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“Oh come on, that was pathetic.” Lukey’s voice rang with an unfriendly tone through Pangi’s ears. His eyes flutter closed, avoiding the death screen displaying mockingly on his monitor, right in his face where he can’t easily escape. Like he can’t escape the biting commentary of his friend. The screen feels only slightly less personal than Lukey’s remark. Ever since they had missed spending any quality time together at Twitch Con, and he had gone to Vid Con solo Lukey has been treating him… coldly.
“Like you’re one to talk.” Pangi mumbles halfheartedly, not really wanting to get into it. Their chats are already making comments about their divorce arc.
“What’s that mean?” Lukey snaps, barely holding back the biting tone in his voice. It’s enough that he can play it off for chat, but not nearly enough that Pangi would miss it. Despite their friendship being on the rocks, Pangi still knows all the ins and outs of Lukey.
“Nothing… It’s nothing. Let's just go again.” Pangi sighs. “My fault.” The sight of the familiar village hut that they both slept in to set their spawn for this challenge greets his eyes, and the sound of the door opening barely conceals Lukey’s dismissive grunt.
He’s not wrong, this is sort of his fault. Pangi knows why Lukey is acting like this. He’s hurting, and it’s hard not to point to himself as the cause. It started with Twitch Con. Everyone assumed that he and Lukey would be rooming together again, and he had even seen people ask if he would be taking Lukey to Vid Con that year. The numbers asking were far fewer now than they had been the summer previous when they had been at the height of the Realm SMP and everything for him seemed to revolve around Lukey. But that had been by design as well. After Twitch Con San Diego he had tried everything he could to slowly unwind his and Lukey’s professional lives from one another by jumping fully into Life Steal and every other opportunity that came his way that Lukey didn’t have a matching invite to.
They had kept in touch behind the scenes, still sitting in editing vc’s together, randomly playing games together when Lukey could make the time during his studies. Pangi had just wanted someplace where he could breathe. When he was with Lukey it felt like there wasn’t ever enough oxygen to sustain him. Like he was drowning out of water and couldn’t keep his thoughts focused on anything else. When Lukey was around he couldn't help but get sucked into his orbit unless he made the effort to keep his distance. He couldn’t get caught if he never got pulled in, right?
The issue was that eventually Lukey’s studies had wrapped up, and that meant he came back to content creation. It had been awkward at first. Pangi had claimed he had already booked his own accommodations for Twitch Con, and he was going solo this time. Lukey had seemed shocked for a moment, but then had seemed like he fully understood and supported him in the decision. Pangi was going to be busy, there were a lot of meetings, events, and obligations he would have. It wouldn’t be fair to Lukey. That’s what he had told himself. That’s what he had told Lukey. With them not rooming together Twitch Con had been chaos. He hadn’t had much time to spend with Lukey, and other than a few spare hours where they could hang out, they didn’t see much of each other.
And maybe… maybe he had planned it that way. He had gotten to spend time with his other friends without the judging or knowing looks that they would never explain to him. There had been only a few questions and mentions of Lukey, which he had been able to wave off.
And then Vid Con… Lukey had specifically asked about it in a late night call.
“Hey, mind if I tag along with you to Vid Con this year?” Lukey had asked brightly, fidgeting with something from his desk. Pangi hadn’t known how to answer in a way that wouldn’t end with one of them upset. He had sat in useless silence for so long that Lukey looked up. “Hey, you still there?”
“Uhh… yea. Umm… I don’t think it would be a good idea.” Pangi said slowly.
Lukey blinked at him, a wash of emotions playing over his face until he landed on defensive confusion. “Sorry, am I missing something?”
“Not really I just… I have a lot going on and I was looking forward to just… I don’t know. Taking the trip on my own.” Pangi shrugged weakly.
Lukey inhaled sharply. “No, that's fine.” His voice was high and tight, making Pangi wince. “I just thought…”
“Thought what?” Pangi asked, dread pooling in his gut.
“You know…” Lukey trailed off. “Us.”
“Us?” That was the thing that brought that same breathless feeling back. Panic started to seep into the edges of his awareness.
He had been wanting to avoid this topic. To push it off until there was more time for him to examine the fledgling flutterings that he had felt in those moments they had shared a bed. Or the time Lukey had drunkenly brushed their lips together. Or the way his heart pounded when Lukey held his hand while walking through the streets on his birthday after they had gone drinking. The way it had felt to have Lukey in his car’s passenger seat. He had never given himself permission to examine it all since the need to make a decision had seemed so far away. But then Lukey had said the word “Us” and Pangi was now painfully aware of just how unprepared he was for the discussion.
“Yea… I thought…” Lukey’s face shifted at that moment, hardening, his eyes had gone glassy and he shifted his gaze off to the side.
“Why does there need to be an us?” Pangi had asked quietly.
Lukey had just shaken his head. “No it’s fine.” There was a heavy pause. “I get it.” The words felt heavy. Final. Like he had just watched a door close that he knew would lock if he let it shut all the way.
Panic won out over his hesitancy. He didn’t want the door to close yet, that wasn’t fair. “Hang on. I just… I just don’t know. I haven't had a lot of time to think about… us.”
Lukey looked at him skeptically. “Well let me know when you figure that out.”
The call ended abruptly, and he didn’t hear anything from Lukey for a while after. But Tertel dragged Lukey into editing vc’s after getting sick of the two of them ‘moping’. Conversation was strained, and Lukey had this pissed off attitude that he brought into every call. Not that Pangi could blame him, but it just felt a little too hostile.
“Lucas, I'm sorry.” Pangi sighed one day after a particularly nasty comment.
Lukey had just rolled his eyes. “You can be as sorry as you want mate, but it doesn’t fix this.”
After that Pangi had tried to stay out of the vc’s unless someone else was there to serve as a buffer for a bit while he tried to process everything. It certainly wasn’t the most ideal of circumstances to try to sort one’s feelings out. Not that he was blaming anyone but himself. Lukey was allowed his hurt feelings. It was only when he had gone back and watched some of his old vods with Lukey that he remembered what that magnetic feeling had been like. The feeling of warmth on his lips. The comfort in Lukey’s presence.
But he just wasn’t sure. The problem is he was already on borrowed time and the door was looking less and less likely to open back up again. And maybe that was why he had said yes when Tertel told him that he and Lukey needed to film something for his Youtube. Apparently, there was a lack of content to edit, and neither Pangi or Tertel could afford not to work.
Tertel was the one who brought up Lukey being the one who he should film with and that’s what brought them here. Pangi excused the meddling because at this point he was desperate for something that felt normal between them, and why not let it be Minecraft?
Back at the start, they continued to rapidly fail at this challenge. Pangi honestly felt like Tertel had made it up by himself to give them something difficult to do. As long as it got views.
But it was going to take a lot of editing given how it was going. The chats were laughing at their obvious discomfort, spamming unhelpful suggestions and commentary. It didn’t help that Lukey kept dying which meant he died soon after. At a certain point it almost felt intentional.
“What the fuck was that?” Lukey sighs harshly after another set of deaths where Pangi died first.
The chat lit up, several mentioning how surprised they are that he is letting Lukey talk to him so severely. And they had a point, he knows that they did. Normally he would be the one being hard on Lukey, this isn’t his usual behavior. So he decides to try something more in character. “What’s gotten into you today?” Pangi tries to make his chuckle sound dismissive.
“Not you.” Lukey snorts.
Pangi freezes, his brain playing the comment on repeat until he understands the meaning, and then he can’t help but feel his face go red. The chat is losing their minds, but he can’t bring himself to say anything in response. Anything he might say would only make it worse, and the longer he waits the worse it will be. He’s trapped in staying silent before he can fully grasp what happened.
Plus, that had been something he hadn’t gotten around to thinking about. Holding hands, and chaste kisses were one thing, but the concept of being ‘in’ Lukey in any sense was way beyond what he had considered. Maybe it had been naive of him to not realize that Lukey would want way more than the careful and shy affections Pangi had let himself day dream about.
“Chat, come off it. It was a joke.” Lukey huffs in his ears.
Pangi’s eyes find the chat messages that the mods have been sniping before he can catch them himself. All of them imply that Lukey is getting fucked by someone else. The wave of jealousy feels like a punch to the gut. “Don’t worry chat, I’ll take care of him.” The statement feels hallow, but they stop talking about others at least.
“Oh you will, huh?” Lukey scoffs.
The words pour out of his mouth before he can even think to stop himself. “Yea. I will. Come visit me.” It surprises him how much he stands by those words. There’s no urge to take them back, or to quietly message Lukey that he doesn’t mean it.
Lukey laughs, the tone brighter than he’d heard it in weeks. “Well why didn’t you offer earlier. We’ll talk after the recording.”
He tries to remember to apologize to his mods for all the extra comments that are put in the chat after that. But by the time the streams end all he can think about is the way Lukey is looking at him through the call. His dark eyes look questioning and cautious, but sparkle with a hint of hunger that Pangi isn’t used to seeing.
“Did you mean it Sem?” Lukey asks softly.
“Yea…” He shrugs.
“What changed?” The Brit presses him gently, and Pangi feels his face redden again.
“I’ve been thinking about things and I don’t know…” He tries to avoid admitting the truth, but he can tell that Lukey sees right through him.
“You were jealous.” Lukey chuckles. “Oh Sem. Sweet, sweet, Sem.” Pangi shakes his head, feeling the burning of his embarrassment. “There hasn’t been anyone else. For the record.”
Pangi isn’t exactly surprised by the easy confession, but it’s astounding to hear just the same. There had been no expectations that Lukey should or would wait for him while he was dragging his feet about how he felt. “Oh…”
“So…” Lukey hums. “When do you want me?” His breath catches in his throat and he has to quickly swallow it down so he can respond. The question feels too big to think about.
“Next week.” He answers quickly. It feels like a safe answer. It gives him time to freak out and try to calm down about it, and time for Lukey to do his planning and booking with some time to spare.
“Deal. I’ll send you the details, alright?” Lukey grins, and Pangi feels the familiar fluttering in his chest that he used to get every day. He hadn’t realized how empty he had felt without it.
“Yea. Sounds good.” Pangi smiles back, trying to match Lukey’s confidence.
The week passes by without mercy, with Pangi barely able to pay attention to his meetings, or streams. Not when Lukey is teasing him in his dm’s. It isn’t even anything bad, just loaded promises anytime they try to plan things for their first day.
‘I have an idea of what I want to do with you.’
‘Can I get a hint.’
‘You’ll see.’
Pangi doesn’t know how to read those messages even as he’s driving towards the city. He was given instructions to meet Lukey at the lockers from the suit stream. Pangi is wandering around, waiting for Lukey to arrive. He tries to not look overly eager as he scans the walk ways. When his phone vibrates in his pocket all he gets is a locker number that he thinks he remembers being towards the back of the facility. Isolated. Quiet.
He tries to not get ahead of himself. Maybe Lukey will want to do a vlog or go out to lunch or something before they go back to his place. Or maybe he just wants to talk a little first? Butterflies fill his stomach. Pangi heads towards the right row, and when he turns the corner he sees Lukey coming down the other side, rolling his suitcase along.
Pangi can’t deny that Lukey looks good. Slightly tan with the confident grin that he usually sports. He’s in his classic black jeans, and a white shirt, the summer heat too much for his usual sweater. “Hey…”
“Hey.” Lukey’s grin widens into something that almost looks smug. Like he has won a prize without Pangi knowing it.
When they meet in front of the right locker Pangi moves on autopilot, wrapping Lukey up in a hug. Lukey’s warm laugh is music in his ear, sounding delighted, instead of sarcastic. Part of him has been worried that this is just a trap by Lukey to get back at him, but so far there hasn’t been any sign that anything is wrong. It’s just comfortable to be back in Lukey’s orbit, the pull he feels to stay close to him has his following right behind while Lukey tries to shove his suitcase into a large locker.
“One moment darling.” Lukey giggles, slightly pushing Pangi back from where he had been standing pressed almost against the Brit. Now that he has Lukey right here in front of him he doesn’t want his own space, he wants Lukey’s. It’s a new feeling that he is hesitant to leash.
As Lukey works on getting the last corner shoved in, Pangi has been inching back closer and closer, simply too caught in the orbit’s pull to resist. By the time Lukey is pocketing the key and turning to face him they’re only inches away from each other. The warm smile on Lukey’s face melts into something playful. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Pangi breathes the word out, anticipation building in his gut.
Lukey glances over his shoulder, and then behind them, and as far as Pangi can see they are completely alone in this back corner. Lukey’s hands find his shoulders and he gives into the pressure, moving him back and to the side until they are in an alcove, out of sight, with his back against the wall. The air around them grows thin, and he feels his head spin a little. Then Lukey moves in.
Warm. Lukey’s lips against his are warm and slightly chapped where Lukey has been chewing on them. He doesn’t recognize the noise that escapes his lips, his brain is too busy processing the tongue that presses between them. Once the shock wears off his hands find Lukey’s hips and pulls them together. It’s easy to settle into this, like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
He had never realized just how well they fit together either. All the drunken hugs, awkward goodbyes, and that one time wrestling hadn’t given him the same feeling. This was different, this felt like completion, like finding the matching sock you thought was lost. Lukey is warm, solid, and far more real than he could have imagined on his own. Their lips move against each other like they have never known being apart. He can taste the wine that Lukey must have had on his flight on his tongue. It’s perfect. Lukey is perfect.
Pangi’s head spins and his lungs ache until he has to pull away, panting with his head resting back against the wall. “Shit…” Lips press against his neck and his eyes flutter shut as he feels Lukey’s clever fingers trailing down his shoulders, over his chest and to his belt. “Fuck… Lukey…” His eyes snap open, bringing back the awareness of just how exposed they really are.
“Yea?” Lips graze his ear sending a shiver down his spine. A nice distraction, but he makes himself focus. One of them needs to at least try to be the voice of reason.
“You don’t… We shouldn’t…” Before he can finish his sentence Lukey’s lips are back on his, stealing his protests away with a sweep of a tongue.
His belt buckle clinks as it falls to his sides, and his pants sag down on his hips as the button and zipper are quickly undone. And before he can break their kiss to say anything a warm hand reaches into his boxers and wraps around his cock. The shock and pleasure curl up his spine stealing what little air he has left in his lungs. He sucks in a large breath, not wanting to pass out here like this. Lukey would never let him live it down.
Pangi doesn't have much time to think about air or breathing as Lukey pulls him out of his boxers while he sinks down to his knees.The sparkling brown eyes he stares down into are full of mischief and triumph. He's completely resigned to his fate at this point, mentally handing himself over. Even if he wanted to stop this, how could he live with himself if he denied Lukey his prize? Pangi realizes he’s what Lukey had won earlier, he had walked right into this. The fly going right into the arms of the spider.
Not that he is exactly suffering himself. The hiss he lets out when those warm and familiar lips wrap around the weeping head of his cock is completely involuntary though. Lukey isn't shy and he barely gives him any time to adjust to the new sensations. It has been a while, ok maybe a long while, since someone else had touched him. It isn't like riding a bike either, Pangi has never experienced something like this and it's all he can do to keep standing and not cum already. It’s good. Too good for him to think clearly anymore.
Lukey spreads saliva over his shaft quickly and efficiently, like he has had this all planned out beforehand and this was merely proper execution. Whatever it is, Pangi is in heaven. Lukey’s mouth is hot and wet around him,and he's finally starting to move, letting his lips do the work around his shaft while his tongue glides against the underside.
Without thinking he puts his hand on the back of Lukey's head, mostly just out of the need to touch him in some way. He runs his fingers through his hair, unable to look from the spot where Lukey is swallowing him down. It’s the most captivating sight he has ever seen.
Being here like this, it's hard to remember why he had been so nervous to confront his feelings about Lukey. At this point it is pretty obvious, and he feels silly for avoiding it. This is Lukey. The person he had instantly clicked with, who he had felt comfortable enough to share a room and a bed with. Who he had invited into his home. And now Lukey is in his pants with his cock going down his throat. It seems a little late at this point to continue to hesitate.
“Fuck, Lucas...” Pangi grunts, his fingers in Lukey’s hair curling to grip onto it. The pleased hum from Lukey vibrates up his cock, nearly making him cum right there but he resists. Just barely. He isn’t going to last long, he’s made peace with that already.
But Lukey seems to take his holding out as a personal challenge, increasing his speed, turning careless with how he lets the head of his cock start to move back towards Lukey’s throat. He can feel the tip hitting it when Lukey takes him in. Pangi knows that the second Lukey lets him push into his throat it will be over, the sweet tightness too much for him to resist. “God please. I’m so close.” He begs, hoping Lukey understands.
Another moan vibrates wantonly through him, nearly putting him over the edge. “Fuck Lukey please. Please.” He doesn’t care anymore if someone hears them or if he sounds pathetic begging like this. No one has ever sucked him off so brazenly before. Only Lucas would. Only him.
His breath hitches, and his body tenses a moment before Lukey pushes down just that little bit more. The muscles of his throat squeeze the head of his cock in the most glorious way, and suddenly the bubble in him bursts. “Shit.”
The pressure doesn’t let up while he cums, with the sensation of Lukey swallowing around him sending a final shiver down his spine before he is completely spent. The first few minutes after are hazy. He feels himself being released from Lukey’s mouth, and carefully tucked back into his boxers.
His ears pick up on Lukey panting, his face pressed against his thigh. Pangi’s fingers find the ability to move just enough to stroke the hair they had been twisted in just a moment before. “Fuck…” Lukey groans.
“Yea?” Pangi sighs questioningly, too content to say much else.
“Needed that.” Lukey hums.
Pangi doesn’t know what that means, or what might come next. Their circumstances crash into him, and he realizes that he should at the very least check on the Brit. “You ok?”
“Never better.” Lukey chuckles like he’s made a joke.
“You want to stand up?” Pangi asks softly, still not sure where his footing is in this situation. It’s all new to him, but he feels like he owes it to Lukey to try his best.
“In a minute.” Lukey sighs. “You want to go home or walk around for a bit?”
It takes him two seconds to make a decision. “We should walk around. I don’t know if I can drive right now.” Lukey looks up at him, face smug and lips still shining.
“Deal. You’re buying lunch.” Lukey grins.
“Whatever you want.” Pangi chuckles, stroking Lukey's hair idly. They probably have a lot to talk about before they go any farther, but at least they’re not still at the starting line. For now that’s enough.