Work Text:
In Hamburg, after another night of all sorts of excess, George throws up next to his bed and for reasons only he knows categorically refuses to clean it up, saying that it's not his job but the cleaner's.
The cleaner disagrees and she and I both think George might actually be an obnoxious little shit.
"So the pile of vomit remained. And it began to grow, and grow, mushrooming and taking on a life of it's own. Cigarettes were crushed in it, bits of food fed to it, until it assumed the look of a hedgehog; we christened it The Thing. When members of other groups visited us in the flat they took to giving it an occasional drink. Its fame spread and people wanted to come and see it. For a time food and drink seemed to beautify The Thing and it blossomed like a miniature flower garden. It measured something like six inches (15cm) in diameter. But its beauty was short-lived, and it began to grow hideous. "I'm frightened to sleep," George remarked one night, "in case it eats me." The Thing began to bong as well, but it was George's baby and somehow we had grown to love it as a pet, despite its wretched origins.
After its fame spread Horst arrived one morning to inspect it. He thought that it was a disgusting sight; he was right of course. He left, returning with a shovel; the end, we knew, was nigh." (from the book Beatle! The Pete best Story)
The Thing was then taken down Grosse Freiheit and to the bins, the rat boys following the funeral procession solemnly chanting the Death March. And George was happy because he had won: someone else had done his dirty work for him.
TOPPERMOST OF THE POPPERMOST🎶
John: FUUUUUUCK
John: Ok you fuckers what the actual fuck??????????
George: It wasn’t me
John: You fucking little weasel, you don’t even know what I’m talking about. It absolutely was you.
John: A man leaves after a hard day’s work to get his dick wet and when he comes home what does he find?
George: didn’t the bird mind that you dick was wet already before you sticked it in her. It’s been leaking for days and stinks smth horrible👽👽
John: STFU harrison. The stink of my dick is not the problem here. WHO PUKED ON THE FLOOR AND DIDN’T CLEAN IT UP?????????????????????????????????
George: it was not me
Paul: It was george🙄
Pete: It was George
Stuart: It was George
George: it was me
John: Fuck harrison. Explain
George: You see Johnnie, sometimes when a person consumes too much alcohol, there can be unexpected consequences and
John: You fucking brat I’m gonna beat the shit out of you
John: (image attached, puddle of puke on the dirty floor) EXPLAIN!!!!!
Paul: Let me
George: snitch
Paul: Fuck off Hazza
Paul: So, the kid still can’t hold his liquor and me and Pete had to carry him to the digs last night and then he threw up next to his bed and now the little shit refuses to clean it up
George: NOT.A.FUCKING.KID
George: And yeh, that’s what happened💪💪
John: I knew it was a mistake to take you into the band
John: Paul I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO
George: I ain’t cleaning it up, not my job
John:?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
George: Not my job
George: Eckhorn pays for a cleaner. She cleans. I don’t clean
John: You fucking dimwit she comes on Mondays and now is Wednesday. WED-NES-DAY. WEDNESDAY
John: You come clean it up now
George: no
John: yes
George: no
John: yes
George: no
John: yes
George: no
John: yes
Paul: Ok I’m leaving now. Birds to fuck, places to be. Have fun
George: no
John: yes
***************************************
Pete: Ok so just saw Mrs. Münter. She says she aint cleaning it up and Eckhorn says she don’t have to
John: Hazza
John: Hazzahazzahazzahazzahazza
John: Hazza💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
George: Yes Johnny?
John: CLEAN.IT.UP.FUCKING.NOW
George: no
John: yes
George: no
John: yes
George: no
John: yes
George: no
John: yes
Paul: Oh jesus fucking christ am gonna top meself
Stuart: There are no words to describe how much I love Astrid and her parents’ clean beautiful house WHERE I DON’T HAVE TO SEE OR SMELL YOU FUCKING IDIOTS
***********************************
Paul: Ok, since it’s staying what should we call it
Pete: STAYING???? Have those pills completely destroyed yer brain
Paul: Fuck off pete. So, name?
Paul: Must be something simple and elegant like the thing itself
John: The Thing obviously
Paul: The Thing. Yes. Simple and elegant
George: As a father I approve
George: with the ciggie stubs sticking out of it looks a bit like a hedgehog
George: I love Hedgehogs🤗🦉
George: and I love The Thing😍🤗💓💔💕💗
John: Hey dimwit that’s an owl
John: you are so stupid you don’t even recognize yer own bloody child
George: wha?
George: owl? Njah, am pissed. Is close enough
Paul: fucking father of the year🙄
*******************************
George: Did anyone remember to feed The Thing today😭😭😭😭I forgot. I felt a bit dizzy when i left
Paul: no wonder. You weigh as much as a piece of toast and you took a bloody handful of those pills
John: Nothing wrong with those pills. Stop being such a fucking fusspot
Paul: well, Hazza forgot to feed his child
Paul: not a good look
Paul: and I gave it half me toast
George: aaawwww Paul mate, I owe you one
Paul: 🙄
George: I’m so proud of it. Ringo and Rory came to see it yesterday and they said that it’s the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen
George: people are starting to talk about it. The word is spreading
George: Me baby is a star😎
Paul: yeah well the bird I brought here the other night refused to shag in the same room with it
Paul: had to do it in the alley
John: birds never understand good things
John: her being willing to let you stick it in her being the proof of that😎
Paul: says the man who has the clap. AGAIN
*******************************
George: ummmm, guys
George: where are you
George: am all alone
George: except The Thing. I think it’s moving
John: fuck off hazza it’s your kid deal with it
George: you are such a bag of pricks
George: Paul where are you?
George: am scared. It bit me ankle
George: and it’s between me and the friggin door😬
Paul: jesus fucking stepdancing christ HOW MANY PILLS DID YOU TAKE???
George: don know
George: Paul😨😰😭😭😭😭😭😭
Paul: jesus you baby. Fine am coming
George: 🤗😍
George: Check yer phone before coming in. I’ll keep an eye on it and let you know if it tries to ambush you by the door
George: you’re a good mate unlike the bag of pricks
***********************************
John: It was a beautiful funeral
Paul: agree. A fitting way to celebrate a glorious but all too short life
Pete: you do understand that you are talking about Geore’s chuck up don’t you
George: oi! It was my bloody baby! I’m in mourning
George: show some fucking respect
Paul: yeah fuck off Pete
Pete: 🤦
John: now pub. First round is on me
Paul: second on me. To celebrate a life well lived💔
George: am not buying rounds. Can’t, me heart is broken
John: fuck off Hazza you fucking cheapskate
George: me baby is gone
Paul: 🙄
John: (image attached, three pints) Get yer arses in here right fucking now or I’m drinking these all
Several rounds later
Paul: Hazza where in the fuck are you????????
John: yeah it’s been yonks since you went to the loo
Paul: yeah did you die
George: need a mo. Feeling sick
George: hey maybe I’ll make us another Thing today
George: the room feels empty now
George: I miss me baby😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
John: I swear one of these days I’m gonna fucking kill you
John: Paul you help right
Paul: no but I’ll look the other way and lie to the police
John: good mate
George: just puked💪
George: but into the bog😞😞😞😞😒😒😒😒😒😒😒🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁😢😭
George: me baby down the drain