Chapter Text
Barreling out of Colorado along the lonely Lincoln Highway they made headway towards Nevada. Therese was now in the drivers seat since Carol had almost fallen asleep behind the wheel and swerved into a tree Therese decidedly took over. Carol decided to sleep in the back seat because she “wasn’t about to sprain my neck or get a minor concussion from hitting the window”. She caught a glimpse of Carol’s pensive face in the rear view mirror, gently snoozing in the back seat. Driving through the night seemed like a hellish chore, staying awake on sheer will and coffee while looking onto endless horizons of nothing held no appeal to her, until now. She suddenly understood why Carol liked to drive at night, She enjoyed feeling like the earth stood still and the car was the only thing that caused it to spin. In the silence of the night, she could enjoy the softly playing music, either to mull over the lyrics or enjoy it as white noise. She could listen to the conversations the air held, a distant laughter or whistle of the wind. Therese blew smoke out of her mouth, pursing her lips to one side to direct the smoke out the open window. Cigarettes were a nasty habit that she would have to work on getting rid of, doubly so for Carol. Though she noticed that Carol smoked less these days, her cigarette case stayed full for longer and fewer late night trips for a pack of Marlboro 100s were being made. At the same time, she couldn’t imagine Carol not smoking; as if the woman invented the act itself but she hoped that both of them could lay this habit to rest soon. She was concerned for Carol’s health, no question about it, and the fact that their ages made their time together even more precious wasn’t lost to her. How many memories could they make in the little time they were given, if a woman was to live until 66 years of age then they had a meager 30 years together, how many places would they be able to see in these 30 years? How many promotions would they celebrate? Would she finally be editor in chief? Would Carol still be running her furniture store or give it up for something new or nothing at all? How many other reasons would they have to celebrate? Who would they be in 30 years? 15 years? 10?. She drove over a bump and Carol whined from the backseat, breaking her thought process. The sky started to change color and soon the billboards of Vegas would start peeking out of the horizon. She felt Carol stir; Therese leaned back into the drivers seat but wasn’t confident enough to look away from the road. Carol pressed a kiss to the back of Therese’s neck.
“G’ morning” Carol rested her chin on her arms, which were folded on top of the bench seat.
“Did you sleep well back there?” Therese continued to concentrate on the road ahead of her.
“As well as a deer at hunting hour.” Carol sighed to exaggerate her tiredness.
“They should put you in the movies with how dramatic you are.” Therese shook her head but laughed nonetheless.
Carol laughed airily along with Therese. Her tousled hair, hooded eyes, and sleepy drawl that made her sultry tone even more apparent, all made her unbearably cute. Therese had to peel her eyes away from the rear-view mirror to actually look at the road. She concluded that multiple lifetimes wouldn’t be enough for Carol and her, so they would have to do the best they could with the 30 years they’ve got given.
They made it to Las Vegas near lunchtime and decided to not even touch the car for a good while. Both of them were exhausted and starving; they quickly checked in, enjoyed a quiet lunch and quickly went up to their room to catch up on their sleep. They both woke sometime around dusk. Carol made her routine phone calls, one to Rindy if she was not in school or asleep and one to Abby regardless of whether she was at work or asleep. Meanwhile, Therese decided to take a tour of the hotel like she always did. They stayed at the Flamingo, it was a bit gaudy for both of their tastes but so was everything else in Vegas. She went searching for the history of the place, to find all the lore behind it. Over dinner, Therese gave Carol the complete run down of all she found in one long breath. Carol simply smiled endearingly and listened to her girlfriend excitedly go on about everything and anything.
“Rindy was asking about you,” Carol spoke once Therese had gone quiet.
“Really?” Therese was pleasantly surprised by the fact that Rindy thought about her outside of her visits at their apartment.
“Hmm. I guess she misses the only other child in the family.” Carol quipped, which earned her a heel to the shin under the table.
Therese tried to look mad but her dimples quickly gave it away.
Next morning, they had breakfast in the banquet the hotel had beside their pool. Carol and Therese took a table near the pool, under the sunshine. Suddenly, the ground started to shake and people started to gather poolside, pointing to the sky in bewilderment. Therese and Carol joined the crowd to see a giant cloud making it’s way up the sky like jellyfish.
“That must be from the Nevada Test Site.” Therese spoke while still looking to the sky.
“Is that right?” Carol questioned.
“Yeah. They were talking about it at work some time back.”
Therese held her head down and quickly made her way back to their breakfast table without Carol.
She made a note to get a good shot of this tomorrow, possibly from the upper tanning deck. She tried to quell her shaking and forced a mouthful of juice down her throat. Therese had always tried to remain aloof about wartime issues for they disturbed her greatly, all the horror stories the orphaned girls of her boarding school told her always seemed to make their way back to her head. Talking and reading about it was one thing but seeing it up close both astonished and disturbed Therese. Though working at the Times made it hard for her to remain aloof, it was for her own good to be aware, she had become more hardened towards it. But here and there, some things would get to her and she would lose sleep over it for days. Carol sat beside her and took hold of her hand under the table, she knew the toll these things took on Therese’s mind. There were times when Therese would call the shop just to ask Carol if she’s okay or nights where Carol would have to hold Therese to stop her from shaking and lull her back to sleep, rocking back and forth and whispering words of comfort.
“It was a bad idea to come here after all.” Carol squeezed her hand as she spoke. They had thought to skip Nevada and carry on to Los Angeles but neither had wanted to drive anymore.
“No no it wasn’t. I’ll be fine.”
Therese immediately felt guilty. Why was she shaking long after the ground had stopped? Why couldn’t she just move on like the rest of the crowd had? Why was she ruining this vacation for Carol?
“It’s alright darling. I am here. Nothing’s going to happen.” Carol spoke softly but Therese avoided her gaze.
“Come up to the room, if you are done eating. Let me run you a bath.” Carol spoke into Therese’s ear and gave her hand another squeeze before picking up her plate and leaving.
Therese couldn’t bear to even look at food right now and nothing sounded better than a quiet room with Carol’s stable arms around her.
The room was already swinging with the music on the phonograph and she could hear Carol in the bathroom.
“Carol? Could you leave the bath? I’ve already had a shower.”
Therese stood directly in front of the bathroom door. Carol came out and immediately took Therese into her arms. Therese clung on to Carol, arms clutching her shoulders and face buried in her chest. She hadn’t realized she was breathing heavily until it started to even out.
“Are you feeling any better?” Carol asked after a few minutes.
Therese nodded in response but didn’t let go. Chasing this feeling of panic was going to wear her out. She didn’t want to talk lest she either vomit or immediately start crying.
“It’s okay. I am here to protect you. Nothing will even come close, darling.” Carol kissed the top of Therese’s head.
They didn’t have anything planned for the afternoon so they spent it in the hotel, in a tangled mesh of limbs on their suite couch. Carol did most of the talking to distract Therese from whatever she was thinking. It must have hit Carol in some way too, Therese thought. Carol had seen the destruction before this, the panic of a proper war, where the mushroom clouds formed above millions of civilians and not just in a scenic view from a hotel in downtown. Sure she saw it on a television in the comfort of her lavish home in the country but it must’ve stayed with her someway. Therese looked up from Carol’s chest to look at her. Her strong jaw moving along with the story about the first time Rindy rode a cycle, calm eyes looked forward in reminiscence. She pressed a kiss to Carol’s jaw and hugged her tighter. Soon, Carol urged Therese to give her a tour of the hotel. Therese finally livened at that idea and enthusiastically gave Carol as detailed a tour of the hotel as best she could. She liked being the one to show Carol around, to reveal something she’s never seen. She felt her heart flutter every time she saw the wonder in Carol’s eyes or the shock on her face. They made their way through the garden courtyard where, hidden behind leaves and vines, Therese gave Carol a quick peck on the lips. It was only after that that Therese’s heart had started to beat normally, well as normally as it could when Carol flashed her the most dashing of smiles and a look as if to say be careful or I’ll get you.
Night fell slowly and the Strip came alive as the lights and signs lit up and burned in the Mojave like a single candle in a dark room. They had decided to have a night of music at the Copa Room. Peggy Lee was playing tonight and though both of them were Billie Holiday girls, they were excited nonetheless. Therese was particularly excited to tell Julie, who was the biggest Peggy Lee fan, all about it when they went back to New York. Maybe Julie would appreciate a photo of the performance or maybe she could get her any other souvenir from it. Therese lost herself in the thoughts of New York, how quiet and comfortable their little apartment was. How the night was never as boisterous as it was here. Carol had admittedly said that even she felt out of her depth here. Parties were never their scene and the energy this city held was nothing similar to the quaintness of the places they had come from, nothing of the little heritage America had.
Here they saw a new kind of culture. A culture not ashamed of its lack of history and proud of its self-proclaimed youth, where the youth found its long-sought-after danger, where people from old money found their Bethesda fountain in bottles of endless booze and chips on the counter and where people lived on two things, money and luck. The tall neon signs and buildings were all part of the bravado. Only Americans know how to build an entire culture out of their own hubris like Carol would say.
If nothing else, this definitely provided Therese with ample of interesting topics to photograph, Carol and her walked along the Strip, taking in the sites before their show started. The whole ideas born out of a test site nearby, of atomic parties, atomic cocktails, hairdos and such made for a relevant and powerful subject. She wondered how people could be so desensitized to something of this caliber? Maybe it is their way to cope, to make jokes and move on. She got a perfect shot of a man looking miserable, holding a cold beer to his head, and sitting under a neon sign that still proudly shone. The memory of the blast in the morning came back up and she reminded herself of the shot she needed to take. Mr. Cage would love it if it were still relevant when she came back; she hoped it wouldn’t be, though.
When the time came, they made their way to the nightclub. The room was packed, people sitting shoulder to shoulder on closely laid tables. The crowd was charged with contagious energy and swayed with the music like the wine in Therese’s glass. Peggy Lee stood on the stage, confident and beautiful, her blonde hair shimmering like diamonds in the spotlight and the stunning white gown she wore had everyone in the room swooning. Therese was absolutely mesmerized.
“Now I see why Julie loves her so much. Her voice is divine.” Therese gushed as Carol sat with her arms crossed across her chest.
“Careful now. Don’t go falling in love.” Carol huffed from across the table. Therese noted the hint of jealousy in her voice.
“It’s too late for me. I have already fallen.” She smiled at Carol as she ran her foot along Carol’s calf.
But Carol looked away from her, comically pouting. “I Love Being Here With You” flowed through the room. Therese took a generous sip of her wine and swayed with the music. She saw that Carol was watching her through the corner of her eye and made her swaying more deliberate, and then Carol finally broke a smile. The tables were packed close, and though people were engaged in conversations of their own and the music made every other sound around them illegible, Carol still leaned in, maybe a bit too close.
“Seems like I’ve fallen too.” Therese could hear the smile in Carol’s voice. Her cheeks flushed red and she wore the goofiest smile on her face for the rest of the night.
Three glasses of wine and an amazingly good time later, Therese was stumbling and falling all throughout their walk back to their hotel. The Strip saw much more on its streets everyday so no one even batted an eye to Therese.
“Jack of all Trades.. master of none..” Therese sung loudly into the air, stopping only to hiccup.
“Okay there, Lady day. Let's get you back to your room.” Carol reached out to grab Therese but she jumped out of her reach.
“I'm so sure you’d be good for me… if you’d only play my game” Therese started to walk backward and wiggled her finger to beckon Carol towards her.
Therese could barely walk in heels sober. So when she was drunk and walking backward, she was doomed to fall. Therese’s foot failed to follow the other and she fell like a lump in the middle of the pavement. The whole world blurred in front of her and after a moment of confusion, she looked up to see Carol right by her side, look of utter concern on her face.
“Therese! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Carol tried to pull Therese up but her body was dead weight.
“I know a little bit.. about a lot of things.. but I don’t know enough about you” Therese crooned up to Carol in response. She saw Carol hide her face behind her palm but she could see that smile from a mile away.
“You are impossible.” Carol laughed as she dragged Therese onto her feet. She took one of Therese’s arms and wrapped it around her shoulders. Therese could feel Carol’s hand on her waist and the curve of Carol's hip that pressed into her side. Clearly, this was no lost site to Vegas as only a few people turned to look at them, the few who looked only looked at Therese.
Therese woke up with the biggest headache possible and a mouth that felt like cobwebs of slime had grown in it. Her shoes were at the side of the bed, even though she didn’t remember taking them off, and she was tucked in. Therese tried to call out for Carol but her throat closed shut, it took every ounce of strength in her bones to rip the covers off and go to the bathroom. She looked a right mess, in yesterday’s dress and yesterday’s makeup. The door creaked open and Carol came up behind her. Therese looked at her in the bathroom mirror, immaculate as always and smugly smiling at her, then she looked at herself, dazed out of her mind and looking like death.
“Well you look absolutely divine” Carol tried to control herself but couldn’t.
“Don’t. My brain can’t think of anything witty right now.”
Carol put her hands on Therese's shoulders and kissed her hairline.
“Get some rest sweetie. We leave in the evening.”
“Evening? Today? But we haven’t even been to the casinos yet” Therese questioned. Carol smiled warmly at her, she could see a little regret in her eyes.
“Well considering your predicament today, I don’t think you’d even be able to leave the room for breakfast. Also, I don’t want you to feel like my trophy wife as I clean tables with my excellent poker face” Carol bit Therese’s ear lobe, Therese pulled away and swatted at Carol’s stomach.
“You wish I was your trophy wife. You can barely find your coat in the morning without me.” Therese raised an eyebrow towards Carol.
“It is true my darling I am nothing without you.” Carol turned Therese around. Therese stretched to kiss her but Carol moved away.
“You know I am not going to kiss you until you take a shower”
“Liar” is all Therese said before grabbing the side of Carol’s face and connecting their lips.