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Afterwards, they weren’t quite sure how the topic had even come up.
“He wasn’t even born this time of year”, Crowley muttered, more to himself than to the angel at his side.
Aziraphale heard him nonetheless. “Well, yes, I recall it was spring, but…does it really matter? I guess it was just a convenient date, what with other festivities falling in this time frame, with Hanukkah, the winter solstice, the Saturnalia and all that, celebrated in the…let’s say, general vicinity. Made it easier for people to…to adjust.”
“Yup. Just celebrate something, doesn’t really matter what it actually is. As long as it spreads some light in the middle of winter.”
“Exactly”, the angel nodded, “the cold, bleak, dark midwinter. Reason enough to shed a little warmth and light. And that, I think, may be rather fitting for celebrating his birthday, don’t you think? Don’t you think he’d approve? You knew him, after all.”
Crowley blew a raspberry. “Not sure. He certainly would’ve objected to all the fuss. And, I mean, nowadays, with consumerism overshadowing it all – well, Hell certainly appreciated that bit, sooo…”
“Well, you’re right about that”, Aziraphale admitted with a frown. “But…the original thought…As I said, some light in the cold and dark…”
“Yeah, he might’ve liked that”, the demon admitted with a shrug.
“And that, at least, fits. Only, back then, you were the one responsible for the light…”
“Huh?”
“Well, the star, dearest! The Star of Bethlehem!”
“Oh, shut up”, Crowley muttered, blushing ever so slightly.
They trudged on through the freshly fallen snow – an unusual thing in the South Downs, snow on Christmas Eve – and for quite some time, they remained silent, their crunching footsteps the only sounds in the winter night.
The thick clouds that had brought the snow had long since disappeared, and the stars were out, along with a full moon that illuminated the snow-covered landscape in blueish-silver. The air was still glittering with floating ice crystals. It was nothing short of magical, even if the bright moon diminished the stars quite a bit. A natural source of light pollution in an area well known for having little of the artificial kind, normally quite perfect for stargazing. And even with the full moon, the sky was still a lot more stunning here than it could ever have been in London. Occasionally, the wind would pick up and let flurries of soft, fine, fresh snow drift across the moonlight landscape. Somewhere in the distance, the chimes of church bells announced midnight, slowly and gently. Apart from that, the world was silent.
They kept walking along the path connecting the villages. It was covered in snow, almost invisible beneath the white blanket. In the silence, two hands, gloved against the cold midwinter night, reached for each other.
Overcome with a peculiar feeling of the seeming eternity of the stars above them, of this, the life they now had together, against the inevitable transience and mutability of everything, of life itself, the angel sighed deeply. It had been a long way that had finally led them here, throughout centuries, millennia. They were finally free. And there were no doubts whatsoever when it came to the love they had for each other. And yet, no one could know for certain what the future would hold, so Aziraphale swore to himself to absorb all of this – this beauty and peacefulness and love – and treasure it. He hoped they would truly have all of eternity together, here, but even so, the Earth would remain forever changing. He had no idea that Crowley, holding his hand firmly, had thoughts of a similar nature in that very moment.
They had stopped walking and had shifted position a little, so that they were now almost facing each other. But Crowley wasn’t looking at the angel in front of him, but at the indigo sky above. After a brief, loving gaze at his demon, Aziraphale followed suit and looked up as well.
“Pretty stunning night, eh?”
“Indeed it is”, Aziraphale agreed. “It seems so…so eternal, in a way. This moment.”
Crowley chuckled softly. “Well, yes, it does. But…not even the stars are eternal. Or the moon. I mean, all of them certainly last longer than that star I created back then, but still. Not exactly eternal.”
Wind came up and carried flurries of snow around them, making them move closer together. On another plane, Crowley felt invisible white wings encircling him, sheltering him from the cold. He chuckled again and leaned in for a gentle kiss.
“Your nose is cold”, the angel stated softly as they pulled apart just enough to be able to look at each other.
“Well, sssnake, ya know…”
Aziraphale giggled at that. “Of course”, he agreed, as he looked across the silent, snow-covered landscape.
The wind had settled once more, the church bells had long gone silent, and there was just the soft light of the stars and the moon on the snow…and the snowflakes that had gathered on both Aziraphale’s and Crowley’s winter coats.
“Well, the stars may not be eternal, but the memories we make along the way surely can be”, the angel mused. “Memories we can share. Just the two of us. And we’ve created quite a few of those. Moments that no one else may ever know about – but I, for one, will keep them close and treasure them.”
Crowley smiled. “To never let them go? Getting soppy, Angel? Well, sure, we can keep the memories close, but…we can also keep each other close. We’ve danced around each other for so long, I don’t think I could ever let you go now.”
“And I wouldn’t ever want you to”, the angel agreed. “But you are right. And you know what? In hindsight, it was all so very obvious. What you’ve done for me over the centuries. All the daring rescues, the treats, the dinners, the chocolate…oh, the saved books! And that star, back when he was born. You’ve risked so much –”
“Well, so have you.”
“Yes, but…as you once said, Hell doesn’t send rude notes. I’ve always seen that, though. Seen you. Underneath, I mean. Your kindness. You were always…kind and caring, even when you tried to pretend that you weren’t. And not just for me, either. I said it before, and I really mean it – you are a nice person. Genuinely.” When Crowley didn’t reply, he continued: “And…well, you know, when we met again, after his death, in Rome…I…I did just try to make conversation, but…I also actually had a reason for that rather awkward question. Whether you were still a demon, I mean. Because…see, they said that he had died for the sins of everyone on Earth. Giving everyone a…a fresh start, sort of. Every human, at least. But…I wondered. You were on Earth, too. As was I. And…well, I didn’t feel any different, but I’m an angel, so…But you? I thought, maybe…”
“Wot? That I’d got rebooted because poor Yeshua was left to die on that cross?”
“Well, erm…yes, perhaps. I know it may sound foolish. And I know by now that you wouldn’t really want to…”
“Un-Fall? Nope, thanks. But…to be perfectly honest, ‘m not sure that’s what happened back then, even for the humans. I mean, just think back. Did anything change? I wouldn’t say so. Things remained pretty much the same. Business as usual. No big revelation of sins being cleared away. So…I dunno. And…even if. If I were to be…forgiven…I’m not sure that would make me an angel again. I hope not. I sucked at being an angel.”
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, darling!”
“’s true, though! That’s…exactly why I despised being called nice! Well, one of the reasons, anyway. It just…hurt. Brought back memories I really didn’t care for. Not the kind that I want to treasure and keep. I’m not an angel, and I wasn’t particularly good at being one. And yes, yesss, I know not all angels are actually good and nice. I know. I know better than most, I reckon. But ssstill. I don’t think I ever felt like I really belonged in Heaven. But then again, I never felt at home in Hell, either. Felt like I belonged nowhere, really. And…Yeshua was one of the very few who actually understood. He saw right through me. Eerie, that was. Read me like an open book. And…he even knew of my angelic past.”
“What? But…how?”
The demon shrugged and shook his head. “No idea, he just did. Anyway. Guess I’ve always been…on my own side, in a way. Nice? Perhaps, but…I couldn’t quite bear being called that. And…felt like I belonged nowhere…until…Well, there’s you. And we’re on our own side now. And that’s where I belong. Right here, beside you.”
The angel smiled. “Yes, and I belong right by your side, my dear. And…dare I say it? I think we’re both…perhaps too good for Heaven and Hell. Because we belong here on Earth.”
Crowley chuckled at that. “Too good for Heaven, eh? Ha, I like that…”
Aziraphale smiled lovingly. “Well, yes. And you know what? Speaking of fond memories: I very fondly remember those roses you gave me, just before we decided to move out here…but the most precious thing you ever gave me was your heart. And I’ll treasure that, as long as you keep mine safe with you.”
“Always”, the demon agreed and sealed that promise with a kiss.
They slowly made their way back homewards through the snow, underneath the moonlight. Much later that night, back home in the bedroom of their cottage, Aziraphale would watch over his demon, lost in dreams. The angel would listen to his partner’s heartbeat, he himself quite lost in his own thoughts of Crowley, of the two of them, and of the stars outside, shining on in the deep blue of the winter night sky. Yes, he thought, he had all he ever could have wanted. More than he’d ever dared to dream about. And by now, he knew Crowley well enough to know that the demon felt very much the same. Whatever the future would hold, they had each other…and the stars kept twinkling and shining on outside, until a new morning would make them fade, only to return with the next evening. Perhaps they would continue to do so for all eternity, after all – who knew? At any rate, they would keep shining for a very long time. When they’d fade with the new daylight, it would be yet another Christmas Day…