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Isi smiled as she stepped off stage, waving at the crowd. Even after almost a decade, she would never get over the rush of a good performance. It was the best feeling in the world, making her feel more alive than anything. Sage followed after her, the others looking over their instruments.
“Hey, Is,” he said, grabbing her hand the moment they were out of sight of the crowd. “Ro’s going to come join us on the next show.”
“I thought she was still busy with June,” she said, frowning as she looked at Sage. The siblings’ grandmother had fallen ill years ago and only seemed to get worse and worse, dementia starting to hit fairly recently, and Ro dutifully looked after her in between taking various gigs to support the band. “And why are you warning me? You seem nervous.”
“Grandma wanted her to take a break, she hired someone for the weekend. And I know how close the two of you used to be, I just wanted you to know. I just… I don’t want anything to happen.”
Isi nodded, lips curled. They used to be close, that was true, but there couldn’t help but be a bit of resentment for Isi, or there probably was. She did take Ro’s dream after all, though it was a mutual decision that someone needed to stay back to take care of June. Isi couldn’t help but be scared though, she didn’t want to lose everything she’s gained. “Thanks for telling me.”
“No problem, Isi. I’m gonna go help Eddy and Autumn.”
“I’ll be back, I just need to grab some water,” Isi said, frowning as she chewed on her bottom lip. She didn’t know what to think of any of this but she’s never been more worried, at least not since she found out Ro was leaving.
“I heard that June is getting really sick,” Isi said, sitting next to Ro on the floor. “Do you want to stop the tour?”
“No, we can’t afford to just quit. We’ve sunk too much money into this shit,” Ro said, curling up a bit on herself. “Who knew being a rockstar was so expensive?” she said dryly. “I… I need to go take care of her though or have someone do it. I don’t know if we can afford a home and it’s not that bad yet. She always took care of me, fuck. It’s the least she deserves.”
“We’ll figure something out, Ro,” she said, squeezing Isi’s hand. “I promise.”
“Thanks, Isi,” she said, smiling a bit weakly. Neither of them believed that this was going to turn out easy but at least they had each other.
Isi tied her hair back as she woke up, cursing to herself. Today was the day she was going to see Ro for the first time since the tour started and she was scared to say the least. She couldn’t let that show though, she had work to do. She went through the day like normal, going through soundcheck and pretending everything was fine. She wasn’t a bad actress but these people knew her far too well.
It was only when Eddy came over to her that she finally let her anxiety show. She melted into his hug and tried to keep her breathing even. She wasn’t going to cry, that would be pathetic, but god, she wanted to.
“Do you think she’s gonna do something?” Isi asked. “You remember the shit she used to pull.”
“That was half a decade ago, Isi. You should have more faith in her,” he said, rubbing her shoulder gently. “And what shit would she pull? She’s just gonna join us for a few songs, it’s not gonna be that big a deal. Maybe the fans will finally stop speculating about her.”
“You’re right,” she said, crossing her arms. She almost hoped Ro did pull something though. She was so fucking guilty.
June smiled at Isi as she came over to her, Isi sitting by her on the couch. After all these years, she was family as much as Sage or Ro were but she still felt a bit uncomfortable, like she expected June to take away her rights to just sit down there. She never felt fully at home with anyone, like she was always trying to fit into the perfect mold and play the perfect role. “My mom made food. I left it on the counter; don’t feel like you have to eat it if you don’t want to. I won’t tell on you,” she said, smiling. The tour had just ended, they cut off the last few shows, but it was a pretty successful thing overall. She shouldn’t be this scared.
Ro sauntered over to them, smiling a little bit. She looked tired but she could have looked worse given how little rest she’d been getting recently. “I’ll eat it if you don’t.”
“What a kind offer,” June said, rolling her eyes. “Your friend here has been doing a great job at taking care of me. Isi, I almost like her more than I like you.”
“You’re so kind,” Ro said, sitting opposite Isi. She smiles at the other woman, something genuine but a bit shaky. “Isi, can we talk later? There’s something kind of big we need to talk about.”
“Is this… the thing?” June asked and Ro nodded. Isi looked at them nervously, brow furrowed. June squeezed Ro’s hand and the two exchanged looks and Isi crossed her arms, wondering what on Earth they could be talking about.
The show goes fine, pretty good by anyone except Isi’s rather perfectionist standards. It’s not their best and it’s certainly not their worst; it just feels like they’re all on edge which of course, makes sense. The real bad stuff comes when they get backstage and Ro joins them. The crowd goes wild when Ro comes on stage and Isi steps back, letting herself play back up guitar in a way that the song doesn’t really need. After the show, the few fans that got VIP tickets coo at her and they go through the behind the scenes thing as quickly as possible before Ro pulls Isi away. Ro crosses her arm, frowning as she squints a bit, almost as if she was trying to stop herself from crying.
“She’s gonna die soon. I… I don’t know how much time she has left, months at most.” Isi held out her hands to try and comfort Ro but she shirked back, swallowing deeply. “I’m fine. Please don’t, Isi. Just don’t. But I want to rejoin. I have nothing else going for me, everyone else already knows besides you. I just wanted to tell you one on one. I know that you don’t want to give up the lead but I think maybe we could share. I’ll be back-up vocals or some shit and sing on some of the older songs. You can keep all the ones you and Sage wrote.”
“Okay,” Isi said, feeling something bubble in her chest. She hated just how much she hated Ro for this and she hated that she couldn’t say anything about it. She didn’t want to offend Sage but she knew that Ro was out to get her in some way or another. She was terrified of what Ro would try to do and she was terrified of how she would respond.
She missed Ro of course but she was more focused on whatever Ro was trying to do.
Ro watches Isi as she bleaches her hair, frowning from the bathroom floor. “What did you want to talk about?” Isi asked, frowning as she turned towards Ro.
“I’m leaving. Sage already knows. And I want you to take my spot,” she said, frowning. “You can sing all the songs pretty much and I just… I need to take care of grandma. I… I don’t want to talk about it but she’s not doing that well.”
“You’re serious,” Isi said, looking at Ro with a frown. “You’re fucking joking. You can’t leave.”
“Yeah, I am. I don’t want VelCrow to die just because of this,” he said, frowning. “Will you do it? Please, Isi. I don’t want all of you to get fucked over just because of this.”
“Yeah,” Isi said, hesitating. “I’ll do it.” She hated everything about it and she hated herself for saying it. “You’re still going to be involved, right? I don’t want you to give up on your dreams.”
“I’ll still be involved,” Ro said, smiling. “I’ll help you write if you want. I do really think that you could be a great lyricist, Isi.”
“You’re way too nice to me,” Isi said, trying to smile. The rest of the conversation went fine but both of them were awkward. When they were done, Isi hugged Ro and tried to pretend that she wasn’t five minutes away from crying. She couldn’t leave, Isi thought. She couldn’t imagine a version of Velvet Crowbar without Ro. She was the group’s soul and Isi could never be half as good as she was.
Isi curled up tightly in her bed, struggling not to cry. She didn’t want to leave Velvet Crowbar and she knew she wouldn’t have to but it felt like an ending. She didn’t want to give up anything and she didn’t want to fight with Ro.
She couldn’t let this happen, she knew. Velvet Crowbar was finally getting somewhere and she didn’t want anything to change. She knew it was selfish but she didn’t care. She knew that Ro had enough talent to do nearly anything in music so why did she have to shove Isi away from the one thing she’d found herself in?
Isi had never been as talented as Ro was and there was no way that the fans wouldn’t want Ro to come back. Autumn couldn’t leave because of this so of course, Isi was the one who would have to leave. She’d have to return back to her sad life beforehand except this time, she was nearing thirty and didn’t have any sort of work experience besides being a musician. She couldn’t start up from the ground again but she knew that she needed to do something. Ro could do anything while all Isi had was this.
“You’re my best friend,” Isi said, half drunk as she spoke. It was Ro’s last show, her last hurrah, and Isi couldn’t help but imagine what would happen without Ro. She couldn’t stop thinking about it. She hated everything about this situation and she already missed her best friend. “I’m gonna miss you like, so fucking much.”
“You’re acting like I’m dying. I’m just leaving the damn band,” Ro said, giggling a bit. She was a bit of a giggly drunk, at least around Isi. With other people, she was just a flirty drunk it seemed but Isi wasn’t worth that. She didn’t mind that though, she was just happy to have her as her best friend. “You’re gonna see me all the time. I’m still gonna be there all the time, just over the phone instead. I’ll call you as much as you let me, okay?”
“I won’t leave you alone for like, a single minute then.” Isi nodded, burying her face in the crook of Ro’s neck. “Don’t ever leave me.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
Ro was blowing up on VelCrow social media, making her first Instagram post in what must be years. All it was was a photo of the group with the caption ‘missed me?’. At any other point, it would make Isi smile but she couldn’t stop thinking about the what if’s, especially, what would happen if the fans like Ro more.
She couldn’t deal with this.
One day, Isi stopped calling Ro every day and it turned to every other day. Soon enough, it became less and less to the point where they would just text each other occasionally. They would hang out in a group with the rest of VelCrow but Isi didn’t even talk to her one on one. She didn’t know when it started but she did know that one day, she even ceased to miss Ro, or at least it stopped hurting. Instead, it just became another thing, another part of life.
Ro used to be her best friend and now she just wasn’t and apparently, that was okay.
It was two weeks later when Ro sat down Isi and said, “I rethought some things. Rehearsal’s just been kinda weird, you’ve seen it. I just… I don’t think I fit anymore.”
“Of course you fit, Ro,” Isi said, though that was obviously not the case. Rehearsal had been awkward and stilted, as if Ro didn’t know how to deal with that. “But… What have you rethought?”
“I wanna be a solo artist,” she said, sighing. “I know you don’t want me to really join again and… maybe I could be your opener for your next tour.”
“You’re… I think that’s a good idea. And you know we’ll support you no matter what,” she said and held out her hand towards Ro. “I want to be your friend again. I… Now that you’re not going to take this from me, not that I ever thought you ever were-”
“Sure,” Ro said, smiling. “But yeah, I want to be friends with you again. I’ve missed you.”
Isi smiled at her and held out her hand. “Thank you, Ro.”