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‘Right,’ Joker said imperiously. ‘I hope you all know you’re being initiated into a time-honoured human tradition.’
‘We actually have something very similar-’
‘Tali, shush. This is a big moment. You’re being culturally insensitive.’
Shepard snorted. ‘Alright, settle down. Joker, want to go first since you’re clearly taking this very seriously?’
‘It would be the greatest honour of my young life.’ Joker raised his glass and inhaled for a beat before speaking. ‘Never have I ever…killed a Collector.’
Groans sounded around the mess table as everyone took a sip.
‘Really?’ Garrus said, ‘Cheap shot.’
Jack shrugged. ‘I’m not complaining, I get to drink.’
‘Hold on.’
Eyes turned to Shepard, who was pinning Joker down with a stare over the rim of her glass. ‘Did you forget that little stunt you pulled at the base? Drink up, cowboy.’
‘Shit.’ Joker drank. It was bad, bottom-shelf stuff that burned his throat on the way down. He coughed, and Shepard threw him a triumphant grin. ‘Next?’
Jack leaned back in her chair. ‘Never have I ever died and come back to life.’
‘Oh, come on.’ Shepard drank. ‘Not fair.’
Zaeed spoke up. ‘Never have I ever had a prothean beacon in my goddamn brain.’
‘This is starting to feel targeted.’ Shepard took another swig and coughed. ‘This stuff is disgusting.’
Garrus rested his forearms on the table. ‘Never have I ever driven the Mako off a cliff.’
‘That was one time.’
‘I would argue that’s one too many,’ Joker piped up.
‘Are we done victimising me?’ Shepard said. ‘Miranda, please, I beg you.’
Miranda drew her eyes upwards for a second, twirling her glass in one hand. ‘Fine. Never have I ever…had a one-night stand.’
Most people drank. Most being the operative word. Eyes moved from Joker, who had just taken a swig, to Shepard, who hadn’t.
‘Huh,’ Jacob said. ‘Not the way around I expected.’
Joker huffed. ‘I’m not a fucking monk, Taylor. I can have sex, I just have to be careful.’ He took another sip from his glass for good measure. ‘And creative.’
Shepard coughed, and attention turned to her. Her face was quickly turning bright red. Jack grinned. ‘Speaking of monks.’
She hid her face in her hands, her response muffled. ‘I’m just not the most experienced, okay?’
Garrus made a face that looked like the Turian equivalent of a raised eyebrow. ‘Didn’t you and Alenko…’
‘Oh for fuck’s sake.’ Shepard’s hands moved to push hair off her face. ‘We did, and he might have been my first. Not a big deal. Can we please drop it now?’
‘Dropped,’ Garrus said, at the same time as Jack said, ‘Never.’
‘Grunt didn’t drink either.’
‘He was quite literally born yesterday.’
Playful bickering was interrupted by the telltale hiss of the intercom. ‘Commander?’ Kelly’s voice sounded. ‘You have an urgent message from Admiral Hackett.’
‘No rest for the wicked.’ Shepard stood up. ‘Don’t get too drunk without me.’
‘No promises,’ Joker shot back. ‘Let me know if I need to sober up and, you know…fly this ship.’
Shepard gave him a lazy salute and a crooked smile before disappearing around the corner. The uneasy tightness in his chest lingered long after she was gone.