Chapter Text
You worriedly looked at your husband as he pulled over near a gate with lots of plants vining over the walls. The poor state of the property paled compared to the house you found inside, beyond the overly grown garden. It looked like a forest to you. A cabin in the woods. You suddenly question his financial status in your head. You didn’t even think that he was spending a lot of money to deplete his accounts… or did he? Satoru is fond of his snack souvenirs. Maybe… he bought a lot? That doesn’t make any sense. How many snacks should he have bought to be this broke? Did you make him broke?
You cannot fathom the thought of affecting Satoru’s finances. You quickly ran after Satoru, gripping his shirt tightly.
“Satoru, we should get back to the realtor. I’m sure I have enough money to buy us a house.” You know he is looking at you despite his blindfold. You watched him smile, gently and teasingly, as he held your hand but also not like his usual smile. Just the smile that looked like he was holding back.
“Don’t worry, princess. This won’t be our house.” He squeezed your hand before his hands found your cheeks. You sighed, melting into his touch. “I got another place, princess. This is just a residence of mine that I didn’t really manage.”
His words alone have brought you enough relief for you to put your hands on top of his, a smile gracing your features. You stopped yourself from losing your smile when you saw a hint of hesitation in his eyes, his smile not reaching his ears. You gulped, watching him slowly pull his hands back, turning back while grabbing your hand to pull you with him. A slight dread loomed over you because you didn’t know what was happening anymore. What exactly changed?
Your mind only goes back to what happened yesterday. It was daunting but you believe everything will be better if you’re just with Satoru. You took it upon yourself to hold his hand tightly.
“Why are we here then?”
“I’ll just get something I left. I don’t want to leave you anywhere far from me.” Satoru’s smile faltered. “Do you mind putting up with me?”
You shook your head, still guilty about the burdens you come with. You don’t mind going with him anywhere. You’ve already done that multiple times. You’ve gone to the grocery with him. A few runs to convenience stores. His office. The school. You like being with him because… well, because of him. Sure, you can meet his students when you go with him. Sure, you can be at ease walking around. But that’s all because of Gojo Satoru.
If going with him will put his mind at ease, then so be it. You will stay with him.
“I’ll go with you anywhere, Satoru.” You smiled when his smile widens again. “I’m always safe with you.”
Satoru felt like throwing up when he heard those words spill from your beautiful lips. He pulled you close for a hug when he couldn’t bear letting you see his grimace. He messed up and all he could offer you for the past couple of days was his body. You’re so beautiful as always—taking him. Golden eyes filled with love and nothing else. It’s his fucking decreasing self-worth that’s making him feel pathetic. Can he really keep you safe with him? Does he still deserve you? Those thoughts plague him every second, especially when you smile at him like he hung the moon. It’s you who hangs it. The moon. The stars. The fucking sun. Everything feels colorful because of you, and it makes the hurt in his chest double.
He pulled back, tipping your chin. You are so damned pure. Selfishly, he shakes off some of his unease before you can even catch it, kissing you fully on your glossed lips. You taste so good. He likes your lips. Scratch that, he loves your lips. How you taste. How soft you are. You are all he wants and all he needs. He can’t afford to lose you. Not when he already did so many times.
With determination, he will hunt whoever bastard tried to hurt you. You were haunted. It’s just fair if he haunts the fucker back. That’s it. He just needs to fix that, and he’ll deserve you again.
“I love you, princess.”
“I love you too, Satoru.”
Satoru will offer the rest of his lifetime just to hear those words over and over and over again.
After a few seconds or minutes of kissing, you lift your hands to wrap them over his shoulders. You feel satisfied as you feel his slight relief. You hope you two will really talk because you didn’t talk in the hotel. You just… fucked after hours of that strangled silence. You can’t really argue against it because you love his touch. You know you still have him. You won’t let him go anyway.
You grinned at him, wincing when you catch the glimpse of the worn-out estate around you. Satoru chuckled, nuzzling your neck for a second before you two head in.
-
Exactly three days passed. Somehow within that short span of time, you had cosigned a mansion of a house. It felt like a mansion for just a couple. Six rooms bedrooms and en suite, a washroom, biggest shared spaces (kitchen, living room, backyard). You didn’t even pay a single penny for it. It’s all Satoru. He brought you the papers after the quick stopover to the wicked and worn-out estate. Then you just packed your clothes while he hired people to move every piece of belonging you two had in the condo. You just gripped the box full of the shrine for your child at the end of the day while Satoru hauled your baggage and off you two went to this mighty house.
In those days, Satoru had made people come and go in our house to fix everything. Literally. A bare house became a fully furnished one. Of course, the furniture you adored from your previous place was taken here, but there was so much more Satoru splurged on. It’s a huge house!
It was honestly a blur. You just know you were being distracted at every hour of those three days and now you have officially moved in and spent a whole day lazing around on the couch with a YouTube workout session on the TV. You’re not even moving, eating handful of popcorns Satoru kept producing from the kitchen.
He’s busy with something. You know. You saw him making hushed phone calls with a heavy frown. Plus, God, the emails. You swore his fingers were flying on his keyboard. You try to peek into his laptop, but he managed to angled it perfectly that you cannot see anything.
“I love our house.” You started.
Satoru smiles, looking straight at you. His eyes are so light and bright like the skies. “Yeah?”
“Too big though.” You scrunch up your nose, squinting at the darken hallways with motion detector lights. Fancy.
“I think it’s just right.” He closed his laptop with a small clunk. He joined you on your massive couch, molding your bodies tightly together. “When we have our kids, they would need rooms.”
Your stomach did a backflip while your heart thud, thud, thud loudly in your chest. You weren’t anxious about his huge implication of your marriage life. You do want kids with Satoru. Even with the memory of Aiko still fresh, you want more connection with him. Kids. Time. Touches. You want it all.
You have no idea that you can be more in love with Satoru. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you nod enthusiastically. Right now, it doesn’t matter if he got cage-y these past few days. You know you’ll work it out.
“How many kids do you want?” You blushed as you stumbled with the words.
“Any number you’re comfortable with, princess.” He pecked soft kisses on your cheeks. You pursed your lips, unsatisfied with his vague answer. He laughed at you. The audacity. “At least two. How many do you want?”
You honestly have no idea, but the thought of little babies with white tuffs of hair and blue eyes is making your womb flutter. “I just want at least one boy and girl.”
Satoru’s grin grew wider. “Yeah?” he rasped, voice lower, eyes hooded. The perfect ‘I’ll be fucking you now’ face.
You nod, shuddering when he grinded his hips against yours. He’s hard.
“You want to try for a baby?” You gulped, gasping as his fingers slipped into your shorts, cupping your already wet pussy. You saw how his pupils dilate, eyes dipping to your lips then up again. “S-should I stop my birth control?”
“Not yet, princess. Soon though.”
You hopelessly nod. Your eyes sting because goodness, this is too much. You feel overly emotional because this is too important. Soon is a promise and you’ll take it. You reach up and give him small kisses which he reciprocated. It doesn’t matter if his hard-on presses against you. You two just kiss softly. No tongue. Just soft and light kisses which make your whole soul mushy and all so deeply and wholly full.
“I love you so fucking much, Satoru.” You sniffled, not succeeding in stopping your tears.
“As I you, Y/N.” Satoru cooed, wiping at your tears, pressing his lips on your eyelids. His hands splayed on your back, rubbing soothingly.
This moment is full of love, but you know you need to break it. Because despite the perfect house, the perfect touches and kisses, the perfect him, you are not stupid. Something is weighing on Satoru, and you are worried.
“Then,” your tongue struggled with the single word. He patiently waits even as you repeat the word for good measure. “What are you hiding from me? When are we going to talk properly?”
You watched him press his eyes, his lips rolling together. You hit the spot. His sharp inhale sent spears into your heart. When his hand slips out of your shorts and his body trembling as he hugs you, you feel your heart shatter. No, no. You don’t want him all guarded up. You promised to do your part in this marriage. To protect him as he does with you. How can you do that when he is not saying anything.
“It’s because of my breakdown, isn’t it? You won’t look at me the same way after that. You’re hiding things from me. Please tell me you aren’t put off with me being messed up in the head. Please—”
“You aren’t messed up.” Satoru spoke with finality. His bright blue eyes burned into yours before it shifted to the side. The emotions in his eyes—shame, guilt, and anger—boiled through those gorgeous blues. “I am. I always fucking messed up like it’s a sport.”
That made you utterly confused. When exactly did Satoru messed up? He never does in your eyes. It’s always you. Your eyes burn. Tears fall. Not happy tears. Sad and guilty tears. Of course, when Satoru saw them, the sting of tears in his eyes doubles, immediately muttering his apologies and soothing words. Always the perfect husband.
“But you never mess up. Why do you think you mess up? How? When?” You hiccupped, threading your hands through his hair, palms on his prickly undercut, thumbs on his jaw. Your husband doesn’t say a word. His jaw ticked. “Please, Satoru. You’re hurting. Let’s talk. Hmm? We always talk. We promise to protect one another. How can I protect you when you suddenly build walls around yourself? Let me in. I need you.”
Satoru felt needles stabbing into his heart for every fat tear that escaped your golden eyes. Your eyebrows are all pressed together. Your thumbs desperately run in circles on his jaw. It fucking hurts him to see you this pained. Again, all because of him. Satoru pressed his forehead against you, breathing in your soft scent mixed with popcorn.
He could just tell you, but the words refuse to touch his tongue. He wanted to tell you that guilt is eating him up, because he can’t find the motherfucker who haunted you. The one with that nasty energy. Although he had already picked up some pieces. It’s your family again. He had already dealt with a lot of your clan. Yet here he is getting the show whiff of a revenge plot against you. Solely you. Damn them. Why can’t everything just be perfect like you? Everything is so fucked up right now and it is draining him.
“I’m okay, princess.”
You decided you can’t do this tonight. Not after the movies and popcorn you ate. It feels so fucking horrible not to be trusted by your own husband. You let him go, quickly peeling yourself from him. When he tried to touch you, you stood up, glaring at him with tearful eyes.
“You. Are. Not. Okay. If you’re not ready to tell me, then don’t. Just, please, remember I’m here.”
When Satoru saw you turning away, he can’t fucking bare it. He grabbed your arm and tugged you to sit on the couch. He’s so weak when it comes to you. Those tears. The goddamn hurt. All of it is etching deep into his soul. He can’t take anymore blows. Easily, he drops to the floor on his knees, wrapping his arms around your waist.
“I didn’t believe you at first.” He started. He felt you stiffen. He gripped you tighter, pressing a kiss on your tummy, his lips shaking. He swallows a whimper when your arms wrap around him. “I… I always understand that you deal a lot in your head.”
He heard your little shaky exhale, your hands trembling. “I thought it was just a horrible episode, okay? I didn’t know how to break it to you until…”
“Until what?”
Satoru hold onto you tighter as you try to wiggle free. Your voice broke and so did his heart. “I felt that fucker like a fucking stain. I’m sorry for being such an asshole. What you felt is real and I stupidly think it was not, but that doesn’t mean I was dismissing you. Still, it’s messed up. I am messed up. I can’t seem to stop failing you as your husband. I don’t fucking deserve you. I am—"
You pressed a finger on his lips. It’s like before. The same problem all over again where you both blame yourself endlessly about not deserving each other, but now, he had it harder. It’s breaking your heart for Satoru. You hugged him.
“Please don’t say that, Satoru. You didn’t fail me. If you did, you wouldn’t be here and wouldn’t make me feel safe. I know I was too panicked that time. I begged you to believe me, but it’s okay if you think it was just in my head. Do you know why?”
You tipped his chin up. His blue eyes shone with tears. You can’t believe he’s been letting this stew. You feel a bit hurt when you heard him say he didn’t believe you but fuck, even you don’t believe your memories the day after. It felt so long. Like a bad dream. You are scared about it. But you are even more scared that Satoru thinks he doesn’t deserve you when you are trying your damned hardest to be who he deserves. Someone who can protect yourself. Who can protect him.
Satoru kept silent. His arms are tight around you. God, he looked so fragile. It’s been a long time since you last saw him this way. You dislike it, but it is also… refreshing. Gojo Satoru is still human.
“Because I know you will always be here by my side.” You carefully brush away the white strands falling over his beautiful blue eyes. “Because you hold me whenever I do have episodes. You ground me. You take care of me. You love me. When it matters, you always have my back. I feel safe because you’re here. You have done so much for me. You’re all I ever wanted and needed. So please don’t tell me you don’t deserve me. We already had this conversation, my prince. Please don’t backpedal on us.”
You trace your thumb over his lips. You feel the weight over your shoulders lessen when his tears finally fall. You lean down and kiss over their trail.
“You were in so much pain, princess,” his voice trembles. “Hiding under our sheets when our home should be your haven. I just feel so useless. All this power I have, I keep fucking things up. I’m sorry. Do I really deserve you even after all this?”
“Yes,” you answered with no hesitation. His eyes widened. “You deserve me, Gojo Satoru, my prince.” You held his face, pinning his eyes, making sure he listens to every single word you just uttered. “There’s nothing to forgive.”
Satoru gripped you tighter. He knew it. Those words are exactly the words he thought you’d say, because you are such an understanding person. However, hearing them in person feels like gentle hands lifting the weight of his shoulders. He can just wallow in self-misery like he had been doing for days, but that’s not fair to you, is it? Ah, he loves you so much. All she can do right now is breathe in your soft scent. The soothing feel of your skin under his thumbs is so warm. You’re warm.
You waited…and waited until Satoru nodded, pushing up to capture your lips. You can feel his relief. His tensed back muscles finally relaxed. He never gets up from his knees. He just pulls you to him, his hands cupping the back of your head so tenderly that it fixes the pain you felt from his silence from these past days.
“I love you,” he parts from you. Resting his forehead against yours, you got hypnotized with the way he licked his lips glistening with your mixed saliva.
“I love you too.” You tugged on him so he can lay sit or lay next to you but he’s adamant on his position. “Sit next to me.”
“In a bit.” He mutters, resting his head on your thighs as he hugged you tighter.
You feel his desperation, so you let him. With the buzz of the forgotten TV show and half eaten bowls of differently flavored popcorn, you softly ran your fingers through his silky hair. So white that it’s almost silver. At some point, your hands travel to his broad shoulders, massaging him. You listen at how he sighs, melting into your touches.
“Praise me more,” he muttered. “Please, princess.”
You smiled, leaning back to look at how he gazed down at you. You can already see him in a better mood which also affected you positively.
“You are so strong. The strongest is my prince,” you obliged. “You are so talented. You cook like a chef. You are warm and gentle and kind. You always gloat but with reason. You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. So blue like skies. It’s those blue eyes that made look up rather than down.” You grazed one of his eyelids with a finger. “You make me so happy. Satoru. Don’t get me started on how you…make love to me.”
Your cheeks burn as he chuckles, rubbing his face on your tummy. You can still feel his tears wetting your shirt. You patted his back.
You gave him a slight pinch. “But you need to control yourself. You make me sore but I also like it so much.”
“Yeah?”
“Yep.” You rubbed his back. You continued, “Let it all out, my prince. Even if you cry, you are still so powerful.”
He hums while pressing kisses over your shirt, yet you can feel his heat. You continued showering him with more compliments. Sometimes you repeat what you already said but he soaks it up, peeking at you with a smile. Then he buries his face again, sobbing slightly. Poor Satoru, you wondered. It must have hurt to keep these all to himself.
“I love you so much” He hiccupped, his sobs easing.
“Yeah?” You bit back your chuckle, your tears finally falling.
“Uh-huh. So much.” He looks up at you, pouting. You carefully brushed his tears, marveling at the slight redness around his eyes.
“Do you love me?”
“Yes, I love you, Satoru.” You nodded. It doesn’t matter if you two already told your I-love-yous a while ago. You know he had to hear it again. You need to too.
“What if I became a bug?” He asked.
Satoru watched you fall in a deep confusion. Your lips parted, head tipping to the side. You look exactly how he pictured you to look from that question. All confused and lost. With his cheeks wet, he smirked. He feels better already from all the sobbing and praises. He feels free. The way confusion enveloped you also made everything even better.
“Do you mean if your body got manipulated into a bug?” You asked helplessly while he looks up from your thighs. “I don’t understand Satoru. Is that possible?”
Satoru smiled, having fun at your innocence. You looked so determined to understand him. He watched your confusion start to morph into panic, so he emphasized, “It’s a theoretical question. What if. If I were—hypothetically—become a butterfly or a beetle or whatever, will you still love me?”
“Of course I would. I will put you in a safe jar.” You bring up your hands as if you’re holding onto a small mason jar. He laughed at you, casually wiping at his wet cheek using your sweatpants. You pouted, not understanding what the hell is funny when he slammed you in a hypothetical question that still confuses you. You rest your hands over his shoulder, squeezing a bit. “It is not funny Satoru. Bugs get squashed easily even if you still have your infinity as a bug. You will be all fragile. I need to keep you safe.”
“I love you,” he tells you once again.
“I love you too.”
He nodded. You two fall into a comfortable silence. Your tears drying. Tonight is a rollercoaster ride of emotions. You confronted him and he laid himself bare. You feel satisfied and happy.
After ten minutes or so, you lean down and kiss him over his hair. Only then you realize that your husband, your prince, your other half is sleeping. How? You have no idea. His eyelashes grazed his cheeks, lips mumbling incoherently.
You hear a buzz. His phone lit up from new emails. He must’ve been exhausted from all that work. Whatever it is. You patted his back. You can’t find it in you to wake him up, especially when he’s still kneeling. He’ll be sore tomorrow for sure. Maybe his knees will ache. Maybe he might develop arthritis at his young age—
“Y/N…” he mumbles, arms hugging you tighter, a drool escaping the corner of his luscious lips.
You bite your lips to prevent you from laughing. Your husband is adorable. You press a few more kisses on his head before you turn off the TV.
You’ll just massage his legs if he wakes up with them refusing to stand.
You’ll cook him pancakes which hopefully you won’t burn or have eggshells in.
That’s for tomorrow where you’ll show him that he deserves you and you deserve him. You’ll remind him as you will to yourself.
It’s only right because you are truly and deeply in love with your husband.