Work Text:
Phoenix and Edgeworth closed the car doors. They both hesitated for different reasons.
“Let me guess, you don’t know how to start a car?”
“Nope!” said Phoenix.
“Just put the key in and turn it. You know how pedals and a steering wheel work, right?”
“Of course!”
Then Edgeworth nearly jumped out of his seat. Phoenix had pressed the accelerator as soon as it was mentioned. “Wait! You don’t even know where we’re going!”
“Ok, where?”
“Somewhere and back here. Gumshoe needs his car back. Just turn left or right when I tell you.”
After several good turns and several almost hitting an object turns, Edgeworth decided it was surprisingly easy to explain how to do things to someone. He never had to do it before.
“WRIGHT! did you not see that parked car?”
But Phoenix was too focused on following Edgeworth’s directions. So Wright turned right.
“Why did you just turn right?” Edgeworth said, and Phoenix turned right at the end of that block too. “Ok how will I fix this? Make a left…”
“Fix what?”
“You turned out of nowhere, Wright! Wait, why are you doing it again?”
“Because you just told me to!”
“No I didn’t! Seriously, Wright, maybe I shouldn’t have agreed to teach you— WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
“Making a right like you said?”
“I didn’t say that!”
“but you said…….OHHHHHH.”
Edgeworth sighed. “Keep going straight for now.” So Phoenix went straight, but only in this sense of the word while Miles put his face in his palm and kept it there.
Phoenix broke the silence. “You know, if you want me to not get confused, just call me Phoenix instead of Wright.”
Miles looked like he was just asked to do something absurd and impossible. “Wright, I can’t just— TURN SIGNAL OFF! DON’T TURN!” He sighed. Phoenix’s solution was logically the right thing to do. But he couldn’t force that word out of his mouth.
“Come on! We called each other Phoenix and Miles when we were kids! You even thought the Phoenecians in our history book were the Phoenixes!” Phoenix was surprised he could hold a conversation while driving.
“It feels too informal. Like calling a teacher by their first name.”
“But we’re equals, Miles!” Edgeworth’s first name gave him another jump scare as Phoenix intended. “My college girlfriend used to call me Feenie.” He wished he could see the look of horror on Edgeworth’s face but he had to keep his eyes on the road. “Phoenix doesn’t seem so bad now, right?”
“Ph…..oe…..ni…..x.” Edgeworth said while looking like he just swallowed a large pill without water.
“Great. Now keep doing it.” Miles didn’t want to say yes or no.
“Hey! It’s been a while since you told me to turn,” said Phoenix.
Miles looked around. Eldoon’s noodles? Trés Bien? He never heard of any of those places. “Uhhhhhh…..”
“Are you lost?” Phoenix sounded amused.
“Yes! I’ll just use my GPS…” Miles opened his phone and started to type “Los Angeles court house.” And then stopped. “I think I’m carsick. Your braking is really uneven, Wr— Phoenix.”
“See! That was easy!”
Miles seethed and continued typing. Finally, the robotic voice said “Begin route to work.”
Gumshoe was leaning against the wall outside the courthouse. He ran to his car before Phoenix excitedly opened the drivers door. Gumshoe opened the passenger door for Edgeworth, whose eyes were still spinning.
“So how do you like driving?” said Gumshoe.
“Fun but …. I don’t think I’m that good.” He glanced at Miles.
“OBJECTION! Phoenix just drove in a place none of us have been during rush hour and didn’t get into an accident or get us pulled over. Without ever driving before.”
“Your first name’s Phoenix?” Gumshoe was reminded again just how badly he had lost the first name lottery.
“See, Miles? You just have to put us in a car and shake it up and now you have a first name basis!”
Gumshoe turned to Miles. “Am I still driving you home?”
“Not today, I have paperwork to write.”
Phoenix flicked up his left hand at about turn signal height and turned to his right.