Chapter Text
Kurt had never really tried to be ordinary. Even as a child he’d been more interested in tea parties than football like all the other boys. That certainly hadn’t changed now. If anything it had become more impossible as time went on. That being said, after all of the things appearing in his life now he really did yearn for a bit of normalcy.
First there was his new step-mom and step-brother. He told himself over and over that Carol and Finn were probably lovely people. If his dad liked them, then surely he could too. It was just that every time he looked at the two of them sat at their dinner table he got a violent feeling of wrongness that filled his stomach like sand. So far all Finn had done was put up a poster on his side of the room and Kurt already wanted to send him packing. It was probably completely irrational, but almost everything that happened in Kurt’s head was irrational nowadays.
Carol was actually the one who suggested he moved to Dalton after his little break from school. Kurt was excited about the new school. It was supposed to be really good, and he was looking forward to just getting to be Kurt Hummel “the kid who likes to sing”, rather than just “that kid with schizophrenia”. After the incident it had been pretty hard to avoid that title.
It had been a perfectly normal afternoon at McKinley high school. Kurt had been in the choir room for rehearsal. It had been going the same as every other session; Rachel was singing another ballad and Quinn, Mercedes and Santana were all rolling their eyes over it. He was sat in the back corner, quiet. He began to get confused when he suddenly couldn’t hear Rachel anymore. He got scared when the black smoke started filling the room. It came through the door, surrounding everything and consuming the piano and the chairs and cut off rachel in the middle of her screeching. He pushed himself off his chair and into the back corner as if that could save him. The air felt like a tornado around him, and he wrapped his arms around his head as he cowered. It was so loud, a great rushing sound as it screeched abuse at him. He couldn’t breathe, his fingers wound around his hair, tugging. He just needed it to stop. He didn’t know what was going on and the room was just so loud.
He wasn’t too aware of what happened after that, but apparently Mr Schue had forced everyone out and sat in front of him trying to calm him down and figure out what was going on. Mercedes had phoned the ambulance, and according to Tina even Sue didn’t make any comments as he was herded to the front entrance, still shaking. It was only after this that he realised they’d been coming for a while. They had always been small though, whispers in the hallway or shadows that he always played off as his imagination. After the incident they weren’t small anymore.
Everyone had heard about it by the time he went back to school a few weeks later, now with a shiny new diagnosis and a group of voices constantly in his ear. The choir group had tried to not look at him any differently, but he could see there was something different in their eyes and wary smiles. The rest of the school were not as kind. Teachers were supposed to step in if they saw or heard anything, but most of them stood there quietly averting their eyes as people threw both words and objects at him every time he blinked too hard.
His dad found out after a few weeks, and pulled him out of school so they could get everything under control.
Control. He would like that.
The pills gave him some, if only for a short time. He’d been on so many over the past few months that he’d lost track of all the names. His dad and Carol had kept looking and researching the whole time, constantly trying to find the next miracle that was going to make the voices and people all disappear. Instead they just made him feel a little numb or tired or dizzy. They sometimes helped somewhat to quiet things, but the people in his head didn’t like being quietened.
There was a few of them, and he’d tried his best not to learn their names. There was a very bubbly girl who was a mix of Rachel and Mercedes who often encouraged his singing and fashion stuff, he actually quite liked her. There was one he’d begun to view as a sort of bodyguard, as any time someone screamed abuse at him he appeared to scream threats back at them. Then there was the other guy. He was very fluid, draping himself over surfaces and making comments at Kurt. He supposed this hallucination was some kind of manifestation of his queerness, as he seemed to spend his time pointing out hot guys or playing smash or pass every time Kurt trued to read a magazine. He was rather annoying.
Then of course there was the voice, it leaked through open windows and under doorways, a loud voice that told him all about how horrible and stupid and worthless he was. He wanted that one to go away the most.
The break from school had been a much needed one, during which he spent most of his time watching bootlegs of musicals, performing to an audience of himself in his bedroom, or working on his designs. Those were the few times when everything was quiet. Every time he threw himself into sewing something or trying to memorise the sheet music for another show he found he could finally breathe.
The last new thing he would have to deal with was school. Dalton academy was the fanciest school he’d ever visited, and one of the only ones in the area that was willing to take him. Most of them didn’t want the burden of a student who might start screaming at nothing in the cafeteria or who could possibly drag the grade average down by even a tiny bit.
That morning he’d been given the new drug. It was part of a trial, and a few weeks ago he’d had to speak to someone from the company about his case. It hadn’t been fun, the woman kept giving him this weird look as he explained everything.
“Hey kiddo” his dad had brought them up to him as he did his morning skincare. He put them down on the corner of Kurt’s desk, and he side-eyed them with a sigh.
“Please Kurt. I know we’ve tried so many, but something’s gotta work”
Kurt turned to him “We don’t know what could happen if i take these. This is an experimental trial.”
“you could start feeling better” his father offered.
“Or i could feel worse! what if i lose my hair! Or go blind!” He responded
“please. Just try it.” His dad sounded quiet, defeated, and it was enough to guilt Kurt to agreeing. “I promise i’ll take them, but later” his dad seemed to decide that that was the best he was going to get, and he left.
Half an hour later they got out of the car in front of the school. “You ready for this?” His dad asked.
Kurt shoved his hands into the pockets of his blazer. The uniform was a blue polyester, completely different from the fantastic outfits he used to put together for McKinley. He didn’t like it very much. It felt weird. He kept tugging at it to try and make it look less weird on him.
“Yeah” he answered, kicking at the gravel as he walked.
“Don’t worry kid” his dad wrapped an arm around his shoulder as they walked towards the main entrance where a woman was waiting for them “things are gonna be better here.”
He wished he could tell his dad that he thought that was bullshit, or that it was stupid to pretend anything would ever be “okay” again. Instead he just said “i know dad” and let him lead him over to the doors.
The woman led them through the very old and fancy looking halls to the headmaster’s office, silent the whole way as Kurt gazed up at the high ceilings and tried to peek into classrooms. The man stood as they entered, reaching forward to shake his dad’s hand.
“Welcome to Dalton academy” the man said.
His office was a little cold. That was the first thing that Kurt noticed. Then there was all of the books and papers on the desk and the degree framed on the wall. The man looked very stern, with greying hair and a pristine suit. Kurt’s knowledge of fashion told him that it would have been on the more expensive side.
“Now, i already explained the terms of Kurt’s enrolment when we spoke on the phone, however i would still like to discuss some things with you both” the man said, looking to Kurt’s father.
“Yeah, sure” he said. He looked very out of place in this environment. He blended in amongst the truckers and ordinary people that came in and out of the shop perfectly fine, but in this slightly fancier environment he looked downright silly.
“Now, we wouldn’t normally accept new students at this point, but with your son’s….special circumstances, it has been decided for us to make an exception provided he adheres to our terms.” Kurt found himself thinking that it seemed almost like the man was reading off of a script. He probably was.
“Firstly, Dalton is a respected institution of learning, therefore we expect him to maintain a grade of c+ at the lowest.” That was manageable, he was relatively okay in his lessons back at McKinley, and despite having missed a few months he was sure he’d be able to acheive the grades they wanted.
“Secondly..…”
Kurt zoned out at that point, barely hearing the words of the principal and his father as they discussed things.
“Kurt….kurt….” It was coming from the window, a low growling as it called his name, he looked over at it, trying his hardest to discern if it was someone out there messing with him or another hallucination. “Kuurrttt…kuuuuuurrrttt..”
“Kurt?” His dad snapped him out of it with a hand on his shoulder. “What?” He asked, bringing his attention back to the conversation. “Principal said you can start Monday if you understand the terms”
He didn’t want to be annoying, or admit that he hadn’t heard most of them, so he instead nodded and said “monday sounds good”
The car ride home was fairly quiet until they were about 10 minutes away from their house. “How’s everything been going” his dad asked. Kurt looked away from the window and towards his dad.
“..Hey kurt!!”
“About as well as it can be” he answered. His dad sighed.
“I know it’s hard for you kid, but you’re starting those new meds soon, and they might finally fix it” as they pulled into the driveway, kurt tried to ignore the part of him that seriously doubted anything would ever work.