Chapter Text
“I just think you are blowing this out of proportion...” Ilia mumbles, laying back across the plush gray carpet of his friend Amber’s dorm room.
He is met with stares of what can only be described as pure disbelief from the girls in the room with him. Isabeau even rolls her eyes, but it is Alysa that speaks up.
“Blowing this out of proportion, he says,” She scoffs. “You dated this girl for 6 months, long distance and hellbent to make it work, you fly all the way to Korea and then come back just to tell us you guys broke up? I think we aren’t blowing this up enough!”
“And then he refuses to tell us why they broke up! We didn’t like her, but we still want to know,” Isabeau adds in, moving from Amber’s bed onto the floor to be closer to the group's conversation.
Ilia knows he should tell his friends the reason. They hated Haein, but they love him and mean well, even if they are a little nosy. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to tell them; it is just embarrassing. They will laugh, and then ask if he is okay, and then laugh at him again, and he just is not mentally prepared for that right now. He has been trying to wrap his head around what happened himself; it was fine for the first couple of days he was there. They had gone to dinner the first night he was there, they walked around the park, they went to a cat cafe, he had even worked up enough courage to sleep in the same room as her on the last night. That...that is where it went wrong.
“She wanted to...and I said...” Ilia jumbles the last string of words together, making him sound even more incoherent than usual.
Amber leans slightly. “She what and you what?” She asks, gentler than the other two would have.
Ilia looks around helplessly before taking a deep breath, “She wanted to have sex and I said ew...” He admits, frown evident in his voice.
He knew it was coming, but it was worse than he could have imagined. Alysa breaks first, laughing so hard tears well in her eyes as she can barely keep herself upright. Isabeau follows, tumbling over and joining Alysa on the floor. Amber at least has the decency to cover her face and pretend she isn’t laughing at him; he isn’t blind and can see her shoulders shaking. It was a nice gesture, he supposes.
Amber recovers first. “You said ew?” She cannot hide the little giggle that comes along with the question.
Ilia huffs. “I didn’t mean to, it just kind of came out. I didn’t consciously look at this girl and say ew to her face, I am not a jerk.” He tries to defend himself.
The girls look at him like they are expecting him to say more, so he does.
“She kissed me, which like fine, I have kissed a girl before-” He cuts himself off, sending a glare to Alysa. “I have!” His voice cracks slightly. “Anyways, everything was okay until her finger brushed my zipper...and I said ew and jumped back” Ilia sighs deeply.
Isabeau gasp softly and drops her voice down, “You jumped back? Ilia!”
“Ew like her..or ew as in the act? I have never before and never will ask this again, but Ilia, I need to know all about your sex life” Isabeau props her chin on her knee.
“There isn’t much to tell, it almost happened once and then I stopped it. But not like ew her, well, maybe. I think the act with her, I thought I liked her. But also kind of the act itself, the idea of the act doesn’t unsettle me.” Ilia rambles, surprisingly open despite being so embarrassed.
“There is a lot to unpack here because you have somehow managed to say so much and so little at the same time” Amber pinches the bridge of her nose. “Where to start?” She asks, mostly to herself.
“Do you watch porn?” Alysa asks, reaching across the carpet to grab her bowl of popcorn she had put to the side earlier when this conversation started.
Ilia’s entire body flushes red. “Jesus” He squeaks out, managing to only choke slightly. He looks around, hoping someone, anyone, will speak up and point out how ridiculous of a question this is. Someone will surely save him, even if just out of not wanting to know that much about him. He is instead met with the expectant stares of all three girls.
“Yes...” He forces out, so low it really wouldn’t even qualify as a whisper.
The girls keep staring.
“What?” He asks. They cannot possibly be expecting more from him.
“And...? How does that go?” Isabeau fishes.
“I seriously cannot have his conversation” Ilia hides his face, the flush only deepening.
“Okay well obviously it cannot be the act if watching it doesn’t make you uncomfortable.” Amber adds in, trying to be helpful.
Ilia shakes his head. “No, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I just turn it on and...I don’t need nor want to explain that and then when he-” Ilia gets cut off, not by words, but by the sudden shift in energy in the room. Somehow, he feels he has said the wrong thing.
“He?” Alysa asks with her eyebrow raised.
Ilia nods slowly, not yet understanding why that is a big deal.
“You watch men?” Amber questions, feeling the need to clarify.
“Well yeah, doesn’t every man? It is most similar to what I am doing” Ilia supplies, confusion laced in every word.
“...no, no they don’t” Isabeau says, wheels clearly turning.
“But you watch women, we have talked about this” Ilia turns to Amber.
“That is because I am gay, not because I am a woman” Amber retorts, unable to help the quiet laugh that escapes her.
“Gay...pfft, I am not gay, I would know if I were gay” Ilia huffs.
“You have never watched anything with a woman in it?” Alysa asks, still bewildered by all of this new information.
“I have, but I didn’t like it so I turned it off” Ilia answers, still dead set in his correctness.
Isabeau shakes her head “Just gay as hell, we should have known”
“Maybe this needs to be approached with a little more sensitivity,” Amber suggests, giving Isabeau a look. “You have kissed a girl right, you said that earlier. Why did you kiss her?” Amber probes gently.
“She kissed me first” Ilia answers matter-of-factly.
“Sweet summer child” Isabeau whispers before Amber covers her mouth.
“Don’t” Amber warns her.
“That feels like something you know, like never in my life have I been turned on by a man” Ilia rolls his eyes.
“You watch men jerk off...” Alysa says, mouth full of popcorn.
Ilia fumbles with his words for a moment, “Only after I am already hard”
“Okay, but why is your first thought when you are hard to watch men jerk off?” Isabeau questions.
“I am not gay!” Ilia throws his hands up.
Alysa chuckles “Make him take the quiz”
“What quiz?” Ilia sighs, tired of the conversation already. He had just come over to receive comfort and support from his three best friends after breaking up with his not very serious long-distance girlfriend even though it was entirely his fault they broke up.
Alysa pulls her laptop out and the next thing Ilia knows a quiz titled “Am I gay?” with a rainbow flag as the cover is shoved in his face.
“This is ridiculous, on this same website you can find out what kind of garlic bread most resonates with your aura, this cannot possibly tell anyone’s sexuality” Ilia scoffs.
“This quiz is how I found out I was a lesbian” Amber speaks up.
How can he argue with that? He did not take a sensitivity class to sit here and tell his best friend that the quiz that validated her feelings is faulty. He groans and takes the computer, clicking through the questions one by one.
“Everyone thinks men are hot, some of them just are” Ilia talks to no one in particular, causing Isabeau and Amber to share a look he can’t quite decipher.
He answers each painful question that seems to probe more and more into his personal life. He doesn’t really understand most of it. A lot of these are things all people can relate to. Everyone gets nervous around pretty people, kissing is nothing special, and no he doesn’t feel any sort of way when he is around his friends that are girls, that would make him creepy.
Alysa is yet again the first to laugh when the results pop up.
Ilia closes the laptop quickly, but not before the other girls see the flashing “Happy pride to you” on the screen.
“I’m not gay!” He crosses his arms.
Amber pats him on the back. “Of course you aren’t, sweetie”