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How long has it been since you’ve been kidnapped? One month? Two months? A year? You don’t know. You wonder if the Fatui are looking for you. Do they even know you’re missing? They should, someone as important to their plans as you shouldn’t, wouldn’t go unnoticed.
Who else is capable of keeping track of the world’s distortions and inconsistencies than an outsider like yourself? No one that’s who. So why has no one come to get you already?
...You feel like you’ve thought this before.
When did you think that though? Yesterday? Last week? The first day you were brought here? You’re not entirely sure.
You’re so tired. Bone tired. Like you’ve gone through your first day of training under Capitano again. Your body aches though you’re pretty sure you haven’t left your place on your bed. Maybe you were sick? That couldn't be 'he' wouldn't let that happen to you.
Your head hurts and your throat feels scratchy. There’s a crash by the laboratory mechanical doors but you ignore it curling further into the soft blanket given to you shivering. The rapid footsteps that echo down the metallic halls are dismissed with your fingers plugging your ears.
The world is so loud. It's almost deafening when there's a shatter of glass and you hold your head tighter. Ignore it. Don't care. Caring means getting hurt again.
Clack. Clack. Clack.
Someone's in your room again. It sets you on edge but you keep your eyes closed hoping, praying that they will leave you be. You're tired of it but you still wish they will ignore you.
But as always the intruder, or intruders it's never consistent, never leave you be. They call out to you in worry and insist that you must leave with them. The voices range from light and airy, deep and somber, young or old, it doesn't matter. This time it's on the deeper side but hard to make out.
You roll towards the wall on your left turning your back to them. They call out again and you press your fingers deeper into your ears reducing their voice to murmurs. You feel a hand on your shoulder and you flinch curling into yourself more.
“Why do you keep showing me this?” You sob barely hearing yourself and their confusion. “I already know how this ends.”
“-...a...u......g....ut? ..s-” You grit your teeth sitting up slowly head swimming as you grip your pillow. You think you hear them say something their voice a blend of achingly familiar and not but you ignore it. This is just another trick and you're so tired of tricks. “I know how this stupid nightmare ends!”
The one behind is stunned into silence by your raised voice. Good. You’re tired of listening to friendly voices repeating the same lines over and over again. With as much strength as you can muster you hurl your pillow at the illusion. “You’re not real and there is no ‘out of here!”
Your pillow is dodged by the illusion wearing the top hat and flies past them before it’s snatched out of the air by the beret wearing one further back.The one with cat-like ears in the back by the broken window glances over concerned. It pisses you off so you grab your blanket and throw it at the illusions too. This time ‘Top Hat’ catches the blanket and makes it disappear with a flick of their wrist it it appears neatly folded beside you. You shiver and cough. "I get it!"
“So just stop it already!” Your eyes dart around the room waiting for the darkness to appear for the one standing in front of you to turn into the man you hate for your world to tilt and the cycle to continue over and over again. "I'm sick of-"
You choke on your words and heave in your next breathes. The illusion attempts to get closer and you slap their hand away hard the pain radiates through your palm. You hate how real everything feels. But this is just some twisted nightmare it's not like pain is permanent. It's not even real. None of it is. "There's not rescue party, no nothing!"
You stand and while your limbs feel like lead you press on to the cart by the broken observation window. The fancy silver tray with it's beautiful porcelain tea set is knocked onto the floor with a sweep of your arms. Your hands fly to cover your ears at the sound of it shattering but your head aches anyways. The figure behind you calls out your name and you hobble past them.
The books by the door are tossed at everything: the walls, the window, at the illusion(where did the other two go?) that dodges and calls your name again their voice crackling in and out of your comprehension. Your hands rip and tear the pages out of some of them crumpling them into balls or shredding them with your aggressive hands.
"They all forgot about me!" When the bookshelf is empty the clothes in the wardrobe are next. It's doors are slammed open and everything is thrown out in bunches and bundles. The alpaca wool sweaters are pulled and stretched until you toss those too frustrated with their resistance.
You hear the illusion murmur behind you as you wreck your room but you don't care as you don't want to hear what script Dottore has for them this time. Your head throbs but you don't stop searching for anything else to take out your fury on. A flicker of red in the corner of your vision startles you and your wrist smacks it without hesitation.
It's like a gunshot the way the clear glass vase shatters on the metal floor water splashing at your bare feet. Petals of the broken white rose float in the mess. You don't think as you reach down to grasp the glass in your hands for something new to destroy though as soon as you do it cuts you.
"No one's coming..." Time seems to slow as your blood drips down from your fingers. The moment your blood lands on those white petals you feel like you've just woken up from a long dream.
Your legs give out underneath you and you land hard on your knees and butt.
Memories of them flood your feverish mind. The days and nights by his side fulfilling your duties. The tea parties and the sweet jam filled cookies. Your training that left you exhausted but brought restful nights. The charm you worked so hard on held in his strong hands. The necklace you no longer have...
You sit there scooping up and staring at the rose petals in your bloody right palm staining them pink.
Even if it hurts you don't stop clutching the debris tighter, tighter and tighter until the petals and your blood are indistinguishable from one another. You reach up to your neck with your left hand and hesitate before tugging at the thin metal collar. It comes off with no resistance and you hold it next to your bloodied hand.
It came off with no resistance.
The 'illusion' steps closer as you eyes well up with tears. You don't know what to feel but you feel the softness of a blanket sit on your shoulders and the smell of tea, spice, and wood.
"What kind of idiot freezes and hurts themselves for a bunch of flowers?"
Your head whips towards the snarky clear voice of the illusion and the sight makes you weep. You call his old name by instinct but he cuts you off.
"That's not my name anymore, this is no nightmare, it's reality." His cool hands take the debris from yours and you don't fight it as he cleans your wounds bandaging them swiftly. "And this is yours."
He pulls from his kimono styled top a necklace you watched disappear days or maybe months ago. The cord tying it together is different much less worn down than you remember it but the beads are the same even if a little chipped here and there. You hold it to your chest curling around it as if you've been given the most precious thing in the world and lean against him.
Wanderer wraps his arms around you shielding you from the world that's hurt you so much since you lost Capitano. Since you've lost him.
You weren't completely safe in their absence but now you will be.
You're not well, it's hard to be with what you've been through, but you will be.
You're loved even if he can no longer walk by your side.
The promises never made may not have been kept as originally intended but you forgive him even if it hurts to say goodbye. You clutch the little hand-sewn doll in your hands as you watch his silhouette disappear. Arlecchino notes your fixation but doesn't usher you into the cabin until Nod Krai's port is no longer visible.
For the first time in what feels like forever you sleep soundly.