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I couldn’t deny it anymore. I was definitely pregnant. And scared out of my mind.
As I stood there in the bathroom with three pregnancy tests all lined up in a row, all reading positive, my heart stuttered in panic against my rib cage and one thought alone blared across my mind.
Tell Cassian.
But I couldn’t.
I wanted to tell him. Right now. Hunt him down, wherever the hell he was on base at the moment, jump into his arms and tell him about the baby, how happy and confused and utterly terrified I was.
That was the only thing I wanted to do and the only thing I couldn’t do. Because the second I did that, he would wrap me up in a thousand blankets and pillows and insist that I didn’t move a muscle. Never mind actually doing my job and going on missions.
But it was still early and I didn’t need to take it easy yet. Besides, I would be laid up soon enough with swollen ankles and a body that felt more like a balloon.
I hated keeping secrets from Cassian though, especially this one. It was so huge and I knew it would make him so incredibly happy…
Well. I thought it would. I hoped it would. We hadn’t talked about having kids very much. When we got married a year ago, it was a rushed deal, taking advantage of a rare moment of peace between missions. Barely three days later, we found ourselves in the middle of a firefight with an Imperial crew that nearly wiped us all out. Kids weren’t exactly high priority on the discussion list when we were too busy trying to stay alive.
But kids came up once or twice, here and there, always spoken about very softly, hesitantly. Cassian didn’t sound like he didn’t want kids, he was just…reserved about them. There weren’t many kids running around the military bases that had been his home since he was six years old so he didn’t have much experience with them.
A few weeks after I found out, the morning sickness started with a vengeance and suddenly, it became ten times harder to pretend like everything was fine. Cassian always kept such a sharp eye on me that I knew it was only a matter of time – a very short time – before he was bound to figure it out.
He came into our room one morning after working the whole night through, and climbed into bed behind me. He wrapped himself around me with a deep sigh of relief, his face tucked into the crook of my neck and shoulder. I knew that sigh, long and drawn out. He was bone tired, running himself ragged.
“You’re burning the candle at both ends again,” I whispered.
“Hard to stop when war never takes a break.”
I rolled over to face him, pushing one knee between his and hooking my foot around his ankle. I kissed him lightly and brushed my fingers across his cheek.
“But you need sleep,” I said. “You promised you’d be careful. If I hear you’re in the med bay because you dropped from exhaustion, you’re going to be in big trouble mister.”
He laughed softly and pulled me a little closer, a little tighter as he kissed my forehead. Within seconds, I felt the tension in his body melt away and his breathing evened out as sleep took him under.
I would have been content to stay that way for hours except for the nausea threatening at the back of my throat. Carefully, I untangled myself from Cassian as smoothly as I could without waking him and only just managed to make it to the sink before my stomach came up. I braced myself against the sink, breathing through the bitter taste on my tongue and closed my eyes, hoping Cassian hadn’t heard that…
After a quick clean up, I slipped out of the bathroom and stopped. Cassian was sitting on the edge of our bed, his forearms resting against his knees. He raised his head when I stepped into the room.
“Are you sick?” he said, concern etched into his face with the already heavy lines of fatigue.
“Just a stomach bug going around,” I said. I couldn’t look at him when I spoke, and focused on a spot over his shoulder instead. If I looked in his eyes, I knew I wouldn’t have the resolve to keep my secret. I’d spill the beans right then and there.
He frowned and held his hand out to me. I stepped forward and he wrapped an arm around my waist.
“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” he said.
I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. It’ll pass in a day or two anyway.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“There’s more you’re not telling me.”
He couldn’t possibly have figured it out already…could he? But Cassian always had an uncanny ability to see right through me and call my bluff. Before I could say anything, he continued.
“Come on, I’ll take you to the med bay,” he said. “Even if it’s just a stomach bug, it won’t hurt to get checked out.”
I moved in front of him to place my hands on his shoulders.
“You have to rest, Cassian,” I said. “I can take care of myself. Pretty sure I can find my way to the med bay on my own.”
“I know you can, sweetheart,” he said. “I just want to make sure you’re all right.”
He hooked his hands around the back of my thighs and pressed a kiss to my stomach. My breath hitched in my throat and I brought my hand to the top of his head, smoothing over his hair. He had no idea. And my chest ached with an open wide gaping chasm to tell him everything…
Then I pulled away and retrieved my boots and my jacket. I had to get distance. I had to get out of this room before I cracked.
“I’ll go to the med bay right now,” I said, “while you get some sleep.”
“If it’s something more serious, let me know right away, okay?”
“Sleep, Cassian.”
“Sweetheart,” he said, the very slightest edge to his voice. “I mean it.”
“All right, all right.”
Then I ducked out before he made me promise. Keeping this secret was bad enough. But making a promise I knew full well I’d have to break? No. I couldn’t do that, not to Cassian.
[][][]
A few days later, after some considerable tussling back and forth, I finally managed to convince Cassian that I was well enough to go on a mission with him. He did not look pleased but I could be just as stubborn as he was. Neither one of us was about to back down until I pulled out that one ace up my sleeve he could never resist.
“I’ll fly myself and go anyway,” I said. “You know I will.”’
He growled and swore under his breath, gesturing to his own ship. “Fine, get in.”
I beamed and kissed his cheek as I passed him. He shook his head and made little disapproving, yet harmless, noises.
“You’re a pain in the ass,” he said, one eyebrow raised, his gaze soft with affection.
“Yeah but you still love me.”
He tried to hide his smile but he was failing miserably and I couldn’t resist backtracking just to kiss him again. When I slid my hands into his jacket, searching for warm skin, he caught my wrists.
“Don’t do it,” he said. “Mission. Focus.”
“This helps me focus.”
“I know for a fact it does not.”
I tipped my chin up, brushing my nose against his, smiling against his lips but not quite kissing him. He closed his eyes with a strangled noise.
“Stop,” he whispered. “We’re going to Hapan, negotiating with some of the most dangerous women in the galaxy and I need to think.”
“So think and kiss me at the same time.”
“You know damn well it doesn’t work like that.”
I laughed as I pulled back, trailing our fingers together before climbing into the ship.
[][][]
Hapan never failed to intimidate in its majestic beauty, with tall, stately warrior women and handsome, soft-spoken men, elegant architecture, and guests were always treated like royalty, showered with every extravagance imaginable. Cassian and I were escorted into the Queen Mother’s dining hall. A long white table stretched the full length of the room, filled with a rainbow of brightly colored and exotic foods from Hapan as well as distant planets, a display of wealth to show visitors just how powerful Hapan truly was.
The Queen Mother, regal and imposing in a gold suit, gestured for us to take a seat and I slid into a chair beside Cassian.
“Before negotiations,” the Queen Mother said, “it is customary to share a meal together as a sign of trust and respect, especially if we are to be allies against the Empire.”
The first course was brought out by a trail of servants clad in white and red. Bowls of pale broth were placed before us, thick with spices. I leaned forward to breathe in the sharp, welcoming scent when my throat tightened with recognition.
I knew what this was, this food. Dragweed broth. And I couldn’t touch it. Dragweed was too strong, even the smallest taste of it and I’d lose the baby.
A flush of hot panic surged up my neck. I couldn’t refuse to eat it. That would be an insult to the Queen Mother and this whole mission would be over before it even started. And Hapans took insults very, very personally. But I couldn’t eat it either.
Cassian’s hand settled over mine. “Is everything okay?” he whispered.
I kept staring at my soup. If I looked at him, I knew he’d see the panic in my eyes.
“I know it doesn’t look that appealing, sweetheart,” he said, low enough so only I could hear. “But you need to eat it, okay? Just a little. The Queen Mother is watching you.”
I swallowed as I raised my head to see the Queen Mother’s dark gaze on me. She set her spoon aside and fixed me with a cold stare.
“Do you not trust us?” she growled.
“No, it’s…”
“You plan to trick us then,” she said, her voice growing sharp as steel and dangerous.
Before I could protest, she gestured to her servants. They grabbed me and hauled me out of my chair. Cassian was on his feet in a flash but the servants shoved him to his knees on the ground.
“What the hell is going on?” he demanded.
“Please stop,” I said. “It was my fault. Let him go, please.”
The Queen Mother rose from her chair and crossed to Cassian, taking his chin in her hands. She cast a sideways glance at me.
“You come into our home to trade with us,” she said, “and now you insult us. We no longer have any interest in forming an alliance with you. And for the crime of insulting me and my people, punishment will be required. Take them to the whipping posts.”
Fear rocketed through my veins as Cassian and I were dragged to the door.
“I’m pregnant!” I said.
My voice echoed in the cavernous dining hall and I bit my lip against the sob that rose up in my throat. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting the urge to look at Cassian in the suffocating silence that stretched on and on and on and felt as if it would never end.
“That’s why I didn’t eat it,” I continued, my voice trembling and hoarse. “I’m sorry but I can’t. I meant no offense. Now please, just leave him alone.”
“Release them,” the Queen Mother said.
The servants’ bruising grip vanished and I wrapped my arms around myself to stop from shaking. Part of me wished Cassian would say something, anything, but another part of me knew I didn’t want him to say a word because it wasn’t going to be good.
“Motherhood is highly esteemed here,” the Queen Mother said. She stepped closer to me and I flinched as she reached out to brush her fingers over my cheek. “To carry a child within you and give it life is not to be taken lightly.”
She turned to her servants and gestured to the food. “Get the broth out of my sight. Bring in a more suitable meal.”
She smiled at me slightly with a nod. “We would be honored if you would consider doing business with us.”
The Queen Mother returned to her chair and settled at the table, gesturing for us to join her. Slowly, carefully, I glanced at Cassian but he wouldn’t look at me. He kept his gaze straight ahead, his jaw clamped tight. I slid into my chair next to him and pressed a hand to my mouth, willing myself to calm down, breathe, focus.
Then Cassian turned towards me and my stomach flipped with hope and dread that he was finally going to say something. But his gaze shifted past me and to the Queen Mother.
“Would you mind if we had a few minutes alone?” he said.
The Queen Mother looked to me. “Do you wish this too?”
Yes. No. Either way, I wasn’t getting out of it. Might as well get it over with.
I nodded. The Queen Mother inclined her head and pushed her chair back, rising to stand out of respect for a future mother, as her custom instructed.
“We will wait for you return,” she said.
As Cassian and I headed back to the ship, he stayed next to me but he didn’t look at me or touch me the whole time. He waited as I climbed inside then followed after me. As soon as the door shut, he turned on me. I blinked, startled, at the sheer blast of angry heat radiating off of him. For an entire minute, he said nothing and I could see him struggling to maintain some level of self-control but it was proving difficult…more likely impossible.
“Tell me again,” he said, his voice low and shaky with barely restrained fury, “what you just said.”
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered.
He covered his face with his hands and swore under his breath. This was not at all how I pictured telling him. I thought he would be happy, excited to hear the news. But now he just looked…burdened.
“And you kept this from me?” he said, a slight hitch on the last word, hurt finally slipping in over his anger.
“It’s still early,” I said. “I wasn’t sure for a while and I didn’t want to get your hopes up.”
“How long have you known?”
I hesitated. No matter what I told him, he wasn’t going to like it.
“How long?” he repeated.
“A few weeks.”
“And by a few you mean…”
“A month and a half.”
He blew out a breath and shook his head.
“What the hell were you thinking coming out here?” he hissed.
I took a step towards him, reaching out to comfort him. “Cassian, I…”
He pulled back and I let my hand drop, biting the inside of my cheek.
“I know,” he growled, “that you’re well aware of the risks this job has. So how you could even think that it was okay to leave the base when you are pr...”
He broke off and turned his head away from me, his eyes closed. The anger was still there, simmering, but it had lost some of its heat, replaced instead with growing concern. I swallowed my hesitancy and stepped towards him. This time he didn’t pull away and I latched onto the fragile encouragement, brushing my fingers over his. But he didn’t respond, didn’t move, and still…didn’t look at me.
I had long since lost track of how many times we’d argued over my safety. Cassian always wanted me to stay behind as often as possible and I always wanted to go, to get things done. I knew he worried about me, worried about losing me. And the idea that he would now have twice as much to worry about was probably shredding him to pieces.
“Just please stay here,” he said, his voice rough and stripped raw. “I’ll finish the negotiations on my own.”
He broke away, the bare, light warmth of his fingers leaving mine as he turned to the door and opened it.
“No,” I said.
He stopped and bowed his head with a sigh. He kept his back to me, his shoulders rigid. I wanted to cross the small yet infinite amount of space between us, wrap my arms around him and kiss this volatile mix of frustration and worry away. As much as he hated to see me in danger, I hated seeing him on edge like this. But I stayed where I stood because I knew he had some things he was still processing. He needed space and I had to give it to him, no matter how painful it was.
“I have common ground with the Hapans now,” I continued. “They’ll be more willing to negotiate with a new mother.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment. Then, very quietly, so quietly I almost missed it, he said, “Why are you doing this?”
I could take the thunder of his raised voice. I could take the heat of his anger because I knew it was only concern for my well-being. But this, this faint, fragile tone in his voice, it hurt so much deeper than the explosive arguing from only a minute earlier.
“The same reason you are, Cassian,” I replied, just as quietly. “Because I need to protect the people I care about. Believe me when I say this isn’t easy. Part of me wants to stay behind, I promise you. But I know I can’t hide myself away. It would drive me crazy, knowing there’s so much that I’m not doing for this little life inside of me.”
He let out a long, slow breath and tipped his head back.
“I swear, Cassian,” I said, “I’m not trying to make your life a living hell. I know it doesn’t seem that way but…”
He laughed softly and shook his head. Then he finally, finally turned around to face me and the fire in his eyes I’d seen earlier had diminished to show a sliver of that familiar, comfortable affection again.
“Then you must have a natural talent for it,” he said. “Come on.”
He stepped out of the ship and held his hand out to me. Even when he was upset with me, he would always look out for me. As I took his hand, he put his other hand on my hip, holding me in place before I could jump down after him.
“Don’t do anything stupid or reckless,” he said. “Or I will carry you back here myself and lock you in. Clear?”
“I’d like to see you try.”
He raised an eyebrow but I didn’t back down and looked him right in the eye.
“My god, you’re stubborn,” he muttered.
“You know what they say. The longer you’re married, you become more and more alike.”
“In other words, we’ll be butting heads for the rest of our lives.”
“You can’t honestly tell me you expected anything different.”
I placed my hands on his shoulders and jumped down, only a few bare inches away from him. I looked up and gritted my teeth against the ache to touch him, to kiss him, to lean into him and have his arms come around me with that solid, silent reassurance that no matter how bad things got, everything would be all right. We’d get through it. Together.
But I pulled back, my hands trailing over his shoulders and down his chest for a moment before I turned and started back to the dining hall. Cassian stayed right in step with me again but there was less distance this time as his shoulder occasionally bumped against mine or his hand brushed across my fingers. It wasn’t as insistent as the usual contact he made which meant there was probably some lingering resentment still fizzling out. But I would accept any contact I could get. I’d had a month and a half to get used to the idea of a child on the way. Cassian had only a few minutes and he needed more time to adjust.
The Hapans were warm and welcoming after that. As I suspected, the Queen Mother paid special attention to me throughout the negotiations, asking about the baby, making sure I had every comfort available. By the end of the meal, the Hapans agreed to help us fight against the Empire, just as we had hoped they would. But it didn’t feel like a win.
When we returned to the ship, Cassian lifted me inside.
“I’m waiting,” he said.
“For…?”
He stood aside as I slid into the co-pilot seat before he took the pilot’s seat.
“Every time you’re right about something and I’m wrong, you always say I told you so.”
I opened my mouth to protest then snapped it shut.
“Oh,” I said. “I do, don’t I?”
He nodded. “So I’m waiting. You were right. The Hapans were far more willing to talk to you than me. Go ahead. Say it.”
I shrugged and closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the seat.
“I’ll take a rain check,” I said.
Cassian didn’t reply for a minute or two as he steered the ship into the sky and back to base.
“In all the time we’ve known each other, you have never passed up an opportunity to rub it in. Why now?”
I sighed and opened my eyes, tipping my head to the side to look at him.
“Because there would be absolutely no satisfaction in it at this point.”
He cast a sideways glance at me.
“I hate arguing with you, Cassian,” I whispered. “The last thing I ever wanted was to make you upset. But that’s exactly what happened. Fine, I was right, but I don’t really care, and I’m certainly not going to crow about it.”
For a little while, Cassian didn’t say anything and I thought that might be the end of the conversation. The silence wasn’t comfortable but it wasn’t exactly tense either, it was simply…there. Hovering over us.
“It was your decision,” Cassian finally said.
“What?”
“To tell me or not. I should have respected that.” He turned to look at me. “I do respect that.”
“I know you do.”
He studied me a moment or two longer then focused on the console again. Neither one of us spoke for the rest of the trip back to base. We were piecing things together, word by word, look by look, touch by touch. And I couldn’t rush it, even though I wanted to.
When we returned to our quarters, I could still sense that fraction of tension between us, clinging. I kicked off my shoes and risked a glance in Cassian’s direction as he shrugged out of his jacket, his back to me. We might be piecing things together, and I knew we’d be okay after a while…at least I hoped we would…but as I watched him, a nudge that had been lingering at the back of my mind rose to the forefront of my thoughts. Our lives were about to change in one of the most drastic ways. I needed him now more than I ever needed him before and I couldn’t stand this tension between us any longer.
“Cassian,” I said softly.
He turned slightly, waiting.
“Can we start over?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
I rubbed at my forehead, a faint burn beginning at the back of my eyes. This day had left me feeling as if I’d been sucked dry, achingly empty except for the threat of tears that I refused to let show.
“I was going to tell you,” I said, my voice shaking despite my best attempts to control it. “It’s been…horrible, trying to keep this from you. As soon as I knew, I wanted to tell you. Right away. But it had to be the right time too. I had it all planned out, what I would say, how it would be just the two of us somewhere private… I never wanted you to find out this way.”
He nodded as he set his jacket aside. “The damage is already done though, don’t you think?”
My breath hitched in my throat at those words. There was no animosity in his voice, no bite, no burn. It was simply…fact. But it stung, it stung so deep. I pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes, struggling to stay composed. Then I sucked in a breath and brushed my hands over my cheeks as I tipped my chin up.
“Yep,” I said. “You’re right.”
I turned away and screwed my eyes shut, doing my best to smother the sting that insisted to be felt. But as I unbuckled my blaster belt and set it aside, Cassian’s fingers cupped my elbow and he turned me to face him. I focused on the hollow of his throat, not trusting myself to look in his eyes, no matter what I saw there – anger, disappointment, sympathy. Whatever I saw on his face, I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it together anymore.
“Damage or no damage,” he said, “we can always start over, sweetheart.”
For a moment, I felt myself break and I had to duck my head. Cassian’s hand skated up my elbow to rest on my shoulder, his other hand at the back of my neck as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. My fingers curled into his shirt, tugging him closer.
“Tell me the way you wanted to,” he said. “I’m listening.”
I inhaled a trembling breath and nodded to the bed. “Sit? Please?”
He took my hands as he backed up to the bed, pulling me along after him, his thumbs skating over my knuckles back and forth. He sat on the edge of the bed and I perched on his lap as his hands curled around my hips. I rested my forehead against his and placed a hand in the middle of his chest. His pulse fluttered beneath my fingertips, frantic and butterfly fast.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, soft and reverent and excited all at once, the way I should have told him, the way I’d dreamed of telling him for weeks.
A smile blossomed across his face and he brushed his nose against mine.
“You’re sure?” he said.
I nodded and the hurricane of emotions finally caught up with me. I closed my eyes and a single tear slipped down my cheek despite the swell of happiness in my chest threatening to burst.
“Hey,” Cassian said, “no, don’t cry. This is a good thing, isn’t it? I know it didn’t seem like I was happy about it before and I never should have lost my patience, that wasn’t fair to you. But I’m not upset about this, I promise.”
He cupped my face in his hands, wiping my tears away with his thumbs as I leaned into his touch and kissed his palms.
“I’m scared, Cassian,” I said. “I’m so scared and so excited and it’s…a lot to take in all at once.”
He kissed me through his smile, lingering a moment longer before he pulled back.
“Sweetheart, look at me,” he said.
I opened my eyes and he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, trailing his fingers down my jawline to my chin.
“This is uncharted territory here,” he continued, “for both of us, I get that. But we’ll figure it out. We always do. And there is no doubt in my mind that you will make an incredible mother. This child…” He pressed his hand to my stomach. “You won’t let him…or her…get away with anything.”
“That’s your department. I’m sure you will spoil our child rotten.”
His eyes brightened, and I didn’t think it was possible but his smile grew even bigger.
“Our child,” he said, a little breathless with the slightest hitch in his voice too as he laughed and kissed me again. “We’re going to have a baby.”
He hooked his arms around me as he twisted and laid me out on the bed. So very carefully, he eased himself down beside me, slipping his hand beneath my shirt to settle on my stomach, his thumb drifting over my skin. I placed my hand against his cheek as I kissed him, lightly, sweetly.
“I think I’ll try to stay on base a little more,” I said. “Maybe take up work here instead of off world.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You will?”
“I said only a little. Don’t get your hopes up, mister.”
He laughed softly as he inched closer to me and kissed my shoulder.
[][][]
A faint sound in the dim light of our room woke me hours later. Through the haze of sleep, I reached out towards Cassian but the bed was empty, the sheets cold. Concern raged through my mind and I sat up.
Cassian was sitting on the far side of the room on the floor, his back to the wall, his head bowed and his forearms resting on his knees. His breathing was too shallow and too fast as if each inhale was a battle he was losing.
I flung the covers aside and crossed the room, kneeling in front of him. “Cassian?” I said.
He raised his head and the raw fear I saw there sent a rush of ice cold through my veins. I’d never seen him like this before. Worried over my safety, yes, many times over. Terrified when I got hurt and ended up in the med bay, absolutely, even for the slightest injury. But this? This was something deeper, something that had him shaking all over.
“What’s wrong?” I said as I took his hands. “Talk to me.”
He squeezed back with a vise-like grip and pulled me into him, his fingertips biting into my shoulder blades.
“I can’t do this,” he whispered. “I can’t be a father.”
Now it was my turn to struggle for air. I broke away, placed my hands on either side of his face and tipped his head up to look at me.
“Tell me right now, Cassian,” I said. “If you don’t want a child, I need to know.”
His hands tightened against my waist. “I do, sweetheart, I swear I do. But I’m not…I have no idea how to raise a child. I’m a soldier. I’ve always been a soldier. How am I supposed to do this? And what if something happens to me? To both of us? This child…our child…would have no one. I know what that’s like, to grow up without a family, and it hurts so much. I can’t…I can’t risk doing that to my own child and…”
“Cassian, stop. Just breathe. Don’t go there, okay? Don’t talk like that.”
“But it’s all I’ve been able to think about, ever since you told me. Why do you think I went off on you before?”
“Because you worry about me all the time, Cassian, that’s just what you do. I’m a big girl, I’m used to it.”
“It’s like I’m…”
He broke off and took in a shuddering breath. I smoothed my hand through his hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“Take your time,” I said. “Try again.”
His hand curled up over my shoulder as he leaned into me, his other hand sliding along my jaw to tangle in my hair.
“When I first kissed you,” he said, his voice muffled against the curve of my neck, “for days…weeks…afterwards, it was like watching my heart walking around outside my body.”
“You never told me that before.”
“It scared the holy hell out of me. I wanted to run. It was too much. I couldn’t…couldn’t sleep thinking that someone might just…crush you…crush me at any second.”
I nuzzled against his ear with a kiss to his cheek. “But you didn’t run. You’re right here with me.”
“I’m still not used to it though. I still can’t catch my breath when I hear you’re in the med bay. How will I not completely lose it when this…this tiny life wobbling around makes me feel that way even more? Because I know our child will have your recklessness and do whatever he or she damn well pleases no matter how many times I tell them to stay in the ship for once.”
I laughed a little and he managed a small, trembling laugh too. A sliver of tension eased from his body but he didn’t let go, didn’t relax his hold on me even the slightest bit.
“And that’s why you’ll do just fine, Cassian,” I said.
He pulled back, confused. “What do you mean?”
I brushed his hair away from his forehead, my fingers tracing over his features.
“Because you’ll never stop worrying about them. Because you care, so, so much that it can’t be contained, it spills over into everything you do, every word you say. Because you will have absolutely no willpower when our child looks at you and you’ll grant their every wish in a heartbeat. Because you have always been there for me, right by my side, and I know you will be there for our child, no matter what.”
“You really think so?” he said softly.
I nodded. “There is no doubt in my mind that you will make an incredible father.”
He smiled slightly and kissed me, feather-light with relief and yet sharp too, with lingering concern that would never go away.
“If it’s any consolation,” I continued, “I get the feeling this child will have your eyes. You’ll both gang up on me with that puppy dog look you do so well.”
“Consider it pay back.”
“For what?”
“When you two head off into trouble, laughing while I have a heart attack because I’m so worried.”
A giggle bubbled up before I could stop it. He shook his head.
“It’s not funny,” he said, but his tone was teasing and there was a tiny smile playing at his lips.
“Yes it is, only because it’s true.”
“I’m going to be gray by the time I’m thirty,” he sighed.
“But we’ll both love you anyway.”
The shadow of concern flared back to life in his eyes and for a moment, his smile faltered. Then he placed his hand on my stomach and his smile tentatively grew until the shadow of concern was overtaken by how bright his eyes were.
“Tell me again,” he said. “Just…one more time.”
“I’m pregnant,” I said with a grin, kissing him over and over. “We’re going to have a baby.”