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1.
Another game, another loss. Not that they weren’t used to it by now, but it always left a bitter taste in their mouths.
Losing 3-1 against Buffalo had been a bit of a blow too, so it seemed only fair to indulge in a bit of alcohol to drown their sorrows in.
It was not something they did often, but it surely boosted their morale in such cases. They’d usually choose one of their hotel rooms where to huddle up together, they’d drink more than a couple of drinks and by the time they were all pleasantly drunk and loose, the loss would end up being nothing more than a far away memory.
It was Luca’s turn to go and buy everything they needed. When nights like these happened, they’d draw a name and let the poor victim cater to the team’s needs.
That’s how he ended up at the 24h store right by the hotel, holding two bags of cheap alcohol and enough chips to feed two teams instead of one.
It was the third time now that his name ended up being chosen and Luca was starting to wonder whether the draw was rigged or not. It dawned on him that it probably was.
“Damn it…” he grumbled with a frown, as he walked back towards the hotel, the weight of the bags slowing him down.
Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks. Just on the other side of the street there was their captain.
Ilya Rozanov was a strange man. He could be loud, a chirping machine on and off the ice, funny as hell… and yet he rarely engaged in teambuilding practices like this one. He would participate, every now and then, but most often than not he would just go back home or, in the case of an away game, hole himself up in his room.
So seeing him outside, seemingly out and about and alone was certainly confusing.
What was even more confusing was the fact that he was staring at a vertical billboard in the middle of the sidewalk.
From where Luca was, he couldn’t see clearly what was on it so he moved, just a bit, enough to know what Ilya was staring at and enough for the man not to notice him. Not that that was gonna be a problem, because he appeared to be so focused on the billboard that he would have never noticed Luca.
Luca squinted his eyes a little and then he saw it. It was some kind of advertising and the model… was none other than Shane Hollander. Of course.
Everywhere they went, either Canada or America, they’d be blessed with a Shane Hollander ad. Luca was pretty sure he made more money modeling than playing hockey. And he was fucking good at both things. That’s why he admired him. No more than Rozanov, though. Ilya was still his idol.
What Luca was wondering, though, was why Ilya was staring at it so intensively? He knew they were friends, somehow. Apparently the charity they founded together was what put an end to their rivalry -at least off the ice.
Maybe he was thinking about ways he could make fun of him next time they saw each other. Or maybe he had a sharpie hidden in his coat and was ready to vandalize the billboard, drawing a pair of moustaches or something. That would have been fun.
Debating whether to get his attention or not, Luca decided to walk towards him. He was ready to call him, the first syllable of the man’s name leaving his mouth, but the word died there the moment he saw the scene unfolding in front of him.
Ilya lifted a hand, resting the palm of it on Hollander’s face, his eyes looking almost teary. And then, slowly and out of the blue, he got closer to the image, until his lips touched the glass. Right over Shane’s still ones.
What. The actual. Fuck?
Luca was frozen there as he watched what was happening. He couldn’t even wrap his head around it. What the hell was he doing? Why was Ilya Rozanov kissing Shane Hollander? Well, his poster.
And why did he look so pained while doing so?
Was he perhaps… in love with Hollander?
The mere thought seemed preposterous. He knew Shane was apparently gay, there had been rumors in the hockey world, but Ilya was known as a womanizer, a playboy. He used to have paps take pictures of him with a different woman every night.
And yet, since he had started playing for the Cens, there had been none of that. No pics of him drunk and with his tongue down some woman’s throat, no puck bunnies hanging off his arms wherever he went… Actually, since becoming teammates, he had been nothing like the Ilya Rozanov people knew.
Damn, had Luca just witnessed something he wasn’t supposed to? Could it be that Rozanov, Russia’s greatest love machine, the straightest -allegedly- man alive, was actually bisexual?
It was all good if he was. Actually, it probably made Luca adore him even more.
But he was pretty sure that Hollander wasn’t interested in him. Even as friends, he didn’t look like there was something there. Actually, he looked annoyed most of the time whenever Ilya opened his mouth.
Oh god, did Ilya Rozanov have an unrequited crush on Shane Hollander?
He dropped his bags at the sudden revelation, cans of beer rolling down the sidewalk. Shit. The noise was loud enough to startle Ilya, who was now looking at the source of the ruckus.
Luca scrambled to get the cans, muttering curses and suddenly Ilya appeared next to him, helping him.
“You okay, Haas? Drunk already?” he grinned, his expression back to his usual cocky one. Vastly different from the one he had seen just a few seconds ago.
“Not drunk. Just… the bags were heavy.” Luca mumbled, earning a chuckle from the Russian. Once the cans were secured and back into the bags, Ilya grabbed one.
“Alright, let me help. I will join you guys. We need drink after tonight, yes?” he said with a bitter smile, starting to walk towards the hotel.
Luca stared at his back as he followed him, swallowing hard.
He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do now with this knowledge. One thing was certain, though: he couldn’t tell anyone.
*****
2.
Wyatt was weird. People told him all the time. He was a nerd, a bit of a fanboy and he wasn’t ashamed of it. He could go on and on about his favourite comic book or his favourite superhero. It was just the way he was.
But lately the captain of his team had managed to make him look normal in comparison. He wasn’t sure the others had noticed it, probably not. But Wyatt had.
He was a goalie, being attentive and aware of his surroundings was his greatest skill. A skill that right now he wished he didn’t have. Because he had picked up subtle clues and he wasn’t sure what to do about it.
It started one day after practice, in the locker room. He hadn’t meant to look, he wasn’t one who spied on other people’s phones, but his eyes had casually landed on Ilya’s.
He was looking at a picture of Shane Hollander, posted by the Montreal Voyageurs’ Instagram account. It was a pretty normal picture, standard PR.
Shane during a game, his eyes laser focused, caught while shooting a puck. It was a pretty cool picture actually. He was a fucking God on ice, he had to give him that. But still, normal. Of course his team would hype their captain.
What wasn’t normal was the fond look Ilya had on his face. He had a small smile curling his lips and his eyes… he looked suspiciously close to tears. His thumb was hovering over Hollander’s face, coming down to rub the screen once, twice. Thrice.
Wyatt had arched his eyebrow at that, but forgot about it an hour later.
Two weeks passed after that episode and then came the game against Montreal. And while Hollander looked all serious and concentrated on the game, in between breaks Wyatt had caught Ilya staring at him with a longing stare.
Hell, at one point, during their face-off, he was sure Ilya was blushing. Ilya did not blush. They had played together for a while now and he had never seen him blush. And he was the only one doing so, because Hollander was doing everything he could to avoid him, his eyes fixed on the ice.
The afternoon after the game, while revising the clips from the day before, Ilya looked miserable, and Wyatt wasn’t sure it was due to their loss, because his eyes kept tracking Hollander on the screen instead of focusing on his mistakes and the look on his face made Wyatt’s heart squeeze.
He recognized that look, because it was the same one he had whenever Lisa had to go away for a few days for a congress.
It was yearning.
Ilya Rozanov was yearning for a man who didn’t even spare him a look.
The fact that Ilya was pining for a man didn’t really surprise him. He was cool with it, he didn’t care. His own sister was married to a woman, so whether Ilya liked men or women or both didn’t really faze him. But it was the fact that he was pining for Shane Hollander that threw him for a loop. And the worst part was that it was clearly one-sided.
So he really couldn’t be blamed when one day, as they were walking towards their cars after practice, he felt the need to reassure him.
“You know Cap, if you ever need someone to talk to… I’m here for you.”
Ilya glanced at him with an arched eyebrow, confused.
“Uh, thank you, Hazy.”
“I mean it. And you know, you can confide in me.”
“I will make sure to remember that.” Ilya chuckled.
“And hey, just so you know, you deserve better.” Wyatt added at the end, staring right into Ilya’s eyes.
The Russian looked at him for a few seconds, silence stretching between them, before bursting out laughing.
“Yes, I know. I deserve team who does not slack during practice.” He grinned, finally reaching his car. “But you are good goalie. And good friend. Thanks Wyatt.” Ilya said finally, winking at him before slamming the door of his car shut.
Wyatt looked as Ilya drove away, sighing. Having an unrequited love for someone probably wasn’t easy.
*****
3.
Zane Boodram loved many things. He loved his wife, loved hosting parties and loved his team.
Yes, they weren’t the best, but not because they were lacking skills. They just needed to believe in themselves a bit more.
They could do it, especially with a captain like Ilya Rozanov. The man was a legend on skates and he was really fucking amazing.
The problem was that he wasn’t one who opened himself up easily. Sure, he joked around and always tried to hype up the team. Everyone loved him. But he could be a little closed-off.
He rarely went out drinking with them, almost never went to the events the rest of the team hosted and his life was a well-guarded secret.
So it came as a bit of a shock when he accepted Bood’s invite to his barbecue party.
Saying he was elated was a bit of an understatement.
“You won’t regret this, Cap!” he had told him, and he meant it.
So even if the weather wasn’t exactly perfect, he made sure everything else was.
They ate, they drank, they played games. Everything was going according to plan.
And then one of the rookies spoke.
“Montreal game is tonight! Let’s watch it.”
Zane sighed. “Guys, as much as I love hockey, I wish we could think about something else, for once.”
“Come on, Bood!”
“I agree with the kids. Let’s watch game. Maybe they will learn something or two, yes?” Ilya spoke and Zane couldn’t really say no to his captain.
So that’s how they ended up on the couch in the living room, the giant TV casting light over their faces as they watched Montreal rip apart the other team.
“Fuck, they’re good.” Luca mumbled and a general murmur of consensus filled the room.
“They are good because Hollander is good. Without him, whole team sucks. Pike plays worse than Hunter, and the man is dinosaur on skates.” Ilya said and he was kind of right. Hollander really was the best out of all the people on his team.
“But we are better. We actually have an entire team of fucking good players. And we have Ilya Rozanov. Hollander wished he was him.” Zane said, patting Ilya’s back and the man laughed.
“Tell them, Bood.” He grinned, his eyes never leaving the screen in front of him. “But Hollander is very good player. The best, probably.” he said and there was… fondness in his voice? He had never heard him speak so softly about someone, unless it was Chiron. Definitely one wouldn’t talk that way of an adversary, no matter how good he was.
Ilya quickly cleared his throat, his usual smirk taking the place of the sweet smile that had been on his face until that moment. “After me, of course.” He said, the rookies cheering at his words.
Huh.
Well, they were friends after all. Allegedly. Which was weird considering their long standing rivalry.
But Zane had friends in other teams and he never looked at them the way Rozanov was looking at Hollander through the TV screen.
He seemed raptured by him, in a way that went way beyond friendship or admiration. There was something there he couldn’t exactly place.
Once the game was over, with Montreal obviously winning, the rest of the group went back to circulating and eating. But Ilya was still there, sitting on the couch, listening to Hollander being interviewed, that fond look back on his face, as if the man had hung the moon.
Zane wondered if the others had noticed.
He glanced at the people around him and couldn’t help but arch an eyebrow in surprise when his eyes met Wyatt’s, who was wearing his same expression.
So okay, he definitely wasn’t the only one.
Wyatt just gave him a curt nod in acknowledgement. We need to talk about it.
Oh, they most certainly did.
*****
4.
“Hey Cap, we were thinking of going out tonight? Want to grab a beer?”
Troy was walking out of the showers when he heard Wyatt’s invite. He padded to his stall, smirking to himself. He had already heard that question thousands of times and he knew what Ilya’s answer was going to be.
“Thanks Hazy, but I am going home. Next time, yes?” Ilya replied.
Predictable. There was always something. Whether it was him being too tired or some other elusive excuse.
But Troy wasn’t stupid. He had gotten to know his captain very well. Maybe too well. There had been some revelations he wasn’t sure the others were aware of.
One night in New York had made both of them comfortable enough to be true to each other. So now Ilya knew he was gay, and Troy knew Ilya was bisexual.
What Ilya probably didn’t know was that Troy had pieced together the sparse pieces of information he had gathered. And anyone with eyes could see what was going on.
Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander were together.
Also, Ilya had practically revealed it himself that night. He had shown his hand. Sure, Troy didn’t have a clear confirmation of it, but to him it was obvious.
He had to give it to Hollander though, he was better than his boyfriend at hiding it. Ilya probably thought he was doing a good job, but he had no idea of what his face did every time Shane was in front of him, whether it was a picture or during a game.
Even now he had a smile on his face and Troy knew what it meant, because it was the same face he did whenever he had plans with Harris.
They were going to meet.
“Troy, you’re still coming though, right?”
“Uh…”
Troy pondered about it. Harris was busy, family dinner tonight apparently, and he could really use a night out. So he nodded, earning a pat on the back from Bood, so hard that it almost knocked him over.
Half an hour later they were sitting at a booth of some pub near the arena. It was him, Wyatt, Bood and Luca, the rest of the team having forfeited.
“Thought you were going to follow the rest of the rookies, Haas? Wanted to spend some time with us old fucks?” Bood chuckled, making Luca smile sheepishly.
“They were going to some club and I just… wanted a cozier night out, I guess.” He said, letting his fingers play with the rim of his glass of beer.
“I’m surprised you came, Troy. You can be as elusive as our Cap.” Wyatt smirked and Troy couldn’t help but smile.
“I guess it’s time I try to be more part of this team.”
“Fuck yes!” Wyatt cheered, raising his pint in celebration, all of them clinking their glasses together.
“Speaking of Cap…” Zane started, before taking a sip. “Have you guys noticed something… strange about him?”
Troy frowned a little in confusion.
“What do you mean?”
“You mean how our Captain has clearly an unrequited crush on Hollander?” Wyatt said and that made all heads turn towards him.
What the fuck they were talking about?
“You noticed it too, right?”
“Dude, it’s painfully obvious. I mean, I wasn’t expecting it because, you know… the whole womanizer thing. But honestly it makes sense. Hell, I’m straight and I think Hollander is a hottie. So our Cap probably being bisexual doesn’t faze me.”
Troy kept his mouth shut, both because he didn’t want to reveal anything and also because there was a laugh threatening to escape and he really needed to keep that one in.
“Same, but… seeing him pine after Hollander like that hurts to watch. The day of the party he was staring at him on TV as if he had found his personal Jesus.”
“I know right? And I caught him caressing Hollander’s face through his phone screen. I mean… It made my heart ache. Can you imagine how it must be for him?”
A little whimper left Luca’s mouth and this time it was his turn to be stared at by the rest of the table.
“What is it?” Bood asked and Troy watched as Luca’s face started to get redder and redder as the seconds passed.
“I…”
“What did you see, Luca?”
“Remember when we were in Buffalo? When you guys rigged the game to make me buy the beers?” Wyatt and Bood sniggered a little at that. “Anyway, I was walking back to the hotel and…”
“And?”
Luca took a deep breath, staring down into his beer.
“I saw Ilya stare at a billboard of Hollander and kiss it.”
Silence fell around the table.
“Ugh, unsanitary.” Bood pulled a face and Troy couldn’t help but slap a hand over his face. Jesus Christ, Ilya.
“See, what did I tell you? He’s completely gone for him and it’s clear it’s not the same for Hollander.” Wyatt said.
Troy wanted to smack his head on the table.
“Should we say something to him?” Luca muttered and Troy cringed. It was his time to intervene.
“Guys, I don’t think we should. Besides, it’s his business. Can you imagine his reaction if we were to say something?” God forbid. Ilya would have killed them all, probably.
“Yeah, Troy is right. I mean, he didn’t even tell us about him potentially being bi.” Wyatt sighed, crossing his arms.
“Then what should we do? Keep watching as he hurts himself?” Bood groaned and Wyatt gave him a pensive look.
“The only thing we can do is be there for him, if he needs us. And kick Montreal’s ass next time we play against them.” He said in the end with a smirk and Troy almost let out a sigh of relief.
At least that was proof enough that the Centaurs were an amazing team.
But hell, Ilya seriously needed to be more careful.
*****
+1
When the video first came out, it was a bit of a shock for the rest of the team, because they had never noticed anything. But for Wyatt, Luca and Zane it had been so for very different reasons.
They were right. Ilya was in love with Shane Hollander.
What they had been wrong about was the unrequited part. And judging by that kiss, it was very much mutual.
Which was a relief, honestly. It was even more so when the Instagram post went live.
And then Wyatt noticed the ring around Ilya’s neck. He had never been happier to be proven wrong.
Now, a few days before playoffs, the energy in the locker room was through the roof.
“You know Cap, it’s a good thing you and Hollander are finally out to the world. For many reasons, of course.” Zane started, as he changed into his hockey gear.
“Thank you, Bood.” Ilya grinned.
“You know, me and some of the guys had gotten this weird idea…”
Wyatt widened his eyes, staring at him, panic bubbling up. He tried to gesture for him to stop, but that only got Ilya’s attention even more.
Ilya glanced between the two of them, an amused expression on his face.
“You know what? It’s not important.” Bood said, waving a hand dismissively.
“No, no. I want to hear. Please. I am very curious now.”
Wyatt and Bood exchanged a look.
“Spill it out, come on.”
“We…” Wyatt sighed, rolling his eyes. “We thought you had an unrequited crush on Shane.”
Ilya stared at them. His face did something weird. He frowned at first, his brows knitted together in confusion, before breaking out in a huge smile, his whole body shaking with a silent laughter.
This was embarrassing.
“You what? That is dumbest thing I ever heard.” He said, almost bending in half as his laughter got louder, making a few heads turn.
Zane covered his face while Wyatt stood there, scratching the back of his head.
“Dude, it’s not our fault. We didn’t know! And you had this look every time…” He muttered and Ilya looked at him, wiping away a tear.
“What look?”
“Well… like you were desperately in love with him.”
Ilya smiled softly.
“That I am. And he is too. He’s just better than me at pretending.”
“Luca even saw you, in Buffalo.”
At that, Luca turned to look at him with a scared expression on his face.
“Hazy!!” He exclaimed, terrified as his eyes moved from him to Ilya, who was now frowning.
“In Buffalo? What…” A sudden realization hit his face. And if looks could kill, Luca would probably be dead already. “Forget what you saw. Immediately.”
“Done! Done, already forgotten! I don’t even know what you’re talking about!”
“Good. Now get out there, all of you. We have practice to run.” He said seriously, but before he walked out of the locker room, Wyatt didn’t miss the way his lips curled into a grin.
Yes, he was really glad they had got it all wrong.