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To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Good afternoon,
I regret to inform you of the recent death of Allen Jimenez, the current US personification. His position has been assumed under unusual circumstances. I am attaching the official report to this email.
Regards,
Zoe Reynolds
State Department - Personification Affairs
Unknown: Hello
Alfred: who is this
Unknown: Oh, did they not give you our contact info?
Alfred: they?
Unknown: This is Canada, Matthew Williams
Alfred: oh. look, I really don’t understand any of what’s going on
Canada: I wouldn’t expect you to
Canada: You’ve probably realized this by now but this is not normal in the slightest
Alfred: but it is permanent?
Canada: Yes. There’s no getting out now
Alfred: and all because I put on a guys jacket
Canada: If you have any questions, feel free to ask
Canada: Also, can I add you to our Discord?
Alfred: there’s a discord?
Canada: Pretty much everyone’s on there
Canada: And fair warning - everyone’s heard what happened
Canada: If you want to avoid that it’s fine
Alfred: yeah I don’t think I could handle questions rn
Alfred: so if this isn’t normal then what is?
Canada: There are a couple of mechanisms
Canada: The current English personification is Arthur Kirkland, and the Kirklands have held the position for as long as anyone can tell
Canada: The first American personification was actually a member of that family, but the American inheritance has historically been rather wacky, so I suppose you’re only continuing the tradition
Canada: The French also inherit it, but the Bonnefoy line is much younger
Canada: And as for me, Madeleine chose me as her successor back in the sixties, and I shadowed her for a while before taking over
Amelia: Alfred where are you
Amelia: Alfred
Amelia: Alfred
Amelia: I’m getting worried
Alfred: I’m alright
Alfred: everything’s fine
Amelia: you killed a guy and then the government kidnapped you
Alfred: right so about that
Alfred: I’m now some sort of a personification
Alfred: of the US
Alfred: bc I put on his bomber jacket
Amelia: wtf
Amelia: please tell me you’re kidding
Alfred: I’m really sorry
Amelia: can we just not do this
Alfred: I…don’t think that’s an option
Alfred: seems pretty permanent
Alfred: also I’m kind of immortal
Amelia: okay I’m going to need a lot more than that
Amelia: kind of??
Amelia: what does this entail
Alfred: wait let me ask Canada
Alfred: hey so the gov’t said smth about immortality
Alfred: but the last guy died
Canada: I wouldn’t call it immortality
Canada: We don’t age, and we have some level of immunity to disease
Canada: But outside of that pretty much anything that would be lethal to a human can kill you
Alfred: so I could live forever?
Canada: Theoretically yes
Canada: China has only ever had the one personification, but that’s legit the one case of that happening
Canada: Nobody knows how he managed it
Alfred: not immortality just youth till I die
Amelia: so this happened how
Alfred: I put on the guys bomber jacket
Amelia: and poof, eternal youth
Alfred: yep
Alfred: apparently there are some things I have to do as a personification
Alfred: meetings and shit
Alfred: and they want me to live in DC
Amelia: woah slow down
Amelia: do we get a choice in all this
Amelia: also how is this legal
Alfred: the gov’t says so
Alfred: refusal is def not an option
Amelia: you said you were talking to Canada
Alfred: yeah
Alfred: he’s nice
Amelia: I can’t believe any of this
Alfred: same here