Chapter Text
The crust of newly-baked sourdough crackled in Hyunsuk’s mouth, overcoming the pealing sound of his old digital clock. He’s got to go. The day marks his first interview for a segment in a popular television channel. Jaehyuk sure had call him dozen times already. He’s the one in a fuss between two of them. Asahi sent him a warm ‘Good luck, hyung! Fighting!’ Hongjoong cheered for him, too, while in a vacation in Hawaii.
Hyunsuk sipped his new favorite, two double shot espresso, while looking through the kitchen’s window. Just like the quote he read on one of library desks “Moment is all we are.” He wanted to cherish every single minute, for some reason he could hardly admit.
He's going thirty next year, not bad, he got a house, his own car, own studio, and a published name. All in seven years.
Hyunsuk’s gaze wandered onto the sink, to the stove, to the fridge…he sighed. His phone rang once again, this time he took an effort to answer.
“Lord, have mercy. You finally answered!” Jaehyuk screamed over the phone. Hyunsuk had to put the phone away from his ear. “Hyung, did you read the questions? Are you prepared enough? Did you—”
Hyunsuk put down his new transparent mug and leaned to the kitchen countertop. “Jae, I’m not a kid. Calm down, no one’s gonna be hanged later.” He heard him sigh.
“Or are you…I mean, I know about his arrival. He asked for help a month ago.”
Hyunsuk suddenly heard the birds sing from the branches and the crumpets he just bit became the sweetest little thing ever. Peculiar. Even how well-blended was the purple and pink in the sky, it matches with Borealis.
“Are you sure you don’t want to meet him in the airport? He’s expecting to see you, Hyung.”
“We’ll not be able to forget if we kept on giving each other quite attention, am I wrong?”
“The question’s answerable by yes or no.”
Hyunsuk snorted and smiled after. “No.”
“Ok, just to let you know. I’ll pick him up by twelve noon and he told me he’ll be staying at Conrad hotel.”
“Mhm.” Hyunsuk hummed before sipping his drink. He stared at the smoke coming out of it. It still wasn’t sinking in, Jihoon’s coming back.
“Right, it’s up to you, hyung. Good luck!”
He was left with the sound of ended call. Really, he’s got to go, but his feet have weights on them.
Seven years, Hyunsuk gone used to being alone. He learned how to cook, found new hobbies like building Legos, crocheting suits for Chili even though he despises it. He’s done huge in seven years so he could retire at the age of thirty. To travel the world, that’s what he planned to be. He wanted to see the skies in different places, just to know if they’re any different.
“Let’s travel the world until we’re old and weak,” Jihoon chuckled after hearing Hyunsuk’s dream. Jihoon held his hand, “Let’s be together until then.”
Hyunsuk shook his head and drank his coffee till the last drop. He got to finally move his body in a hurry like what he’s supposed to be doing.
“If you can describe your journey in one word, what would it be?” the famous documenter asked.
Seated in the most comfortable chair, Hyunsuk fidgeted as he was still nervous even though they were already at the ending part of the interview. He could see Jaehyuk at the back of lights and cameras with his balled-up fists, cheering for him. There also was his small number of fans outside waving banners, ‘We love and aspire to be like you, Choi Hyunsuk!!’
Hyunsuk smiled.
“If I’d describe my journey. It would be…rocky.”
His silly mind showed Jihoon’s face smiling while in the middle of the rocks. It was in Busan when they went hiking.
“Oh, interesting. Please tell us why.”
“Rocky…the path I chose was. It was not perfect, it’s all messed up. Rock’s all over the place. There were dull and shiny, big and small, light and heavy…smooth and rough, clean and muddy.”
That moment, Hyunsuk’s heart was finally at ease. He could breathe normally and smile without traces of anxiety.
“I met someone along the way, while I’m still wondering what to do with the rocks in front of me. I saw that person.”
Jaehyuk’s smile faded and was replaced with empathy. He knew who that person was.
“That person was piling the rocks as if paving the way. No matter the size or the texture of the rock, even if it’s broken or uneven. That person was using them to make a way in that river and to make the water flow to different directions.” Hyunsuk bit his lip, denying his tears. “That person was…amazing.”
“Wow, how deep that was, Hyunsuk-ah,” the documenter started clapping and everyone in the studio followed. Hyunsuk bowed his head in gratitude. He found a way to hide his tears after being reminded of everything that had happened to him in the past seven years.
It was seeing Jihoon slowly making his dreams come true that gave him the motivation to pursue his own. He made him believe he could still do something to make his life better. To make it his ideal. That he wasn’t just a living person but was a happy man.
“I think this person matters to you, no?”
“He does. He does.”
“He’s a he?” the lady curiously asked. “Wow, do you still have him with you? Was he here with us? Or watching, at least?”
Hyunsuk chuckled. “No, he’s in far away.” He rubbed his nape and gazed around. His heart turned off-beat and everyone’s voices were senseless in that specific moment. The figure beside Jaehyuk’s stares deeply at him like he was Hyunsuk’s kryptonite.
Kryptonite was those doe eyes and a face like warm carnations. A potter’s masterpiece dressed like human. A rosebud found in a wild shrub.
Hyunsuk felt cold from beneath his feet. He almost forgot that he was on the set, for a certain man made that place a place where the sun wakes up.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
Jihoon decided it to be the last exchange of hi. He smiled and brushed his hair a little to make sure he looks good. He gripped the strap of his travel bag and gulped the lump in his throat.
“I-I’m back,” he dumbly informed. He scoffed. “I’m sorry, I must have, must have surprised you.”
Hyunsuk shakily nodded. His eyes continued to wander. He didn’t prepare himself enough for this very situation.
Jihoon straightaway went to the studio after getting out of the airport. The thirteen hour flight didn’t stop him from watching Hyunsuk in his first national interview.
“He’s really stubborn. I told him to take a rest and just watch it on T.V later. But anyway, he looks different now, huh? He blended well with the foreigners and I almost did not recognize him with bunch of them around.” Jaehyuk laughed when Jihoon pinched him in the ear.
“I’m still me, Jae,” he replied with full of glee in his voice. He looked at Hyunsuk again and realized how he hasn’t spoken a word since they met again.
“Are you good? D-Do you want me to leave? I’m sorry if I—” Jihoon was ready to push his suitcase when Hyunsuk cleared his throat.
“No. No, I’m fine,” Hyunsuk bellowed, “Just, a little surprised and all.”
“Should we now head back in our house? Asahi and my kid’s waiting for us.”
Jihoon’s eyes widened. “You guys have a kid?” he asked and earned laughter from both Hyunsuk and Jaehyuk.
“Dumbass, you’ve got a lot of things to catch up you know! Like how Hyunsuk-hyung has an apprentice now.”
“Apprentice?”
“Sunbaenim!” a guy called coming through the door while waving his hands like crazy.
“Oh, there he is,” Jaehyuk tapped Jihoon’s back as the guy went beside Hyunsuk, excessively praising him for his answers. “This is Kino.”
The man looked abruptly at Jihoon and bowed his head after. “Hello, Jaehyuk-nim and—”
“Jihoon,” he introduced himself. “With a ‘nim’, too.”
“I didn’t see you anywhere inside. Where on earth were you earlier?” Hyunsuk scolded which Kino grinned for. He raised the banner with Hyunsuk’s photo edited with words “the world needs you.”
Jaehyuk took the banner and stared at it in awe. “You’re the one who made and gave this to those fans? You’re really something, Kino-ya.”
“I know you’ll be embarrassed, but those fans willingly took it to cheer for you.”
Kino has such a fresh youth flowing out of his veins. He was the type to brighten anyone’s day using his own silly ways.
“You didn’t have to, but thanks. It helped,” Hyunsuk replied and accidentally locked gazes with Jihoon.
“Alright, come on you guys. Let’s celebrate. Asahi prepared us delicious foods.”
The soda can was bent out of it’s shape, just like Jihoon’s face upon realizing the gap the time has made for them. Everything has changed. Seoul looked prettier, not necessarily about the people living inside of it. Some changed for the better. Some changed badly.
Out of the several things he missed, Jihoon only has someone he couldn’t remain on missing. Jihoon came back, hoping it’s the right time to pursue his other dream.
“How’s Germany?” someone asked from behind him. The soda fizzed and overflowed from Jihoon’s hand. Jihoon only stared at it, unaware. “You okay?” Hyunsuk asked.
Jihoon turned to look. “Ah, you’re here.”
“I’m sorry, do you want to be alone?”
Jihoon scoffed. No, obviously. He wanted a company. He wanted someone to tell him what he missed during the seven years he was away. He wanted someone to tell him, it’s still the place he loved to be, or that, he was still welcome.
“Well, do you want to be with me?” he asked in return.
Nothing follows.
Jihoon flinched when Hyunsuk went beside him, looking at the perfect view of Han river.
“Do you have some pictures of you in uniform?”
He need not to ask twice, Jihoon took his phone. With shaky hands, he immediately picked some nice pictures to show. Ah, surely not the one he’s with a female attendant, not the one his hair was all disheveled from the strong wind, not the one he was holding a bottle of tequila. Come on, where were his decent photos?
Jihoon took long to pick that Hyunsuk finally chuckled.
“It’s fine, Jihoon. Just show me anything.”
Jihoon took a deep breath and gave Hyunsuk his phone, showing a photo of him with a private jet plane. He looked so proud and happy. Hyunsuk swiped right for more. He saw a photo of him maneuvering in the cockpit, Jihoon looked all serious. The third one was him with his co-pilots. They seemed have been awarded from how they proudly held their certificates up in the air. Again, Jihoon looked so happy and more than contented.
The fourth…Hyunsuk lost his smile as he saw a candid photo of him. Jihoon clicked it back to home in panic, but he got embarrassed how he still have their photo in his wallpaper. If he would recall, it was when they randomly shopped together one night. Hyunsuk’s mouth agape. Jihoon cussed in hushed tones as he put his phone back in his suit’s pocket.
“Sorry. I haven’t got the time to delete.” It sounded so wrong Jihoon had to cover his reckless mouth. Though, it’s a futile effort to pretend while having beet ears and obvious stammer. “S-Sorry.”
“What are your plans now?” Hyunsuk asked after an awkward pause. “Isn’t it better to work abroad?”
“Nothing’s like home, you know,” Jihoon stared at the sky, the same sky he and Hyunsuk watched during the first new year’s eve they spent together.
He kicked the rails out of anxiety, he could already feel his eyes wet and it wasn’t cool. He didn’t want Hyunsuk to see how lonely he was actually the entire seven years. Good lord, Jihoon wished that years would just pass like days, like hours, like minutes, like seconds so he could finally come home and see Hyunsuk again.
Jihoom longed for him in an unfathomable extent. He missed Hyunsuk, only god knows how much.
He loves him still. In a way, Hyunsuk should be the first one to realize.
“I’ve learned a lot of things, Suk,” he blurted, blowing air and inhaling loudly. “I helped myself become a better person.”
“You did so well,” Hyunsuk mouthed as he tapped Jihoon’s back.
His gesture only made Jihoon cry. Jihoon continuously wiped under his eyes and was chortling while doing so.
“Stop watching me please, you know I’m too ugly when crying,” Jihoon jested and sniffled. “Ha, I thought I’m strong enough to stand before you.”
“All will be fine after sometime, Jihoon. Let it be for now.”
Did all of your love for me was gone? Am I too late? Was seven years a bit too much of a space?
Jihoon repeatedly asked in his mind.
“Suk.”
“Ji.”
There was a subtle difference on how they called each other’s names. Jihoon sounded like asking, while Hyunsuk already answered.
Jihoon pulled a smile. “I’m sorry for still hoping when I know it’s impossible.”
If they could only meet each other again…
But Jihoon didn’t wait for seven years to just give up. So when he showed up in Hyunsuk’s porch with a rough bouquet of fragrant jasmine while dressed up in his work uniform, Jihoon looked very much decided. There’s no stopping him from loving Hyunsuk. No amount of time and distance could ever stop him.
Hyunsuk pulled Jihoon from kneeling. The man was even smiling stupidly.
“What is this, Jihoon? Why are you doing this? Ji—” Hyunsuk hitched a breath as though his heart have run a mile.
“Can we meet each other like the first time?”
Chilli who rarely goes out of bed, went through Hyunsuk’s feet and rubbed his body on Jihoon’s ankles. Jihoon did the proper way of holding a cat. He took him so gentle and kissed him on the forehead. “Missed you, baby,” he whispered.
Hyunsuk could only watch, speechless, except he had nothing to say. Stopping Jihoon would only fuel him to do more. Jihoon has that perseverance even before.
Jihoon put Chilli down and held the brim of his cap. “Hi, I’m Park Jihoon, currently working as a pilot in Korean Air. I got an Airline Transport License in Germany and won the prestigious Master Pilot Award.” he introduced like how the captain pilot would start the flight.
It put a smile on Hyunsuk’s face. He crossed his arms against his chest and replied. “Well hi, I’m Choi Hyunsuk, the multi-awarded professional photographer from South Korea. Won two international award in two consecutive years, became a guest critique in several universities in Thailand and Philippines.”
“Nice work, I see,” Jihoon lent his hand, “Looks like we’re perfect for each other.”
Jihoon took the thing about starting over seriously or more likely, trying to win Hyunsuk’s heart again. Like being present in Hyunsuk’s appointments, offering him rides when he needed, and making a lot of food for Hyunsuk and his family, too. He was visiting Hyunsuk’s grandma’s grave every once in a while, bringing flowers, and cleaning the memorial tablet attached on her tombstone.
He didn’t, at least once, tried to come inside Hyunsuk’s house as a respect. There’s just a time, Hyunsuk invited him inside and he was afraid to say no. It was ten in the evening when they arrived home. Hyunsuk didn’t want him to drive anymore as they were both tired from doing shoots for a famous magazine and it was raining outside.
“Come on in.” Hyunsuk said as he turned on the lights. He hugged Chilli who came out of bed groggily. He’s becoming too old.
After making two baby steps inside, Jihoon noticed two different pair of shoes placed beside a tall plant. The other pair was Hyunsuk’s shoes and the other one didn’t quite look like Hyunsuk’s size. It was bigger and also in different style. But he didn’t think of it much when Hyunsuk laughed for him for walking like a crab.
“Why are you so uncomfortable?”
Yeah, why am I so uncomfortable when it’s the same house we created a lot of memories with? Hyunsuk, Hyunsuk, don’t you really know how tremendous this affect me?
Jihoon complained within himself. He breathed. Not so long, Hyunsuk gave him a glass of lemonade.
“This…”
“I know you don’t drink lemonades, but my lemon tree was now bearing fruits and I thought you’d love to taste some,” Hyunsuk explained while slicing another lemon into two. He turned to check if Jihoon was still disgusted by it like before, but his eyes couldn’t believe how the glass was already emptied.
“Did you throw it?”
“No, I drank it.”
“Huh? Didn’t you say you don’t like them?”
“I do now, Suk. I was once hospitalized for drinking too much cola back in Germany.”
Hyunsuk chuckled. “You’re now on a diet?”
Jihoon followed him into the kitchen and there he roam his eyes around. It was totally different from before. The backsplash, the color of the lights, the dining table, the chairs.
Again, Jihoon noticed the two mugs beside the sink. The one has a cat figure on it and the one has a dog. He also saw two aprons hanging loosely on the fridge’s door. The one has purple color and the other has green.
He licked the bottom of his lip and leaned at kitchen’s countertop like he used to.
“Who was preparing your meals while I was away?” he asked with a low voice.
Hyunsuk looked up while thinking. “Asahi was sending me packed lunch. Jaehyuk was buying me some for dinner…for breakfast, Kino. He makes some good sandwiches and fresh artisans.” He smiled upon showing the banana bread cleanly wrapped inside the fridge.
“That guy seem fun to be with,” Jihoon tittered, watching Hyunsuk heat some pork stew.
“He’s really dedicated in photography. That’s rare to see in a generation where the standard of aesthetics is in Instagram.”
Jihoon saw two placemats on the table and it goes on. When he went to the bathroom, he saw two toothbrushes in two different colors, two different shampoos, two different soaps, two different towels, and two different slippers.
Two pair of pillows, two colors of blankets, and two different scarves.
Jihoon was all at sea when he spoke. “I’ll just drive back to the hotel.”
“Huh?”
All because Jihoon was afraid that Hyunsuk was already taken by someone else. That he’s already a pair to someone.
“Jihoon!” Hyunsuk called as he run through the heavy rain. “Jihoon! Wait!” he called again, choking in the rainwater flowing in his mouth.
Jihoon didn’t stop or even turn to look. The heaven would just throw him the weight of the world if he saw Hyunsuk’s face. It would just hurt.
It will hurt.
The rain would be his tears instead.
“Jihoon, did you came back just to leave me again?!” Hyunsuk exasperatedly screamed.
It was the time, Jihoon stopped moving his feet.
“You’re so damn stupid! You’re an idiot, Jihoon! You didn’t think seven years was long for me! You didn’t think I was lonely and lifeless without you! You didn’t think I’m waiting every year to get your stupid fucking handwritten letters! You didn’t think I want you to hug me tight when you came back home! Home, Jihoon! That’s what you came back for and not the past! Idiot!” Hyunsuk cried. “Idiot, seven years, may it be eight, may it be nine, or ten! I still love you!”
Jihoon slowly turned or that the world stopped for them. If this was a dream, he’d hate himself. Hyunsuk picked a stone and threw it on Jihoon’s feet. It hurts. It’s real.
He dashed in front of crying Hyunsuk and wrapped him in his arms. From years of being tough, their hearts became like mallows melting after getting scorched. Hyunsuk loved the rain pouring on his face, he smiled.
“I still love you, too, Suk. I never stopped loving you. But…but to whoever those things in your house belong, it would hurt him.”
Hyunsuk laughed. “Why would you get hurt?”
Jihoon drew back and grasped Hyunsuk’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, what did you—”
“Silly, those are yours,” Hyunsuk held Jihoon’s cheeks and sweetly whispered, “welcome home.”
From then on, Hyunsuk learnt. No matter how crooked their path is gonna be, fate will put them back into place. In sweet disposition. Out of the thousands of images he captured, there's a person his mind couldn't delete. It doesn't matter if it's out of ratios, grid, golden rules, or principles. Love is simply is. Sweet Disposition.
