Chapter Text
Six months later.
“I’m not a CHILD! You can’t tre-”
“You still have to follow our rules while you live here, kid. We feed you, we put a roof over your head, we pay for your classes – we can’t treat you like this?! How about you show us some darn respect, we are your parents,” interjects your father, a vein rising in his forehead.
“I’ve seen that you haven’t been paying attention at church for months now, but I just chalked it up to tiredness, or being busy with uni, I just let it slide – how stupid of me,” your mother adds in a choked voice.
“It feels like you’ve ignored everything we’ve taught you. I…I just don’t get it. Actually, no, I do get it. We should never have let you go off to uni in the first place, like I said. I knew you’d only be exposed to bad influences. Thank God we didn’t let you live on-campus, who knows what would have happened,” your father continues.
You don’t know what to say. You don’t know that anything you say would even make a difference anyway. You open your mouth to attempt a response when your father interrupts again.
“We’re grounding you.”
“Dad, I’m almost 22, you can’t ground me!”
“Like I said, our house, our rules. Clearly we’ve been too lenient and look where it’s gotten you,” he adds.
“It’s for your own good, honey,” continues your mum, ever the good cop to your dad’s surly one.
“You’re only to go out to attend classes and then you come straight home. No parties, no friends, nothing.”
“For how long?”
“A month.”
Rage bubbles up inside you, but you meet your father’s gaze coolly.
“Fine.” You snag your backpack from the table and stride off to shut yourself in your room, your eyes welling with angry tears.
But not shame. You refuse to let yourself feel shame.
***
The night before.
“WHAT are you doing??” comes an all too familiar voice from over your left shoulder, and your eyes fly open. You quickly disentangle yourself from Sophie’s grasp and turn around to see your sister, mouth agape.
You wipe fruitlessly at the lipstick smeared around your mouth, gently batting Sophie’s concerned hands away from you.
“Abbie, I – you can’t – PLEASE don’t say anything to mum and dad.”
Abbie leans down to meet your eyes. “You’re disgusting.”
And with that she’s gone, slipping back through the crowded party and you assume towards home.
“Babe, who was that?” asks Sophie, her hand back on your arm.
“My sister.”
“What’s her deal?”
“I haven’t really brought it up but my family’s super religious. I’m sorry, I should’ve said something.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. That’s on them, that’s not you. Hey, hey…you okay?”
The weight of what had just happened starts to settle over you, and your eyes fill with tears.
“I don’t think this is going to end well, Sophie.”
***
Present.
Your phone buzzes, and you pick it up to see another message from Sophie. The last 12 hours had been such a blur that you hadn’t even told her what had happened.
What’s happening? Are you alright?
I’m okay. I’m not allowed out atm tho
Like they grounded you? Wtf
Yeah
That’s bullshit, you’re an adult
You’re telling me
They didn’t take your phone from you tho obv
No, but it might only be a matter of time
Could you sneak out? Come stay at mine til things cool down?
I think that’d only make it worse
I think I should just lay low for a while
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, I feel awful
Thank you <3
Will I still see you in class?
Yeah you will
Thank god
I want you to know that you’re not in the wrong, love – they are. You’re so beautiful and wonderful and they’re meant to love you unconditionally. How they’re acting is backwards and unfair
You had only just finished crying when you first saw Sophie’s texts, but that last one sets you off all over again.
Thank you, that means a lot. I still love them but I feel like my life is on such a different path and it’s getting harder and harder to reconcile how different we are
I understand completely
I’m gonna give you the biggest hug next time I see you
You smile and sniffle.
<3 <3
I need some sleep I think, it’s been a really shit day
Of course
Hope you sleep okay, I’ll text again in the morning
Gnight <3
Night <3
You drop your phone to your side and let a great, wracking sob heave its way through your chest. Sophie was one of the best things that had ever happened to you – you’d become more social, more confident, hell, just happier – and it had all been whipped away in an instant. It had taken so long for you to come to terms with your bisexuality, let alone feel comfortable in it, and now it feels as though all that work had been for nothing.
How long are you going to live under their thumb, cara?
That slightly husky voice, one that you hadn’t thought about for months, suddenly flashes to the front of your mind. You’re transported back to that night in the bathroom, the fear and confusion and anticipation surfacing all over again.
You remember his promise – that you only need ask, and he would be with you. Maybe his presence wasn’t exactly what you needed, but it would feel a hell of a lot better than being alone.
“I don’t even know your name, but I need you,” you whisper into the quiet of your room.
Suddenly, the lights flicker and the music playing through your stereo skips, then speeds up and slows again, distorting the vocals into something borderline demonic. You sit up, heart racing, and the room goes black.
“Cara.”
You jump. The lights slowly come back to life, revealing the same enigmatic figure that had crawled through your mirror all those months ago.
You’re not even thinking when you jump up from your bed and run to embrace him, burying your tear-stained face in the shoulder of his jacket. He seems taken aback, his arms belatedly wrapping around you.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s come over me,” you say, muffled by the fabric.
“You needed a hug, who am I to say no?”
You chuckle. “Have you been watching me?”
“Off and on. But over the past few days, yes.”
You feel your chin wobble a little, thinking of this strange, comforting creature keeping watch over you. His hands drift to your upper arms and gently ease you out of the hug so he can look you in the eye.
“Copia, by the way. My name is Copia.”
“Nice to properly meet you.”
He smirks. “Likewise.”
You let out a sigh. “I can’t tell you how good it feels to talk to someone who isn’t angry at me, or disappointed in me, or…disgusted by me.”
“You are their flesh and blood, cara. You do not deserve to be treated this way.”
“I know.”
“Do not let them make you feel shame.”
“I’m trying not to.”
“Good.”
“It sounds strange, but it’s a bit of a…relief, in some ways? My guilt, it was so heavy – I feel like it’s gone. But it’s been replaced by something worse, I think. I…I don’t think I feel safe, anymore.”
This realisation hits you like a tonne of bricks, and you begin to cry once more.
“How can I still feel so much love for my parents, when it doesn’t feel like they love me back?”
You fall back into Copia’s arms, and he shushes you, running a gloved hand over your hair.
“What do you need, topolina?”
“To not be alone.”
“Very well.”
He stands back from you and sheds his jacket and tie then lays them on your chair. Stooping quickly, he shucks his boots off and tucks them neatly underneath.
As he begins to ease his gloves off his hands and unbutton his cuffs, you take a step backwards.
“What are you doing?”
He stills and looked at you.
“I cannot very well sleep in my shoes and my jacket, can I?”
“Sleep?”
“You said you did not want to be alone. I will sleep here, if that is what you wish. I will sleep in the armchair.”
“Oh.”
“This is okay, yes?”
“It’s more than okay, it’s just…unexpected. You still feel like a stranger to me in many ways. I don’t fully understand why I…trust you so much.”
Copia nods. “I am moving too quickly. I have not earned your trust, not truly.”
“I – I don’t know. I feel like the logical part of my brain is wary of you, but the…not logical part trusts you completely. I don’t even know what you are – are you human? Are you a man? Where have you come from? You have powers, so you mustn’t be completely human, but you look like one and feel like one and GOD I don’t even know anymore I’m just rambling…”
You hadn’t noticed that Copia had fully divested himself of his gloves and pushed his sleeves up, and you breathe in sharply through your nose when you see his hands and forearms, slim but sinewy and flesh-coloured, not stark white and black like his face and neck.
“As I said last time, if you do not wish me to be here, I will leave. I mean you no ill will. You do seem very overwhelmed and upset, though, and I think you are right. You should not be alone. As for all your questions, please trust that I will answer them in good time. At a better time, rather.”
You just sit with his words for a moment and feel the tightness in your chest dissipate.
“Thank you. So much.”
“You are very welcome, topolina.”
“I think that…I do want you to stay tonight. I think that would make me feel much better.”
“As you wish.”
Copia settles himself in your armchair, watching as you move a mound of clean laundry off your bed and away into your dresser.
“Would you like some help?”
You look over at him, acutely aware of your overflowing underwear drawer that you’re subtly trying to shove more clothes into without anything falling out.
“No no, just stay there. I’m uh…all good,” you reply before shoving the drawer shut with a grunt. “Actually, could you turn around or shut your eyes or something for a sec? Just so I can change.”
“Of course.”
He covers his eyes with a flourish, and you turn back around to slip your bra off under your shirt and change into your sleep shorts.
“Okay.”
He removes his hands from his eyes and sweeps his gaze up and down you, as he often does. Never had any being made you feel so exposed but so comfortable at the same time – it was bewildering in the best way.
His eyes linger on your breasts, and you blush. Your nipples are surely showing through the thin cotton of your t-shirt, and when you self-consciously cross your arms his eyes snap up to meet yours. You quickly cross to your bed and settle under the covers.
“Should I ah, turn out the lights?”
“Oh! No, I can do it,” you reply, quickly throwing the covers off again.
Copia raises a hand to still you, then snaps his fingers and the room goes dark.
“Oh. Um, thank you.”
“You are welcome.”
You shuffle back under the covers, silence settling over the room. The sound of Copia’s breathing is faint but present, your alarm clock punctuating each breath.
“Goodnight, Copia.”
“Goodnight, cara. Sleep well.”
“Why do you call me that?”
“Cara?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s ah…affectionate.”
You feel your face heat, thankful he can’t see you. “You called me something else before too. Topo-something.”
“Topolina. It means ‘little mouse’.”
“I’m a little mouse?”
“Well, sometimes. To me.”
“We’re the same height, you know.”
“Well it’s not literal, is it?”
You laugh softly at the slight annoyance in his voice.
“Right there – when you did your little giggle. That is the mouse coming out.”
“I don’t know how you make me feel like I’ve known you forever.”
“I have known you for a long time, longer than you realise.”
“I feel like I should be…I don’t know, creeped out by that. But it’s comforting.”
“I have never meant to scare you.”
“Crawling out of my mirror at three a.m. wasn’t meant to be scary?”
“Dramatic, cara. Theatrical.”
“Ridiculous.”
He thump a hand to his chest in mock distress. “You wound me.”
Laughing, you rollonto your side to face the wall. Copia also shifts, trying to get comfortable in the poky little armchair.
“Copia?”
“Mm?”
“You um…you don’t have to sleep in the chair, if you don’t want. You can come sleep with me – I mean, sleep in the bed. With me. Next to me, rather. If you want,” you say, stumbling over your words.
“You are sure?”
“Yes.”
The armchair creaks as he rises from it, and you feel the bed dip under his weight. He lays himself stiffly on top of the covers, flat on his back and carefully avoiding touching you, even though you’re separated by the duvet.
You roll away from the wall onto your back to mirror him, then pull your hand out from under the covers to search for his. He seems to know exactly what you’re doing and finds you first, enfolding your hand in his. The feeling of his skin against yours, the first time you actually feel him, warm and real, makes your breath hitch. You’re certain he can hear your heartbeat hammering against your ribs, the force is so great.
“You don’t have to lie on top of the blankets, Copia. It’s okay.”
Wordlessly, he lets you go and slips beneath the covers next to you. For such a strange creature, the heat radiating from his body is deeply human, and you feel your heart slow. Tentatively, you shuffle over to him, letting your side brush his, surprised when you hear him breathe in sharply.
“Thank you for staying with me. I needed this.”
“You deserve so much more than your family is giving you, cara.”
“That’s a hard thing to come to terms with when you’re Catholic.”
“Are you Catholic?”
“I don’t know anymore. I don’t think it’s a thing that ever truly leaves you? All I really know is that I want to be happy and safe and loved and I don’t know if I can have all those things and the Church.”
You feel your eyes welling up with tears again. “Why can’t I just have a family that loves me for who I am? Why do I have to hide?”
You turn away from him to face the wall again, curling into a ball. He follows you and tucks himself in behind you to carefully spoon you. Blushing despite your tears, you stiffen then relax when he gently drapes a comforting arm over you.
“There is so much I wish to tell you, little one. You are not trapped, things are not hopeless. But it is very late and you need to rest.”
“Mmh.”
“Sleep now. I will see you in the morning.”