Chapter Text
Katniss lay in her infirmary bed, staring at the ceiling and blinking back tears. Looking back on it, she wished they hadn’t done it. She’d been counting on being dead in a matter of weeks and instead, she had to deal with remembering the way he muttered her name sweetly, cradled her close like she really mattered, and the way his face looked when he fell apart above her. She saw it every time she closed her eyes. And now he’s gone and she was still alive and as far as she knew, she had no hope of ever seeing him again. She’d registered doctors and nurses along with her mother, Asterid, and her sister coming in over the past few days but she hadn’t said a word to anyone. The last thing she remembered was screaming at Haymitch for not rescuing Peeta and then she woke up in a bed with all kinds of machines beeping around her. She hadn’t said a word since.
While she was still in the midst of her vow of silence, she glanced over as Prim knocked softly on the door and came into the room.
“Morning, Katniss.” she whispered to her like she was a skittish animal. As usual, she didn’t respond. Unfazed, she carried on anyway. “Katniss, I know you miss him, but you have to eat something. You have to get some strength back.” Prim instructed, reaching over to stroke a few stray hairs off her forehead. To Prim’s surprise, she actually nodded this time and allowed Prim to bring her in a tray of food and even allowed her to help her eat it when her hands kept shaking as she brought the spoon to her mouth. She tired out fairly quickly after that and allowed Prim to tuck her back under the thin sheet before drifting off to sleep.
The next time she woke up, she woke herself up thrashing and muttering Peeta’s name. Not that this was an uncommon occurrence, but usually there wasn’t anyone around to see it. This time, Prim was. She quickly came over to sit down on the side of the bed, shushing Katniss softly and running a hand along her arm to soothe her.
“I’m sorry.” she mumbled once she calmed down, only for Prim to shake her head, saddened that those were the first words Katniss had spoken.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. You miss him, I get it.” she reassured her with wisdom well beyond her young years.
“He should’ve been the one to make it out. It was supposed to be him.” she choked out, blinking quickly to prevent the tears that sprung to her eyes from falling.
“Neither of you should’ve been in there in the first place. I’m sure he misses you, too.” Prim mumbled, but Katniss just shook her head.
“Unless he’s dead.” she muttered, her voice coming out in what could barely be qualified as a rasp before she let out a choked sob. Prim wrapped her arms around Katniss’s slim shoulders and squeezed her in a tight hug while staying silent for a moment. Finally, when she spoke, it was an astute observation, as usual.
“You love him.” she stated. And unlike everyone else who’d said those words to her over the past year since their first games, it wasn’t a question. She said it like she knew it was a fact. She said it with the same confidence that she’d say the sky was blue or that Katniss liked to hunt.
Katniss didn’t respond to that other than a quick and subtle nod before resting her head on Prim’s shoulder.
“You’ll get him back.” she whispered confidently after a few moments of silence. Katniss could only hope she was right.
~~~~~
She’d finally become responsive enough and spoken to enough people that she was allowed to venture out of the infirmary into her own sleeping quarters with her family. Except it was only two weeks before she was right back in her hospital bed. In those two weeks, she’d been asked to be the face of the rebellion and gone back to visit District 12 to see for herself that it had been burned to the ground. She didn’t know what to think about anything. Her home was gone, she was expected to inspire rebellion when she’d never intended for any of this to happen, and she had no idea if Peeta was alive or not. She could barely think about anything other than Peeta every moment she was awake. After everything they’d been through together, going on without him felt impossible. Then, as if things could get any worse, two weeks after she was released from the hospital, everything went to hell.
Every time she’d woken up screaming from a nightmare over the past three days, she’d been so nauseous from her visions that she’d be throwing up before she was even conscious. She thought it was a one-off from a particularly violent dream. The flashbacks and visions from it were enough to leave her nauseous for the entire day but she didn’t think much of it. Until she woke up the next morning the exact same way. She and her family were beginning to get worried by that point since she still hadn’t managed to keep anything other than some water and white bread down but she refused to go back for any tests. She adamantly maintained that she was fine.
Then it happened again and that’s when her mother forced her to go in for tests. She told her that even though Katniss was most definitely stronger than her by now, she would drag her to the hospital kicking and screaming if she had to. She caved after that, but she went on her own. If there was something wrong, she wanted to know first and then tell people on her own terms.
They ran tests on her blood and urine as well as measured her oxygen levels and monitored her heart for a few hours. She simply laid still and let them do whatever they needed to do while keeping her eyes shut tight to keep from throwing up again.
The test results came back within an hour. She blinked owlishly up at the doctor who came in to tell her what was going on.
“I’m gonna be sick.” she mumbled under her breath just in time for the doctor to shove an emesis bag under her chin. She curled in on herself as she coughed and retched, struggling to draw a breath in.
Once she finally managed to catch her breath, she collapsed back against the pillows and squeezed her eyes shut.
“I’m sorry, Miss Everdeen. I could send your family in if you’d like.” the doctor told her, but she shook her head.
“Just my sister, please.” she rasped, her throat raw since the only thing in her stomach was basically bile.
When Prim came in, looking like she was approaching a wounded animal, Katniss almost immediately collapsed against her chest in tears. Prim cradled her close and rubbed her back as she sobbed. She pulled her knees to her chest, curling into a ball.
When she managed to calm down enough to form words, she leaned away from Prim a bit.
“What’s going on, Katniss?” Prim asked softly. She looked her firmly in the eye, making sure to communicate to her that she was old enough and strong enough to handle whatever it is she needed to tell her.
“I’m pregnant.” she whispered, her voice flat and her eyes dull. Prim sat in stunned silence for a few moments before finding her voice.
“But Peeta was lying about the baby?” she said questioningly. Prim figured she’d know if the two had been spending time together before or after the Victory Tour or before they’d been Reaped again. But then again, if someone had asked her if she thought her sister had or would ever sleep with Peeta, she probably would’ve said no. So, what the hell did she know?
“He was.” Katniss admitted, her gaze shifting downward in preparation for the slew of questions that were about to fall from Prim’s lips.
“Then who…” she asked, trailing off.
“Peeta.” she confirmed, nodding.
“I’m confused.” Prim admitted, making Katniss sigh heavily.
“He was lying about the baby. He said what he did thinking they’d stop the Games. It didn’t work. We both thought we were going to die. So, the night before the Games we, uh, well you know the rest.” she admitted, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.
“You basically got struck by lightning. It’s practically a miracle that you could possibly still be pregnant.” she reasoned, making Katniss nod slowly.
“Yeah, I know. I have no idea how this is even possible with everything that’s happened in the last few weeks.” she shrugged slightly, still in complete and utter shock.
“So, what do we do?” Prim asked, sliding her hand into Katniss’s and giving it a protective squeeze.
“I have no idea. Coin wants me to be the Mockingjay, but I can barely get out of bed. I said I didn’t want kids but clearly, I have one and it’s not just my opinion that matters anymore. If I have any hope that Peeta’s still alive and that maybe we can end all of this once and for all, I wanna hold onto it. He’d want a family, I know it. And if there’s hope of creating a different world, I think I’d want that too.” she admitted softly, a slight smile creeping onto her face, just barely tilting up the corners of her mouth.
“You know, somehow, I knew he’d charm you before too long. But I didn’t really think it’d be this soon before you admitted it to yourself.” Prim ribbed gently, knocking her shoulder into Katniss’s. She rolled her eyes fondly and shook her head. “I know, well, I have an even better idea now of how much you miss him, so if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you. And for the record, you didn’t need to tell me or anyone else that you love him. Anyone paying attention could see it the moment he hit the forcefield. Nobody’s that good of an actor.” she pointed out, giving her hand another squeeze. Katniss sighed heavily letting her head fall on Prim’s shoulder.
“Let’s hope mom won’t kill me.”