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Alex and Jack had been best friends for more years than they could count. From the day that Jack approached Alex in the dreary hallway of their middle school, they clicked, as if there was an invisible string pulling them together. Unable to break and tear apart, the inability to leave each other even for a second. The walls around them were peeling, the paint revealing cracks in the plaster underneath. The bright fluorescent lights flickered above them, electricity humming loudly In Alex’s ear distracting him from everything going on around him, causing the panic of a first day in a new school to grow. So many people he didn’t recognise, halls he didn’t know, it was all getting too much. As soon as Jack approached him, something shifted. This boy with floppy black hair, jeans which were three sizes too big and a goofy smile, something about him was different, causing Alex’s feelings to change. From ones of fear, anxiety and nerves to ones of safety and acceptance.
He was quick to feel safe with Jack. They bonded immediately, talking about music, movies, making silly jokes at everyone’s else’s expense, it was as if they had known each other forever. Soulmates in their own right.
They spent their years growing up, joined at the hip, starting a band, touring the world, getting to know each other inside and out. They had been best friends since the first day they met. And they thought nothing could change that.
The first time Alex felt something more than friends for Jack he didn’t even realise it. He put the gentle butterflies he felt fluttering round his stomach down to too much beer and anxiety. Completely ignoring his feelings that were changing every time he looked into his best friend's eyes which sparkled as he smiled.
The band was doing well. Their fan base was growing by the day, playing in front of thousands of people screaming their lyrics back at them, it was their dream. Hard work, determination and a lot of laughs had been worth it to make their teenage dreams come true.
Touring was an experience. Getting to travel all throughout the world with your best friend seems like a life anyone would want to lead, and Alex loved it. He didn’t know who he would be without waking up in a new city every day, exploring the local sights, drinking too much beer and playing a show to a few thousand elder emo kids all dressed in black, with eyeliner so sharp they could stab you with it.
However those nights he got a good night sleep in a hotel were to be cherished. The feeling of having a real bed, one where his legs weren’t squashed into a small space, feeling like a coffin with an open side. A duvet he could wrap up in like a burrito, pillows which he could pull all round his head, cozy, relaxed.
Tonight they had a hotel. It was a welcomed break from the bus, and as often happened, Alex and Jack were sharing. They didn’t care, they had shared rooms and beds more times than they could count, probably more times than some couples in long term relationships had. They found a weird comfort in having the other there with them. A kind of warmth that can only be filled by someone so close.
They were somewhere in the UK, where? They weren’t too sure, Alex had lost count of the days and dates a long time ago. They had spent the night in a local pub, going for one quick drink quickly turned into 2, which turned into 4 which turned into the two men losing count completely. Not fully losing their inhibitions, but tipsy enough to not care what they did or what they said,
They staggered back to their hotel through the cold night air. The sky was clear, showing off every star which sparkled and shone above them. The moon lit up the streets just enough for them to be able to find their way along the tight cobbled back lanes of the city. The two had gone out while the sun was still shining, warming up the earth enough to not need a jacket, however now in the dark, sky bright under the moonlight, the wind was cold. Alex shivered slightly, hugging his arms around himself and he quickened his pace, scurrying alongside Jack's long, toned legs.
Jack noticed his best friend shivering slightly, he tutted and laughed at Alex’s stupidity, shaking his head at the sight of his best friend shivering. He never thought about the consequences of his actions, or how he would feel later.
Jack took off his thick leather jacket placing it over Alex’s shoulders. As he placed it his arms trailed too long around his best friend. The gentle touch sends electricity shooting from Jack's fingers through both men, as if the touch was coming from something more. Something deep inside them trying to escape.
Jack pulled his hand away slowly, trying not to think too much about the spark they both so obviously felt, looking back at Alex. Alex was looking straight ahead, focusing on the sounds he could hear, the flapping of the nocturnal animals, the wind whooshing through the leaves in the tree, anything that could distract him from what he had just felt. Anything so that he didn’t have to look at Jack and see that he felt it too, if Alex didn’t know, he could deny it. Blame it on the alcohol, too many late nights. That’s all it was.
They didn't really say much on the way back to the hotel, both men focusing on just getting back out of the cold, ignoring the feeling, which they both clearly felt. As soon as they reached their room, Jack went to shower and sort himself for a good night's sleep.
Typically the room they were staying in was small, only one double bed in the middle of the room, surrounded by bleak white walls and slightly stained carpets. It looked like it hadn't been redecorated in a number of years, but it was a real bed. It wasn’t the bus. Typically, the one night Alex wanted to be further away from Jack and he would be there as close as possible. It wasn't as if they hadn't shared a bed many times before, yet he couldn't get the strange electric touch of Jack's hand lingering round his shoulders out of his head.
Alex curled up into bed pulling the duvet round his face cocooning himself in the familiar warmth of the slightly scratchy hotel bedsheets, burying himself into the pillows, hoping to fall asleep long before Jack finished in the shower. Hoping once the alcohol wears off that this feeling would disappear with it.
Before long he heard the trickling of the shower slow to a stop and Jack not so subtly padding around the bathroom. The door creaked open slowly and Jack came into the room, towel wrapped around his waste, dark hair still covered in droplets of water which dripped round his eyes and glistened in the yellow glow of the bedside lamps.
“Lex, you awake?” Jack spoke softly.
Alex didn't move. He stayed wrapped up in bed, eyes closed tightly. He didn't know what to say, what Jack wanted to say, he just wanted to sleep, forget about tonight. Yet his brain was running in circles, unable to slow down and stop.
The room plunged into darkness as Jack turned off the lights and crawled into bed next to Alex. Facing the opposite way, backs to each other. Alex laid there frozen as Jack's breaths slowed into a gentle snore. What was this feeling and why had it suddenly cropped up? They had touched, been close, spent nights cuddling up before, this was nothing new, so why was the feeling different. It had to be just the alcohol and the loneliness of the tour. He laid there for hours, trying to sleep, alcohol slowly wearing off as he drifted into a restless slumber. Praying that these feelings are forgotten about by the next day.
They never talked about that night. The thoughts still lingered in Alex's brain, and he was pretty sure in Jacks too. Yet it was never brought to the surface. The tour continued as normal, they returned to their usual selves. For a while at least.
The next time the feelings cropped up were harder to ignore. Both men spent time on dating apps, a pass time, a way to meet people in a new city, someone to spend a night with. They always talked about it, laughed, compared the girls they matched with. For some reason over the last few weeks Alex hadn't logged onto his. He hid away, refusing to open it as if it was cursed. He didn't know why but ever since the night in the UK hotel room, it just didn't feel right. He didn’t want anyone, he didn’t deserve anyone when he had spent the night questioning his feelings for his best friend.
Jack flopped down on the tiny bus sofa next to him. Legs flung over Alex's as he got himself comfy next to his best friend, pushing himself as close as he could into his body.
Alex felt the long legs curl around him and a warm arm around his shoulder as Jack cuddled in, surprising him. For a second it felt right. Warm, comforting, as if he was floating on a cloud of happiness.
“Look at these girls I found Lex” The younger man smirked, turning his phone towards Alex and flicking through photos of typical bleach blonde, booby girls who looked like they were ready and waiting to hook up with a rock star.
Alex rolled his eyes and laughed, yet the smile didn’t reach his eyes. The forced movement of the lips was unoticable to his best friend who was more interested in the girls on his phone, but it was there. Forced and fake.
Alex felt his stomach twist, a shocking feeling of sadness and jealousy shot through his body from the tip of his toes all the way to the top of his head. He wanted to run, pretend the conversation wasn’t happening, that he didn’t have to think of Jack with anyone else.
Jack.
The reason he felt like this.
Jack.
Without a word Alex shoved Jack's legs off him, his feet hitting the floor with a bang, Alex stood up and sped off to his bunk. Tears pricked in his eyes, threatening to spill over, jealousy taking over his entire body. Something about Jack was affecting him, it felt like a crush, but it couldn’t be. He’d known Jack for so long, surely a crush wouldn’t just show up now.
He laid in his bunk, allowing the tears to silently fall down his cheeks, hitting the bed creating small well marks on his comforter, not wanting to draw any attention to himself. He hadn’t looked back at Jack, hadn’t thought about how confused and concerned he must have been when Alex stormed off.
He needed to pull himself out of it, the tour was just hitting him hard this year. The feelings of a “crush” were just his body being confused. He didn’t have a crush on his best friend, he couldn’t. He didn’t want to.
But Jack.
Jack was special.
Again, the two men moved on, not wanting to talk about what had happened. Jack never approached him, never questioned. But he knew, knew something was going on in Alex’s mind. Some turmoil.
The first time something escalated between the two was a bus party.
Bus parties were the highlights of touring, copious amounts of alcohol, a night to let all inhibitions go, to laugh, spend time with friends and forget about the world around them.
They were a few hours in, Alex was sitting curled up in Jack's lap, arms around each other, his face snuggled into the other's neck. A regular position for the two. Music blaring in the background, while their friends, band and crew sang, danced and talked around them. Their words slurred slightly as they laughed and joked, saying things that didn’t make much sense to anyone but each other. It had reached the point in the evening where all they could see was the other man, as if nothing else around them existed.
Rian and Zack stumbled through the door, beer in hand, laughing and giggling between them. No one knew what about, not even them, all sense had disappeared hours ago. They stood in front of the two cuddled up in a chair, their bodies swaying slightly as they giggled and looked at them.
“Aww look at the two lovebirds” Rian cackled. They were always so close, to everyone around them they did look like a couple. It usually wasn’t something they brought up, as they both just denied it.
This time they froze, both men refusing to look at each other or their friends in front of him.
Finally Jack managed to get some words out. “Shut up Ri, you know we’re just friends.”
“If you say so” Rians voice sing songy, soft and teasing the two.
“But we all have bets on when the two of you will finally get together”
In Alex’s vulnerable drunk state he felt his eyes prick with tears again, this time it was harder to hold back while people were around. Tears spilled down his cheeks, the more he tried to hold back the more spilt.
“See Alex knows it’s true, don’t deny it” Zack jumped in. They weren’t usually like this, Alex knew it was the alcohol talking, making them say things they wouldn’t normally even think. They thought they were just being funny.
Before he began full on sobbing he jumped up and scurried out of the room, pushing open the door of the bus and erupting into the cold night. He needed to get away, he was giving away everything.
There was no denying that something was eating him alive, and that something was Jack. His feelings had changed, but admitting that to himself was scary enough, never mind to anyone else.
He stood in the cold air, breathing deeply, trying to calm himself down.
He heard banging from inside and suddenly the door
swung open revealing a flustered looking Jack.
“Lex” he breathed, looking him straight in the eye.
“Ignore them, you know they’re just idiots, they don’t mean it, they love you really” he seemed a lot more with it than he just did a few minutes earlier. As if the stress and concern for his best friend had sobered him up.
Alex wiped the final tear from his eye and gave a small smile. “It’s fine, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have stormed out like that” he whispered, looking at the floor and kicking a small rock around, not wanting to look the taller man in the eye.
Neither of them said anything for a few moments, they just stood there, letting the cold air flow around them. The bass thumping in the background, the sound of voices, loud signing and people laughing echoed around the empty parking lot they were in.
“Alex, can I try something?” Jack's voice was quiet, he seemed unsure, even slightly scared. His eyes were flicking from Alex’s eyes to his lips, his chest rising quickly where his breathing was quickening.
Alex looked up, his eyes wide and he nodded, unsure of what was about to come.
Without thinking Jack leaned in and gripped Alex’s face kissing him hard. Alex just stood, too stunned to move for a moment, his breath hitched as he realised what was happening. As his mind clicked into gear he hurriedly kissed back, leaning into it, wrapping his arms around Jack's waist in a full embrace.
Jack's tongue flicked over Alex’s bottom lip asking to be let in. They explored each other's mouths, finding every crease and crevice they could. Alex sucked gently on Jack's chapped bottom lip, he tasted strongly of beer and smelled faintly of cigarettes, but it was Jack. Everything was truly Jack.
Alex felt explosions in his stomach, like the movies where kisses were described as fireworks, every cliché possible he felt. This was something. There was no denying it, he liked Jack. He really liked Jack.
The kiss proved it. He couldn’t deny it.
When they finally pulled apart for air, they stayed as close as possible, foreheads gently resting against each other, arms wrapped around in a gentle embrace.
They breathed together for a few minutes, neither talking about what just happened, both too scared, barely able to admit the new found feelings to themselves, never mind saying it out loud. Yet neither man wanted to move, content in the comfort of each other.
“We should go to bed” Alex whispers, “it’s late, and we’re both very drunk”
“Probably a good plan” Jack giggled, he pulled Alex into one more soft kiss, before the two pulled apart and went back inside, into separate bunks for the night.
The kiss played in Alex’s mind all night. The Euphoric feeling as Jack’s lips touched his. How he felt, chapped lips rubbing against his own, beard slightly scratching his chin. The smell of his cigarettes mixed with the fading aftershave, and the taste of too much beer.
All Alex hoped is that in the morning it wasn’t just a drunken mistake egged on by their friends teasing them. He needed Jack to be as into him as he was.
Sun streamed in through the small scratched bus window as the morning drew in. Alex’s eyes flickered open. He was still dressed in his jeans from the night before, tight and uncomfortable, his t-shirt was thrown down the side of his bunk. His hair was sticking up in all directions and all he could taste was stale alcohol.
As he came to, the room around him spun and his head pounded. Even with the day being so bright, the bus was silent. No one wanting to move or cause a fuss.
Alex thought back to the night, it was then that memories began coming back to him. Slowly at first, trickling into his brain like a leaky tap dripping every now and then. Another drop, another memory. Then suddenly he remembered the kiss, and just like a damn breaking, everything came flooding back. The mental block opened and all of a sudden he remembered everything. Jack, the teasing, the kiss. Everything.
His head spun with thoughts and memories, trying to make sense of his mind and feelings. What had happened, what they said, who initiated it. He needed the details.
He stayed in bed a while, not wanting to make his headache any worse, or face the day. Hiding away was his best plan. The blankets and pillows created a safety net, somewhere safe, alone, where he could be alone with his thoughts. Even if that wasn’t the safest option.
Thoughts ran round his head like a rollercoaster zooming round the track. The sparks that jumped between them as their lips crashed together. How every part of his body felt alive in that moment. All he wanted was to relive it. For it to really mean something to Jack. Yet he had no idea if it did or not.
The smell of freshly made coffee began drifting into his nostrils, coaxing him out of bed and into the real world. He slowly swapped his jeans which were still plastered to his legs, for a pair of joggers, and found a semi clean t-shirt he had discarded one day, to throw on. He slowly made his way through the bus trudging his way to the kitchen to find out if whoever had made coffee, had enough there for two cups.
The bus was still. Movement was sparse, with most band and crew still asleep in their bunks or silently nursing the hangover left from the night of fun. Rian laid on the sofa, eye tightly shut and quietly groaning to himself. Zack was nowhere to be seen, hopefully in his bunk, and in the kitchen, staring straight at Alex as he walked through the door. Was Jack.
The two shared a look, a look of nerves and anxiety, of a feeling they weren’t sure of. Something inside them was stirring, Alex was sure of it, maybe this would be good.
“Morning” Jack grunted “coffee?”
The singular words took all the effort that he had.
Alex nodded silently, holding his head slightly as he plonked himself down at the small cramped table. Jack quickly placed a strong black coffee in front of him and sat opposite holding his own mug tight, hands wrapped around as if it was his lifeline.
They both silently sipped for a few minutes, taking in the aroma of the coffee, the caffeine running through their veins waking them up.,
It wasn’t until Rian looked up, his eyes dark and tired and then taking himself away, almost crawled to his bunk, leaving the two completely alone that they began to talk.
“So… how was your night?” Alex asked, refusing to catch Jack's eye. Looking in every direction other than at his best friend.
“Good… I think. I literally remember nothing after we were playing truth or dare in the back of the bus.”
Alex thought back, truth or dare, that was long before the night escalated, so does Jack just not remember the kiss? Or does he not want to say anything?
“Nothing after that?” he tentatively tried to dig into Jack's statement, hoping to get more out of him.
“Nope” Jack's hand ran over the back of his neck in despair, trying to think back to the night before.
“Next thing I knew I was waking up this morning, room still spinning feeling like a piece of shit”.
“Oh” Alex's face fell a little, trying hard to keep his composure at the realization that Jack remembers nothing about what happened between them.
“Yeah I don't really remember much from then too” the lies spilled out of him, covering up how he really felt.
Both of them fell silent, sipping at the coffee. Mornings like this were usually quiet, but this wasn't a comfortable, hungover quiet, it was the type of quiet where something was looming in the air, a sort of tension between the two men. Something unsaid, something hiding just below the surface.
Alex stood up slowly, looking around the room and back towards the bunks. “I'm gonna go back to bed, sleep for a bit longer” not wanting to sit in the tension, leaving was the best option.
Jack just waved slightly, saying nothing while he sipped coffee from the random duck mug he had found in the cabinets. Probably bought from a tour stop years ago which now came with them every time they were on a bus.
Alex made his way back to his bunk crawling into bed and hiding from the world under the covers. He quickly fell back asleep, drifting into a restless slumber while his mind raced. Last night's antics wearing him out, this morning's revelations fresh in his mind.
The next time he awoke, Rian was the only one in the lounge area. Alex sat down next to him on the sofa, feet resting up on the coffee table in front of them, expecting that Rian remembered nothing about the night before either.
They both sat quietly for a few moments just listening to the trashy daytime TV which was playing quietly in the background. Some celebrity gossip, Taylor Swift did this, Ariana Grande did that, neither were paying attention. It was background noise, something so the silence was less deafening.
“I'm sorry for last night man” Rian broke the silence between them. Making Alex’s head shoot round looking at his friend. He did remember.
“I was way out of line teasing you and Jack, you just looked so cute sat there together”
“Oh erm, it's fine don't worry” Alex spit out, almost choking on his own breath, trying to act as if it didn't bother him. He looked straight at the TV show he was paying attention to , pretending he was engrossed, so Rian thought it meant nothing.
“You seemed to get pretty upset, I feel so bad, is something going on? You wanna talk about it?” Rian, as usual, played the mum of the band, making sure every member was feeling okay. Noticing the smallest of things which were off. Any change from any of them.
“What?! No, of course not, nothing's wrong, why would anything be wrong?” Alex's voice was quick, too quick, avoidant.
“Alex, I've known you for too many years to be oblivious to when something is going on in that head of yours. I may have been drunk last night, but I can recognize that I hit a nerve.”
“A nerve, what nerve, there's no nerve you hit, I'm all good, I don't like Jack, I'm fine” the words spilled faster than he could stop then
“I never mentioned you liking Jack, I thought something else was wrong… oh shit….”
Rian's eyes widened, he understood, he had figured it out. He looked around keeping an eye out for any other member of the band or crew in the bus.
“Outside now” he whispered.
Alex's heart pounded, he’d given his feelings away, his feelings that he was still so confused by himself and someone else had figured it out. Not just someone but Rian, one of his best friends and band members who watched him and Jack interact every night on stage. Who has known them both since they were 15. He knew this wasn't going to go well.
The two of them silently stepped outside into the fresh afternoon air, the wind creating a slight chill. Alex wasn't sure if the goosebumps he felt were from the cold or the nerves about what was to come.
Rian looked around again, double checking no one was around.
“So you like Jack”
All Alex could do was lie, make it all seem like a joke.
“He's my best friend and band mate, of course like him, so do you”
“For fuck sake, I'm not dumb, you have feelings for him. It's so obvious, I can't believe I seriously missed it all this time. Both of you, the closeness, the jokes on stage. You're both in love with each other. I always joked but that’s all I thought it was. A joke”
Alex's face fell. He stared at the floor, not wanting his expression to give away any more than he already had.
“Fine , yes okay, I think I do. My head is a mess, Im confused as fuck, but he kissed me last night and i cant get it out of my mind. But he doesn't remember it. So it's nothing. I'll forget it”. As soon as Alex began talking he couldn’t stop. Everything he had thought and felt over the last few months came tumbling out of him.
“Wait what, he kissed you?”
“Yeah, we were drunk. But this morning he said he doesn't remember it, so I'm going to forget it, pretend it never happened.”
Rian's face was shocked, as if he had no idea what to say next. Alex was being so defensive, pretending nothing was really wrong and he was going to forget it, but Rian knew different. He knew how Alex's brain worked.
He pulled Alex into a tight hug, words not being needed, just friendship and comfort. When they finally broke apart Rian looked at Alex. He looked broken, broken inside but trying to hide it. His eyes gave it away, the lost glazed look.
“Give him time, he’ll come to his senses”
A small smile creeped over Alex’s lips, half of sadness and disbelief, half of relief that he had someone he could talk to if he wanted to.
“Thanks man” he reached over and pulled Rian in for another hug, patting him on the back, moving on from everything he had just revealed.
The two headed back inside ready for an evening of pretending this never happened.
Firm hands ran over his body, tracing the lines of his muscles. Running over his stomach, grabbing his butt and pulling him close into a rough, passionate kiss. Teeth nibbling at his lips while a scruffy beard tickled his neck.
Lips were chapped as they crashed together, tongues hurriedly colliding as they both explored each other's mouths, unable to pull apart for even a second, as if air wasn't needed for survival. Instead they just needed each other, the pull was so strong nothing could stop them now.
Alex was pushed down, strong arms pinning him to the bed by his shoulders with the other man above him.
He looked up, staring at the dark brown eyes, which glinted as they stared back, such passion and lust in the blown pupils. He knew these eyes, this face, he knew them well, too well. He had fixated on the beautiful skin, the eyelashes which fanned out and the half crooked nose which just framed his face perfectly. It wasn’t hard to figure out that it was his best friend above him, grabbing him, kissing him, wanting him. Jack.
Jack kissed him hard again, lips still crashing while fiddling with the button on Alex’s jeans, pulling them down in one sweeping motion and moving on to his own.
Clothes were hastily shed leaving both men in their boxers, boners already growing, unable to hide the want they had for each other. Alex began to buck up needing some sort of friction to help his growing situation. Some relief that he wasn't getting fast enough.
“Someone’s eager” Jack teased, moving his knee so it was in between Alex’s leg, giving him some much needed friction while he rubbed himself against it. Any sort of pressure to make him feel good.
He ran his hand over Jack's boxers, feeling the length of his growing cock, his breath hitched, unable to cope with the excitement, growing harder by the second.
“I just need this so badly, I need you”
“Jack leaned forward, nibbling at Alex’s tattoo behind his ear, a sultry voice whispering, show me how much you want it then.”
Suddenly Alex’s eyes sprung open, there was no one above him, no whispering sweet nothings into his ear, no one to nibble at his tattoo, his sweet spot. Most of all, there was no Jack with his leg in between Alex’s, letting him grind hard against it. It was just him, in his small bunk, alone.
The one thing that was there, was the boner. Hard as the dream, protruding out of Alex’s boxers. A problem that needed sorting and quickly. Taking care of it himself was an option. But making his way through the bus to the bathroom in this situation was risky. Someone would see, someone would question, tease, call him a 15 year old boy who can’t control his hormones, getting random boners in his sleep. Little would they know that it wasn’t random, it was very specific, and about someone they all knew well.
He tried every trick in the book to get rid of it, nothing worked. Every time his mind switched to Jack, the dream, what was about to happen. How much he wanted it. It was plaguing him.
Finally he gave up and shuffled his way to the bathroom, praying that no one was up and about watching him. Covering himself as he moved as fast as he could manage.
He turned on the small bus shower, the water lukewarm and a slow trickle, barely enough to get a good wash, but for now it would do.
He stripped down and flung himself in, instantly taking a hold of his own cock, pumping it up and down, while he leant against the cold, already slightly sticky wall. He flicked the end with his finger, gently tracing the slit at the end, imagining it was Jack's mouth, Jack's tongue.
It didn’t take long for him to reach his climax, the thought of Jack pounding into him, kissing him, pumping his cock hard, becoming too much for him to deal with.
A soft moan escaped Alex’s lips, one word. “Jack”
He bit his lip as the moan escaped, trying to not draw any attention to himself, not wanting anyone to hear. Yet part of him didn’t care. The relief he felt was immense. He just wished the dream would have been real and he wasn’t stood in a tiny shower, barley big enough for a mouse to shower in, jerking off to the idea of his best friend fucking him in the ass.
There was absolutely no denying it any more. He was in love with his best friend.
The day everything finally changed was a Tuesday. By this point of the tour, Alex had lost track of exactly where he was in the world. All he knew was it was hot. Too hot. Sticky hot.
It had been weeks since the dream, since Alex had to finally admit to himself that he was falling for Jack. Rian had spent the last few weeks shooting him little looks every time they go slightly closer than normal, his eyes glinting and the knowing smirk crossing his face while he watched them.
Throughout the weeks Jack had become increasingly more touchy, more sweet and close. They were often like this, but something felt different, as if the meaning behind the closeness had changed. Hugs lingered, soft fingers tracing Alex’s back, little kisses that were planted on his cheek, which were usually a joke, were now just hitting just the right spot behind his ear, or just slightly too close to his lips to be ‘just friends’.
Neither of them had spoken about the bus party again, but Alex couldn’t help thinking Jack remembered more than he let on. The little looks he caught out of the corner of his eye, Jack stealing glances when he thought Alex wasn’t paying attention. Eyes darting down to his lips occasionally. Lingering touches, the unspoken feelings which they both felt. It was electric. They acted as they were together, as if there was something there, yet they both couldn’t talk about it.
They had just finished soundcheck and set up, all 4 men were sitting in the dressing room. As always, sofas were small and cracked from years of use, chairs were few and far between, and the floor was way hard to sit on for any period of time. So of course, Alex and Jack were wrapped up together, sharing a single lounge chair. Jack had sat first with Alex plonking himself on top. Never being far apart from each other.
Jack’s long arms snaked round his waist and his chin rested on Alex’s shoulders, planting slow soft kisses to his cheek whenever he pleased. Both men were shirtless, already too hot and sweaty from just a sound check. Their skin grazed together sending tingles through their entire bodies, feeling every touch as clear as day.
“Look at you two, all cuddled up, you’re too cute together”
“Ri…” Alex’s voice was stern, his eyes shot a glaring look, a warning not to push it any further, not to keep talking. But of course once he started there was no stopping him.
“One of you needs to hurry up and do something about this because you two being just friends is ridiculous, I mean look at you!” He gestured over, waving his hand slightly to emphasize that they sat together. Almost close enough to morph into one.
“Just shut it” Alex snapped, standing up from where he was cuddled up with Jack and striding towards the door. He stopped with his hand on the cool metal handle, breathing hard for a second before exploding.
“You always do this Ri, why did I trust you with anything!”
Without waiting for a response he stormed out the room, slamming the flimsy white door behind him. He started to run down the hallway, lights flickering, trying to find a private space before settling for what appeared to be a back corridor which was hardly used. The lights were off, the glow from the next corridor lighting enough to see. He leant his back against the wall, tears beginning to prick in his eyes, threatening to spill over down his cheeks.
“Alex?!”
He heard someone calling his name. It was Jack's voice, rough , panicked and concerned, he must have followed him. Alex wiped the stray tear from his reddened face, and tried to stand up straight, pretending everything was okay. Pretending that the man he loved wasn’t chasing after him to ask what on earth had happened.
Jack came into view round the corner, hair stuck up in all directions, not having a moment to sort himself out before leaving the room. Still shirtless, the tattoo on his chest and arm catching the light. His slight arm muscles bulged, just enough that made Alex want to feel them. Trace them with his fingers.
“There you are Lex, what happened back there?, Rians just being annoying as usual, you know that right?”
The two stood face to face, Alex trying to not catch Jack's eyes. The usual mischievous glint was gone, replaced by a dark worry. If he looked too closely he would melt, break down and reveal everything, he couldn’t do that. Not here, not now.
“I know, I’m sorry, it's nothing, ignore me” he spit out, words forming too quickly to be real, he was deflecting, trying to lie to both himself and the man in front of him.
“Lex…. What’s going on?” Jack repeated, quieter this time, touching Alex’s arm softly with his calloused fingers, trying to offer some form of support, connection. Anything that would get through to him and help.
It was that soft touch which was the straw that broke the camel's back. Alex could no longer hold back the river of tears. They spilled over quickly, refusing to stop. Jack didn’t say a word and he pulled him into a close hug.
“I can’t do this any more” he spoke in between sobs, talking into Jack's chest while he was pulled tightly in. The hairs slightly tickled him while he spoke.
Jack pushed him away slightly so they were looking directly at each other. Eyes connected.
“Can’t do what? I’m so confused” Jack’s face scrunched up, puzzled at what his best friend was saying.
“I can’t pretend any more” he looked directly at Jack, this was it.
“I can’t pretend I’m not falling in love with you, and that’s it’s breaking me every day, every time I see you”
Jack stood there stunned, not speaking. His brain was trying to take in every word Alex was saying.
“You kissed me at the bus party. You properly kissed me. And now you don’t remember. You can’t just kiss me like that and then forget. I know it had to have meant something to you too! How can you forget that, that's all I think about!”
The tears were streaming hard and fast, Alex couldn’t stop them, he was just about to barge past Jack when something changed.
Quickly Jack pulled him forward connecting their lips in a rough kiss. Chapped lips collided while the tears on Alex’s face merged into Jack’s. Tongues danced around each other's mouths exploring every crevice. For a second Alex lost all sense of everything. This couldn’t be real. Then he pulled away, looking up at his best friend.
“Wha…”
“Of course I remember the bus party Lex, how could I forget. The kiss was something else, it meant so much! But I’m so fucking terrified that all I could do was pretend nothing happened.”
“You? Terrified?” Alex’s face was one of pure shock. The idea that Jack had just kissed him, and remembered the first one was still trying to register in his brain. All his thoughts were running at a hundred miles an hour, trying to make sense of what just happened. It was as if Jack was speaking a different language and Alex had to translate in his brain, taking a few seconds for everything to sink in.
“Yes, I’m fucking terrified, because I have all those same feelings you do, Ive been falling for you for so long but I’ve been too scared to do anything or say anything, because it’s you! You’re you and I’m just me”
This time it was Alex whose confidence grew enough, he pulled Jack in kissing him sweetly. Their hearts pounded in their chests. Jack wrapped his arms around Alex's still exposed torso, beads of sweat from the heat and the nerves he felt slowly sticking to him. Merging the two men together.
When they pulled away their foreheads stayed connected, leaning together, breathing together, just like they did the night of the bus party.
Neither spoke for a few moments. They gazed into each other's eyes, catching every small moment and change. Just connecting, realizing what had happened.
“Now what?” Jack finally whispered, the fear In his voice was evident from the slight shaking of his whisper. This wasn’t the usual confident crazy Jack. This was real, raw and vulnerable. Neither know what the next step is, where to go next.
“I honestly have no idea, but I know this feels good, no matter how scared we are”
Jack let out a slight giggle, a one which captured the nerves he felt as well as the pure happiness.
“We’ll figure it out im sure, for now lets just get through tonight and we can work it out.”
He nodded slightly in agreement, knowing now, with only a short time before the show, was not the time to be working out a new relationship. It was going to be a long hot night as it was, never mind adding this to.
The two shared one more final kiss, this time sweet and soft, lips pressing together feeling each other close, feeling safe wrapped up in each other's arms. Before heading back to the dressing room, hand in hand until they reached the closed door. Couldn't give away their little secret just yet.
The show was close, close in heat, close in bodies being crammed into a small dark sweaty club, and close as in Alex and Jack unable to keep their hands off each other. Little kisses starting on cheeks travelling to lips, in front of crowds earning screams and woops from everyone who noticed. Fans going wild at the constant touches. Jack constantly finding himself standing as close to Alex as possible with guitars strapped to themselves, both of them gazing longingly at each other, little smiles constantly being shared, unable to look or be aware of anyone else around them. Wishing more had happened earlier. The need to know, the need for more growth at every look, every touch.
Somehow they got through the show. Got through it without giving absolutely everything a way at least. The fans thought they were just being extra cuddly, their friends could already figure out what had happened when Alex stormed out earlier with Jack following close behind. Both returning with small smiles, eyes just that little bit lighter. Something had changed.
The touches and looks couldn’t be left onstage. The moment they were off they were walking hand in hand back to the dressing room, Rian and Zack trailing behind watching their every move. Behind them were giggles and whispers which they overheard. Then being questioned, but everyone being too scared to ask.
“so are they together”
“You ask them!”
“Well something has happened, look at them, this is more than normal.”
Both men just smiled at each other, while walking hand in hand, trying not to laugh at their friends behind them making assumptions. Assumptions which may as well have been true
“Well, are we together?” Jack whispered, hearing the question behind them prompting him to actually ask.
“Only if you take me on a proper date and make it official and cute” Alex elbowed him in the ribs, a small jab making him wince while Alex smirked and laughed. Even while acting closer, nothing could stop the best friend teasing. For once, everything was beginning to feel like it was slowly slipping into place.
“The second we get a spare moment I'll organise it. I'll make it special Lex.” He paused for a moment, not sure if he should really ask.
So is that a yes?” his face turned serious for a moment, needing to know the answer. No longer being okay with just working it out.
“Of course it's a yes dummy” Alex stopped mid hallway reaching over and kissing his best friend. Crashing their lips together not caring who saw, or what they thought of it.
Finally answering all the questions everyone had been asking.
“Fucking finanally” Rian exclaimed. Relief taking over his face.
“You two just took fifteen years longer than you should have to admit it to each other”