Chapter Text
"Mum..."
"No, Ned." Kate didn't even lift her eyes from her iPad to look at her pleading son.
"Please!"
"No."
"But Amma...!"
"I said no, Ned."
"Dad said I could." Anthony, who so far had been sitting quietly across the desk, focused on the screen of his laptop, lifted his head at the same time Kate's eyes narrowed dangerously on him.
"Oh, no, no, no. You're not throwing me under the bus here." He told his eldest son with a shake of his head. "I said you could as long as your mother authorised it. Now it's between the two of you. Figure yourselves out."
"Amma, really, I think..." The 10-year-old tried again, blinking his eyelashes at his mother in a way he had long learned worked very well on her with his mop of brown curls falling into his eyes.
"You are not performing on the trapeze, Edmund." Kate set her tablet on top of the desk she shared with Anthony, turning fully to stare at her son.
Anthony's wife had never been a fan of the trapeze. She hadn't been when they met and it only got worse after his accident. She had been watching him practise and perform for the past 13 years and still, she held her breath, her heart pounding in her chest until he was safely down on solid ground. Suffice it to say she had not been happy at all when Edmund started showing a liking to it, at the age of four. She had managed to hold it off until his 7th birthday, but then her son was up in the air and once he got a taste of it, there was very little that could hold him back.
His mother, apparently, would try.
"You're not..."
"Edmund, when I said no, I meant it." She told him firmly. Anthony knew Kate despised being stern with the children, but sometimes it was necessary. Their kids could be insistent if they set their minds on it. Wonder who they got that from.
"But...!"
"No ‘buts’! No ‘Amma please’! No ‘pretty please’. Just no! I'm not allowing it and that's my final answer." Kate crossed her arms and Edmund huffed in frustration. "Ned, I already let you practise on that thing despite my many, many reservations on the topic. Stop before I decide to cut that out too."
"You wouldn't ." The boy scoffed and Anthony winced. His poor, hard-headed son clearly had no idea what he was facing. It was the first time he found something he couldn't convince his mother of with a few minutes of heavy begging and a couple of ‘I love yous’.
Ned didn't stand a chance.
"Don't try me, Edmund Bridgerton," Kate threatened with narrow eyes. "You're not going to like the results."
"Dad let Aunt Hyacinth perform on her eleventh birthday!" Anthony opened his mouth to relay the complete state of facts but his son stopped him with a raise of his hand. "Provided she had mastered the trick. Which I have!"
Ned looked at his father for confirmation.
"You have."
"So why can't I do it too?"
"Because there is a very important difference between the two situations you’re not taking into account." Kate looked from her son to her husband before focusing back on the frustrated boy in front of them. " I am not Hyacinth's mother. If your father was irresponsible and agreed to let her do it,"
" Hey !"
"And your grandmother authorised it, so there was nothing I could do to stop it."
"She tried." Kate shot one of her famous frosty glares at her husband, who just raised his hands in surrender, falling back into his chair with his lips pressed together.
"I, on the other hand, am your mother." She pointed at her son decisively. "Therefore I can forbid you from jumping off that pedestal during the show, with no safety cables attached to you, which I will. You're forbidden. See? I did it."
"You're not being fair." Ned accused, turning to his father. "Dad, come on, tell her!"
"Mate, you know the deal." Anthony ruffed his son's messy hair, which only made the boy more irate. "She has to agree."
"Whatever." Edmund dodged his father's hand before it could reach his shoulder. "It's not like it's my birthday, right?" The boy rolled his eyes, sarcasm dripping from his tone. Anthony loved his children more than anything in the world, he really did. They were the best thing in his life. But sometimes, and only on very rare occasions, he wondered if it had been a good idea to mix his and Kate's personalities into a single human. "God forbid I do something I really want for my birthday."
"You're pushing it, Mate," Anthony warned, but Ned was too mad to listen.
"No, I'm not. I'm making a very reasonable request and she..."
"Do you even understand the meaning of reasonable?" Kate asked with a raise of her eyebrow. Anthony kicked her under the table. This conversation was getting out of hand way faster than he had predicted it would.
"I know what I'm doing, I've been training for years, and I can do the trick with my eyes closed! It's perfectly reasonable!" Kate opened her eyes to retort but Ned beat her to it. "You know what? Forget it." Anthony rubbed the bridge of his nose, wondering if he should do something as his son turned towards the door with angry steps. "I don't want anything for my birthday, alright? Just forget it exists."
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I'm going to see if Gran will fix me something to eat." The boy scoffed with a roll of his eyes. "Or are you going to forbid me from doing that too?"
Alright, that was time to intervene.
"Enough, the two of you." Anthony stood with a jump, placing himself between his furious wife and eldest son. He didn't really believe they'd come to any sort of physical blows, but cutting direct eye contact between them seemed like the wise choice. "Out."
"I didn't do anything," Ned complained.
"Edmund, I'm telling you to go sit with your grandmother. Now ." He'd deal with the annoyed almost-teen later. His son stared at him for a few moments before huffing and leaving the camper without another word. "Kate."
"What?!" His wife crossed her arms in front of her defensively, her gaze anywhere but on his face.
"You're being too harsh on him." Anthony went back to his chair, pulling on hers so they were sitting face to face in the cramped little room, his fingers reaching out to brush her cheek.
"I'm being harsh?!" She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Did you hear him? The sarcasm? You're not being fair ." If he wasn't sure it would only piss her off more, Anthony would have laughed. Edmund for the most part, had taken after him. Kate liked to complain about it, although deed down, Anthony knew she loved it. Ned was Anthony's carbon copy looks-wise and much of his personality came from his father, but sometimes , they were graced with little glimpses of just how similar to Kate he could also be. "He wasn't like this. What happened to my sweet little boy, Anthony?!"
His wife leaned forwards, letting her head fall to his shoulder and Anthony caressed her hair gently.
"Well, he is turning eleven," Anthony told her kindly. He knew just how hard it was for Kate to watch Edmund grow up. It was hard for him too. One day he was a little thing, sitting on his father's shoulders and now he was a snappy pre-teen, filled with sarcastic eye rolls and strong opinions. It went by so fast that it almost gave him whiplash. "And to be fair, it's the first time he's encountered something he truly wanted that you wouldn't agree to."
"It's absolutely not."
" Kate ." She huffed, burying her face deeper into the crook of his neck. "He knows exactly how to play us. All three of them do."
"I'm not going to sit and watch my little boy plunge to his death, Anthony." She whimpered as he caressed her back softly. "It's already bad enough I have to watch you do it every night. I can't deal with you both up there."
"You know eventually you're going to have to let him, don't you?" Anthony tried to phrase the question as gently as he could, but Kate flinched at it anyway.
"Will I?"
"You can start performing for real at the age of 14. I can’t just forbid him. It's the rule, you know that."
"Yes, but 14 is still at least three years away." She crossed her arms in front of her stubbornly. "It gives me plenty of time to prepare properly."
"Kate, you've been preparing for this reality since he was five." He pushed Kate's wild hair away from her face, letting his thumb brush her pouty lower lip. "Another three years won't make much of a difference."
"Yes, they will, I..."
"You won't be ready by then either." Anthony understood his wife's fears, he really did. He remembered the panic attack Kate had when he was getting ready to start practising seven weeks after the accident that had changed his life. She was hyperventilating and trembling so hard he had to unwrap his hands and sit with her in bed for over half an hour before she stopped shaking and he ended up delaying his return to practice for two entire days. He remembered the fear on her face the day he started performing again. He remembered seeing Edwina gently take her hand and remove her from the big top before his number was about to start and he remembered the entire night he spent with her wrapped safely in his arms, her tears streaming down her face and creating big wet splotches in the fabric of his shirt. It had taken her months before she chose to go back to watching him and Hyacinth practice in the morning and he knew she did it mostly because she was aware just how much his little sister loved having her there.
As the years went by, it had become easier for Kate to watch him climb the Centre Pole every day, but Anthony knew she still did not like it. Her fears had come back in full force the three times she had been pregnant. She'd wake up screaming and crying, clinging to him desperately after terrible nightmares. Anthony had to stop performing for the last month of her pregnancy when they were expecting Ned and the first month of his life.
His wife did not try to hide her relief at the fact that differently from Ned, their second son didn't seem to enjoy the trapeze very much. Miles had always watched his father curiously from below but would frown in distaste whenever he was offered the option to try it for himself, clinging to Kate. Charlotte was still too little, just two years old, and Kate had five years of reprieve before she was offered the choice to start learning at the age of seven, which they were both aware she’d probably take upon.
But Ned was in love with the flying trapeze, much to Kate's eternal dismay, and nothing could be said or done to change that. Their son already talked about when he'd be allowed to join the official number as a crew member, as soon as he turned fourteen, and he had been counting the days to his eleventh birthday so he could take part on the show for the first time.
"This is your fault." She complained, poking his arm annoyedly.
"Yes, I heard I have half the blame for his existence."
" Half ." Kate scoffed with a roll of his eyes. "Try about 90% of it."
"I'm sorry, I remember very clearly you looking at me with those big brown eyes of yours, three months after we got married and saying ' Anthony, you said you'd give me anything I wanted. I want a baby .' With those exact words."
"That was eleven years ago. How do you even remember the words?!"
"The moment was imprinted in my brain." Anthony shrugged, kissing the tip of his wife's nose gently, his fingers brushing her back up and down in soothing motions.
"Whatever. It's still your fault anyway." Kate huffed in frustration. She did not protest him pulling her into his lap, falling into his arms without a word, her face firmly twisted in a pout. "You passed on the acrobatic genes. It's all over your family."
"Your sister is an equilibrist."
"Which is not the same as the flying trapeze."
"So would it be better if Ned decided to walk the wire?" Anthony ran his fingers through her hair in a way he hoped would be comforting as she huffed again, crossing her arms.
" No ." Anthony chuckled, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"Let him perform, love." He spoke gently as their faces hovered close together. "He'll just do it once a year on his birthday until he's fourteen. He'll be happy and you'll be able to get slowly used to the fact that you'll be an acrobat's mum for the rest of your life."
"I don't know Anthony." Kate shook her head, her eyes suddenly glossing over. "I'm just... What if he's not ready? Or something goes wrong and he falls or...?"
"I'd never let him go up there if he wasn't ready, sweetheart, you know that. And I'll be there the entire time."
"I know." She sighed, letting her head fall back into his shoulder, defeat written plainly on her face. "Still, I'm so scared..."
"You think I'm not?" Anthony pressed his nose to the top of her head, breathing that delicious scent of her. Even 13 years later, the smell of lilies and soap sent his heart pounding in his chest. "I'm terrified every single time he climbs the rig with me to practice. But he'll do it with or without me, Kate. If I don't let him fly now he'll find someone else who'll teach him a few years down the line. So I'd rather be there, fretting over him to ensure everything will happen as smoothly as possible."
"I get it, I really do, but still..."
"You don't have to decide anything yet." Anthony held her tighter to his chest, speaking softly into her forehead. "Just think about it. It'll give you enough time to get used slowly instead of all at once in three years' time. And who knows, maybe he won't even like performing all that much."
"Do you think that could happen?" Anthony was certain the chances of that happening were laughable at best and he suspected his wife was aware of it just as well as he was, but she sounded so hopeful…
"If it helps you feel better about all of this, sure." She punched his arm, but her lips were curled upwards. "He's ready Kate."
"We've made some amazing children, haven't we?" Kate asked after a few minutes of silence. His wife was lost in her own mind while Anthony just sat there, enjoying the feeling of her in his arms. He'd been a fool if he thought one day he wouldn't need it quite as much. That she could walk out of his life without completely destroying him. Holding Kate as they lay to sleep or wrapping his hand around hers while they quietly worked was still one of the best parts of Anthony's day. "Even if they're turning into a sarcastic evil teen."
"We have." Anthony brought both his palms to cup her face, kissing her deeply. "Honestly, being our kid, we shouldn't even be surprised."
"What do you mean by that ?" She scoffed.
"I mean we're two hot-headed, stubborn, competitive lunatics and we couldn't expect our kids to come out much different than that."
"Well..." Kate's fingers laced around Anthony's neck, toying with the tip of Anthony's hair. "I kinda hoped it would... my lunacy would balance yours or the other way arond?" Anthony snorted, hiding his face in the crook of her neck. "I mean, it's possible. There's Edwina and Frannie..."
"Edwina's like that because she takes after Mary," Anthony spoke matter-of-factly, pressing a kiss on the exposed spot between his wife's neck and shoulder, making her shiver. "And Frannie is as bad as us all, she's just quiet about it."
"I know, I know." Kate sighed in defeat. "I was trying to fool myself into believing it."
"How's that going for you?" Anthony laughed as he wrapped his fingers around Kate's wrist before she could attempt to swat at his chest. "Promise you'll think about it?"
"Think about what?"
" Kate ."
"Alright, alright." Kate huffed in resignation. "Promise."
"I love you, did you know that?" Anthony could feel his wife's blooming smile as he pressed his lips to her in a long, sweet kiss.
"It's always good to be reminded of it."
"I love you," He told her, kissing the corner of her mouth, "So very much." and then her cheek, "I'm thankful every day for your sister running away with the circus." And then one more to her jaw. "And that you were crazy enough to follow." And then his lips returned to hers, stealing a kiss that left her breathless.
"Best decision of my life." Kate grinned into his mouth. "I love you too."
"Very much as well, I hope."
"Yes, very much." She laughed, the sound travelling down Anthony's body like fire.
"Even if I gave our son acrobat genes?"
"Yes, Anthony. Even if you gave our son your stupid acrobat genes."
" Good ." Anthony gave Kate one last passionate kiss before lifting her up and quickly depositing her back in her chair. He was on his feet in an instant, before he could change his mind and sunk into his knees in front of her.
"Where are you going?" Kate whined, her eyes following his movement across the camper and towards the door.
"I'm going to give Ned a nice telling-off. Being mad is not an excuse to speak to his mother like that."
"Anthony," He turned with his hand already grasping the handle of the metal door. His wife was staring at him with her big brown eyes, working her bottom lip between her teeth. "Don't be too harsh on him."
Anthony just waved her words away as he stepped out of the room and into the open. As if Kate didn't know Anthony was barely able of being too harsh on their kids even if he tried.
Ned was sitting at one of the wooden tables out in the backyard, behind the Big Top, munching on a hot dog when Anthony found him. Violet sat across him, speaking softly while Charlotte was happily perched on his lap, digging into a bucket of popcorn with greedy little fingers, her mop of brown curls falling into her cheeks.
"Papa!" His daughter squeaked excitedly when she saw him, reaching out one greasy, buttery hand his way, the other one holding onto the edge of the bucket with possessive fingers. "Look, popcorn!"
"I can see it, Poppet." He pulled the little girl and her precious snack into his arms, kissing her cheek with a wet smack, which set Lottie into a fit of childish giggles. "Popcorn and hot dog before dinner." He gave his mother a side glace, who did not seem one bit ashamed of her actions. Violet Bridgerton would never allow her children snacks before dinner.
"Grandparents are made for spoiling their grandbabies, Anthony. You should know that." She tutted at him, standing up to kiss her son's cheek. "Don't think I don't know your grandmother Alexandra used to sneak you candy when she thought we weren't looking."
"Gran Alexandra had the best taffy in the world." At the moment following his words, both his and his mother's gaze fell on the moody 10-year-old, who sat in the exact same position, still munching away, ignoring the conversation around him. "Lottie, why don't you go with Granny Violet to find Amma and see if she wants some popcorn too? I think she was planning to call Grandma Mary today."
His youngest child seemed to like the idea, wiggling herself in her father's lap until he sat her down. She bolted off into the camp, the plastic bucket held tightly in her chubby arms as she called out, "Amma! Popcorn!". Violet squeezed Anthony's arm encouragingly before she kissed the top of Ned's head and set off after her granddaughter, telling her to slow down before she tripped.
Anthony watched them go for a moment, a soft smile on his lips before his attention turned to his eldest child. Ever so slowly as not to spook the boy with sudden movements, he took the seat his mother was previously occupied, studying his son as he went on pretending not to see him.
"Ned." He spoke after a minute of silent chewing. The boy still refused to look his way, only biting into his hot dog a little harder. "Edmund."
" What ?!" The 10-year-old snapped harshly. Anthony just stared at his son with a raised eyebrow.
"Is this the tone we're using going into this conversation? Because I can..." Ned had the decency to blush, staring down at his hands, an annoyed frown twisting his face.
"Sorry." He mumbled bitterly. Anthony accepted the words, even if he didn't seem all that apologetic in the first place. Picking on the boy’s prickliness when irritated would be rather hypocritical of him.
"We need to talk about what just happened with mum." He spoke gently. The last thing he needed was adding fuel to Edmund's already flaming irritation.
"I don't want to." To illustrate his point, he crossed his arms stubbornly in front of him.
"That's alright. It doesn't need to be a dialogue. I'll speak and you'll listen." His son did nothing to agree to his terms, but also he did not interject against the idea, so Anthony just kept going. "Ned, mate, you're being way too harsh on Amma."
" Too harsh? Dad, I was... Ugh , she...!" Anthony knew he coldn't laugh. He was trying to have a serious talk with his 10-year-old and bursting out cackling would not only upset his son, but it would also make him lose some of the authority he had in the conversation. But damn anyone who ever said his son did not look like Kate. Sitting in the chair, protesting loudly with his arms flailing in the air in frustration, with his eyes open wide, Edmund was his mother through and through. "She's not even listening to me."
"She's scared, Ned."
"She's not even the one going up the rig." Edmund scoffed, his snack laying forgotten on he table between him and his father.
"She isn't and that makes it all even scarier." Slowly, allowing his son enough time to retreat if he felt uncomfortable, Anthony reached his hand out and when the boy didn't move, he let his fingers rest gently against Ned's wrist. "She's your mum and she has to watch you go up in the air without any chance to control the situation to protect you if things go bad. I'm right up there with you, I'm your catcher and I'm still scared for you every single time."
"But you know I can do it! You've seen me do it, I've been practising for years!"
"I know mate, you have and I'm really proud of how dedicated you are." Anthony smiled, moving his hand from Ned's arm to ruff his hair, before his face turned serious again. "But these things are not black and white, bud. Even experienced people make mistakes. I did one thing wrong once and it nearly cost me my life, I've told you about this before."
"Yeah but in your whole career you only had this one major accident and you were fine in the end."
"Edmund, I was fine for sheer dumb luck." Anthony remembered that day as if it had happened yesterday instead of thirteen years in the past. The world had turned to slow motion around him, panic taking over when he realised he was about to fall and fall hard. He remembered his regrets flashing in his mind while he watched Ben's horrified face as he came to the same conclusion Anthony had. He remembered thinking he was about to die and it would all be because of his own stupidity. "If I had fallen just a bit to the side, I would have gone down with my head on the floor and bled out right there in the ring in front of your mum and mine." Ned didn't respond, but his eyes shifted back into his own hands and his irritation seemed to be dwindling. "We go up to that platform to do something no human was supposed to be able to do. People are not meant to fly, mate and fighting something as natural as gravity is dangerous, even if you're someone like me with over thirty years of experience."
"Why do we do it, then?" It was an excellent question and one for which Anthony had no right answer to.
"For the thrill of it, I reckon." He shrugged and his son looked somewhat surprised. "Because the feeling of flying is amazing and we consider the risk to be worth it. It doesn't mean it’s not dangerous."
"So you're saying I shouldn't do it?"
"I'm saying you need to understand that your Amma is not forbidding you from doing this because she doesn't believe in you. I know she’s always believed wholeheartedly in my skills and still, she has watched me get hurt once, seriously hurt to the point I blacked out in her arms and she even thought I was going to die. And she's afraid of going through that with you. No parent likes watching their child put themselves in danger, mate. You can ask your Granny Violet or your Grandma Mary or Aunt Daph or Uncle Simon. Our kids are the most important things in our lives and the idea of seeing you hurt, or God forbid, losing you is terrifying."
"But Dad, it's not fair !" Ned whined, tugging on his messy hair in frustration. "Flying is the most important thing in my life. There's nothing I want more in the world than perform, but she won't let me!"
"Would you like some advice on how to handle this?"
"Yes, please." His son nodded his head eagerly. He looked to be one step away from pulling out paper and pen and taking notes.
"Alright. First, and this is very important, you're gonna need to change the tone of your approach." Ned opened his mouth to protest but Anthony cut it with a tsk and a raised finger. "You you said you wanted the advice, now listen. You knew the deal. Amma has to be on board or there's no birthday performance. Making Amma mad is not the way to get her to be on your side. You need your mother’s okay in this or there is no performance. You're in her hands, not the other way around so you're gonna have to humble up a bit about it."
"Alright." Edmund agreed, even if he didn't look very happy about the prospect. "What else?"
"I think you two should talk." Anthony shrugged, letting his body rest against the plastic chair behind him, watching his son. "Make a list of reasons you think she should let you perform and show it to her, and then listen to what she has to say against it. Really listen. Maybe suggest some changes to make her more comfortable about the whole thing." Ned nodded silently, pondering his father's suggestion. "But, mate, it needs to be a conversation. No attitude, no snappy answers and no sarcasm."
"What if Amma doesn't want to hear it?"
"Your mother is a reasonable person... well, most of the time she can be. I'm sure she'd agree to hear you." Anthony rubbed his chin. "But I'd suggest getting Edwina to mediate this talk." Kate's sister would be the logical choice. She was usually calm and cheerful and she was an expert with bypassing his wife's harsher moods to get what she wanted. Plus, she was an acrobat, so she'd probably take kindly to her nephew's plight.
"Why Aunt Eddie and not you?"
"Because I have a horrible temper and a very hard time saying no to either of you." Kate would stare at him with her big, scared eyes while Ned would be on the other side looking like a kicked puppy and Anthony would be rendered useless within the first minute of conversation.
"What if she still says no?" Ned chewed on his bottom lip, staring at his father expectantly.
"If she still says no, you try again next year." Anthony picked up the forgotten hot dog from the table, taking a bite, undisturbed by the annoyed grimace on his son's face. "You knew the deal when you agreed to it."
"I'll speak to Aunt Eddie about it."
"Good lad." Anthony stood from the table, messing his son's hair. "You can start working on your list and what you're going to say because you're out of practice for the rest of this week."
"I'm... Wait, what ?!" Edmund looked up at his father with wide, surprised eyes. " Why ?!"
"You're grounded."
"But why ?!"
"Because of the way you spoke to your mother back there," Anthony told the boy matter-of-factly and Ned's face twisted in irritation. "There's no excuse to be rude like that to anyone, much less your Amma."
"But that's not fair !" Ned pouted, his arms going back to their initial position crossed in front of his chest.
"It's extremely fair." Anthony lay his hand on his irritated son's shoulder and, although the boy’s frown just deepened, he did not share his father's hand off. "I was going to give you a whole week but I decided you'd take my words to heart and three days was enough for you to consider what you did."
"But Dad, I..."
"I can always give you that initial entire week if you want." Edmund's pout grew but he managed not to respond. "Dude, you were rude. Own up to your actions, learn from them and do better next time." God, being a parent made you filled with solid advice. Maybe he should start following the things he said more often. "Plus, you'll have more than enough time to settle things with your Amma."
" Whatever ." Anthony ignored it. The boy was angry, he was already being punished, Anthony could let that murmur under his son's breath slide. He just stared at his son until Ned huffed, "Okay, I get it. No more practice this week."
" Good ." Anthony squeezed Edmund's shoulder. "But, mate? If I find out you were rude to your mother, or anyone else, like that again, it's going to be a whole month with no practice and no second thoughts about it, yeah?"
"Yeah." Ned agreed, not looking very happy about it.
"Good lad. Now, mind finding Milo for me? Your Amma really did want you all to talk to Grandma Mary and I have no clue where he is."
"He's with David and Oliver, looking for a frog." Anthony considered for a moment if he should ask what Miles and his cousins needed a frog for, but in the end, he decided against it. It was strictly an issue for future Anthony, or if he was lucky enough, for Daphne or Eloise. "I'll go get him."
"Thank you. Meet us at the camper?" Ned just gave him a thumbs-up as he walked away. Anthony watched his son's back for a moment and he couldn't help but call out, "Hey Ned!" Edmund looked around, an eyebrow raised in questioning. "I love you."
Despite the 10-year-old's irritation just moments before, he smiled softly at his father. "Love you too, Dad."
Anthony did not participate in the conversation between Edmund and Kate, leaving the mess in his sister-in-law's very capable hands. Edwina was more than equipped to deal with her sister and nephew’s flaring moods. While their talk happened, Anthony ended up volunteering to supervise his second son, along with David and Oliver as the three boys attempted to recapture the frog they had let loose in Belinda, Caroline and Amanda's camper while Daphne and Eloise calmed the girls down.
He knew Kate had relented to Ned's wishes the moment his wife stepped into their camper. Her face was twisted in a sour frown and all it took was one look at her husband's face for her to snap, " Shut up ."
"Wasn't going to say anything." Anthony threw his hands up in surrender, willing himself to keep from grinning at the mad way Kate settled herself at the end of the bed, tugging on her boot violently. Her moves rattled the bed and shook Charlotte from her sleepy Cocomelon-induced hypnosis. The little girl set her eyes on Kate and wiggled out of her father's grasp, crawling across the mattress to settle herself firmly on her mother's lap with a loud yawn, undisturbed by the fact that she had yet to manage to remove her second shoe. "Do you want help?"
"Please." She huffed, abandoning her last, feeble attempt to balance her two-year-old clingy daughter and remove the well-fit boot at the same time, offering her still-clad foot to her husband, who, for his turn, was still fighting to hold back his amusement. "How was the frog hunt?"
"Splendid." Anthony tossed the shoe to the edge of the bed along its pair and Kate let out a sigh of relief, dragging herself to rest against his chest as he sat with his back to the headboard, Charlotte grunting annoyedly at the jostling, her fist closed tightly on her mother's shirt. "You'll be happy to know the girl's camper is amphibian-free, the runaway beast is once again croaking away in its natural habitat and the three mischief makers are all properly grounded."
"Never a dull day in the circus," Kate mumbled, kissing the top of Lottie's hair as the little girl let out a deep sleepy sigh.
"Little miss here and I were watching The Wheels of the Bus Go Round and Round in repeat while battling the urge to go down for our nap, isn't that right, Poppet?" Charlotte nodded her head to her father's words as Anthony traced a gentle finger on the bridge of his daughter's nose. "We fought valiantly but we were just about to lose when you arrived."
"I'd say you still are." They watched quietly as Lottie rubbed her little nose against her mother's shirt, before yawning again, her body relaxing when Kate started combing her fingers through her dark curly locks. The girl's big, brown eyes, so very similar to her mother's, started dropping slowly, and even if she employed her best efforts, fighting valiantly to keep them on, the lull of her warm position in her mother's arms, with her gentle fingers on her hair and her father's hand rubbing her back was just too much and it didn't take a whole minute before her breath evened out, her grip on the fabric of Kate's shirt loosening as she drifted to her much-deserved nap. Kate slowly settled the child in the space next to her before curling herself back against her husband. "I'm gonna need you to draw me a contract."
"I can talk to the solicitor tomorrow and..."
"No need, just write it down with fancy words and have it printed on the circus paper so I can get it signed."
"I'm confused."
"I agreed to let Ned perform on his birthday." She told him, the entire sentence coming out in one annoyed huff.
"I imagined you would."
"Of course, you did." Anthony could feel her rolling her eyes without actually having to so much as look down at her face. "You set me up with Edwina there. But that's not the point." His chuckle earned him a rather deserved elbow to the stomach and he tried to keep his amusement silent, despite the grin colouring his lips.
"What's the point, my love?"
"Well, I'm not telling you if you keep laughing at me." Kate pouted, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
"I'm not laughing, I swear." With a deep sigh, not very different from Charlotte's ones just a few minutes back, Kate shifted in his arms until she was turned towards him, her chin resting on his chest. "I told Ned he could perform, but there were some... conditions he needed to follow."
“So you’re making him sign a contract agreeing to them.”
“Exactly.”
"What were those conditions?"
"Well, first this is a one-time thing and I don't want to hear any more begging to do it again until his twelfth birthday at least."
"Fair enough." Anthony nodded.
"Also, he's forbidden from performing or practising when you're not with him." She lifted her eyes to him, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth. "No offence to your siblings and your cousin, but..."
"They can be rather careless."
"Exactly! I'd just rather have around to make sure everything is as safe as possible. I mean… Maybe Daph, if you really can’t be there and we agree to it, but the others? I love Ben and Hyacinth to death, but I don't want them being responsible for Ned on their own when he's so high up."
"Hyacinth only started being allowed to practice without me and Daph around her last year."
"Oh thank God, I was afraid I was being unreasonable." Kate sighed in relief. "I absolutely trust them on solid ground, I do, both of them babysat the kids several times, Ben's a great uncle and a great parent, I just... don't really trust them to be as careful up in the air."
"I think it's a good idea." Anthony nodded, brushing her wife's cheek with the tip of his fingers. "What else?"
"If he's distracted or upset for any reason, he's not allowed on the platform. I don't care what he says or how prepared he is, if you and I notice he's distracted, he's not going up."
"I've been doing this since my accident," Anthony assured her. "I've kicked Ben out of the rig during practice several times when he and Sophie were trying to figure themselves out. Richard spent over a month away from practice when Uncle George was sick. Hyacinth once tried to perform when she was having a row with Mum and she insisted so much Daph kicked her off the plank for a whole week."
"The last rule was if he broke any of the things previously agreed on, he was out. No argument, no chance to defend himself, nothing. Didn't follow the rule, no more trapeze until I decide I can trust him again."
"All you're asking is that he's careful and there's always someone supervising him. And you're stating very clearly what the consequences of his actions would be." Anthony wrapped his arms around Kate's back, pulling her closer to him until they were nose-to-nose and he could kiss her. "I think all you're asking for is perfectly reasonable."
"Why do you sound so surprised?"
"Honestly? I was actually expecting you to be less reasonable about this. A lot less reasonable." Kate snorted at her husband's unbothered shrug. "I thought it would take him at least a full week and a good deal of grovelling to get you to agree, that is if you ever agreed at all."
"I have you know I can be perfectly reasonable, Anthony." She scoffed, and Anthony looked at her with narrowed eyes.
"What changed?"
"Nothing, I just listened to what Ned had to say and he was...."
" Kate ." Anthony loved his wife very much. Because of that, he knew the woman just as well as he knew himself. He spent the last thirteen years of his life dedicated to knowing every little twitch and turn of her. Therefore he knew it was very unlike Kate to be easily swayed into agreeing with something she did not like, even by Edmund's pleading pout. He had spent an entire month listening to her attempts to convince him to forbid Edwina to perform when they weren't even officially together. When Hyacinth told her Anthony had allowed her to perform on her 11th birthday as a present, skipping around like Christmas had come early, Kate had been absolutely horrified. He firmly believed that that day was the closest she came to actually killing him. That's not even to mention the three days she spent without talking to him when Edmund turned seven and was allowed to start learning the trapeze. So to say he was surprised Kate was letting it go without a fight was an understatement.
"Shut up." She huffed, trying to shift around to push away from him but his arms prevented her from moving, pulling her back flush against his chest.
"Tell me."
"You're really annoying."
"I'm going to tickle you." Kate narrowed her eyes on him.
"You'll wake up Charlotte."
"She's woken us up plenty of times before."
"You wouldn't da..." Anthony's hands moved upwards, under the hem of her t-shirt until they settled on the warm skin of her mid-drift, her fingers ready to dig into her sides the way he had long ago learned that would send her into hysterical fits of giggles. "Okay, alright ! Your mother convinced me, okay? Are you happy now?"
"My mother?" It was most certainly not the answer he had been expecting. "Violet Bridgerton, that mother?"
"Do you have another one, Anthony?"
"No, it's just..." he shook his head. He never even imagined his mum would attempt to approach Kate about the subject. Unlike with matters of the circus administration, Violet had never meddled in the raising of his children. She offered suggestions, when they requested or seemed open to it, but she never tried to impose or override their parenting. Sure, she spoiled their children rotten, just as Mary did when she visited them or they visited her, but if either Anthony or Kate decided on something, Violet usually to follow it to a t. "I'm just surprised."
"Well, she had some very good arguments," Kate told him pointedly. "Since she has four acrobat children she has had to watch perform for the past 30 years. You might even have heard about them. Her eldest son was in an accident a while back because he was being a fool?"
"When did she even talk to you about this?" Anthony asked, choosing to ignore her sarcastic remark.
"Two days ago when you sent her in with Charlotte so you could talk to Ned." Kate looked at her husband with a confused, exasperate glance. "Why are you so upset over this?"
"I'm not upset." He rolled his eyes. "I was just not expecting it."
If Anthony could claim to know Kate as well as he knew himself, the reverse statement was also true. His wife could read him like an open book most of the time and sometimes he honestly found it quite irritating (He really didn't, but he'd give himself the right to pout about it from time to time).
"You're mad she was the one who convinced me to change my mind, not you, aren't you?"
" No !" His tone sounded defensive even to his own ears. "That would be selfish and I'm just glad you and Ned managed to compromise on this."
Kate cupped his face between her warm palms, forcing him to look down at her lovely, compelling brown eyes. "You are, aren't you?"
"A little bit, yeah," Anthony admitted, lowering his gaze away from her knowing eyes, his cheeks heating up. Kate couldn't help it, her head falling back as a loud cackle escaped her delectable lips. Next to them, Lottie murmured something unintelligible in her sleep, shifting around a bit without opening her eyes. But it was enough for Kate to tone down her laugh, her entire face twisted in amusement. "But mostly I am happy you and Ned managed to work things out."
"Would it help your bruised ego if I told you I had already decided to change my mind before she arrived?" Anthony knew she was half-teasing him when she asked softly, her mouth curled upwards in a sly grin, but honestly, he didn't really care all that much.
"I suppose it would." Kate laughed again, this time trying to keep her loud giggles in check, before she dipped forwards, pressing a feather-light kiss to his lips.
"You had already mostly convinced me to let Ned perform with your stupid little speech about being afraid but still being there so he wouldn't have to go through it alone." She mumbled, kissing his cheek. "I confess, I was going to kick a bit more of a fuss about it but then you sent your mother my way and she had some very good, very reasonable points. And just to add the final nail to the coffin burying my pride, you managed to somehow involve Edwina in it."
"You had already decided?" Kate rolled her eyes at his question, but her gaze was warm as she looked at him.
"Not exactly decided ." She hummed, wrapping his arms around her waist as she lay against his chest, her head resting over his heart. "I was... resigning myself to the fact that I would end up cracking sooner rather than later."
"Not gonna lie, that does make me feel a bit better," Anthony told her, kissing her forehead with a smirk.
"I figured it would." Kate rolled her eyes, tipping her head back so he could kiss her mouth. "You're an idiot." She murmured against his lips.
"Ah yes, but you knew that and still married me. Who’s the biggest idiot then?"
"You're lucky I love you." She teased, grinning when he pulled away to stare at her, a foolish smile lighting her entire face.
"I never really denied that." Anthony nodded seriously. "I’m the luckiest man in the world, actually."
Anthony swallowed dry the moment he saw his eldest son ready to perform for the first time. He was wearing a bodysuit just like his own, blue and silver, his long limbs covered in lycra. His hair was combed back and gelled over in order to keep it from falling into his eyes and he had neatly tied the white wristbands he'd gotten from his uncle and aunts as a celebration for his first performance. Anthony had to fight the burning feeling behind his eyes and the tight squeeze around his heart as he saw Edmund fidget in his clothes, so grown up and ready to face the ring. Pride, nerve and excitement mingled inside him, making it hard to even breathe right.
" Oh , sweetheart!" Violet cooed, kissing her grandson's cheek before blinking upwards to keep the tears at bay."You look so much like your father."
Edmund blushed, preening under his grandmother's attentive gaze. Anthony just rested his hand on his son's shoulders, guiding him towards the centre pole. As they went, people took a moment to congratulate the young boy, earning Ned a good number of ' break a leg 's and ' you've got this, Neddy 's, along with pats on the back, to the top of his head, high-fives and fist-bumps.
"Should we go find Amma?" He asked, watching with narrow eyes as they reached the stairs leading up to the rig. His son had woken up in the morning of his birthday bouncing on his feet in excitement, but as the day went on, he started growing more quiet, his hands clenching and unclenching on his side. Right at that moment, he looked almost ready to be sick with anxious energy.
"No. She's helping with the ushering and the show's about to start." Ned's eyes instantly drifted towards the entrance to the big top, a steady influx of people coming inside the tent. Anthony could see the top of his wife's head, along with Phillip's massive form and Penelope's bright red hair. Mary was seated in one of the special booths, Milo and Emma battling for her attention on either side of her while she tried to contain Charlotte on her knees. At the edge of the ring, he could see Hyacinth leaning against a pole, her back circus shirt thrown hastly over her costume, debating something eagerly with Agatha Danbury's grandson, her cheeks a deep shade of scarlet as the young man looked at her. "We'll find her after your performance."
The truth was, there was more than enough time to find Kate and come back to climb the rig in time for their number. He could probably spare another ten to fifteen minutes before they needed to start setting up above, but the longer they spent hearing good luck wishes and excited little remarks about how grown-up Ned was, the more nervous the boy was bound to become. And truly, Kate was the last person they should see right now. His wife would take one look at their son, all geared up and ready to perform and would promptly burst into tears, her arms wrapping themselves around him and by the time they were supposed to get ready, his son would be shaking on his feet, probably ready to quit altogether.
No, in Anthony's experience, the best thing was to do exactly the same as he had done with Hyacinth. He'd just drag Ned up early and they'd sit up on the platform watching the show below us, giving his son ample time to clear his head and prepare for the show ahead of him without any well-meaning, but nerve-wracking interruptions. He could get all the cheers, hugs and kisses afterwards.
The climb was silent, the sound of music from the amplifiers and the roar of chitchat getting more and more distant the higher they got. Edmund settled himself at the edge of the plank, his legs swinging at the edge as he watched the world from above, his brows furrowed. Anthony allowed his son a few moments of quiet contemplation as he attached the ascenders to the hook and wheeled them down before sitting next to the young boy.
"Do you think..." Ned needed no prompting to start speaking, biting his lips nervously as the words trailed out. "Maybe Amma's right."
"Amma is right a great deal more than I care to admit. It gets on her head when she's right a lot." Anthony bumped his shoulder with his son's, relieved to see a small smile on his lips. "What about?"
Ned started down to the crowd below, his hands twisted on his lap, his face pale. "Maybe I'm not ready to perform yet."
"Edmund, mate, look at me." Anthony waited until the boy turned to face him. "Your mother doesn't think you're not ready to perform. You wouldn't even be sitting up here if either one of us had any doubts about your ability to do this. Do you think you're not ready?"
"I... No , I... I didn't think so but now... I don't know." Ned sighed deeply, letting his eyes drift to his fidgety fingers. "I'm really nervous."
"That's normal, bud." Anthony rested a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"I thought that maybe she didn't want me to perform because she knew I'm not good enough and..."
"Ned, no, Edmund, stop." Anthony's hand left his son's shoulder to grip his chin, lifting his face until the boy had no other choice but to look at him. "Amma's issue with you participating in the show has nothing to do with you or your skill on the trapeze. She knows you're as ready as you can be, that you practised very hard and you mastered the trick we agreed on. Her problems with you here are all about her own fears, not about your ability. Not that her fears are not valid, but they don't really care about logic most of the time. Your mum and I are incredibly proud of you, you know that, don't you?" He watched Ned until the 11-year-old nodded slowly in agreement, before nodding back. "But if you feel you're not ready to do this, you need to tell me."
"I... I think... What if I mess up?"
"You roll off of the net, climb up and try again." Anthony shrugged, squeezing his son's shoulder before pulling his hand back. From down bellow, Anthony's mother's voice boomed around the tent as she announced the beginning of the show. "Everyone falls one time or another, mate. Just act as if it was all part of the plan and you'll be fine." Edmund didn't say anything, staring down at his own shaky hands. "Everyone is nervous on their first performance, Neddy."
"Not like this..."
"Buddy, the day I first performed, I was shaking so hard I was sure I was going to fall down the stairs climbing up. Ben backed down from his first show three times. Daph was sick the day before hers. Your mum spent two whole nights awake before her first show."
"What about Aunt Hyacinth?"
"What about me?" Hyacinth appeared at the top of the stairs as if summoned by the sound of her name.
"Were you nervous on your first performance?" Anthony clarified the question, although he already knew the answer. His sister had had not been able to sleep and Anthonye woke up to her trying to sneak between him and Kate in the middle of the night. Anthony spent some minutes trying to convince her to go back to her camper with Mum and Greg when Kate turned in bed, half-asleep, wrapping one arm around the young girl's waist, her free hand petting her hair a bit roughly while making little shush sounds with her mouth until Hyacinth settled down to sleep between them. His wife would maintain for the rest of her life that she was absolutely aware of what she was doing at that moment, although Anthony seriously doubted it. He was also the one to sit on the rig with his sister, just like he was doing with Neddy.
Hyacinth laughed at the question, sitting next to her nephew with her eyes bright.
"Nedward, right before my first performance, I was sitting right on this wooden plank with your dad, trying not to be sick over the audience's head."
"Really?" His son blinked in surprise at his favourite Aunt.
"You don't look nearly as green as I did that day, you'll be fine." She patted his back with a rather manic smile. "Actually, your mum looks more nervous than you, down there."
"Amma's afraid I'm gonna fall."
" Please, we all fall." She waved away his question. "And I'll tell you a secret that will absolutely set your heart at ease." Ned leaned closer to his aunt, clinging to every one of her words as if they were a lifeline. "You learned from the best, my favourite little dude. With a teacher like your dad, and dedication like you have, you're as good to go as it gets."
Anthony looked away from his sister and his son, blinking rapidly to keep the burning behind his eyes at bay. He was getting foolishly emotional in his old age, he told himself, but the truth was that watching Hyacinth and Ned together over the rig sent a surge of pride he didn't know exactly how to deal with.
"I'm going to stop talking before your dad breaks down in tears." His sister teased, elbowing her nephew with a stupid little grin.
"Was that Gareth St. Clair I saw you flirting with, just now, Hy??" He asked, smirking at the deep blush that flooded Hyacinth's cheek. If his sister could try to tease him, he could get her back for it.
"I wasn't flirting with him." She huffed, crossing her arms in front of her defensively, her cheeks scarlet and her eyes landing anywhere but on her brother's face. "He's a escape artist, he was just telling me about some of his numbers."
"Right, escapology, that's why your face's all red, I get it."
"What's going on?" Ben asked, looking confused staring between his older brother, little sister and his amused nephew.
"I was nervous, Dad was about to cry and Aunt Hy was flirting with someone named Gareth St. Clair, who is an escape artist." Ned summarised the scene to his newly arrived uncle.
"Edmund Bridgerton, you don't even know what flirting is !"
"Oh, that guy Hy was chatting up is Mrs Danbury's grandson?!" Anthony threw his head back with a loud laugh at Hyacinth's offended scoff.
"I was not chatting anybody up!"
"Right, my mistake." Ben threw his hands in the air, although it was clear on his face he was not buying his sister’s words. "And Ant was emotional over Ned's performance?"
"Nobody has any preparations to get done before we start? We're just going to stand here and chat, is it?" The eldest of the scoffed, his hands on his hips.
"So, Hy was not flirting, Anthony was not emotional..." Ben counted on his fingers before turning to his godson with a funny glint in his eyes. "Are you going to tell me you were not nervous either?"
"No, I am kinda nervous." Ned admitted with a shrug, shuffling in his feet.
"Well, at least someone is honest in this plank." Ben laughed, clapping Edmund on the back. "You'll do fine, bud. The moments before the first show are the scarriest but it goes away after you take off. Now let's get to work before your father hits us both, yeah?"
Anthony just rolled his eyes as he unknoted the ropes keeping the swings up and for a few minutes, they worked silently, ensuring everything was ready for the time their number came up.
"Let me help you." Anthony took the chalk bag from his son's trembling hands.
"I can chalk up, dad." The boy grumbled in a low voice, but did not interrupted his father as he started on the careful process of applying generous amounts of power to Edmund's finger and palms before rubbing some over his wrists.
"I know." Anthony cleared his throat loudly in order to free himself from the lump residing there as he watched his oldest child prepare to make his first real jump into the ring. "Juts let me do it anyway."
Down below them, Gregory was performing his juggling number, Colin and Eloise were getting ready to storm into the audience with buzzers while the net was put up for them but Anthony's sole focus was the slow, methodical work of powdering his son's hands the way his father had taught him. Edmund's eyes followed the movement of his hands intently as he worked between the young boy's fingers and for once in their lives, if his siblings were watching the scene, they didn't open their mouths to make a comment or a joke.
When he was done, Anthony brushed his hands before resting them over his son's shoulders, leaning his head until their foreheads were touching. He watched as Net let out a deep, shaky breath before he closed his eyes, his hands wrapping tightly around his father's wrists for support.
"You'll do great."
"Are you trying to assure yourself or me?" Ned's wobbly laugh made Anthony smile.
"I think both of us need to hear it." He moved his forehead away, lifting one of his hands to the young boy's neck to tug him closer, wrapping his arms safely around the nervous 11-year old. "I'm really proud of you, son." He kissed the top of Ned's head, enjoying the way the boy melted into his arms, slipping his slim arms around his father's middle, reciprocating the hug with bone-crushing strength. He stared into the light beams, blinking hard to keep the moist in his eyes from forming into tears and escaping down his cheek. Emotions were battling inside him, pride, fear, election, protectivness, wracking havoc in his chest, making him light-hearted. But it was a feeling that came to him ever since he held his son in his arms for the first time. It made him immensely happy to see his son follow in his footsteps, but at the same time, all he ever wanted was to make sure Ned, Miles and Charlotte were safe . They were his children, half him, half Kate, and he'd lay down his life so they'll be alright. And now Edmund was growing up and following down a path Anthony had no control over. He could teach his son, and make sure Ned was as prepared as he could be to face any of the challenges he faced, he could swing on the bars, ready to catch him at any time, but once his son was out of that platform, Anthony lost all little protective control he still had and it was terrifying.
Still, things happened, people got hurt, whether they were flying or standing on solid ground. Anthony's father threw himself off a high platform every day only to die of a heart attack, his two feet safe on the ground. Cancer took Arjun Sharma in less than two months. Life happened and there was a limit to how much he could protect his children from it.
The only thing to do was make sure they were ready for it and to be there if things went wrong.
Anthony jumped when he felt another pair of arms around them and shited his head to find Hyacinth's face buried into his shoulder as she held onto her older brother and nephew. He had no time to comment on it before Benedict mumbled, "I won't be the only one left out on it." And proceeded to follow his sister, squeezing them into a hug.
Anthony stood there, allowing himself to hold and be held by his family before he cleared his throat.
"It's time." Arms untangled and pats on the back were exchanged as Violet’s voice boomed from bellow, announcing daring artists breaking the laws of gravity over the speakers as spotlights shone upwards.
"You're ready?" He asked Ned, his arm still resting across the jittery boy's shoulders.
"Will you catch me?" Anthony squeezed his son tighter to him, closing his eyes for a moment.
"Of course." He whispered, pressing the side of his head to the top of the boy's head. "I'll always catch you, mate."
"Alright." Edmund took a deep, calming breath and nodded his head, steeling himself as all the bright lights of the circus reflected at them. "Let's do it."
As he reached for the bar to take off, Anthony's eyes caught Kate's, as they did every night. Standing at the edge of the big top entrance her black circus shirt over her costume, his wife was staring up at him with fear in her lovely face, her thumb trapped between her teeth as she chewed on it nervously. As he did every night Anthony smiled at the woman of his dreams and winked. Despite all her worries and his own bubbling between them, the last thing he saw as he left the platform was Kate's smile.
Anthony managed to fight valiantly against the tears that had been threatening to spill from his eyes since he'd woken up to Ned's excited bouncing, but as he saw his son stand on the plank, taking the bar Benedict was holding up, he knew it was a losing battle. The fat droplets ran down his cheeks as Ned's lean fingers closed around the metal rod and he raised his free hand high in the air, proudly saluting the crowd of spectators before he turned forwards, both his hands holding on tightly to the bar. He watched as Ned closed his eyes, pulling a long lungful of air before he opened them again, determination quickly replacing the nerves written all over his face.
From behind him, Benedict called, " Hup !"
And Edmund jumped.
Anthony’s cheeks were still wet as he rolled down from the net and landed on the packed dirt of the ring under the roaring applause of the audience. He bowed to them, one hand clasped around Ned's and the other around Hyacinth's. He watched, still unable to hold the stream down his face as his son blushed, looking down at his feet with a bashful smile as his grandmother told their audience how it was his birthday and his first performance, which only caused a louder ovation from the crowd under the big top, visitors and crew alike.
The spotlight shifted as Eloise appeared in the stands, blowing on a tuba that was roughly her size and they exited the ring while people rushed forwards to take down the net.
" Amma !" Ned took off in front of him, throwing himself in his mother's waiting arms, nearly sending them both to the floor. "Amma, did you see me?!"
"You were amazing, beta ." Edmund was too excited to notice the glitch of hesitation in his mother's voice but it made Anthony smirk. Anthony was quite sure his wife had spent the entire time their son was in the air with her eyes shut tight, her hand clutching Edwina's as she whispered old prayers in Hindi under her breath. "I'm so proud of you, little love."
Kate pressed a kiss to his forehead before pulling him into another hug. Edmund buried his face in his mother's chest and Kate rested her chin on the top of his head, with a deep sigh. And then she looked at Anthony over the top of their son's head, her big brown eyes tearful.
Anthony Bridgerton had known, the second he met that hazel gaze from up in the trapeze so many years ago, before he even knew her name or who she was, that those lovely, wide eyes would change his life. He'd known it every time his breath caught in his throat whenever she looked at him, whether it was in anger, annoyance, lust, mirth or joy. He'd known it the first time he looked at them up close, the moment before their lips crashed together for the first time and then at every chance he got of kissing her afterwards. He remembered the first time he thought she belonged in the circus, amidst the magic of the ring and the big top, but Anthony had been wrong.
Kathani Gathika Bridgerton did not belong to the magic of the circus. She was it.
Not only because of her neat little illusions. Kate had crashed into his life to remind him of all the things his father had taught him to cherish about the life he had been born in. It was the way her laugh rang loud and bright across the big top in the early hours before the show. It was sitting across from her in their office, both of them absorbed by the work he no long felt burdened by. It was watching her perform under the stage lights, the bright smile he loved so much making her face glow. It was in the way each of his children took their first steps over the striped tents, their laughter of joy as they grew up surrounded by that same magic.
It was with Kate's hand holding onto his that Anthony rediscovered the reason Bridgerton Family Circus was the most important thing in his life. It wasn't because it had been Edmund Bridgerton's pride and joy or because it was the family legacy, passed from father to son 6 times over. It wasn't even because it was his duty to his family. The circus was his life because it was where he thrived . It was the space he had grown up, happy and free, surrounded by so much love and joy. It was where he had learned how to fly, under his father's careful tutelage. It was his job, his family and his passion, all wrapped in one. And it was the life he wanted for his children, so achingly similar to his own. Children he didn't even believe would exist in his life before her.
He had forgotten it, bit by bit, starting on the moment his father died, until he had buried all of it under a heavy blanket of duty and legacy. And then there was Kate, who challenged him, who frightened him, who annoyed him beyond reason and who dared love him so fiercely. Kate and her snappy temper and ridiculous assumptions had forced him to face the things he spent so long trying to forget, feeling himself too unworthy of. Anthony thanked every single God in existence for her.
No, the magic of the circus was right there as his wife gave him a wobbly smile from over Edmund's head, reached out her hand in invitation towards him and winked.
And what could Anthony do but wink back as he moved to join them?