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All of this… shouldn’t have happened.
It makes no sense. Ichikawa Leno didn’t believe in the Defense Force being an organisation full of heroes, true, but then all these people who he was honoured to call friends proved him wrong. The JAKDF was amazing, its members larger than life and stronger than anything in the world. They showed that in the fight with Kaiju Number Nine, and later in the fights with monsters that came after Nine. No matter how tough the opponent was, the Defense Force was tougher. Stronger and faster. More deadly, and more prepared. The best.
And now… Now they are vanquished.
Their newest enemy is nothing like they ever fought against before. The Trio, as they are called, don’t simply overpower them with their strength. They also don’t lead the weaker, stupider Kaiju. No, they truly and fully cooperate. After Nine humanity understood that Kaiju became more intelligent and will most likely surprise them. But no one expected three Daikaiju with fortitude higher than Nine had to strategise together, and lead humans into a trap in a city they managed to destroy earlier. The Northern Divisions faced so many attacks that they had to focus on one epicentrum of fighting, giving up on the city of Iwate. The civilians were evacuated, their part of JAKDF left it to secure other places. No one suspected that the Kaiju would nest there — and when that was discovered by the divisions from Tohoku, it was decided to send all the strongest combatants there and destroy the threat once and for all.
But the monsters waited for that move exactly.
The Defense Force was slaughtered, or at least injured and lost. The three Daikaiju messed with the weather and the ground, to the extent that made Number Six seem to be a tiny child playing with toys. Snow blizzards, electric storms and earthquakes scattered the forces, the communication was lost, the equipment stopped working. It was a disaster. Leno still can’t wrap his head around what happened.
He only hopes that his friends, his found family, and all the brothers and sisters in arms are not dead, just hiding in the ruins of Iwate, licking wounds and regrouping. He can’t think of any other scenario or he will go insane.
All he knows is that he will come back to the main lair of the Trio and kill at least one of them, even if that is the last thing he will do in his life. This is his purpose as the soldier of the JAKDF, and this is expected of him.
Now, though, he has another pressing issue he has to deal with, the only one that is more important than rescuing the whole of humanity.
Wounded Captain Narumi in his arms.
*
The debris of the city is unnaturally silent, and Leno steps carefully, barely allowing himself to breath deeper. It is enough that Captain Narumi on his back moans in pain when Leno doesn’t manage to walk evenly. Leno curses in his head every time, nervous and lost. He needs to find a good place to hide and dress Narumi’s wounds, and he needs to do it quickly. Judging from how out of it Narumi is, and what sounds he makes, travelling like this is the last thing Narumi needs. Leno clenches his teeth, not wanting to run not to shake Narumi too much, but marching as fast as he can, looking around feverishly. The night is falling, but the Kaiju see well in the darkness, much better than him. His heart beats fast, both from adrenaline and simple fear he can admit in his thoughts.
Finally, he sees a place that certainly used to be a supermarket, and although most of the glass is broken and lying in the parking lot before it, there are still stone walls standing, and it should be relatively safe, not to mention the resources. He doesn’t think he will be able to find anything better, so he clumsily gets inside through the knocked out window, trying not to bend his back at all so as not to shift Narumi’s body. The captain still yelps in pain, and Leno mutters an apology.
He goes further into the shop and finally places Narumi with his back to the wall, as carefully as he can.
“I’m so sorry, sir,” he mumbles, taking Narumi’s state in with watchful eyes. The captain is very pale, but Leno hopes that the suit closed the wounds at least slightly before it overheated and switched off. “Are you comfortable? Please wait here, I will see what we can use from here.”
Obviously, Narumi doesn’t respond, but a laborious exhale tells Leno he is still here, still alive. Everything in Leno wants to freak out. Here he is, the strongest man of the Defense Force, the unmatched ideal, injured so heavily, so weak and in need of help. If he got bashed, then how can they ever win?
But more importantly, this is the man Leno is secretly in love with for months now. A person possessing Leno’s heart without knowing anything about it. Someone who filled Leno’s soul and thoughts, someone so dear and precious — fighting for his life.
Leno wants to freak out, he wants to be scared and lost, he wants to be twenty for a moment and just pray for someone to appear and help him save Captain Narumi. But there is no time for indulging himself, he needs to act and not allow himself to feel. He knows the drill, no one will come to save him. If he wants to make his beloved man get out of all of this alive, it is on him. It is his responsibility.
And when Captain Narumi is fine and safe, Leno will kill the Trio. As revenge and also so Narumi will never have to face them again. This was the worst opponent for the captain, three minds controlling all sorts of neurotransmitters, and although Leno doesn’t fully get how Narumi’s weapon works, the captain got confused for a moment, and it was a moment long enough for the Alpha as they call the strongest of the Trio to shoot at him. Leno immediately cut its antennae with which it did the damage off, but it was too late.
He will hate himself for all of this later, now he trots over the isles of the shop, searching for anything that can be used to help.
Sadly, there are no clothes here, and the tiny meds shelf has nothing anti-inflammatory, nothing more than typical pain killers, but Leno is grateful for these anyway. Paper towels, perfect, and some hand sanitizer, better that than nothing. He hopes Narumi’s wounds are closed enough so no stitches will need to be involved, Leno was never good at sewing. But whatever, he will do anything it takes so Narumi is as healthy and safe as possible, till someone will find them here. Because Leno doesn’t stop believing it even for a second. Captain Ashiro stayed in Tachikawa, she will send reinforcement or rather a rescue party the moment she hears about how the mission went. They will all come back to base, heal, and come back to fight with the Trio. Or maybe nuke the whole place as Captain Igarashi insisted on doing.
For now, though, he is grateful that there is still some food that definitely hasn’t gone bad in these weeks when the fridges and all electricity stopped working. That will be for later, now he needs to use the last rays of sunlight to peel the suit off Captain Narumi and dress his wounds.
Arms full of all the stuff he may find useful, Leno comes back to Narumi, who has moved to the floor and curled into a ball, probably because of pain. Leno’s heart breaks but it is time for action now.
“I’m so sorry, Captain Narumi,” he murmurs, as he arranges the man as gently as he can on the floor, the pose allowing Leno to take off the suit. Thankfully, the mechanics are similar in every of the suits Leno has ever seen, so he unclamps the button at the nape, and the Numbers Weapon becomes removable. Narumi moans here and there as Leno takes the parts off him, as careful as he can be while in hurry. A thought flies through his head that this really isn’t the way he wanted to undress Captain Narumi, these aren’t the moans he ever wanted to hear, and even less to cause. “Just a moment longer.”
Finally, Narumi is lying before him only in his underwear, and although there are plenty of wounds on his body, none of them looks particularly deep or infected, so Leno will take it. Leno has no mind to admire the view, even if some part of his brain stores the image of almost naked Narumi for hopefully better times.
He holds Narumi’s head as he carefully gives the captain water, and gently forces him to swallow two painkillers.
“It will sting a bit,” he whispers to Narumi, as he starts cleaning the wounds with bottled mineral water and sanitizer. “Please, sir, try to be quiet…”
But Narumi is too out of it, so Leno murmurs apologies and covers Narumi’s mouth with his hand, as he cleanses the wounds as well as he can. He can’t think too deeply about any of it, about Narumi’s pain and the fact that he is still mostly unconscious, that Leno causes him so much more pain, even if he tries to help him. He has no idea how long they will have to hide here, he has no idea what will happen. It is all scary and overwhelming, and Leno feels the crushing weight of the world on his shoulders. But it is fine, he can make it work. He must make it work. He learnt how to deal with the world being too much when he was very little, and maybe that is one of the reasons why he did so well in the Defense Force from the very beginning. He was never a visionary to plan many steps ahead, like Captain Narumi, Captain Ashiro, or Vice-Captain Ashiro. Or even Haruichi-kun. No, Leno concentrates on the task at hand as if it was the only thing he needs to do in life before dying, giving it his all. And then — the next one. And the next. Always another task waiting for him, always a duty he needs to fulfil. Just, one at a time. So that he can fully burn himself to ashes doing it the best way he can. And when he thinks it is finally over, he is done and can’t stand up anymore — there is the next point on the agenda, and he gets up and works hard no matter how everything in his mind and body hurts, because this is what he does. This is what he is good for.
And now he has Captain Narumi to take care of. The greatest tasks of all, even if terribly stressful at the same time. It doesn’t matter, he will assure Narumi is fine even if it requires him to slash his own veins and give Narumi his own blood, or his own flesh to keep him alive.
He blesses the packages with socks he found, the scavengers bold enough to steal from houses and shops in the area infested with Kaiju weren’t interested in them apparently, but Leno manages to create makeshift dressings with them, with the help of cute tape with kitties that he tore off from some kids’ magazine about animals.
“You’d appreciate the pink, sir,” he tries to joke, purposely ignoring how his voice wavers. It is already dark, so he wraps Narumi in his Numbers Weapon’s jacket the best he can. “I’m sorry it’s not better. But hopefully tomorrow it will all make more sense. I will prepare a place for you to sleep now, Captain Narumi.”
He already found a place that should be relatively safe, a little storage room at the back of the shop, as far away from the doors and broken windows as possible. It is a small place, not enough for two people, but that is fine, too. He will sit outside guarding the captain anyway. Listening for any strange sounds, he quietly prepares the bedding, with a layer of unfolded cardboard boxes at the floor, and then all the fabric goods he has managed to find. It should be quite comfy, he hopes.
He gets back to Narumi and lifts him up, ignoring his protesting muscles, concentrating on doing it as delicately as possible. Narumi only gasps, which is an improvement, so Leno carries him and arranges in the next he created for the captain, tucking him in his jacket more tightly. If only there were any blankets sold here, or clothes… But no such luck. So not having any better idea, Leno covers Narumi with some spread magazines and newspapers. This is far from perfect, but should keep him warm. The nights are chilly, at least for Leno.
He indulges himself and looks at Narumi’s pale face in the darkness of the storage room, barely seeing long lashes lying peacefully on the smooth cheeks. So beautiful. Leno bites his bottom lip, and brushes the hair off Narumi’s forehead. He wants to kiss the tiny brows badly, but he knows he shouldn’t, that it would be overstepping. It is not his place to do so.
“Call for me if you need anything,” he informs sleeping Narumi, hoping that it is healthy and restful sleep finally. Then Leno crawls out of the closet. More things wait for him.
Not to entice any Kaiju or reveal their hideout, he washes Narumi’s suit. Water is valuable, so he tries to use as little of it as possible, but he is much more generous with washing up liquid. Hopefully Captain Narumi wouldn’t mind. They just need to get rid of the smell of blood.
And once all of it is done, Leno should take care of himself. He won’t be of much use for Captain Narumi if faints or dies here, right? His corpse could even lure more Kaiju here, that would be counterproductive. He needs to take off the suit and check what hurts so much on his left arm and right side. Surely it can’t be that bad if he is walking around, right?
Still, it is a damn unpleasant task, and Leno bites the inside of his cheek not to make a sound so hard that he tastes metallic blood in his mouth.
Six stopped closing wounds when it overheated, but thankfully, Leno has no serious injuries. There are two that don’t look exactly nice, and the pieces of flesh froze to the suit, so he tears them off while undressing — but nothing he can’t survive perfectly fine under these circumstances. He just has to concentrate on his purpose and that is saving Captain Narumi. He needs to be in good shape to assure Narumi is safe, and at this point it is a mantra Leno repeats to himself, over and over. Cleaning the wounds hurts like crazy? He can stand it. It is cold as he sits before the door to the storage room that he pushed half-closed? No problem, he is used to being cold and having no way of warming himself up. Worrying sick and listening to Narumi’s every breath, first stressing if he is breathing at all, then being anxious about how much pain is in every inhale and exhale? This is a tougher one, but Leno chooses to focus on how to help Narumi. Right now it is keeping watch, ready to fight with any Kaiju that can wander here.
It proves to be one of the longest nights in his life, but Leno survived longer ones. And they are both alive when morning comes, so he decides it remains a success.
*
It isn’t even the cloud of pain — what Narumi Gen experiences is a strange limbo, something like conscious sleep, but not as awful as sleep paralysis. He is just… unable to open his eyes and talk. As if his body informs him that it needs to put all energy into healing so sorry, Gen, but no other functions are available right now. It should be terrifying and absolutely miserable but… somehow it is not.
He hears Ichikawa’s voice. He knows he is safe.
*
The next two days are demanding, but thankfully uneventful.
Leno holds his breath whenever there is a rustling sound, but thankfully it is mostly stray cats or mice that suddenly appeared in Iwate the moment the people were gone. It is fascinating how animals operate, their instincts proving superior to people's knowledge in so many ways.
“Think of bird migration, Captain Narumi,” he murmurs to the captain, as he carefully changes the dressings from paper towels and bandages from socks. Narumi is still not responsive, which makes Leno really worried about his brain’s conditions, but he is unable to do anything about it under these circumstances, so he concentrates on how he is able to help the captain. He tends to his wounds, attentively checking if they are clean and nothing starts to fester. Thankfully, the smell is fine, and they look as healthy as wounds can be to his untrained eyes. He helps Narumi drink some water, too scared of him choking to try any food. That must wait. He indulges himself, brushing Narumi’s bangs off his forehead gently. And he talks to him, thinking that someone as active as Narumi, must be bored just sleeping like this for so long. “Birds’ brains are so small and yet they manage to remember the exact routes of their travels, and can find their old nests perfectly well. Imagine how far they travel sometimes, crossing continents, in every weather… At some point they just feel that their home is calling and that it is the right time to go back. When I was a kid, I dreamed about studying it, you know, sir? And later, to be a vet. I even started to study very hard, dreaming about the scholarship and… But life was what it was, so I needed a job that I could start immediately. The Defense Force made sense, for many reasons.”
He tells sleeping Captain Narumi about his past, little stories from his life, even some of his dreams. Things he has never told anyone, and wouldn’t say aloud if Narumi was conscious. The only thing he doesn’t mention is his affection for the captain himself.
He makes himself busy checking on all the goods in the market where they have their hideout, and even gingerly searches through the nearby shops. He would never do such a thing if it wasn’t for Narumi’s well-being. Most doors are closed, and he doesn’t want to risk the noise that breaking into the apartments would cause with his zero knowledge about opening locks without a key. Carrying Narumi remains out of the question, the conditions wouldn’t improve that much and the risk is too high. But in one of the offices robbed of money and objectively valuable possessions, he finds a blanket someone might have used to drape over their shoulders while working long hours in the office. There is a jacket left in another one, and although it is definitely too small for Narumi’s broad shoulders and back, it still serves as a better covering than paper magazines. If only there were some clothes left, because it is too cold to walk in the underwear only, and putting on a suit that doesn’t give him any advantage at this point — is agony.
But he puts Six on, and does his little rounds, never too far from their place, so he has an eye on the shop and Narumi, and will hear any sound of Kaiju approaching. He is careful, he is so careful, even if he sleeps so little his head is dizzy. There is just no good time for sleeping. At night he has to be on watch, and days are not much better. He takes little nervous naps that allow him to stay conscious and alert, and waits for the Defense Force to come for them.
And waits.
*
Finally, something changes, and Gen winces, his eyelids fluttering. They must weigh a ton, but he braces himself and finally opens his eyes.
Fuck, not much better. Still dark.
It might be night, although the darkness is too complete, even for a city without any power. So, One did a number on him again, and his sight went to shit. It happens, so Gen takes a deep breath, trying not to panic. Sure, he never knows for how long the blindness will accompany him, but it never takes more than a few days. He needs to remain calm, not let anything eat him, and use this time to invent a strategy needed to defeat the three fuckers. The Three Fuckers was actually a name Gen proposed in a meeting about the Kaiju but for some reasons it didn’t catch.
He slowly raises on his elbows, hearing the rustling of papers falling off him. He isn’t surprised, and he blesses Ichikawa and his whispered narration, telling him what Ichikawa was doing, and how he worked on Gen’s survival. The man is quiet now, which means he is either away or takes one of his restless naps. They worry Gen, Ichikawa must go through hell of nightmares while sleeping, judging from his constant gasps and little pained moans. They can lure the Kaiju, that is one thing but… Gen doesn’t want Ichikawa to suffer.
Gen might be teasing and rather insular when it comes to relationships with people, but he is not blind, and he is not stupid. Of course he is well aware of Ichikawa’s crush, and he can’t lie — it is flattering as hell to be on the receiving end of the affection of someone so bright and pretty. But Gen never thought it could be that serious, really, just something that would pass quickly.
And yet, it seems that it didn’t even occur to Ichikawa that he could leave Gen here and try to save himself. He tends to the captain with devotion, risking his own health and maybe even life, while at the same time giving an impression of not being aware of the level of his sacrifices. He tells Gen about himself, apologising for the lack of comforts, making sure that he gives Captain Narumi everything that Ichikawa is able to find to improve his state.
Ichikawa is precious. And Gen finds himself seeing it more and more. Well, bad pun because he actually doesn’t see anything, Ichikawa related or not. Also, he really shouldn’t worry about the state of his heart now.
“Ichikawa?” He calls quietly, but there is no response. With a muffled grunt, he sits up and uncovers himself from all the papers and blankets Ichikawa managed to bring to him. He really wants to just go out of the room Ichikawa brought him, and walk around to move his body a little, make the muscles remember what they are made for. But he is well aware how vulnerable he is right now, without sight and with a body weakened by injuries. He hasn’t survived only to be eaten by a menial Kaiju. Ichikawa wouldn’t approve, and suddenly Gen finds himself really caring about what Ichikawa thinks.
He won’t break his heart. He promised himself that somewhere between Ichikawa’s account of his training to be able to fight with Six and a story about little Leno cutting out animals from paper and creating paper food and paper beddings because he wanted to have a pet so badly.
Still, he wants to move a little, and the storage room is ridiculously small, so he tries to crawl out — and while on all four, he walks into something lying on the floor. It takes him a second to realise it is Ichikawa. He must have passed out finally, after being on guard all the time, always tending to Gen, always guarding him. Surprised, Gen realises he really… wants to see him right now. He touches his hair again, it is much softer than it has any right to be. And as Gen never denies himself things he craves, he slides his hand lower, tracing the temple and the cheek with his fingers tips. He wants more. He needs more, and when he follows the shape of Ichikawa’s jaw, leading him to the chin and then to slightly chapped and yet plushy mouth, all Gen can think of is the fact that he needs to defeat all the Kaiju to then devote his life to kissing these lips.
Funny how almost dying makes some realisations so much more clear.
For now, he realises how cold Ichikawa is. He crawls back to his room and palms for the blanket, trying to remain quiet. Ichikawa needs his sleep, he must remain strong to help Gen out of this bullshit — and then Gen will pay him back, doubly. He will make sure that this wonderful creature, so caring and determined, will be taken care of in ways he can’t comprehend now. Gen listened to too many stories not to understand that Ichikawa is not exactly very fond of himself. Treating himself very functionally, yes, but not as someone worth much more than basics. Not because of lack of confidence, but just treating it as a state in which the world operates.
“You’re so silly,” Gen chuckles as he covers Ichikawa with a blanket. If he can judge from the sounds and the body moving under Gen’s hands, Ichikawa curls into a ball even more, seeking for warmth. “Now I can talk to you, but I don't think you can hear me. Sleep, you need it. We will talk tomorrow, plan everything. I’m not letting you come back to these fuckers alone.”
Then he leans forward, searching for Ichikawa’s ear. He needs to help himself with his fingers and lips, to feel it, to find the delicate helix he will bite one day — so that he can whisper into it.
“We will do it together, you hear me, Leno?” He feels himself smiling, despite everything, and against the whole world around them. “Even if the Defense Force doesn’t find us, even if there is no one else alive… We are together. We are in this together.”
Ichikawa murmurs in his sleep, and although he can’t hear Gen’s words, maybe the tone of his voice, maybe the fact that this is Captain Narumi’s voice — makes his breath even out, leaving him free from nightmares.
Good. Together, they will conquer all the nightmares.