Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Regulus
Voldemort’s Cave
July 4, 1978, 7:00 pm
He’s genuinely frozen as he stares up at the cave. He’d like to blame it on the weather, but why kid himself when it's summer. Kreacher definitely underestimated the amount of magic embedded within this place. Regulus can feel it dancing in the air, against his skin. His clothes are soaked and wet curls are dripping due to the swim up. He looks to Kreature, standing next to him shaking with fear.
“Master Regulus, Kreacher is not wanting to enter the cave,” He admits in a small voice.
Regulus swallows in an attempt to mask his own fears. He wasn’t scared before, but determined. Now that he’s here however, it’s all too real.
“Come on, Kreacher. I’ll be right with you this time and I’ll send you home the second your service is no longer needed,” he offers him a reassuring smile, but he can see the elf still looks nervous.
“Kreacher, you are the only person on Merlin’s green Earth that I consider family. Sirius has left, my parents are shit, I’ve lost my friends. But through it all you have always loved me, cared for me, protected me. I will do the same in this cave, Kreacher.” It has never been difficult to be vulnerable with Kreature.
The house elf smiles, wipes away a single tear with his tiny hand, and gives Regulus a sincere nod. The elf then casts a drying spell upon both of them and they’re no longer dripping water.
“Thank you. Now, let’s go.”
They enter the cave together and come upon the wall Kreacher recalled as being used for the blood sacrifice. Regulus takes a dagger out of his thigh holster, cuts along his palm and wipes the blood on the wall. The wall slowly disappears and Regulus enters with the elf. He rips a piece of fabric off the sleeve of his shirt and wraps it around the wound he inflicted on his hand.
Regulus then begins to take notes of his surroundings; it’s dark, incredibly dark and there's water, a shit ton of water, just as Kreature had said. However, he didn't capture the water right; it’s black and unnatural, vast and endless, soul crushing and hopeless. He understands Kreature's utter fear. This place radiates nightmares. In what appears to be the middle of the lake there is a green glow on top of what seems to be a hill.
“This way,” Kreature instructs, leading Regulus to the location of the hidden boat. Regulus feels the magic growing stronger the closer they get to it.
After he manages to uncover the ghostly green boat from the depths of the waters, the two enter the boat silently. Immediately the boat begins its path toward the center of the lake. Kreature has begun to shake and is making an effort to not look at the water.
The boat's journey isn’t long, but the elf winces when it docks on the sand, “Don’t fret, Kreature. Nearly done now.”
They walk up the hill to find a pedestal displaying a stone basin. This was the source of the illuminating green light, Regulus sees the potion and the shell he recalls from the elf's story. He takes a deep breath, readying himself for the moments to come.
“Kreature, don’t let me stop drinking,” He grabs the shell from the basin,”Make me finish it, all of it until the locket appears.”
The house elves' eyes widen and he begins to protest, “Kreature thought Kreature was drinking the—”
“That’s an order, Kreature. Do as you're told,” Regulus says sternly, then because he feels bad he adds softly, “Please.”
The elf gulps and looks down.
Well shit.
Here goes nothing he guesses.
He fills the shell and downs as much of the potion as fast as he can.
Then things start to get fucking twisted.
The potion is foul, it tastes horrendous and burns his throat, similar to drinking. However, unlike alcohol's effects, these effects weren’t so loose and carefree.
After a few shell gulps Regulus begins to hallucinate. He sees his father and its fucking terrifing him, he looks so real. He's pacing back and forth absolutely fuming, his version of an adult male tantrum. Regulus has seen his father act this way on numerous occasions, typically just before he’s about to act out. This time is especially familiar and terrifying. He cannot hear the visual but he can tell his father is muttering to himself almost like the night Sirius left, well just like the night Sirius left.
Another shell filled gulp.
His father is still pacing and muttering to himself but he’s becoming increasingly frustrated, making himself spiral and feeding his anger.
Another gulp.
His mother appears now. She seems to be shrieking, as she normally is, at her children, her husband, at anyone she holds any power over. They are yelling and pointing their wands at another. A scene Regulus has seen before, he's watching the exact night Sirius ran away all over again. He sees them yelling at each other and recalls their accusations of the other being the one ruining their sons. Why is Regulus seeing this?
It doesn’t matter, he reminds himself he has to drink.
He takes three shells full trying to drown out the hallucinations.
He immediately regrets it because Regulus can hear them now, Walpurga’s shrill shrieking and Orion’s deep booming voice, the spells they cast at another, the sounds of spells rebounding off objects. Regulus flinches when he hears a vase shatter.
It’s not real, just keep drinking.
He downs two more shells and begins to feel dizzy. It feels as if his brain is melting and his heart is burning out of his chest.
Of course that’s when Sirius shows up. Just like he did last time, he stands between him and his parents and demands them to stop. Then, just like the last time, they abruptly stop and look at each other, then they look at their eldest son and they turn their wands on him. They shoot curses and insults. They tell him how dare he tell them what to do, how dare he not know his place as the proper heir, how dare he not be who they raised him to be. And Regulus can see it, can sense it, the moment Sirius gives up on his parents. The moment he no longer held any love in his heart for them: the moment their mother shot that cruciatius curse. Sirius had only told them to stop fighting because Regulus was scared. This is all Regulus' fault. The sounds of Sirius’ pain and struggle ring in Regulus' ears. He clutches his ears forcefully in an attempt to muffle it, but the sound echoes straight to his skull.
“Master Regulus must keep drinking,” Kreature says, breaking through the potion induced illusion. The elf had taken the shell from Regulus at some point, or maybe he had dropped it? Either way Kreature filled it and brought it to Regulus' lips.
Regulus could see himself now pleading for his parents to stop, they ignored him completely. It was a gut wrenching scene, Regulus has never seen so much blood. Walpurga held her crucio while Orion shot multiple hexes, stinging hexes, cutting hexes, it’s too much. It’s too brutal. No one deserves this, he tells them. Then they stop suddenly to look at each other once again.
Regulus feels his heart drop to his feet and his legs go weak, he's cold but he's sweating. He's positively the most frightened he's ever been. Walpurga casts imperio on Sirius and instructs him to do something that strikes such fear in Regulus he can’t move, “Shut your brother up!” she barked, “Teach him what happens when you talk back in the House of Black!”
Sirius gets up, blood dripping down his battered clothes and bruised skin and makes his way towards Regulus with a limp. It was at this point Regulus realized he wasn’t frozen with fear but the body bind Orion had cast on him, he cannot escape his brother.
“No, Sirius, no please, it’s me!” He sobbed. He tries as hard as possible to move but he can’t break his fathers hex, and it seems Sirius can not throw off their mothers curse because he is striding towards Regulus, limp and all.
Kreature breaks through the illusion, “Drink, Master Regulus, please,” the elf pleads. However, he doesn’t have to, all the fight within him is left, he lets the elf do what he must. Kreature pours a few more sips into his mouth.
Instead of the illusion being something he was viewing, now he was now living it. He was no longer in the cave, but back in their holiday home in France. His parents peering down at him maliciously, and Sirius suddenly grabbing his neck forcefully, squeezing the life from him. Regulus is reliving it all over. He’s choking but he can’t fight back, he’s not even sure he would ever fight Sirius back.
He's making noises of distress when he hears his parents.
“He’ll kill him,” Orion notes, as careless as if he were commenting on the weather.
“He was always the spare,” Walpurga bites.
Regulus looks Sirius dead in the eye desperately and Sirius sees the singular tear run down Regulus face. He breaks his curse and releases Regulus' neck. Orion releases the body bind and Regulus
coughs desperately trying to regain the ability to breathe. The two boys look in terror to their parents, in fear of what they’ll do next.
But Regulus has lived this before he knows, he doesn't have to wonder this time. He knows that they get crucioed for half an hour before being imperioed to crucio one another. It was the first time they performed unforgivables, even though they were technically under one themselves and not at fault it still had its traumatic effects on the both of them. Not to mention the destruction of their brotherhood bond. It was severed this night because of Regulus. When Regulus had been forced to torture Sirius, Orion revealed he had lifted the curse several minutes ago out of pure curiosity to see if Regulus would continue on his own free will. It was at that point that Regulus stopped willfully and realized what he had done: Allowed his parents to let Regulus destroy their bond, their one sense of safety and security in the House of Black. Sirius looked at Regulus in terror and Regulus looked at his hands in fear. His parents laugh. Sirius rises with a whimper and silently makes his way to the stairs. Regulus rises as well, and they both make their way to their rooms without a word to each other, their parents' laughter still ringing in their ears.
Regulus relives it all over again in that cave until, “Master Regulus! You has done it! You has finished the potion!” Kreature exclaims excitedly, it brings Regulus back to reality.
“Kreature, I don’t feel so good,” Regulus says softly and then he sobs. He sobs quietly and shamefully, he sobs because of the excruciating pain the potion has caused, the horrendous flashback he was forced to relieve, and the cold hard truth: he cannot do this. What the actual fuck is he doing? He’s just a kid who can’t even figure out his family problems. Why does he think he can defeat the dark lord of the century? He has relived the worst night of his life for nothing, he hides his face in his hands.
“Master Regulus,” Kreature says, coaxing Regulus out of his hands.
He uncovers his eyes, tears still streaming down his face, and looks to the elf. Kreature is making a show of bestowing a locket to him. The locket.
“We did it Kreature,” Regulus’ tears finally stop, “Take it home. Wizards can’t apparate out of here, but you can. Take it home, and if I never make it there,” He gulps, shit he could never make it out.
He still hasn’t seen the monsters Kreature is traumatized from, nor does he even know what they are, but he doesn’t think he can win a fight after tonight. Not after reliving the worst night of his life. Or under the conditions of the potion, “Destroy the locket. However you can. Destroy it, never speak of this to anyone, that’s all an order. Leave Kreature.”
Kreature looks to be on the verge of tears, “Kreature has always loved Master Regulus the most. Master Regulus is a good man.”
“Thank you, Kreature. Farewell friend,” Regulus says softly holding back tears, the elf disappears tearfully.
Regulus takes a deep breath. Now to get the fuck out of here. He stands up from the floor because apparently during his last vision that’s where he wound up, and puts the replacement locket in the stone basin. His stomach is burning, quite legitimately feels like it contains molten lava. The pain in his stomach makes him hurl over causing a limp when he walks. On top of that, his head is ringing with the echoes of Sirius screams. Despite all this he makes it to the boat and it automatically starts its way to shore. To the end.
Well shit.
He’s done it.
He’s fucking done it.
He laughs so hard it hurts, but he doesn’t care. He laughs so loud it echoes off the walls. He laughs until he can’t breathe and he’s clutching his sides. He laughs until something else is clutching him. It’s clawing at him?
He looks around his boat to see bodies flopping out of the water, desperately grasping for Regulus. They tear off and rip apart his clothing and yank his hair. Their nails are tearing at his skin in groups of five. They’re shedding his skin, he feels the familiar pain the cuts bring, the warm blood trickling all over his skin, his matted clothing hanging around him. The ice cold water is getting in his boat now he can feel it, the inferi are trying to pull him under. He will not survive.
Regulus screams and cries. He doesn't know what to do. They continue to claw at him, dragging him out of the boat. He takes a deep breath and begins to accept his death. What other options were there truly? He thinks of Sirius and wishes he could have reconciled and said goodbye. He thinks of Evan and Barty, the fucking dumbasses, and how much he is going to miss their friendship. He really owed his best friends a goodbye, fuck. He takes his last breath before being dragged under the water. Well they better understand he thinks bitterly. He thinks about Pandora and Dorcas, his beautiful friends that helped him become so much of the man he is today that he's in this cave. He should have apologized to them when he had the chance, and thanked them for everything. He shuts his eyes hard trying to ignore the pain and accept the feeling of welcoming water into his lungs. He thinks of James fucking Potter and he decides to fight for breath a little longer. He thinks of the boy with the bright smile and warm hugs. The young man who accepted Regulus when he was at his lowest. The inferi continue gripping him and tearing him under the water, he just allows them. He thinks back to the moment that led him here. The night Regulus decided he could be a hero, it truly all was thanks to James. Ironic, Regulus flew too close to the sun and now here he is falling. He thinks about how even more ironic it is that he truly only was a hero just for one day, just like the song had said. Sirius screams finally stop replaying in his head as he’s reminded of the verse he had heard that night:
I, I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim
Though nothing, nothing will keep us together
We can beat them, for ever and ever
Oh we can be Heroes, just for one day
Yep, that’s Regulus Black all summed up: a hero just for one day and someone who really wishes he could swim. He had first heard that verse when he was an animag——Holy fucking shit! That’s it!
Regulus buffers in pain, but finally is able to transform into a cat. As desperate as possible he swims to the surface. Unfortunately, the change of appearance didn't fool the inferi either. They clawed and ripped at his fur, but he continued to slide out of their grasps and scratch them if possible, which didn't help much. You need fire to kill inferi, but it got them off him. He continued to swim as fast as he could, and eventually he did it, he made it to shore. He quickly turns to see if his attackers are still pursuing him, but there they sit at the edge of the lake. They are clawing at him from the surface of the water bobbing up and down like mad piranhas, but something other than fins and gills is keeping them from touching the sand. Whatever Voldemort had done to keep them in there Regulus was thankful, he had made it to safety, they couldn’t leave the water.
He looked down to his trembling hands and torn skin that was no longer paws and fur. He had done it. He had escaped. He laughed again and then started coughing violently. After he catches his breath he gets up and flips off the inferi, “Fuck you!”
He had to get out of here. So he limps out of the cave until he is at a point where he can apparate away. As he attempts he quickly realizes it was all way too much for him, he faints to the floor, everything going black.
Regulus is sobbing in his room attempting to bandage his cuts without magic when he hears slamming coming from Sirius' room. In fear of the worst he makes his way over, only to find Sirius packing, frantically and loudly. He’s still supporting much of the same injuries as Regulus, minus the choking side effects. He too is still bleeding but he’s packing as if his life depended on it. Regulus guesses maybe it did. Maybe both of theirs do. But it’s impossible for both of them to leave, unless they are disowned. The House of Black needs its heir.
“Where are you going?” Regulus' voice breaks the awkward atmosphere Sirius has created. He freezes, back still faced towards his brother.
After what feels like minutes Sirius finally sniffs and says in a deep voice, “The Potters.”
It’s silent for a moment while Regulus watches Sirius resume packing. He still isn't looking at him.
“And when will you be returning?” He finally manages to ask, but he feels as if he already knows. He knew the second they used crucio on him that first time, he would no longer stay.
The silence following that question lasts longer than the previous one. It lasts until Sirius grows the courage to turn his head and look at his brother, they stare at each other, broken eyes meeting another. Their eyes were saying they both already knew the answer to that question.
Regulus' heart breaks, shatters really. Sirius didn’t just give up on their parents, Sirius gave up on his brother. And Regulus deserves it. He proved he was just like his parents and now that’s what Sirius thinks of him. He hadn’t meant to really. Hadn’t even realized.
“I see,” Regulus turns around to leave his brother, presumably for the last time. And they didn’t even fucking apologize for… for well… for fucking anything. For having shitty parents, for hurting one another, or for trying to kill each other. Or even say they’d miss each other. Or say they love each other. Because they didn’t know if it was true. If any of it was true.
“Reg wait,” Sirius gets up to reach for his arm and then turns Regulus back to him, “I have to leav—”
Regulus rips his arm out of Sirius grip, “Fuck you, Sirius,” He says it sincerely, he full heartedly means it, however the tears forming in his eyes probably take out the viciousness behind it.
Sirius lets a tear fall, but he stays strong as he says,“Come with me, Reggie.”
And if only it were that easy, “You heard her. I'm the spare,” Regulus bites out.
Regulus turns to leave and this time Sirius lets him.
Regulus wakes up quickly realizing the potions effects are still active, or maybe it was a blood loss hallucination. Either way he’s just relived the entirety of the worst night of his life, well maybe a close second worse night of his life now. That makes him chuckle a little. He feels pain everywhere though which quickly ends his joy. He's bleeding out severely and he knows that if that won't kill him the potion will. Fuck. This was quite literally the last thing he wanted to do, especially now after reliving all that. Yet, he has no other choice if he wants to live, and he didn’t do all that just to fucking die so he grabs the portkey from his enchanted bag and whisks himself away.
Regulus
Remus’ and Sirius’ Flat
July 4, 1978, 10:27 pm
Regulus’ portkey plops him on the bed next to a very concerned Remus John Lupin, who seemed to be reading.
“Lupin! Gimme a cuppa, would ya? You wouldn't believe the dreadful day I've had, darlin,” Regulus slurs, closing his eyes. He realizes he’s bleeding out way too much to be this carefree, but he knows he’s in good hands now.
“Sirius!” Remus bellows, “Get in here now!” and then Remus sets to work, casting diagnostic charms and charms that stop the bleeding.
The last thing Regulus remembers hearing before he passes out is Sirius' gasp of realization after walking into the bedroom.
“Regulus Arcturus Black!” Walpurga’s shrill voice rings through the house.
They must have realized Sirius has left Regulus guesses. So he braces himself for his new life and rolls out of bed, after not sleeping at all mind you, to go talk to his parents.
“Yes, Maman?”
“Where is your brother?”
“He’s no longer my brother,” Regulus says quietly.
“What?” She asks dangerously.
“He has left Maman. He wishes to leave the House of Black,” Regulus summaries as emotionlessly as he could muster.
“He is the heir, that is a privilege! He must learn this and he may not leave,” she shouts fiercely
“He has left!” He shouts, it’s probably the first time he's ever talked back to his mother. Her eyes widen with shock but quickly narrow with rage.
"I'm the ‘spare’ I’ll take Sirius' place as heir.”
“You?” She sneers, “What makes you think you’re worthy to be heir of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black?”
“Was Sirius?” Regulus bites because he’s pissed. Here he is taking the place his brother never wanted, never even tried to have, yet his parents still want his brother.
“Do not talk back to me. Sit!” She barks out, pointing to a chair, so Regulus does, “Orion!” she summons.
His father rushes into the room and Walpurga informs him of the new arrangements. Orion accepts it with nothing more than a nod.
They sit in silence until Orion finally decides to speak, “We must disown him.”
“Regulus,” He looks to his mother, “Your first task as heir is to burn your brother off the House of Black Tree,” She smiles cruelly.
“Yes, Maman,” and so his two parents watched in laughter as Regulus cried over burning his estranged brother off the tree, and then immediately punished him after.
“From now on, a Black Heir no longer shows any emotions, anywhere at anytime,”
“Yes, Maman,” Regulus says stone-faced.
“At school you mustn’t speak of or talk to Sirius, or anyone associated with his image for that matter,” She spits. “We expect you to excel academically this year and start creating powerful allies within
your house. Lastly, and it was to be a surprise because we knew he wouldn't handle it properly, Sirius was to take the mark the night before he returned to school, you will take it in his place.”
Regulus' heart drops, “The mark? You couldn't possibly mean?” He can't even get himself to say it.
“Yes, Regulus. You will bring honor to your family by joining the Dark Lords cause at the end of the summer,” Orion speaks now.
Regulus feels his face go hot, ‘honor?’ What possible honor comes from being a Deatheater? He begins to speak when his mother does instead, “A black heir will show no emotion,” she echoes.
Regulus unclenches his fists. There is blood from where his fingernails cut into his palm, he hadn’t realized he was squeezing them shut, “Yes Maman,”
“You’re excused, Regulus,” she informs.
“Yes, Maman,” Regulus walks to his room in silence and sobs as quietly as possible into his pillow. He dreams of anything better than what he's experiencing now.
Regulus' eyes begin to flutter open and the harsh morning light shines on his face. He has woken up from his dream in an unfamiliar bed, it takes him a second to remember where he is.
“Regulus?” Sirius says gently.
Oh, right… shit, “Sirius?” Regulus asks.
“Yeah it's me. And it's you… who fell into my bed… bleeding out… next to my boyfriend,”
Regulus winces but then he hears another voice, “Speaking of that here you go, how are you feeling?” Remus asks from the opposite side of the bed as Sirius.
He is offering Regulus the cup of tea he asked for earlier and Regulus accepts with a grateful nod, “Like shit,”
Sirius snorts and Remus lets out a small chuckle, “That's to be expected. You were inches from death's door,”
Regulus can tell Remus meant it as a joke, but the trauma is still fresh. Regulus doesn’t acknowledge it.
Until, “Yeah you were, and Remus really pulled through and brought you back so you better be grateful. Now we saved you, Regulus. You owe us an explanation. I haven't seen you since I left school, haven't even spoken to you since the night I was disowned. What’s going on here?” Sirius asks, “Did they do this to you?” he adds after Regulus is unresponsive for too long.
Regulus scoffs, “No they didn’t do this to me. Give me some credit I’d be able to handle myself against them now,”
Sirius gives him a disbelieving look.
“You have no idea what I’m capable of, Sirius,” it almost sounds cruel but mostly exhausted.
“I’m starting to realize that, Regulus.”
They stare at each other for a second, realizing how far apart they’ve drifted since that night.
Regulus sees the way Sirius is staring at him and he can tell he is disappointed in his younger brother. The person he’s become. Little does he know what it took to get here. Becoming the heir so Sirius wouldn't have to, joining the Deatheaters because his parents forced him, deciding the only other way to live life by his own will is to turn against Voldemort. He doesn't know, Regulus reminds himself, He doesn't know I’m not like them. But it is futile, because the look in Sirius's eyes reminds him how angry he still is. They remind him that they both are disappointed in who he’s become: his parents' puppet. Sirius on the other hand has become the hero he’s dreamed about being since they were young. He’s made a beautiful life for himself with the beautiful people in his life. Regulus is envious of him, but mostly he’s happy for his brother's happiness and he would never take that away. The point in half of this is to protect him and that happiness. He decides very quickly that his brother’s happiness can only stay protected if he doesn't know about Regulus' plan.“We should start keeping it that way,” Regulus quickly rises from the bed, his body aching.
Remus winces, “You should really lie back do-”
“You can’t tell anyone I was here. You can’t even remember this, I have to disappear,” Regulus says frantically.
“Woah, calm down,” Remus says.
“Yeah, what's going on here? Whatever you did I bet we can figure out how to fix it,” Sirius says, and Regulus starts laughing. It's a small chuckle at first but then it gets so loud that Regulus is clutching his stomach and water is seeping out of his eyes. Sirius and Remus share a concerned look.
Regulus stops laughing and says softly, “If only it were that easy, dear brother,” then he looks to the both of them, “But, forgive me, I’m just getting started.”
“Regulus, you’re scaring me,” Sirius says.
“Thank you, for saving me. It is a debt I truly honestly will spend my entire life trying to repay,”
“What are you talking—”
“Obliviate,” Regulus erases the memory of the two men and casts a spell to knock them out temporarily. He levitates them to bed and erases all evidence of him being there, beside the missing healing potions he used, and some he stole for the road. He gives his brother the goodbye he wishes he had gotten to say while in the cave, sure Sirius was unconscious and couldn’t say it back, but Regulus felt a lot better after saying it anyway.
Then, as much as he hates it, he decides to go to the summer home in France, mostly because he knows it's vacant and also because he has nowhere else to go. His family hasn't returned here since the night Sirius left. After he arrives he begins to set his plan in motion because he was successful on his first mission. And he is going to be the one to do it. He is going to be the one to end Voldemort's reign over the world.