Chapter Text
Jack wasn’t breathing.
His heart wasn’t beating.
Cas could feel his grace thrumming gently from across the room. Then more gently. It was the only thing keeping him alive and it was fading fast.
Dean was glowering in the corner, Sam was pacing, hand rubbing over his face. Cas was sitting in the chair by the bed watching his son’s face and chest for movement. For any sign of life. But the boy remained stubbornly still, his grace dwindling slowly.
“He’s not gone yet.” Cas whispers.
“Cas…” Dean shakes his head, eyes downcast.
“No. He’s not.” Cas looks up, teary eyed. “He’s not. He- I can feel his grace still. We can bring him back.”
Dean looks up, arms crossed, expression drawn, he’s in pain too. He shakes his head.
“There has to be a spell or something. I’ll make another deal,” Cas stands abruptly, and Sam looks frightened and devastated all at once.
“No, Cas.” Sam says, pushing him back into the chair gently. “We’ve done shit like that before, it doesn’t end well.”
“I can’t do nothing, Sam!”
“We’ll find a way.” Dean promises, deep in thought. He moves closer to rest a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “We’ll find a way, but no deals, okay?” Cas nods reluctantly, Dean catches his eye through his eyelashes, to make sure Cas knows he means it. Once he’s sure Cas won’t do stupid shit he lets go. Cas looks back to Jack.
“Dean, how?” Sam whispers. Dean shrugs behind Cas, but the angel can sense it anyway. They're all at a loss. “I’ll call Rowena.” Sam says after a moment of silent communication with his brother.
“Cas?” Dean asks after a few moments. Sam has gone to make the call, and Cas still hasn’t taken his eyes off Jack.
“He’s not gone.”
“We’ll fix this.” Dean promises again, he rubs Cas’ shoulder soothingly and Cas wants to relax into it, but his son isn’t breathing.
They pace the bunker, books in hand, for weeks. Rowena basically moved in with them to help, there’s no spell in any book to restore grace or to heal a nephilim, so she starts to write her own. Jack isn’t dead exactly, but he isn’t in any shape to wake up. And he’s not improving. Cas claims he can sense the pain he’s in.
“He’s trapped, I believe.” Rowena says one evening to Sam, “His human soul has passed, but his grace won’t die, which means his soul wants to go to heaven and his grace is being drawn towards the empty, but at the same time… he’s alive, locked out of heaven and the empty, stuck in the spirit realm but not quite belonging there either. He’s trapped between life and death. We’re lucky he’s not tied to hell in some way too or this would be even more complicated.”
“Will you be able to fix it?”
“If I can, his soul would be damaged, he would need the grace of an archangel to repair it.”
“How do we get that? They’re all dead except for Michael.”
“Well then we’d have to talk to Michael. Or the empty.”
So they keep looking. Cas technically doesn’t need sleep, but he’s looking more human by the day. Dean brings him food, even though he doesn’t eat it, and he brings him blankets even though angels don’t get cold. He puts on a brave face even though Cas can handle it. Everyone knows that Dean’s being strong for others because it’s all that’s keeping himself together too.
There’s five of them, Sam, Dean, Cas, Eileen, and Rowena, and they haven’t rested more than an hour at a time in the month since Jack’s half-death.
Supposedly it had been a long time coming, but Jack hadn’t told anyone. Not with the role models he had. It was Dean who found him, feverish and looking grey in the face. He said he thought he had more time, he had attempted to repair his own soul, which was half gone at the time, but something went wrong, only he didn’t know it until it was too late to fix.
Now he had a full soul, but he was dead, his grace fading toward the empty or heaven or wherever with each moment they didn’t find an answer.
“We need archangel grace, a feather from his father’s wings, holy water blessed by god himself, grace from an angel who’s been touched by the empty, the blood of a man who’s been to hell, and all binded by the blood of you two,” Rowena reads, pointing to Dean and Cas at the last part. “The rest I can get, it will be difficult, but not impossible.”
“I’ve been touched by the empty, I’ll give up my grace,” Cas says, at the same time, Dean says;
“Why us?” Dean grunts, looking over at Cas. Rowena only raises an eyebrow.
“You’re his fathers, and because of your bond. Your relationship was built against all orders. Castiel here raised you from hell; bond created, then he rebelled for you; bond becomes unbreakable. That kind of devotion and free will is necessary for the spell, it promises safety for his soul to return to.”
“Okay…” Dean nods, still skeptically eyeing Rowena. “How do we get all this?”
“Well archangel grace will be difficult. I don’t believe Michael will be willing to help, considering I can’t find him at all. I’m not sure Castiel’s grace will be enough, what’s left of it?” Rowena asks, Cas scowls but looks away in defeat and Rowena continues, “and Lucifer… we would need Lucifer's feather.”
“He chose Cas as his dad though.” Dean points out. “Would that work?”
“My wings are damaged, Dean.” Cas sighs. Rowena looks at Cas, considering.
“It may work. As for God's blessed holy water, I’m sure you could figure something out, right? You’re the Winchesters, haven’t you had God sleeping in your bed?”
“Briefly, but he’s not a very agreeable guy,” Dean grumbles. “What about this bond thing, then?”
“That’s the easiest of everything. The metaphorical bonds between people can be very useful in magic, especially blood magic. The devotion needs to be balanced, and the love needs to be… true, if you get my drift.”
“No one’s getting any drift,” Dean says, eyes narrowed at Rowena. But even as he says it, he does in fact, get the drift.
“I think if we can put an emphasis on that bond between our favorite duo here, it will be more than powerful enough. But there’s a… ritual… we can use to enhance it.”
“Okay, what ritual?” Dean asks.
“Marriage,” Rowena smirks. .
“Marriage.” Dean repeats, “Right, of course,” He throws his hands up.
“Dean, this is for Jack.” Cas says, turning to Dean. “We can get a divorce as soon as it’s over.”
“That’s one way to show commitment, Cas. Talking about divorce already.” Cas sighs and Dean’s posture sags, resigned. He nods, “Right, well. I’m not refusing, I’m just… marriage? I’m not a marriage guy.”
“Well you are now.” Rowena shrugs. “But truly. I’m sure everything would work out smoothly either way. Marriage only would ensure that the probability lies entirely in our favor. It is not a necessity.”
Dean looks at Cas, sees his expression, something dark and hidden and concerned. Dean thinks about Jack. There’s no other way to do this. “Guess we’re getting married then, huh?” Dean pats Cas on the shoulder. “So when’s this spell happening?”
“After we collect the rest of the ingredients. And I need you both to write vows.”
Dean swallows and nods, looking over at Cas, who seems to be much more concerned with the rest of ingredients on the list Rowena handed him. Sam is chuckling, and none of them have really so much as smiled since Jack’s death so it’s nice to finally have some hope, Dean supposes, even if he’s gonna have to get hitched to his best friend.
Sure the ingredients are nearly unreachable, but it’s not impossible. Cas was right about Jack’s suffering, and Dean feels his stomach drop with dread thinking about it. He’s kept a stony face, nose buried in a book or online, always a phone call away from another dead end. He hasn’t really slept and he brings them all beers at times of day when it’s not really socially acceptable to be drinking.
He grieves Jack the only way he knows how to. Rigid posture, glare in place, brooding in his room with a bottle of scotch and a myriad of reasons why it was his fault. He wasn’t great to the kid, he feels like he’s not quite allowed to be this broken over his death.
Although he was technically a parent to Jack, he was never a very good father. He hates himself for having that in common with John, and yet he still feels the pain of losing a son. Cas grieves like a father too, as much as he’ll let himself, half set on preparing for his return. determined to bring him back. Cas hysterically claims Jack isn’t dead, and Dean just as desperately promises they can fix it still. Sam, although the most reasonable, isn’t much better in that department. He had the books out before Jack was even fully unconscious.
They’re Winchesters after all.
Now, with a glass of whiskey and a living room full of odd smelling spell ingredients and books on top of books on top of more books, Dean thinks maybe it’s not so hopeless.
They make plans to collect ingredients. Sam and Eileen will work on researching how to get an archangel out of the empty, and Cas and Dean will work on holy water from god and their vows.
Jack’s body is in his room, Rowena has placed a spell over it so his grace will fade slower, buying them more time. Dean downs the rest of his glass.
“We should get some sleep,” Sam says, yawning. It’s well into the night by now, but there’s still time for their four hours.
“Right, I’m gonna hit the hay then,” Dean stretches when he stands. “Cas, you should sleep too.”
“I’m going to stay up and work on more research,” He mumbles, not looking up at Dean. His eyes are tired, dark circles more prominent than Dean has ever seen them.
“Cas, you look like you’re gonna fall asleep right here and now, c’mon.”
“Angels don’t sleep,”
Dean looks at Rowena and rolls his eyes at Cas.
“Don’t look at me, he’s your boyfriend,” She shrugs and resumes packing her stuff up. Dean’s smile turns gruff but doesn’t bother with the correction, she turns to Cas then, “Maybe you’re not as much of an angel as you’d like to believe,” She says. She leaves, bringing her stuff to the room she’s been taking over for the past week and a half.
“Fine.” Cas says, allowing Dean to drag him away from the research. Once Dean is sure that Cas is actually going to rest, he goes back to his own bed.
Sleep doesn’t hit him for another hour, and he sleeps restlessly.