealing.”
“Could do you up against a wall,” Diego said.
“I’d be, ah, satisfied with that,” Five said.
“You need to work on your enthusiasm,” Diego said.
“You need to— nn,” Five said. He squirmed. “You’re such a…”
“A what?” Diego said, kneading his ass.
“Handsy fucker,” Five said. “Christ, Diego.”
“Do you seriously count this as scandalous?” Diego said.
“I wish you’d be more fucking scandalous,” Five said. “Are you going to get me off before noon, or keep squeezing my ass like a goddamn stress ball?”
“It is hilarious that this is what embarrasses you,” Diego said.
Five scowled. “It doesn’t embarrass me,” he said. He reached out and groped Diego’s hard cock. “I’m surprised that you’re not feeling a little more urgent, is all.”
“Let me jerk you off,” Diego said, hand making its way to the front of Five’s pants. “Truly lazy morning sex.”
“I’m not complaining,” Five said. He ground against him, holding onto Diego’s arm for leverage. “Honestly, I could probably get off just by— rubbing against you.”
“No,” Diego said, and he reached into Five’s pants and pulled out his cock, wrapping his fingers around it and tugging.
Five gave a shuddering gasp. He arched into Diego’s touch, cock twitching in Diego’s broad hand, and he reached for Diego’s bicep, holding on tight. “That’s good,” he said. “Don’t fucking stop.”
“Wasn’t going to, pretty babe,” Diego said. He stroked him languid and slow, watching Five’s face, feeling the way his breath hitched and his body tightened with every pull. He leaned in and kissed Five’s cheek. “You look so good like this, you know that?”
“No, you,” Five said. He writhed. “C’n you go faster?”
Diego slowed down his strokes. “Why?”
Five kicked him. “Don’t be— facetious. Make me come.”
“Anyone ever tell you how needy you are?” Diego said, grinning. He brought his hand up to his lips and licked his palm, laving his tongue over his own fingers and keeping eye contact with Five. Five whined, eyes tracking Diego ravenously, and Diego slowed down, laving his tongue over every finger.
“Tease,” Five said, wriggling.
“Only ‘cause you’re pretty enough to savor,” Diego said. He slipped his hand down, wrapping his hand around Five’s dick under his clothes.
Five let out a punched-out sound. “Diego,” he said, and he arched his hips into Diego’s hand, needy, setting a rhythm.
“Christ, I wanted this,” Diego murmured. “Every time I saw you. Every time your bathrobe slipped down a little—”
“Perv,” Five said breathily.
Diego flipped him off with his free hand. “And on the beach.” He reached for Five’s arm, and he laid an open-mouthed kiss over the scar from the tracker. “When you got all possessive.”
“I warned you I’m like that,” Five said.
“It’s hot,” Diego said. He twisted his wrist, and Five gasped. “Someday I’m gonna let you get possessive on me for real. Gonna let you— lay me out, show me exactly how much I belong to you—”
“Would you let me fuck you?” Five said.
“Yeah,” Diego said. “Yeah, why not?” The blankets around them made him feel like he was floating, suspended in a space that consisted only of him and Five. “I’d let you do anything to me.” He squeezed Five’s dick.
“Good,” Five said. “I want to, ah, everything…” He canted his hips up. “Am I supposed to— hold off from coming? Because I don’t feel inclined to, nn, practice self-restraint, Diego…”
“Don’t hold off,” Diego said. He stroked him tightly, efficiently. “First rule of lazy morning sex, right?”
“If you make a Fight Club reference,” Five said.
“No, the first rule of lazy morning sex is that there are no rules, because why would there be,” Diego said. He moved in, closing the gap between them and fitting his lips to Five’s, kissing him softly as he jerked him off. “C’mon. Come for me.”
Five made a soft noise. His whole body shuddered under Diego’s touch, and Diego felt him clench tight all over as he came, spilling over Diego’s fingers in a rush. “’S good,” he said, closing his eyes. “Yeah, like that.”
“Yeah,” Diego said, watching him with a little smile.
“Mm,” Five said, eyes still closed. “You’ve got a point with this whole lazy sex idea.”
Diego wiped his hand on Five’s shirt. “Yeah?”
“Jackass,” Five said, swatting at his hand.
“It was gonna go in the dirty laundry anyway, don’t get on me about it,” Diego said.
“Yes,” Five said, “but—”
“Go back to talking about how good at sex I am,” Diego said.
Five laughed. “You’re very good at sex, Diego.”
“I invented lazy morning sex, actually,” Diego said. He prodded him. “Have some respect.”
“I respect you a lot,” Five said, stretching luxuriously.
Diego jabbed him in the ribs.
Five jabbed him back, harder. Diego gasped. “If you want something specific, ask for it.”
“You’re too vicious,” Diego said. “Someone’s gotta tame you.”
“I wonder who that could be,” Five said, smirking. Then he wriggled forward, shoving his hand down the front of Diego’s pants and groping for his hard dick. Diego’s breath caught, and his hands found Five’s body, clinging onto him tightly as he let Five wring his orgasm out of him, the two of them entwined in every way.
“We should go on a real vacation sometime,” Diego said, lying on his back on the bed.
Five looked up from where he was packing. “I don’t know if it counts as a vacation if neither of us has jobs.”
“I have a job,” Diego said.
“Why?” Five said. “Live off your inheritance.”
“Fuck no,” Diego said.
“You’re turning down cash,” Five said.
Diego cracked his knuckles, examining his hands up in the air. “I don’t want to live on Dad’s dime.”
There was a brief silence.
“You’re going to say something weird and tone-deaf about money,” Diego said. “I can sense it.”
“You could live on my dime,” Five said.
“Called it,” Diego said, holding up one finger. “And, fuck no.”
Five made a noise. “Why not?”
“I’m self-made,” Diego said. “Plus, I like having a job. Somewhere to go every day. Something to accomplish.”
“Something to pay the bills while you go out searching for crime at night, you mean?”
Diego heaved a sigh.
Five climbed up on the bed and lay down next to Diego. “You could take it easier on yourself, you know.”
“Hypocrite,” Diego said.
“It’s good advice even if I don’t take it myself,” Five said.
“I’d rather you take it for yourself,” Diego said. He wrapped his arm around Five and dragged him in. “I’ve only got one brother that I like.”
“That isn’t true,” Five said.
Diego smiled. “I’ve only got one brother who’s hot.”
“Debatable,” Five said.
“I’ve only got one brother who’s got everything I want,” Diego said, looking up at the ceiling. “Who’s canny and sexy and funny as hell. Who steals the blankets. Who takes long showers and leaves the floor covered in water afterwards, even though it’s the kind of shower with a glass door. Who can’t wink.” He chewed on his lip. “Who I can trust to have my back, no matter what.”
There was a little silence. Then Five scooted up right next to Diego and laid his head on Diego’s shoulder.
“Yeah,” he said softly. “Me too.”
Diego turned his head. “So you probably want me to be at least a little more careful for you, huh?”
Five nodded. “I’m not telling you to… stop being a self-made man, or what have you. But—”
“But you wouldn’t mind if I cooled it on the crime-fighting?” Diego said. “Yeah. I know.”
“I know you know,” Five said.
Diego reached over and stroked Five’s hair. “How about you cool it on the beating up on yourself?”
Five sighed.
“I know,” Diego said, more quietly. He scratched Five’s scalp. “Like I said… you’ve done enough.”
“Which is why you think I deserve a vacation?” Five said.
“We,” Diego said. “I’m not letting you go off by yourself, fucker.”
“Well,” Five said. “Maybe I’d consider taking you with me.”
Diego looked up at the ceiling. “We work hard,” he said. “Even the one of us who’s living like a prince off inheritance money.”
“We work so goddamn hard,” Five said. He tipped his head against Diego’s hand. “You have a plan for our grand vacation?”
Diego looked over at him. Five was watching him with those big dark eyes. Diego smiled, and he touched Five’s lips.
“I think for once,” he said, “I’m gonna go with the flow.”
“Are we there yet?” Five said, watching the highway rush past the window.
“I know you’re asking to be funny,” Diego said. “But shut the fuck up.”
Five laughed. He threw the maps in the back seat. He reached over the console, his touch fond and familiar, and he twined his fingers through Diego’s.