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Naturally, this story takes place on an island like all the others.
Right across the way, there was an old farmhouse with a thatched roof made of reeds, where moss and wild grass grow all on their own. A stork has built a nest on the roof, because of course, a farmhouse wouldn’t be complete without a stork!
The walls of the house were leaning, and the windows were closed. In fact, only one of them could actually open, others were stuck, due to being too old.
Ducks and their ducklings swam in a big puddle beneath the beautiful drooping willow branches, while a dog named Nexe owned by the farmer watched them and barked without stopping. They looked happy and peaceful.
In a farmhouse just like that lived a farmer named Alex and his beloved husband, Multi. It didn't matter how little they owned; they had each other, and their basement which Multi adored.
Their most valuable possession was a horse that grazed in the ditch by the roadside, so don't look too much into why Multi cared so much about that dingy old basement... He cared about it so much that he wouldn't even let his dear husband go and clean there.
One day, Alex was riding their horse to town and on his way back to his dear, he initially thought about renting the horse to a neighbor. Alex was the only one of the two who was working. Their income barely covered their needs, and they couldn't afford the extra things they wanted. So renting their horse to their neighbour seemed smart.
But then he formed a brighter idea: wouldn't it be much more smart to sell the horse or exchange it for something else?
He thought about this the whole way. What a clever man he was! He certainly understood why his husband loved him, for he was perfect and deserved love more than anyone else!
Upon arriving home, he immediately dismounted and ran inside to his husband; he was eager to speak his mind.
He found his husband,the meaning of his life in the study upstairs.
"You are the best person to make that decision," his husband replied when he told him the idea, looking up from his microscope. "There's a fair in town right now. It's the perfect time to sell the horse. Go on down there and make a good bargain. I’m sure you, my darling, will do a wonderful job."
Now that's how you hype a man up!
Alex hugged his husband tightly, and then they went into their bedroom together. His husband was strangely insistent that he go to the fair today.
Alex didn't want to upset him; besides, he was excited about the event, and going today might do him some good, too. So he agreed.
After giving the farmer his finest clothes, his husband tied his tie.
Multi was much better at tying ties than anyone else. He tied it into a double bow. It looked a bit loose, but since Alex said it was more comfortable that way, his husband didn't insist and left it as it was.
Carefully adjusting Alex's hat, his husband kissed him on the lips, cheeks, and forehead, and sent him on his way.
The only reason Alex liked leaving the house was that his husband would shower him with kisses every time he was about to step out.
As Alex rode his horse, he thought about what a great trade he could make. He was the one who knew best, it wouldn't be hard to do some trading. He took his husband’s doting words very seriously, as always.
The sun was shining brightly upon him and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. Dust swirled along the dirt road as people headed toward the fair on horseback, in wagons, or on foot. It was more crowded than usual. Alex would never go out on days like this if his husband didn't ask him to do so.
The heat was scorching, and there wasn't a single tree along the way to offer some shade.
Alex groaned loudly and leaned closer to his horse. He knew he was lucky that he wasn't walking, though he definitely would prefer home.
On the road, the farmer saw a blonde guy walking with a cow. The cow looked so beautiful that the farmer thought, "I bet that cow gives delicious milk! This calls for a good bargain..."
"Hey, mister! Excuse me for a moment. Hello!”
The blonde guy stopped, so did Alex. They looked at each other for a moment before Alex spoke again.
“I'm Alex. I have a horse here, and I believe it’s worth more than this cow, but that doesn't matter at all! Right now, I really want a cow. Shall we swap the cow for the horse?"
"Hi Alex, I'm Thomas," the young man with red horns said as they shook hands.
Thomas looked him up and down, looked at his clothes, face, hat and then his horse.
"Sure, I needed a horse anyway," said the cow's owner with a grin, and so they exchanged the horse for the cow.
Technically, the farmer had finished his business. After all, his only goal was to trade his horse! But he had conditioned himself so thoroughly to go to the fair that he was desperate to get there…
“Thank you for the horse, mate “
Said the young man as he left with the horse. Alex smiled and waved.
In the end, he made up his mind and continued on his way to the fair with his new cow.
As he walked with his cow, a man with a lock of graying hair passed by, leading a sheep. Unfortunately, since Alex was not a farmer with formal agricultural training, he did not know what kind of sheep it was.Though the sheep looked like it belonged to a very fine breed.
"I’d love to have that!" thought Alex. "It can graze in the ditch by our house all summer, and we can bring it inside if needed. Actually, taking care of a sheep would be much easier for us than looking after a cow."
"Hey, excuse me! Hello,I'm Alex."
"Good morning, Mr. Alex. I'm Cellbit."
Alex looked at the cat hybrid, he looked worried as if he was lost, or was looking for someone.
"Shall we trade our animals?" Said the farmer, he had no interest in why he looked like that.
The scarred man across from him was very eager to exchange the animals, and so the trade was made.
Now, the farmer was walking happily with his sheep imagining how happy his husband would be. His husband was colder and more distant than he was. Of course, there were times when he was very close and friendly, but generally, he was a cold person.
He couldn’t wait to see him be happy!
Close to the entrance of the fair, he saw a petite guy with unsuitable clothes for a summer day with a muscular bald man carrying a large goose under his arm.
Ooh, a goose!
He dragged his sheep with him and waved.
"I see you have a big friend under your arm, sir! Hello, I'm Alex," the farmer said to the blue-eyed man.
"It's both fluffy and plump. Honestly, it would swim beautifully in our pond... My husband has always wanted a goose. He always sighs and says, 'Ah... if only we had a goose!' Well, now we can have one... Would you like to trade it for a sheep? I’ll give you this sheep in exchange for the goose."
The men in front of him looked at each other and chuckled.
The man, whose name turned out to be Fit, was very eager to swap, though his fiance, Pac, said it would be unfair.
Alex couldn’t care less. So the trade was made. The farmer took the goose under his arm and kept walking.
By now, he was very, very close to the fair. The crowd on the road had grown even thicker, it made him even more excited.
A little further ahead, the farmer spotted a well-fed chicken in a ditch.
"It won't run away, and it won't get lost..." he thought. The animal was wagging its tail up and down, blinking one eye, and clucking loudly, "Cluck, cluck, cluck!!!"
I can't tell you exactly what that meant, but when Alex saw it, he thought:
"This is the most beautiful chicken I’ve ever seen! It's even... yes, even more beautiful than the hot mayor's chicken. I want it! A chicken can always find food to feed itself. It can even take care of itself! I think if I get it in exchange for the goose, I'll make a trade that will delight my husband." After thinking this over, he went up to the man wearing a bandana.
"Hello sir, I'm Alex. Would you like to trade your ugly chicken for my beautiful goose?"
The man sitting near the chicken, reading something that looked like a book and had pictures on it, quickly lifted his head.
"Who are you calling ugly?!" the bandanna-wearing man said, rolling his eyes.
The farmer felt a bit slighted, but decided to let it go for the sake of the trade. "Ah, I’m sorry, you're right, that was a bit rude. Please, Mr. uhhh..”
"Roier."
"Please, Mr. Roier, let's trade your awesome chicken for my goose!"
Roier looked him up and down, then smiled.
"Why not! Not a bad idea at all..." And so they made the trade. Roier took the goose, and Alex took the chicken.
“Sucker…”
Alex heard the man say. He was not in the mood for fighting, so he walked.
The farmer had walked a very long way to get to the town. By now, he was incredibly hungry and thirsty. A bite of avocado toast and a beer -or even some water- was all he needed
After walking around, he finally arrived at the big fair. Though he was too tired to look around. He knew he should've said no to his husband!
To his luck, there was an inn on the corner. Just as the farmer was about to walk in, the innkeeper came out. They met right at the entrance, and the innkeeper was holding a full sack.
Alex smiled and waved at the man. The man had a weird purple-black aura around him, Alex thought it was cool.
"What's in your sack?" the farmer asked with curiosity to the man with purple and black hair.
"Bad apples," the innkeeper replied. "I'm going to give the slightly better ones to the pigs, and the ugliest ones to a fat red panda."
Alex gasped and shook his head.
"Tsk,tsk,tsk… Why would you do that? That’s silly! My husband would love to see all of them together…”
The man raised one eyebrow and waited for Alex to speak.
“Last summer, the old tree next to our house only gave us a single apple. Only a single apple, can you believe that?! My husband took that apple, hid it in the kitchen drawer, and went out to do something to the tree! The tree never bore fruit again after that, and then the apple just rotted right there... But he always wanted to see a whole lot of them, even the nasty apples. Well, now he can truly see plenty, good and bad!" Alex said quickly.
The man across from him couldn't hold back his smile; he shook his head and sighed.
"Alright, what will you give me in exchange for these apples?" the man asked.
"What will I give you? How about this chicken in my hands!"
“Pfff, you sure?”
Alex eagerly nodded and so, he gave him the chicken in exchange for the apples.
Then he went into the inn and sat down at a table by the bar. Since he was away from his husband, he wanted to have a little drink. He leaned his sack of apples against the tiled stove. There was a fire inside, but of course, he didn't think about that.
The room was filled with strangers he had never seen before: horse dealers, two best friends, a tired-looking but quite handsome man wearing a black with hair covering one of his eyes… If he was a bitch (meydanorosbusu), he definitely would go and flirt with that guy! He looked so hot from afar. And he looked older than him!
Some of the strangers were so rich that their pockets overflowed with gold, and they seem to love to place bets. Alex liked placing bets too!
Suddenly, a sound came from nearby.
"Sssssss! Ssssssss!"
What was that noise? Alex looked around. Yes, indeed, the apples next to the stove were starting to cook! Oh, silly Alex... he quickly pulled the apples away. His husband would be so sad (and mad) if he returned home empty handed.
Thanks to this little incident, Alex struck up a conversation with a man whose name turned out to be Ewron. Soon, his friends in the inn had heard the farmer's story too—the horse traded for a cow, followed by the endless sequence of swaps...
"Well," said the copper-haired, a bit overweight Polish man. "When you go home, your wife might not even let you through the door! I mean, personally, if I were married to my best ever best friend here, Katie, my life would probably be so wonderful that I wouldn't want to go out and bitch around like you do. I’d wake up happy next to my awesome wife every day. We’d eat chicken and avocado toast together. We’d have so much fun playing ball. We’d have a big house and clean it together, I would even dress up as a maid for her. But if I brought home a sack of apples instead of a horse, Katie, my dear so-called wife, would beat me up."
Alex looked surprised and confused after that long speech. He looked at the woman and she just rolled her eyes.
"He's my husband, not my wife!”
Said the farmer, offended.
“You are one of them queers?” The woman said, her eyes wide behind her pink glasses. Alex nodded, he seemed proud.
“And no, Ewron, I don't think so at all," the farmer replied, pointing a finger at the guy. "At the end of this great trade, I will get a ton of kisses from him, not a beating. My husband will tell me, 'Whatever you do is right.' I’m absolutely sure of it."
"Want to bet on it?" said eagerly the blonde woman with the bun next to him. What was her name? Katie, yes, her... "For two sacks of gold!"
“Two entire sacksl?!”
“Shut up Ewron!”
Alex bit his lower lip with embarrassment. He wasn't that rich! How was he supposed to find that much money?..
"I can only wager the apples and our ducks on behalf of my husband and myself!"
Katie smiled slyly and extended her hand, and Alex shook it to seal the deal.
Katie told Ewron to go get her brother.
Ewron stood up,left and returned shortly after. He told them he had spoken to Ash, who was also interested in the claim, and that they could go and take a look using his wagon.
The innkeeper’s wagon was brought out when they went outside. The innkeeper, whose name was Ash, along with Katie, Ewron, and farmer Alex, piled into the wagon. They brought the apples along with them.
Finally, they arrived at the farmer’s house. After knocking on the door for a while, a pale man with dreadlocks opened it, who seemed busy with pulling off his gloves covered in neon green.
"Hello, my dear husband. I'm back!" said the farmer.
"Welcome home..." the man said.
"Well... I made a trade!"
"Yes, you are the best at this," the man said coldly, wrapping his arms around his husband as soon as he got rid of his gloves.
"I traded the horse for a cow." Alex pulled away and said.
"Thank goodness,” his husband said. "Now we can have butter, yogurt, and cheese on our table. That's wonderful."
"Yes, but I traded the cow for a sheep."
"That's an even better decision," said his husband. "You are always so thoughtful. We have plenty of hay for a sheep. Now we’ll have sheep’s milk, cheese, and wool socks.I can even knit you a wool sweater. A cow couldn't give us those; its hair would just shed. You are such a thoughtful man, Alex."
The trio standing behind them could see Alex starting to act like a spoiled child. The innkeeper was struggling hard to keep himself from laughing.
"But I traded the sheep for a goose."
"Gooses are just the fancier version of ducks. And you know how much I love ducks, don't you, my little duckling? Ah, you always know how to make me happy."
"But I traded the goose for a chicken."
"A chicken? That's a brilliant choice too, sweetheart. A chicken lays eggs, and soon I'll have a whole flock of chicks to work with."
"Yes, but I traded the chicken for a sack of apples..."
Multi's eyes widened.
"Now I owe you a huge kiss and a wonderful night" his husband exclaimed, whispering the last part.
“R-really?!”
Multi held his hands in his and nodded.
"While you were away, I got hungry in the middle of my work and thought about making us a lovely meal: a chive omelet. I had the eggs, but I didn't have any chives. So, I went over to our neighbors, Tina and Foolish. I knew they had chives."
"But the man running their place is so stingy. I asked if I could borrow some, and he said, 'Borrow?!' Then he closed the door in my face, saying, 'Nothing grows in our garden, not even a rotten apple. I can’t even lend you that, now shoo!' What a jerk."
Alex gasped, “ Did he really?!But I thought we were friends…”
Multi shook his head.
"Don't look at me like that. Now I can go over and give him a whole bucket full of rotten apples. How about that? It’d be a funny joke, wouldn't it?" he said, and kissed the farmer on the cheek. The farmer nodded sadly and hugged him.
"This is unbelievable," Katie and Ewron said at the same time.
"Are you two always this carefree?.. This is definitely worth the money!" Said Katie.
And so, instead of a beating, the farmer who received a kiss was handed sacks full of gold by all three of them.
Actually, there was a secret to why the husband always said, "Whatever you do is right" about the farmer. He could practically read his husband's mind, literally!
And thaaat's the story! I heard it when I was a little kid, and now you’ve heard it too, so now you know: whatever the farmer does, it is always right!