Chapter Text
Chapter Two
“So who should go and pick up Chan from the Stray Kids dorm?” Jeonghan asked after the members had all settled down again after Joshua’s statement of "We fucked up."
“I’m going, and none of you can stop me,” Seungkwan declared, glaring at all of his hyungs as if daring them to try. No one seemed like they were even remotely going to fight him on it, though.
“Maybe it should be two people who weren’t here for the argument,” Minghao suggested. “I don’t think he would take too well to one of the six of us showing up.”
Seungcheol looked for a moment as if he were going to insist on going, but ultimately nodded his head in agreement.
“It should be you, Jeonghan hyung,” Mingyu suggested. “You are the member we all go to when we need comfort or need to talk. It only makes sense that you go with Seungkwan then.”
This suggestion received a lot of agreement, so Jeonghan nodded and pulled Seungkwan up from the couch with himself.
“Are you ready to go?” Jeonghan asked, looking over at the younger member who still looked about two-seconds from biting someone’s head off.
“Yes, and I hope you six spend your time while we are gone coming up with ways that you are going to make this up to our precious maknae,” Seungkwan said, glaring at them all.
It was a testament to how badly they all felt that no one scolded Seungkwan for his tone. They all just hung their heads and nodded their understanding.
“You’re going to have to calm down a little, Seungkwan-ah,” Jeonghan said softly as the two walked out the door and down the hallway of the dorm. “Channie is going to be pretty fragile, so you are going to have to try to be level-headed about this.”
“I just can’t believe they would hurt him like this,” Seungkwan explained. “He trusts them all so much–too much, sometimes. He is going to take those words that they said in frustration and anger and take them to heart. He truly believes that he doesn’t belong in this team some days. He genuinely thinks that he isn’t good enough, that he has to work harder than all the rest of us to prove himself.”
“Seungkwan-ah, they all realize how much they messed up and it’s going to be up to them to figure out how to repair their relationship with Chan,” Jeonghan pointed out. “You don’t get to decide what they have to do to make things right, only he does. Don’t tell me neither you nor Chan have used each other’s insecurities during a fight.”
Seungkwan kept silent. He couldn’t claim that. That was often how they fought, but they knew they loved each other at the end of the day…and he supposed that was exactly how it was with his six hyungs as well. He couldn’t doubt that they loved Chan. He knew they did without a single doubt. He would have to do what Jeonghan said and allow them the space and time to figure out how to fix all of this.
“Would you still like to claim that you and Chan hate each other?” Jeonghan teased, pushing Seungkwan lightly in jest.
Seungkwan rolled his eyes and didn’t respond to Jeonghan. They had made it to the Stray Kids dorm building, and they headed up the couple flights of steps to their front door. Jeonghan knocked softly, waiting only a few moments before the door was opened by Minho.
“Hey, come on in,” Minho said with a soft smile. “He is with Jeongin, Chan hyung and Changbin.”
“I’m so sorry that our group’s problems are disrupting your evening,” Jeonghan apologized as he and Seungkwan walked in and slid their shoes off by the door.
“Don’t be sorry, we completely understand how it is,” Minho rejected the apology immediately. “I’m happy that Changbin and Chan can be such close friends. We all need someone like that in this industry. I think we would all go insane if we only had our own members to talk to.”
“How–how is he?” Seungkwan hesitantly asked.
“He was in pretty bad shape when he showed up here,” Minho admitted. “I think he gave Jisung a bit of a fright when he answered the door. Between my three members, though, I’m sure they have gotten him into a much better place.”
Jeonghan let out a big sigh and nodded. He sincerely hoped Minho was right on that.
“Neither of us were there for the argument, but we’ve gotten the summary,” Jeonghan explained. “It sounds like it was pretty bad.”
“They are down the hall in the first room on the left, if you would like to go see him,” Minho suggested, pointing to where the room was located.
Seungkwan and Jeonghan thanked him and headed towards where Minho had indicated. As they walked up they heard the end of Chan speaking: “I try not to burden them with my feelings too much. I know how much pressure they are all under, I don’t need to add to it.”
Seungkwan wanted to shake him.
“Lee Chan! Don’t you dare ever think your feelings are a burden to us!” Seungkwan scolded.
Chan’s eyes were wide as he looked over to the doorway. He visibly paled a little when he discovered two of his hyungs were standing there.
“H–hyungs, what–” Chan began to stutter out.
Seungkwan didn’t allow him to finish his sentence, crossing the room in a couple strides and pulling Chan up off the bed and into a bone-crushing hug.
“I’m sorry! I know I shouldn’t have run off, but I was just too overwhelmed and they wouldn’t listen and I didn’t know what to do and asdihfah…” Chan began to apologize rapidly, but stopped when Seungkwan clamped a hand over his mouth.
“None of that,” Seungkwan ordered. “They wouldn’t listen to you. It’s not your fault. Don’t worry, I’m mad enough at them for the both of us.”
Chan’s eyes widened in surprise at Seungkwan’s words. He thought he was about to be scolded for running off. He looked over to Jeonghan to see if maybe his other hyung felt differently, but even Jeonghan seemed calm and looked fairly apologetic.
“Seungkwan is right, Channie,” Jeonghan reassured, stepping up to the pair and pulling both Seungkwan and Chan into his arms. “The way they treated you was absolutely unacceptable and they will be apologizing. You aren’t in trouble for running off, when they literally wouldn’t listen to you.”
“If I have my way they will be groveling at your feet,” Seungkwan mumbled, moving his hand away from Chan’s mouth and getting a surprised chuckle from the boy.
“Hyungs weren’t wrong though, I need to do better…” Chan protested.
“Can I slap him upside the head?” Seungkwan asked, glancing up at Jeonghan in question who rolled his eyes and shook his head no. “Hyungs were incredibly wrong Channie, they were taking their frustrations out on you and they never should have.”
“If anything, you do too much,” Jeonghan added. “We are going to talk about you staying three hours after practice to perfect your dance moves, when you should be resting so your body can stay healthy. Don’t make me give you a curfew, Channie.”
Chan rolled his eyes at Jeonghan, getting slapped upside the head from the other man in response.
“Hey! Why do you get to slap him but I don’t?” Seungkwan whined.
Jeonghan didn’t reply, instead looking around the room to realize that they had been left alone. He hadn’t heard the other three leave the room, but was grateful that they gave the three Seventeen members some privacy.
“Before we head back to our dorm, I do need you to know that what Seungcheol, Joshua, Minghao, Junhui, Wonwoo and Soonyoung said and did to you was inappropriate. They were taking their frustrations out on you, and it was not acceptable. They should have listened to what you had to say, and they never in a million years should have tried to make everything about you being a baby or being the maknae.” Jeonghan held Chan’s chin so that he was looking at the youngest member directly in the eyes. “They owe you a massive and genuine apology, and I don’t want you to brush off how this made you feel. Don’t just accept it so that everything can ‘go back to normal’ as quickly as possible. They hurt your feelings and they have to own up to that, okay?”
Chan felt tears welling up in his eyes once more as he nodded his head as much as he could with Jeonghan still holding on to his chin.
“Minghao hyung and Junhui hyung didn’t say anything to me, though,” Chan defended his two hyungs.
“They should have stuck up for you, and they didn’t,” Seungkwan immediately argued. “And that is almost just as bad. They made you feel like you had no one on your side. Six against one is unfair and it was very cruel of them.”
“Hyungs are going to be mad at me. I cursed at them. I told them to fuck off,” Chan admitted, hanging his head.
“Which is a lot nicer than what I would have told them if I were in your situation, I can assure you,” Seungkwan muttered.
“They backed you into a corner, Chan-ah,” Jeonghan pointed out. “They don’t get to be upset over what you said after they did that. It was only natural.”
Chan hesitantly nodded his understanding, and allowed Jeonghan to grab his hand and walk him out to the living room where all of the members of Stray Kids were gathered once more. Jeonghan thanked them all for taking care of his maknae, which all of Stray Kids brushed off. They didn’t need to be thanked for doing what anyone should do in the situation.
It was mostly quiet on the way home. Jeonghan hadn’t let go of Chan’s hand the entire walk home. He would squeeze it every once in a while when he could tell that Chan’s nerves were starting to spike. By the time they reached the front door, Chan felt like the heavy weight was present on his chest once more. His eyes felt like they were about to flow over with tears once again. Despite what Jeonghan and Seungkwan tried to tell him, he wasn’t convinced that the hyungs were in the wrong. He was the maknae, and he had been incredibly rude to six of his hyungs. He was about to walk into another scolding, he just knew it. The six of them had all been so clearly of mindset that Chan was in the wrong. Chan was a failure. He just couldn’t believe anything else.
The dorm was freakishly quiet as the three members walked through the door and kicked off their shoes. Jeonghan and Seungkwan had brought a pair for Chan to use during the walk home, since they knew from Mingyu’s phone call with Bang Chan that the boy had run off without them.
The three walked towards the living room where they figured everyone would be gathered and walked into a surprise. Jihoon was still sitting on the armchair in the corner, messing around on his phone. Mingyu and Seokmin were sitting on the couch having a quiet conversation. Vernon was sitting on the floor in front of the couch snacking on some chips. They weren’t the surprising parts. Oh no, the surprise was Seungcheol, Joshua, Junhui, Soonyoung, Wonwoo and Minghao that were knelt in a line on the floor with their hands in fists and raised over their heads. Seungkwan, Chan and Jeonghan’s surprise must have been pretty clear, because Jihoon spoke up from the corner.
“I figured they would have done this to any other member that acted the way they did,” Jihoon explained, glancing once more at the six who were kneeling–some of their arms were shaking from the pain of holding themselves in that position. “You can put your arms down now.”
The six immediately did as they were told, some making grunts of pain at the feeling of pins and needles that were now in their arms. As they were rubbing their arms and making small noises of pain and relief, Jeonghan herded Chan towards the couch. He sat Chan down in the middle of Mingyu and Seokmin, and then proceeded to sit next to Vernon on the floor. Seungkwan sat on the couch on Seokmin’s other side.
“Before we get to anything else, can you tell us what happened today from your perspective?” Jeonghan asked, turning to look at Chan.
Chan looked like that was the literal last thing that he wanted to do, but he nodded and complied. He explained how late he had returned the night before. He apologized once again for forgetting to move the clothes. Then he talked about how he had been losing his voice and what the vocal teacher had said to him–how it bothered him so much because his biggest insecurity was about being viewed as nothing but the youngest member of the group. He explained that her words had stuck with him all throughout the rest of the afternoon–bothering him during dance practice so much that he kept messing up, getting scolded, and then feeling even worse because he wasn’t succeeding at the one thing that he was supposed to be really good at.
“I–I was feeling at an all-time low by the time we got back to the dorm,” Chan explained, his voice so soft that the others had to strain to hear it. “All I wanted was to go to bed so that I could wake up to a new day, and I tried to walk away from the conversation but…”
“But we didn’t listen,” Seungcheol summarized, his heart feeling like it had completely shattered in his chest. “And we didn’t pay one ounce of attention to your mental state. Hyung messed up, Chan-ah. I messed up so badly and I’m so sorry.”
Chan felt a tear slide down his cheek, and he reached up to hastily wipe it away.
“I’m sorry that I messed up at dance practice and made you all look bad,” Chan apologized, more tears making their way down his cheeks. “I never want to reflect badly on hyungs, and I will try harder to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
“Chan-ah, no! That’s not the take away from this!” Soonyoung protested. “The takeaway is that we should have listened to you and let you explain what had happened. I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you could trust us enough to go to when you were hurt by the vocal teacher’s words in the first place.”
“She was just in a bad mood, Channie,” Seokmin explained. “She was that way during my lesson as well. She had just broken up with her boyfriend and she took it out on you. She realized her mistake by the end of my lesson and admitted that she had been too harsh on you.”
“My voice wasn’t in a good place, though,” Chan defended. “She was right. I didn’t properly take care of it.”
“You had to give your all yesterday with a long filming of Going Seventeen and you were the only one who had to do those solo interviews yesterday,” Seungkwan argued. “She didn’t know any of that. You did your best given the unexpected situation.”
“Chan-ah, despite the words that I flung at you earlier, I hope you know that you are so incredibly mature for your age,” Joshua reassured. “I should have never in a million years said the things that I said to you. I let my frustrations come out on you, and that is never okay. I didn’t realize just how much being the maknae has made you insecure about your position in this group, and even if I had I shouldn’t have said it. It was a low-blow, and I’m so sorry that I resorted to it.”
“I may not be the most open about my thoughts and feelings,” Jihoon spoke up from his spot in the corner. “But I want you to know that I, and all of your other hyungs, are incredibly proud of you and are constantly blown away by how hard you work. Every single time you go into that recording booth I’m in awe of your skills and how much you have grown.”
“And I will never forgive myself for accusing you of not taking dance seriously,” Soonyoung added. “I know how hard you work–although, if you are planning on staying in the studio until 3 in the morning to work on dance, please tell me next time. I will stay with you and we can get it done much quicker than that. You need to take care of yourself, Channie. I’m sorry that I failed you as both your hyung and your performance leader.”
“And I failed you so much as your general leader,” Seungcheol admitted sadly. “It’s my job to keep a level head and get to the bottom of things, and I didn’t do any of that. Even after you first ran off I was just angry that you had spoken to us that way. It took Mingyu calling me and telling me that Bang Chan had reached out to inform him that you had showed up at his door without shoes and having a complete breakdown for me to realize how much I had messed up. Hyung promises to do better, Chan.”
Chan let out a sob and turned to bury his head in Mingyu’s chest. Mingyu wrapped his arms around the boy and started sliding his arm up and down the boy’s back. Seungcheol hesitantly stood up and walked over to the couch. Seokmin stood up so that Seungcheol could sit on Chan’s other side. Seungcheol reached out his hand, running it gently through Chan’s hair. Chan turned to look at who had joined them. He surprised everyone when he launched himself out of Mingyu’s arms and into Seungcheol’s, burying his face in Seungcheol’s chest. Seungcheol whispered apologies as he ran his hand up and down Chan’s back.
“Hyung is so sorry, hyung will do better next time,” Seungcheol reassured. “Hyung will be a better leader for everyone, okay?”
It took a good while, but Chan was able to calm himself down eventually. Seungcheol never stopped his apologies and reassurances the entire time.
“Let’s get you ready for bed,” Wonwoo suggested. “I think the seven of us need some time together, so why don’t we all head to your room and do that. Is that okay, Chan-ah?”
Chan nodded his head into Seungcheol’s chest. Seungcheol stood up, picking up Chan into his arms as he did so. He grunted a little at the weight, but refused to put Chan down even when the younger boy suggested it.
“Hyung is going to spoil you rotten,” Seungcheol said in explanation.
The seven of them headed to Chan’s shared room with Seungkwan and Junhui. They grabbed his pajamas and helped the tired boy get into them. Wonwoo walked the boy to the bathroom where he quickly brushed his teeth and washed his face. Then they walked back to his room where someone had pulled the sheets back so Chan could slide into them.
“I will start first,” Wonwoo said, kneeling down next to the bed. “I am so sorry that I said what I did. Yes, you had forgotten to move the clothes but you were so apologetic and you immediately went to do it when I reminded you. I should never have brought that back up. Hyung is sorry, and will work hard to not be like that with you again.”
“It’s okay hyung, I’m sorry I didn’t remember last night,” Chan said sleepily, reaching out and grabbing Wonwoo’s hand and giving it a squeeze.
“Junhui hyung and I are sorry that we didn’t come to your defense,” Minghao apologized, keeling down next to the bed in the spot that Wonwoo abandoned so that Minghao and Junhui could kneel there.
“Six on one was cruel, and we should have made sure you had someone on your side,” Junhui added. “I’m sorry we didn’t defend you and insist that you be able to give an explanation.”
“Why–why didn’t you defend me?” Chan pitifully asked.
“Honestly? I was so tired and all four of them seemed to be on the same page,” Minghao sheepishly admitted. “I figured they had to know something that I didn’t.”
“And with my misunderstanding of what happened in dance practice, I–I wasn’t using my head,” Junhui admitted. “And I’m so sorry. Hyung will make sure to defend you from now on!”
“I forgive you both,” Chan said softly. “I–I just hope you realize that I do try hard and that I don’t think I’m above any of you.”
“We know that Channie,” Minghao reassured. “We weren’t using our heads. We know that better than anyone. We are in performance unit together, we see how much effort you put in.”
“It’s my turn to apologize now,” Joshua said, coming and sitting on the bed by Chan’s head. “Hyung failed you and used your worst insecurity against you and I will apologize until I lose my voice as long as you know that it’s not true.”
“I forgive you hyung, just please don’t use me being the youngest against me ever again,” Chan pleaded. “I–I can’t take it.”
“I won’t, I promise, I really really won’t,” Joshua reassured. “Hyung didn’t realize how much his words would hurt you. I should have, and I didn’t. I promise never again.”
Joshua ran his hands through Chan’s hair that was laying on the pillow. Chan allowed himself to take comfort in the feeling.
“Now for the two worst offenders,” Soonyoung said with a cringe, stepping up in the space that Junhui and Minghao had now left. “I am so sorry for being the worst leader on the planet.”
“That’s not possible, because that was myself,” Seungcheol argued, stepping up to stand next to Soonyoung. “I failed you so much as your general leader.”
“And I’m his performance leader, I see how hard he works and yet I accused him of not taking dance seriously! Lee Chan, not taking dance seriously! Even hearing myself say it out loud I know how ridiculous it sounds!” Soonyoung exclaimed.
“We’re going to give you some space,” Wonwoo said softly from behind them.
Wonwoo, Junhui, Minghao and Joshua all hurriedly made their way out of the room.
“H–hyungs said that I need to be more honest about how I’m feeling,” Chan said after a few moments of silence. “So I’m going to be honest that you both really hurt me. I–I didn’t know what to do in that situation. I tried to step away because I knew I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be scolded and–and you wouldn’t let me. You just tore me down even further. I’m afraid that despite everything everyone is saying, that those words were the truth. That 's how you really feel about me. The vocal instructor and the choreographer made me feel awful about myself, and I–I needed my hyungs to be there for me. I needed you to be understanding, but you weren’t. I’m afraid that you are just apologizing now, but the moment something happens like this again you will fling those words right back at me.”
“Oh Channie, hyung couldn’t possibly be more sorry than he is right now,” Soonyoung pleaded. “I will spend every day for the rest of my life working to get you to see that what we said in the heat of the moment wasn’t true.”
“If ever we are in a situation like that again, I want you to remind us of this moment,” Seungcheol suggested. “I can’t promise not to lose my head ever again, but I can sure as hell promise that I will work my ass off to be a better hyung and leader to you. Like Soonyoung said, I will work to make sure you see that nothing we said about you in the heat of the moment is true.”
“We need you to continue being honest with us about what you are feeling,” Soonyoung continued. “And we will promise to work to make sure something like tonight doesn’t happen again.”
“And I want you to know you have so many people in your corner,” Seungcheol added. “I’m pretty sure Seungkwan was about two seconds away from murdering us.”
Chan couldn’t help but chuckle at that thought.
“I know it’s going to take time and it’s going to take effort on Seungcheol hyung’s and my part, but we are going to work to make sure you see how much you are loved and how incredibly talented you are,” Soonyoung said softly, running his hand down Chan’s arm in comfort. “Now I will be back in five minutes.”
Chan and Seungcheol gave him a confused look.
“I’m not letting my precious maknae out of my arms all night long,” Soonyoung explained. “If you wake up and doubt any of this, I will be right there to reassure you.”
Soonyoung walked out of the room without another word. Seungcheol and Chan sat in silence for a few moments.
“Are we going to be okay?” Chan finally asked, glancing hesitantly up at his leader.
“We are going to be more than okay, Channie,” Seungcheol replied, pulling back the covers so that he could slide in next to Chan and pull the boy into his arms. “Hyung promises to learn from this.”
Chan took comfort in his hyung’s words and arms and finally allowed himself to relax and fall asleep. Soonyoung returned as promised, and kicked Seungcheol out of the bed so that he could take his spot. Seungcheol grudgingly obliged and allowed Soonyoung to do as he wished. Besides, Seungcheol knew he had to go seek out Seungkwan and have a talk with the boy before going to bed. He knew he needed to reassure the third youngest that his precious dongsaeng was still in good hands.