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When they fused with Sothis- all those years ago, at first they hadn't thought much about their changed appearance at first. There were a lot of things going on in their mind- their revenge foremost had been... halted by Solon- but in turn they had killed him in turn, and the apparent now lost of Sothis, whose chatter and advice would be gone- from their mindscape. It was odd not having Sothis around- even more odd that they happened to gain her traits.
But then, Claude had brought it up, in a fit of happenstance, almost... frustrated at how neutral the professor was being about the sudden changes. Perhaps they were being too... casual about it and even they were unsure how to even approach it. If anything, they felt it was all well and done, yet he did not. Not in the slightest. They understood that Claude had wanted answers - answers to most mysteries and questions of Foldan, but did he also consider Byleth as such a mystery? Even if he did, it didn't quite bother them, nor rub them the wrong way. It helped if anything get their mind off the void of Sothis that used to occupy.
It was then Claude had mentioned Jeralt's diary and how Rhea might've done something to them. That had given them a pause - recalling how Sothis mentioned how Rhea had been expecting her.
Now that Sothis is gone... what would Rhea see in the newly changed Byleth? What would everyone else see in them? Their feelings about their identity had already... been messy and fusing hadn't made anything better-
Then Byleth fainted-
To end up in Rhea's lap, and it was... discomforting to the very least. Jeralt had warned them of Rhea, Sothis was suspicious of her, and Jeralt's diary had pointed to Rhea's direction in how they came to be as a babe.
The words she spoke to them had... unnerved them to a certain degree- but they refused to show their true feelings- but deep inside, they wondered- are they not allowed to be themselves?
Days had passed from that event- and yet people in the monastery had begun to stare - or keep their distance. Whispers are spread behind their back and they wouldn't blame them. Their appearance had changed quite significantly- but Byleth couldn't decide if it was for the better or worse.
With the ceremony looming, they had felt the loss of both their father and Sothis greatly. Sometimes they look in the corner of their room- think she's there- only to see she's not.
Of course - Sothis's gone now, just like their Dad.
Soon the end of month came- and Byleth's mission of the month was to go to the holy tomb- for a ceremony of some sort. There was some general confusion and unrest among their students- and even Byleth had felt the same way. They tried their best to hide it for the sake of their students- but they felt the pressure of being here-
And seeing the throne.
The professor had recognized it alright. It was where Sothis had sat in their mindscape, chattering about, nitpicking and making comments- yet it was strange to not see Sothis sitting on that throne.
Yet Rhea had asked them if they recognized the throne, it'd be honest of them to reply yes... They just didn't expect to be asked to sit down on the throne-
Sitting on that throne had all in a sense, made them feel much smaller. They hadn't fit quite right in that throne, nor fit well at all.
Rhea was disappointed- disappointed of the fact of a revelation not occuring- and perhaps something even more-
well not that it had mattered when intruders came in...
then the war...
and then Byleth Eisner fell...
When they woke up, finding out it was five years, five years- they thought about their students- the promise they all made to each other- and reached for the monastery- regardless of thieves- they had a promise to fulfill.
All their students had grown-up and changed- but yet they were the only odd one out. A certain unease came through them, and it grew even more upon witnessing Seteth and Flayn not looking any different from five years ago.
... there was no time to be unsettled, there was a war- and many things happening. All their unease and worries could be left for later- that's what they thought.
They never thought they'd become the leader of the Unified Kingdom of Fodlan. They hadn't deemed themselves fit to even be ruling, but they were Rhea's successor- as well Sothis's.
They suppose they might have to make the place a better one-
Then Byleth was here- completely unknown, yet familiar faces abound, and unfamiliar as well. It was odd to be away from Fodlan- the Monastery, even.
They were supposed to be a leader- but here they were powerless. They had nothing to their name, aside from their divine looks.
For once - for this once, Byleth looked at the mirror and saw a face that wasn't theirs, and hair that too seemed too out of this world for them. They thought they had accepted it - it was Sothis's gift after all...
But would Sothis be happy to see Byleth unhappy- unsure- and uncomfortable? Of a future unknown to them?
They'd suppose she wouldn't.
They dyed their hair back to their original colors, feeling some relief... for the first time.
They were no longer rooted in place.