Chapter Text
Even after a whole five months had passed, you hadn’t let go of the feeling you’d see Loop again.
You still weren’t sure when and where you’d see them, but you just hoped it would be soon. You’re starting to miss them, you realize? A part of you says that’s greedy and weird and clingy, because you already have five whole people in your life currently! Then the part of you that sounds an awful lot like those five people push those thoughts away and tell you it’s fine to miss someone.
Soon, your gut tells you, soon.
It’s finally the tail end of the rain. You had all arrived in Ka Bue a week ago, and had barely made it inland before a storm kicked up. You had all paid for an extended stay at an inn because of the downpour. Well, Odile said inn wasn’t quite so accurate, it served as a fusion of a library, a place of rest for travelers such as you six, and a spa. Libraries and hot, warm baths seemed to be a Ka Bue staple, and the people tried to express that culture wherever and whenever possible to its visitors. Odile said there wasn’t a single word in Vaugardian that accurately described it, and calling it an “inn” was more than a little insulting to its greater design.
Before Odile had the chance to tell you the Ka Buan name, Bonnie had called it “the Spa-inn-ary”, which got a hardy enough laugh out of her for the name to stick.
Behind you Mirabelle and Nille were having a quiet squabble on whether or not the librarian, who had obviously recognized the famous “Saviors of Vaugarde” hours ago, would work up the courage to speak with you all. Bonnie and Odile were walking around looking for cookbooks written in a script Bonnie could actually read, and you could tell just by her muttered grumblings that Odile was mentally criticizing the spa-inn-ary’s organization. In the chair beside you sits Isabeau, who is quietly listening to you translate a starry book about Wish Craft you’d been lucky enough to find.
“‘You cannot necessarily make two wishes at once, however, you can get more out of a wish by adding conditions to what you want out of it. Part of Wish Craft is the intent of what you desire, and you can curate what you get by being more or less specific. It is encouraged that wishes are made with this in mind, as the Universe tends to interpret things in a way we don’t expect. Even the most simple of wishes using the most simple of methods have the chance of going awry’.” You pause and look at Isabeau with a smirk. “I don’t think giving me power over Time Craft was the best solution to my and Vaugarde’s vague wishes.”
“Probably not….” He has that scrunched expression on his face, the funny one he gets sometimes when he’s thinking. “Do you think this is what happened to you and the King? Someone made a vague wish that went along the lines of ‘I wish for anyone outside our country to not remember anything of this place’, not realizing how that might affect people who have family and friends outside?”
“Don’t think too hard, you might forget what we’re doing right now.” You duck into your cloak’s collar. “During the loops I figured someone wished for it to stop existing at all.”
“If our next ‘hero’s journey’ is to be about finding and potentially saving your old home, then we’ll need to clear our minds of all the worst case scenarios, oh doubtful one.” Odile is behind you! And she’s ruffling your hair!! You let out an embarrassing sound at the touch but don’t stop yourself from leaning into it.
“Why don’t we just make a wish with Frin’s ritual so we can remember their home again?” Bonnie questions, fiddling with a cookbook they’d found.
“Last time I went against my own wish by going through the House alone, the world nearly ended. I don’t want to think about how making a wish that directly opposes another will go.” You shudder when you think back to that visceral, angry color breaking through the sky, leaking into the horizon, staining your larger form….
“Yeah, but gaming the system is always a possibility, right?” Nille says as she and Mirabelle approach your table. “If we find out what the wish was, we could make our own that allows us to get to the island without messing up the world.”
“We could maybe… wish for a way to know what kind of wish would get us there?” Mirabelle proposes.
Isabeau hums to himself, pursing his lips. “We’re probably overthinking this, we might not need a wish at all. We already know where the island is probably supposed to be. What if, say, we took a boat out there and would be able to see it the moment we hit the… sand…. Wait, sorry… what were we talking about?”
“Za thunk too hard.”
“‘Thought’, Boniface, he thought too directly about our goals. We’ll be able to remind you more easily in a few hours Isabeau,” Odile sighs, flipping through her notebook.
“Huh? I’m confused??? Oh wait, I did the Sif thing.”
Hey….
“You did the Siffrin thing, yes,” Mirabelle nods.
Hey! It’s not just a you thing if it happens to everyone???
“That would be preferable, yes, as dabbling in Wish Craft is dangerous. However, we have no way of knowing the specifics of the wish, for example, if part of the deal is to steer people away at whatever cost. I’d rather not have us all die in a wish powered storm.” Odile sits and begins jotting down everyone’s theories and propositions in her book.
“We’ve all said the word ‘wish’ too many times! It’s starting to not sound like a word at all! How do we know one of them is hiding it anyways?” Bonnie huffs, slumping onto the hardwood.
“What else could it be?” you groan.
Mirabelle is tapping her foot with crossed arms and a pinched look on her face. She suddenly darts forward and sits opposite of you, a gleam in her eyes. “I know this is a touchy subject, for everyone! But what about your, er… friend…? The starry one, who helped us find you? Loop!”
It was like someone had just grabbed your throat and squeezed it (again).
“Oh yeah! The shiny person looks like stars all over! I know they turned out to be a real crab who hurt Frin… but maybe they’re super important in the Universe and know all the wishes ever made!” Bonnie shouts, which has Nille shushing them. Bonnie swats at her in return.
“I’d rather not have to resort to going to the person who attempted to…” Isabeau trails off, flashing a look over at you then the present child. He doesn’t continue.
You still haven’t told your family who Loop used to be, it didn’t feel like your secret to tell, (even though it technically was, in a way). They don’t know that Loop wouldn’t have any answers anyway, none that you yourself didn’t have.
Your hand goes to your pocket, you turn Loop’s coin over in your hand. Same as yours.
Some sort of expression must’ve made its way onto your face, because no one is talking. You think they’re looking at each other, but you can’t bring your eye up from the table, the wood grain is just too interesting~! One shade swirled into an open circle. Pretty! Another pattern stretched off but stopped right before the table ended. Neat!
Odile lets out a heavy sigh. It’s her special “you children are being concerning again” sigh.
You hate that sigh now, it’s usually you causing it.
“Siffrin, I don’t care how ‘understandable’ you find what they did to you to be. If we ever see Loop again, I’ll personally see to having… a small chat, before letting you two talk in private.”
That last part was untrue. At least the mental image of Odile angrily strangling Loop is kind of funny.
“Mmmm. I think it’s weird you want to see such a crabbing loser Frin, but you seem to really miss them, so… you should just wish to see them again!” Bonnie says. You stiffen, wish to—
“Last I checked, we agreed to leave any future wishes to anyone but our time traveling rogue.” Odile raises a brow and gives you a teasing look. It snaps you out of it.
“Not true, you don’t let me make any wishes!” Bonnie says, pouting.
“That’s because you are baby, Bonbon,” teases Isabeau. Bonnie proceeds to punch him in the leg, a weak plume of Rock Craft crackling off their fist. Isabeau hisses in pain and Bonnie gets a whispered scolding from you all for using Craft indoors.
Right after Nille leans down and speaks lowly to your table. “Don’t mean to cut this short, but let’s maybe talk about wishing somewhere more private. We’re getting some weird looks and I’m worried about those looks turning into something more… intrigued.”
She’s right, the library was far from empty, and you can see some people who have moved a little closer to you all in the past few minutes, subtly trying to listen in on the strange conversation about a forgotten Craft. You knew Ka Bue had well studied people, but you weren’t sure just how many were fluent in Vaugardian. Looks like more than you thought.
“Ah! You’re right!” Mirabelle, ever nervous of the people’s attention, quickly pulls Bonnie to their feet and begins to drag them towards the inn portion of the spa-inn-ary, gesturing for you all. “Let’s go before they learn about the dangerous art of wish making,” she whispers very, very seriously.
“I think you mean before they ask for your autograph,” Nille snickers, which quickly leads to Mirabelle’s sputtering protests and darkening cheeks. Your heart is just barely in it enough to laugh as you all head back to the large, shared room.
It’s late, and everyone is soaking in the warm spa waters.
It’s a lot of fun. You and Bonnie have spent the entire time sneaking up behind Isabeau to surprise splash him, then trying (and failing) to get away from being grabbed and dunked. Mirabelle and Nille are having some sort of wave-making competition, and from the sound of things it’s getting progressively more heated. Odile sits off to the side well out of the splash range of you five, occasionally making lighthearted jabs at Mirabelle and Nille, as well as cheering on you and Bonnie. She boos at poor, soaked Isabeau whenever he manages to catch one of you.
You’re more tired than you expected you’d be and excuse yourself early. After toweling off your mind still feels fuzzy. Part of it is from the fun you had with your family and the love you feel for them, but there’s something else, something sitting heavy inside your chest.
You write a quick note and leave it on your and Isabeau’s nightstand. You grab your heels, pull your cloak over your pajamas, and leave down the empty halls.
The city you’re staying in for the next few days isn’t as expansive as somewhere like Jouvente, but it’s not called a city for nothing, it’s pretty big. As you step out into the cool, night air, you see a few folks out and about despite the recent deluge.
It smells good after the rain. No sugar.
Right outside the spa-inn-ary is the little artificially made river that cuts through the city. It reminds you of that one river that runs through half of Vaugarde and houses some of the largest cities along its edges, Jouvente being one of them! It’s always made to be the center line in those cities, and it became a huge problem once the curse took hold. Water, for some reason, froze to the curse a lot quicker than solid material, meaning it progressed a lot faster along rivers, then out from them.
All those places froze over pretty quickly once the curse hit the river.
Standing over the bridge of the water here however, you can see the real pride of the folk living here. In the center of the city there is supposedly a gorgeous garden you can’t quite make out from here, but you can see the great, old, towering tree that stands as its centerpiece. You know it as some kind of cedar. The locals have a special name for it, you cant remember what it was, but Odile confirmed to you all that it was the tallest tree in the country.
You know Ka Bue doesn’t have the same Favor Tree superstition as Vaugarde, but that doesn’t make it any less of a Favor Tree in your eyes (eye? That expression doesn’t work for you anymore). It’s so big, it could probably grant a thousand wishes all at once, you think.
“Read your note.” Oh! Isabeau is here, in his sleep clothes like you, though not wearing anything warm to help combat the chill; he’s lightly shivering. “Wanted some air?”
“Yeah, feelin’ a little off.” Your hand is in your pocket, apparently, twirling Loop’s coin around.
You both stand in silence for a while, staring at the tree. Or at least you thought you both were, because when you turn to look at Isabeau you realize he’s staring at you. He wears an expression so fond you might just have to tear your skin off so he can see the disgusting underneath that makes you up, so he knows to run. You turn your head away with a blush instead. You’re not supposed to be thinking those things about yourself anymore.
“Did you know the tallest kind of tree in the world is the readwood?” he says.
“Going to say that in front of it?” You point to the cedar.
“It can’t hear us from here!”
“Oh yeah? Bet that beast’s roots reach across oceans. It hears it all, including you disavowing its grace by barking about bigger, better trees in its presence.”
“HA!” Isabeau nearly falls forward and laughs waaay too loudly for what time it is. Success.
His laugh is your favorite.
…You know the headspace you’re in has significantly improved, and your fondness for him really does tilt in a slightly different direction than the others…. You hope he can be patient for a little longer. You’ll get better, you’ll do better, and then maybe, just maybe….
“Did you come out here because Loop was brought up?” Isabeau asks, serious. You startle a little.
“…Maybe, not sure. I think so?” Your stomach hurts.
“Sif….” Isabeau reaches for you, and makes contact, because he does that now. “Sif, I know you said that we wouldn’t get it without context, and that it was a private thing, but…. Sif they tried to kill you, and almost succeeded!”
He clasps your hands in his, fully encompassing them. He pulls them between you two. Warm.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever been more scared in my life, peeling your cloak off after you collapsed and finding those hand prints.”
He hovered a lot after you woke, but he didn’t show fear, at least you don’t think he did? “You sure you weren’t more scared when I became“ —you clear your throat— “‘Bigfrin…?’”
“Bonbon and their nicknames…” Isabeau huffs with a smile. “There was a healthy mix of fear then, but it was mostly fear for you.” Lies, lies, lies.
Except. They’re not! Because you have to trust your family now.
“I really don’t want to push with you Sif, not at all, but it’s worrying us, a lot. Loop told us they remembered all of the loops. Were they kind to you in that time? Good to you?”
…
“It’s complicated, Isa.”
“That, ha, doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence.”
Loop. They mocked you, and laughed at you, and had knowingly let your whole family…. There were times where their words really, really got to you. Most of the time you had found them annoying, other times it hurt just being in their general vicinity.
But were they ever good to you…?
When they indulged all your meaningless conversational topics? When they touched your leg to remind you that you exist? When they softly giggled at one of your puns and tried very very hard to gaslight you into thinking they didn’t?
“Yes, sometimes,” you finally respond with. “I have a lot to thank them for. If not for them, I would’ve never escaped. They were also there for me, with me. I think I might’ve gone insane without someone there also able to remember and guide me.”
Ha, “think”. You know you would have, if Loop was any indicator.
Isabeau hums. “Alright, I won’t ask again. …At some point though, I want to know, we all do.”
There’s something in that tone, only slight, hidden. After realizing his feelings for you, you could better identify it sporadically around the House.
Is he…?
“Isa…? Isabeau, my pun buddy and friend?” you start. “Are you… jealous?”
“Wha—! Hah—?! Nnnnnoooo…? Not at all! I’m not—!” He’s scrambling. His eyes are blown wide and his face is flushed.
“Hah, ahaha! You totally are!”
He whines and puts his hands up in defense. “I can’t help it! I used to pride myself on knowing you best out of the group! Now there’s this whole other person who may know you just as well!”
You’re pretty sure Odile was the one who got you the best, Isabeau just tended to hone in on the little things with you, made you feel seen.
You stifle your laughter with your hand. Stars, he was feeling jealousy over you towards another you!
Was it gross that him being jealous made your stomach buzz with warmth? Probably.
“Hey, don’t let this be your takeaway!! I still meant what I said, we all want to know.”
“Can’t without them, it’s not my place to reveal their secrets.”
“They said you’ll meet again?”
They all really want to know about you and Loop, huh? You guess it’s the one loose thread, the piece of the puzzle that doesn’t quite fit, because how would anyone ever come to the true conclusion naturally?
“I’m hoping I will.”
You look up at the sky, it’s free from clouds in the wake of the storm. The moon is full and shining, and right next to it is that little dot, a ball of burning fire so far yet still so bright in this planet’s sky. The moon’s friend, you and your parents would call it, though you’re sure they only did so to please little kid you. Its real name was… was….
…
…
…Someone is shaking your shoulder.
“Sif? Sif you’re doing the thing again. Did you remember something?” Isabeau. He’s panicked because you blanked out. You have a feeling you’ve been blanking out more often lately, for some reason.
“S-sssoor— sorrry,” you gargle out.
“No reason to apologize,” he mumbles next to your ear. He sounds sad, you’re not sure why.
You look up. There are dots in the sky. There’s a really bright one next to the moon.
…Not dots, stars, right. They’re important to you, the stars are important to you, you don’t know why but logically you know that they are because you forget things that are important to you, and right now your mind is blank looking at them.
…
…
…!
“I remember something!” You jump in excitement as your memory returns to you, and a previously empty space in your mind fills.
“Oh! Tell me! We’ll have to write it down.” Isabeau is smiling again. He’s holding you against him, which you don’t recall him doing but who cares because you remembered something!!!
“Better yet, I’ll show you! Look up.” He does so, you do the same. “So there’s wishing by putting your wish into something so it has a direction, right? Can be very strong, especially with Favor Trees and hundreds of directionless wishes worth of backup. Very dangerous. Then there’s repeating and believing however many times anywhere and everywhere. Useful in small ways, like for sharpening a knife or carving something perfectly. This one though! This one can really only be done at night and is even weaker than the last method, so it’s super safe, as well as fun!”
Isabeau is nodding along. “Safer, sooooo Odile won’t murder us for trying it out?”
“Hah! Yeah, I think we’re safe to do it ourselves. Pick a star, any star, and wish on it! No repetition required, it’ll either hear you or it won’t. If the star likes the wish or you enough, it might go out of its way to ask the Universe for the power to grant it itself in a small way.” Saying it feels weird, stars don’t feel, you know that, but it also sounds so… right? Saying it. You don’t know, you just know you’re excited.
“How do you do it?”
“You say ‘Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight’, then state your wish. You can’t tell anyone else your wish though! If you do, it won’t come true. Because we’re together right now we’ve both got to say it in our heads.”
“Don’t tell anyone else? That sounds a little goofy, Sif. You sure little kiddie add-ons didn’t sneak in there?” laughs Isabeau.
You don’t know and you don’t care! You gently bat his arms away and stick your tongue out at him.
“No questions or I’ll forget! Make a wish with me!”
You stare up, the bright star next to the moon winks at you, calls to you, it wants your wish.
You know its name, it has a name.
A name.
It has… a name….
…
…It’s your favorite one….
…
You close your eye.
…
******* light, ******* bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight.
Loop, I wish to see Loop again, *******. I miss them, I owe them, I have to repay the favor. I want the Universe to just let us exist together, all of us.
Your eye opens, your mind feels… fuzzy, strangely, but the wish you made isn’t forgotten.
“Done,” Isabeau says. He looks down at you, a big, goofy grin on his face. “Ready to go back inside? Bonbon said they’re going to rate the inn’s dinner menu on a scale of ‘pineapple to ten’.”
“Haaah, I still feel bad I made them hate one of their favorite foods.…”
“Blaming yourself!” He flicks your nose, you let out an irritated whine. “Stop that. We made you tell us about your deaths, and we had to tell them about your allergy since they’re the chef and need to know. They’re a smart kid who figured out the rest.”
“Don’t you mean cooker?”
“Chef cooker!”
You stifle your laughter, Isabeau does not. He begins to turn in the direction of the spa-inn-ary, and you go to follow him, only to stumble as a wave of dizziness overcomes your senses.
Stars, that almost felt like vertigo. An involuntary choking noise leaves you as you sway. You try to walk forward again, almost falling flat on your face in the process. You stumble backwards to reorient yourself, but it just makes your surroundings spin even more.
You find that your head is pounding. Your eye stings, leaking tears.
There is no outside, there’s just your shivering body. You aren’t sure when it got so cold.
You can’t… move.
Why can’t you move?
“Sif?” Isa. You can barely hear him over the sharp ringing in your ears. He’s miles away, underwater.
…Sugar?
You look up…? There’s… something.
It’s bright, and beautiful, and… you… need it…?
(“Sif? Sif, are you crying? Buddy, what’s-?”)
It’s in your hands now, it… hurts to look at but you can’t… look away. Something… bad would happen if you did.
Color, you think. Color would happen.
(“Did a star just… descend??? Into your hands?? Sif, what’s going on?“)
You… remember this scene…. You saw it the first time you woke up in the meadow…
…Oh, you know what to do.
You lift it up.
An actor…
(“What are you—?”)
must follow…
(“Wait that could be dangerous—!”)
the script….
(“SIFFRIN—!”)
You.
Bite.
Down.
And then it’s all gone.
Pain.
You’re in so, so much pain.
It’s like you’re on fire, except you’re not, because it’s blazing from inside you. It’s in your throat and stomach and nerves. It’s inescapable.
You’re burning away. It’s burning away at you.
Sugarcane is in your bloodstream.
And
It
Hurts.
It hurts it hurts it hurts ithurts ithurtsithurts-
ITHURTSITHURTS YOU CAN’T TWIST AWAY FROM THE PAIN BECAUSE THE PAIN IS EVERYTHING! IT HURTS ITHURTSITHURTS—!
I t . . . h u r t s . . .
Y ou f e e l a t ug o n y o ur—
You wake up cradled in the branches of a tree, you groan as you force your heavy eyes to creak open. Your body feels warm and tingly all over and—
Wait, eyes?
You can feel it, an eye that isn’t supposed to be felt, moving around in its socket. You can’t see out of it, but you can feel it in there, shifting. But… you shouldn’t be able to. You lost your eye, it was so badly damaged that it had to be replaced with a prosthetic one. There was only supposed to be a light weight in there, something that only existed to keep your face from deforming in the absence of a familiar shape.
You go to bring your hand up to your face, but stop just short as you see it…. Your skin(?), dark and speckled over with little white dots that blink in and out of the lightlessness.
What is….
You try to move (you have to see it, your body—) and force yourself to stand so you can leap over to a larger, more stable branch instead of the thin twigs holding you up. You nearly fall off as you find you are unable to squeeze your feet into a hold, they’re weirdly stiff, balancing feels awkward.
You look down at yourself, your body is naked, lightless all over except for the winking stars glittering across your body. Your feet have no toes but… are heeled, as in like your footwear. Your chest bears a strikingly familiar shape that glows to the drum of your heartbeat, from there up your body’s shade gets lighter and little sizzles of sparking energy fizz off your arms and torso in random bursts and you—
…You… you look just like….
Oh no, oh no no no no—! What’s—
Okay, okay, you need to breathe!
In and out.
Clearly you’re just having another nightmare, this one you’re just extremely… what’s the Vaugardian word…? Lucid! You’re very lucid in this dream. You’ve never been Loop in your nightmares before, but maybe your mind has finally figured out new and fun ways to scare you awake.
In and out.
It doesn’t matter that you don’t remember falling asleep, there’s no way this can be anything but a dream.
In… and out.
Alright, you can breathe again. Looking around you can’t really see all that much. You’re in a tree, obviously, but you’re too deep in the leafage to gather much else. You start climbing to get a better view. Stars, is it difficult with your feet as they are! There’s a little bend when you wear your heels, like this though? It’s hard to describe, it’s just awkward, and weird, and you hate it. Lingering adrenaline pushes you upward, and your head pops out into the sky and—
Below stands Dormont, nighttime.
But… it can’t be Dormont. There are supposed to be more houses! And less trees! And the vegetable fields are supposed to be smaller and— this is… more like what you’re used to in your nightmares. Stuck in Dormont, again! This time your mind has really gotten what should be memorized details wrong, huh?
You’re relieved, almost. You still don’t like how aware you are, but you suppose that’s better than notbeing aware…? Maybe you can force your nightmare to change into a pleasant dream? About spa baths and wave competitions, preferably.
You breathe in, and out.
If you’re dreaming about Dormont, then that means if you look over at the House—
…It’s there, warped.
Far in the distance stands the cobbled together structure, tall and wide. The cold and cruel signature lightlessness of Time Craft engulfs the thing, making it truly something ugly and awful. It’s almost as it is in your memory. Dormont’s House of Change, made into a timeless palace by the King.
The angle you see it at is familiar.
You know which tree you’re in.
It’s a dream it’s a dream. This. Is. All. A. Dream.
In, in in in—
Too much! You breathe out.
How did one will their dream to change into something nicer? And less real? The air tastes too clear, too crisp.
You shuffle in place, ready to descend, and that’s when you hear it.
There is a distant sound from below. You startle and whirl around to see a bright dot stumbling towards the base of the tree. Curious, you clumsily make your way down the woven branches and stand just above the little nook you and Loop used to theorize, plan, and chat in.
The figure falls to their knees, clutching their face as shaky sobs interlaced with harsh breathing leaves them. They claw at their bangs and, in a frustrated movement, rip the hat off their head so that they can better pull at their darkless hair. They scream, not in agony, but in anguish. You—
You recognize them.
Because it was you, sobbing, screaming, barely able to catch a breath, it was—
You haven’t. Pinched yourself. Yet. To see if you are actually….
You. Lift your hand.
And pinch. Hard.
It hurts.
And the illusion shatters.
…You weren’t specific enough.
Or— hah—! Or perhaps too specific with that whole “repay the favor” part you added. Stars you really should’ve actually blinding listened to that book! Because now you were here, in Dormont again, but not in your Dormont, not in your loops, but in theirs—
“PLEASE!” Loop cries, having finally stopped trying to rip their hair out. “I beg, I PLEAD! Let this be over, get me out of here! Save me! I can’t DO this anymore! Just— please!” —their fists hit the earth, they claw at the grass— “I just need— I need— someone“ —a sob— “ANYONE, to help me!”
You see them look up, as intently focused as they can be while their vision is blurred with tears. You know, you already know that they’re using Wish Craft in their mind, that they’re wishing on a star, that this is the opening scene—
“Someone… someone help me! Someone help me someone help me—!”
You stare, and then look up. Were you too late? Would it be the same? Would the Universe answer as Loop said it did? As your vision said it did?
…But no, no light comes down. Even as Loop hopelessly begs and sobs on the grass, nothing happens.
But… that’s not right? The star has to come down! The Universe answers Loop’s call! How else… why wouldn’t it…?
…They’re still crying… and you’re still just… doing nothing, like the Universe.
…Repay the favor, huh?
You….
“…You should try taking in deeper breaths.” Loop startles, badly. They attempt to rise to their feet only to immediately collapse onto their back. They sit up and scramble away instead, their teary gaze searching, struggling to locate the mystery voice.
You slowly, as to not spook them, shimmy your way down from the canopy, nimbly leaping into the center of your and Loop’s little alcove. The glow your head emits paints the surrounding area in a soft light. You approach, toeless feet silent against the grass. Loop’s breathing quickens, and they shift themself backwards, in their eye you see a mixture of emotions swirling within: fear, disbelief, confusion
desperation.
You come to a stop in front of them and kneel at their level, “…I know it’s how you calm yourself down,” you say as gently as you can.
Loop continues to stare at you, tears streaming down the right side of their face.
You sigh, “I start and you follow? Come on, breathe with me.”
You put a hand over your chest, over the warm, warm star embedded into you, and take a deep breath in, and out, in, and out.
At first it’s uneven and broken, but eventually Loop catches your rhythm, and slowly, very slowly, they begin to follow your breaths. You patiently watch as some of the tension drains from their shoulders.
They wipe at their face with their arm (sleeveless???), and take in one more deep breath before shuffling back onto their knees. Their hands tremble. They raise them toward you, as if they want to check if you were really there, but they stay in place, unsure. You do the work for them and reach forward to gently grab their hands. They flinch hard enough to jostle you and let out a shaking, heaving breath, stiff as a board as you rub your thumbs over the backs of their gloves.
There’s a glorious five or so seconds where you two remain like that, but it doesn’t last. Their eye suddenly widens, and they rip their hands out of yours. They glare at you, suspicion radiating off their form. You’re surprised to find their coiled, heated expression a touch hurtful.
“What are you? Is there something that you want? Are you trapping me here?” Loop eyes you from top to bottom, looking ready to pull their dagger out at the slightest of offenses.
“…I have a name, you could’ve started by asking for that, Siffrin.” Aaah. Saying your own name in reference to someone else feels weird. You weren’t about to start calling them a nickname like they did for you though, if anything that would just worsen their extreme…. Extreme…?
Stars, what did Isabeau call it when you told him sometimes you didn’t feel like you?
“No, I’m not trapping you here, but what I want is related to your time loops.” You can only hope your current heartache doesn’t slip into your voice.
“My…” Loop trails off, they look you up and down again. “Did… I bring you here? Did the Universe actually hear me…? Are you the Universe?”
Ah, this was getting to be too much too quickly. “How about we talk about all of this underneath the Favor Tree?” You smile down at them before rising to your feet. You begin to trot back to your little nook, you don’t turn to see if they’re following, you’re already sure they are.
You sit down in your old spot. “Root’s open,” you say, gesturing to the wooden seat across from you. Loop stands there for a moment, unreadable expression on their exhausted face. They had picked up and put their hat back on, and beneath the shadow of its brim you can see their eye, wide and untrusting, staring unblinking at your bright form.
They look about as bad as you felt on your last loop. Maybe they had a few more flyaway hairs, maybe their eye bags drooped a little further, maybe their manic gaze was a tad more piercing.
So piercing in fact that you can’t take it anymore.
“Struck speechless at the sight of me?” You parrot their own words back at them, though not with as much feigned ego as Loop.
They’re shaken from their stupor, and they sit opposite of you. You can tell by the way their body is shifted that their hand is rested on the dagger beneath their cloak.
For a moment, neither of you say anything as the awkwardness of this strange meeting finally sets in. You can see impatience slowly build in Loop’s shoulders, which is fair, they did say they went through thousands of loops just to beat the King, they’ve earned a little impatience.
You can’t introduce yourself as ‘Siffrin’, think fast.
“You can call me Stardust.” …It only made sense, they gave you that moniker. “I go by he and they, you?”
Their expressions and body language are so much more familiar to you now that there’s less of an act, now that it’s your face and body… no wonder Loop always knew what you were thinking.
You can tell they’re rolling around the name “Stardust” in their mind, considering its implications. You hope they keep considering them, you don’t want them knowing who you are, it— it’d be too much. For you and for them.
They’re silent for a time, and then— “You already know my name, apparently. You can refer to me as he...” they drift off, they’re quiet until they take in a deep breath in and out. “They, just they.” That isn’t surprising. They’ve been here for far longer than you had been, they’ve Changed.
Their face hardens once more. “You didn’t answer my question, are you the Universe? Can you get me out?”
You could just… tell them. Here and now tell them what’s causing the loops so they can break free, and then you can go home, and everything will be fine.
But… would telling them that their wish is the cause to their predicament right away be the best course of action?
For one, there was this… human phenomenon Odile had told you about, where being handed an explanation could result in the outright rejection of it. Sometimes you couldn’t just tell someone why they’re partner left, why their boss fired them, why they’re stuck in a time loop. You had to let people come to the conclusion on their own, make it a realization, a discovery.
Secondly, their wish. You remember people, your family especially, began to feel less real as things stagnated. Loop was you, so you know they’ve clung to the scripts. If their wish was going to come true, they probably needed to have real conversations with the others first. …You would have to get them to the point where they’d willingly tell the others about the loops, and together they could find the solution.
Thirdly, they’re… unstable. Wouldn’t it be good to ease them out of the sameness, the unchanging, before giving them the key to a whole new tomorrow with no more stage directions? No more scripts? There was a familiarity that came with the loops that made you feel like you were floating untethered out at sea once you broke out of them.
That feeling is going to be a lot worse for Loop who hasn’t had any change in, supposedly, years.
…You have to make a decision. Here and now.
“…No, I’m not the Universe, Siffrin. I am here to help you though, to guide you. I’m going to try and navigate you through the time loops and help you break free.”
And just like that, you’ve sealed your fate.
You think you want to cry.
Their shoulders slump as they lose most of their tension, there is still distrust in their shaking eye, but it’s fading.
“Navigate how?” their voice cracks. “They don’t end! And they’re hopeless to navigate! Once I make it too far I’m stuck wherever I end up for what must be months at a time unless I’m able to get us further— whether that’s realistically possible or not!
“The third floor, stars, the third floor!! I can’t leave unless I can figure something out or if— I don’t know, the world breaks? We all get into a big argument or— or one of the others has something bad happen to them, and suddenly I’m back in Dormont! Or if I— I guess, now, if I beat him…”
…That had never happened to you. Of course you’d conveniently loop back once your emotions got the better of you, but you had never gotten stuck where it was impossible to progress. You were always able to end a loop early if you needed something from the previous floor, or had to go back to Dormont, or wanted to loop ahead—
…Ah, was being able to loop around a byproduct of Loop’s presence? You’re not sure how that must’ve worked. Did Loop even know? Why didn’t they mention it when you brought up them keeping track of the different key locations?
Stars, you couldn’t begin to imagine having no control of when you’d be able to go back if you got stuck, and you got stuck a lot. Just because you had a script to follow didn’t mean your terrible memory wouldn’t find a way to mess everything up for you, you forgot what rooms had to be cleared constantly. You imagine it was much the same with Loop.
“Ah, a job for me then!” You ignore Loop’s confused glare as you close your eyes and focus. Now how did Loop do this? It couldn’t be too difficult, it wasn’t like you could explain this in words, it wouldn’t make sense, so—
[You can now loop back to both Dormont and to the different floors of the House. It’s as simple as touching a Tear or slipping on a plantain peel.]
Oh, easy!
Loop flinches but bites their lip to prevent the little squeak of pain you know your body would try producing. “What was—?”
And while you’re at it—
[All Memories from here on out will be kept track of by me, as well as keys and other important items. And I’ll be sure to notify you if you ever get stuck.]
They wince and look up at you with confusion, and another emotion you’re not confident you can identify at the moment.
“Helpful?” you say, letting free a small, dry laugh.
The emotion fades into something bitter.
“Is that it?” they say, their voice dripping with disappointment.
“Of course not!” You’re quick to jump in before they get too upset. “I have more helpful little tricks to teach you, but I still need to figure out how to explain them properly. I’ll also be here at the Favor Tree, available to talk to whenever you feel the need. I don’t know what’s causing the loops yet“ —liar, liar, you manipulative, disgusting liar— “but I’m here to help you figure it out. You can also swing by just to chat, if you want.”
They sit with that, looking back at you, then up and down your figure. They turn their gaze downward, their eye glistens and for a moment you’re worried they’ll start crying again.
“But what’s the point if you’re not going to remember…?”
Stars, they sound so… weak, and broken. Your heart squeezes in its chamber.
“…I’ll remember, Siffrin. I won’t forget.”
That emotion you can’t name flashes by their eye again before fading. “How can you be so sure?”
“You can test that out for yourself if you want. The plantain peel isn’t too far. Do you, uh, remember it?”
They blink at you. “Okay, yeah I do,” they whisper out before standing. “You’re not going to.…” They trail off, looking unsure of themselves.
You’ll probably never be as good at reading them as Loop was at reading you— you had never gotten to the point where you became Loop after all— but you still have a pretty good idea of what they’re thinking.
“I’m not going to disappear the second I’m out of sight, Siffrin. I won’t leave. I’ll be right here, waiting for you.”
You see their singular eye grow watery, the unshed tears shining in the moonlight. They nod at you, a string a breathless mumbles you couldn’t possibly parse leaves their lips, and they march away.
Once they’re out of eyesight, you look up at the sky. The stars greet you. The loops start in the early evening, you absently wonder if that means Loop had snuck out of the clocktower for this. You knew from experience it wasn’t all that hard, everyone except for Odile slept like rocks, Isabeau and Bonnie especially. Hah.
…
You pinch yourself, you feel the pain.
You don’t wake.
The Universe winks down at you with its many, many glittering eyes, it feels taunting.
You begin to laugh.
And laugh, and laugh, and laugh and laugh and LAUGH.
STARS, you really are a moron. This is EXACTLY why no one should be making wishes, especially not YOU, with how amazing the results always end up being~! You didn’t even use a strong ritual, if it could even be called that!! But it didn’t matter~! It didn’t matter that in no world did THAT wish with THAT ritual do something as drastic as THIS.
Because it did, of course~!
Of course this would happen, of course the Universe would interpret your wish like this, of course it would do this to you again, of COURSE it was on a path to generate as much suffering out of you as it could! Out of every Siffrin that ever was!!!
Suffering, Siffrin. Hah, siffering.
…You were stuck, again. Plopped right back into Dormont where your blinding stupid self belonged! All because your broken brain finally remembered something and you made the mistake of getting all excited and happy, and the Universe saw a prime opportunity to punish your existence.
You didn’t want this. You wanted to see them again but not like this! You didn’t want— you didn’t want…!
…No, this was exactly what you wished for.
You asked for this. You asked to see them, to help them, to be there for them. Stop believing that this isn’t the best way to do that, stop pretending that this isn’t your fault, stop blaming the Universe for all your problems, stop acting like this is all about you, stop being so selfish.
Just. Stop. And. Be. The. Guide.
Someone has to take the role, and you are Loop’s only understudy.
…Ah, you remember. Depersonalization! That’s what Isabeau called it when you said you didn’t feel like you.
…Get up Stardust, you have your other half to save.