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Ochako felt her heart stop. Figuratively and Literally. Or so she feels as if literally.
She felt it in the middle of the pedestrian, where busy people walk through the busy road, surrounded and bathed by the iridescent lights from the buildings around them.
She never expected Izuku of all people to rush his way through moving crowds to find and get to her. And of many things she has heard, she'll hear something like: “I wanted to talk more with you, Uraraka.”
From that simple conviction, a haunted rollercoaster ride started, and they were both riding it at the front seat. For a ride so thrilling, their hearts are never even pumping.
To put it simply, over the years, their conversations started something simple, then turned heartfelt, to serious, and finally, freeing.
The freeing chapter of their journey begins with Ochako.
Ochako felt her heart stop. She wakes up in the middle of the night feeling like every pore in her body is a running faucet, and breathing in and out like a breath was just stolen a second before.
Panicked, she looked around. It was dark, in the middle of the night. The windows are closed but you can feel the wind howling insinuating winter. The picture frames posing pictures of memories she can’t quite on top of the table at the other side of the room stays still.
After looking so far ahead, her eyes caught a glint of a golden ring wrapped around Izuku’s ring finger.
Right, she’s Ochako, a wife, married to Izuku, her husband for almost a year. A year, if you don’t count the day today. Tomorrow will be their first anniversary. Or if she ever finds the courage, it could also be the day of their divorce.
As their anniversary approaches, the topic never once came up. Maybe Izuku danced around it, being the good husband that he is, remembering everything, but she never really caught it. Hell, even if he did, she would never even remember. These days, Ochako never remembers.
Except for one thing. A girl with feline-like golden eyes, fair-skin, wide mouth with noticeable canines, ash-colored hair styled into space messy buns, all pretty features occupying the prettiest face Ochako’s eyes ever laid at. Most importantly, the holder of the cutest smile in the world.
How could she forget? Did her brain learn favoritism now? Is it really favoritism or no matter how she denies, the heart could never just forget?
She remembers the dream that woke her up. She once saw the girl her eyes miss. The girl her heart beats for.
“I did whatever I wanted in life. And because I love you, Ochako…”
“... I want more for you…for you to do whatever you want, and more!”
For Ochako, remembering comes with tears. As she remembers, the dream plays like a film in her head. As if it is something she already saw at uncountable times. Her tears began to pour like waterfalls. Pause. At that, her brain began to reconnect to reality. Finally getting her shit together, she felt her face wet, and her body sweaty. She looked at the clock at her right, 4:00 AM.
Good thing her dreams haunted her at which she considered reasonable time today. Finally, she might be early at work.
—
Just like any other day, work is just the same. Her co-heroes greet her in the morning, then unbeknownst to her she’ll be fixated on her computer for further plans until break time disrupts her from the trance, then again people in work will compliment her about her life. Only if they knew.
The Quirk Counseling project she proposed is doing well, it even got adapted abroad. She finally accomplished what she had to accomplish. People celebrate her everyday. Everything in her life feels so complete, yet somehow so hollow.
The day passed like any other day. Morning faded into night and suddenly she was removing her shoes at their doorstep. As she successfully did, she uses her remaining strength to follow the smell of fine dinner from their kitchen to be greeted by her husband.
“Hi! How’s your day?” Izuku greeted her with tired eyes. It was one of many moments where Ochako wishes they live in a matrix, and for it to shatter, to glitch, to show them the actual reality they both are in.
“Great.” Ochako reciprocated with a tired smile. Izuku smiled back. Ochako made a beeline to sit at the dining table that witnessed the theatrical show they have been doing ever since.
Izuku sat in front of her and without further ado, they started their meal. They both were not even aware they had been so silent for a couple celebrating their first anniversary. Too busy weighing the stakes at their head, watching the fight of practicality and true feelings play out. It was either the usual, easy, and simple “Happy Anniversary” or the long monologue of nothing but the truth, doing their hearts a favor. Probably that or maybe they have finally chosen one, and maybe they are just finding the strength to finally utter the truth. What matters most?
Instead, they chose to dance around it first. Izuku took the first move, the first pawn in their game of chess.
“How do you feel about the food?”
“Great cook as always.”
They are both kind enough to smile. Kind enough to ignore the awkwardness that hangs in the air as if there are no adults talkking. But somehow for Ochako, it felt like it was finally the moment where one of them should finally have an answer to the unspoken question. She finally knows what she will do, being the smart woman that she is but words aren’t coming out of her mouth.
Thankfully Izuku didn't even notice. Too focused on his food, he seemed deep in thought as if too many important things were playing in his mind for him to be fully aware of the little, trivial things no matter how big or small.
Ochako tried to speak again to pull out Izuku from the trance, a word came out of her mouth, she was successful but not fully. Ochako and Izuku dropped a single syllable at the exact same time.
“I–”
“I–”
Pause.
“I’m sorry, you can go first.” Izuku kindly said to her.
Silence.
Izuku, ever the patient man that he is, gave her an encouraging smile, but the act only made her feel bad. Looking directly at Izuku’s eyes, she took a deep breath. She tries to muster the strength she found earlier. Fake or not, she knows she’ll say it today.
After the longest seconds of her life, she finally uttered the words.
“I just want to say I’m sorry. I know it’s our first anniversary as a married couple, and I’m sorry.” She took a pause.
“Damn, how do I say this?” A mild shake of her head and a deep breath.
“Izuku… I want to say thank you for the years that we’ve been together, for being patient and for taking care of me on days that I can’t take care of myself, I’m very grateful for all of it. It’s just… I’m very sorry, I’m happy but I can’t be happy with you. I don’t want to be. It doesn’t feel right. After all these years…”
Ochako took the deepest breath she ever had took her whole life.
“...I still love Himiko.”
A sob broke out, her tears began to fall. Izuku understands, but he patiently waits for Ochako to finish.
“I love her so much, I still do. I feel like I’m living for her, as I wanted. But this? I just realized that I can’t do this anymore. I love you but it’s not enough. I loved you but it can never be the love I have for her. So I'm so sorry, I’m very sorry for hurting you.”
Ochako’s vision blurs with all the tears coming out from her eyes, her face uncontrollable, she’s pretty sure she’s ugly crying now but couldn’t find the shame to care. Nevertheless, she still continued.
“I’ll make sure to arrange everything. The divorce papers, this house, it’s yours. I’ll move out. Again, I am just so sorry and it feels so horrible that all I could ever do is say sorry when I hurt you so badly. When I stole many years of your life you could’ve spent it with someone who loves you so honestly.”
Izuku would like to protest that, but instead, he offers her water and tissues, and patiently waits for Ochako’s sobs to subside. Once she had calmed down, another deafening silence lasted for a for an immeasurable time.
Despite Ochako’s vision, she tries to find extreme emotions on Izuku’s face. Nonetheless, this time, it was Izuku’s chance to speak.
“You know, you beat me to it.” Izuku uttered softly, giving her a kind smile as confusion painted her face.
“Thank you too, Ochako, for the years we had together.”
Pause. It was Izuku’s turn to take a deep breath.
“In fact, I owe you an apology, I’m very sorry for starting all of this. Please never blame yourself, all of this wouldn’t even happen if I didn’t run after you after that reunion party. I was stupid back then. If only I resolved the dilemma in my head, instead of acting without thinking, running after you like it would fix everything.”
Pause.
“Don’t get me wrong, I cared for you, but I think we’re just in the same boat right now. I loved you, but not enough to par with how much I loved Kacc– Bakugo.”
Silence occurred after. Like they are out of words but somehow have heard enough. Silence retreated from the scene when Ochako once again spoke. This time, she smiles. Sincerely.
“I understand.Thank you for telling me.”
“Please don’t think about divorce papers for now. We can discuss the arrangements tomorrow. You should rest.” Izuku stood up and looked for his wallet and car keys.
“Where are you going?”
Izuku gave her a knowing smile. “Well you know to who.”
Ochako chuckled.
“Good luck with that then.”
As Izuku grabbed his coat and fixed the wrinkles on his button down shirt, Ochako uttered words Izuku never expected to hear after everything happened.
“For what it's worth, I loved you.”
“I loved you too.”
Ochako and Izuku’s divorce monologue. It was actually nothing much, not even a commotion, just mere lovers unlearning the hoax they once believed in, and finally cutting the chains they once weld.
—
A week has passed ever since the warm heart to heart, truthful conversation they had. A conversation that opened the cages of a mirage life they pictured themselves in. In the span of a week, they are finally two individual divorcees.
As a form of celebration, they agreed to meet for a few drinks, inviting Bakugo of course.
The evening turned into midnight with Izuku and Ochako gulping liquor of different brands on the terrace of their shared home when they were still married. The house now lacks furniture. It might be kind of a messed up place for them three to meet up and mess around but Bakugo doesn’t really mind so the two divorcees didn’t find any reason to care.
Controlled and careful truthful conversations on the dining table last week turned into careless and free truthful conversation on the terrace. They had wine earlier, now they don’t know how much they had and what they are having. Their drunken minds just thought it was a great idea to talk about sexualities and labels.
“I don’t know, man. I think I’m bisexual. I only realized it when I met Himiko.” Ochako mumbled as if she’s talking to the alcoholic beverage she’s holding.
“Yeah? I only realized that I am when I met you.”
Bakugo smirked at Izuku’s comment, trying to keep his cool but his neck flaring gave it away.
“I might be really hot then.” Ochako cockily replied.
Giggles broke out between the two of them except for Bakugo.
“Not hot enough to bang my boyfriend though.”
Izuku’s face grew hot and blush started to spread around his face while Ochako laughed so hard she hadn't done in a long time as she raised both her hands as a sign of defeat.
Somehow, three heavy hearts once learned to beat again.
—
What most people know is divorce is the end of love. But what most people don’t know is divorce is a door opening, especially for Ochako. It is a chance for her to finally reclaim their truthfulness. A chance for her heart to beat who it truly beats for.
For Ochako, it is a start of a new beginning with the people they truly love. She is certain it goes the same way literally for Izuku.
While Izuku tries to rebuild his relationship with Bakugo, Ochako visits Himiko.
The winter hasn’t passed. The cold frosty wind blows around the scenery. She stares at the grey stone with the carved name of her beloved and remembers being the one to arrange and organize Himiko’s burial.
Not a day goes by that Ochako does not think of Himiko. Even after all these years, she is still grieving for her, for what could’ve been.
What could’ve been if Ochako met Himiko in different circumstances? What could’ve been if they met as kids, they could live as childhood best friends to lovers like one of those tropes in hit novels? What could’ve been if only things were different? If they are not divided by the black and white colors of heroes and villains. If only the world is kinder to them.
“It’s been a while.” Ochako muttered to the wind. She wishes at this moment, Himiko would show herself to her like what she did before, like what she does in her dreams.
She knows exactly the words she wanted to say. I love you . She couldn’t say it without breaking into a sobbing mess. She knows looks ugly when she cries. She wishes Himiko is here to tell her she’s wrong. The only person whose opinion matters.
“I love you.”
This time, Ochako will live truthfully.
—
Many years later
Ochako’s heart stopped.
All the people dressed in hospital scrubs rushed to her, doing everything they could to get her heart pumping. To get her eyes open again, to feel her fingers move, to feel her lungs inhale air as all living do.
The news quickly broke out to the media. People, regardless of identity, mourned.
She never really knew how she died. Or the moments that happened before.
All she knows is when she opens her eyes, she is met by the golden pair of pupils staring back at her. She recognized the dirty blonde hair that she has spent a short moment of her youth brushing. Plump lips opened, a pair of canines, a smile. All pretty features occupying the prettiest face ever. She once again met the cutest in the world.
This time, they’ll have all the time in the world. Here, they are endless and timeless. She’ll forever brush the dirty blonde hair straight hair and make her own eyes favor by admiring the cutest smile she has ever laid her eyes on.
Finally, they will get nothing to spend on talking about love.
Two lovers orchestrating their own fate, not at the cost of something, because infinite is loving.
“I love you, Ochako-chan.”
“I love you, Himiko.”
Finally, her heart beats.