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He can’t find anything appropriate to wear. Sure, he has some good clothes for the summer weather, and it is going to be hot outside, but he knows most of his friends will have much more fitting clothing. Some more literally fitting. He can already see Jimin’s outfit, they’re probably going to be wearing a thin, flowy skirt and a form-fitting t-shirt, their long hair tied in a ponytail. Taehyung is probably preparing a flamboyant outfit of his own
He looks at his closet of mostly black. There is something funny about wearing all-black to an event where everything will be made of bright rainbows. He decides to put on a plain, black t-shirt and blue jeans. He grabs a black cap from his dresser and twirls it around his finger as he moves around. He steps into the bathroom to take a good look at his appearance one last time before heading out. He plays with his black hair, getting longer and almost reaching the length of a bob cut. He should get it cut, maybe it’ll look better in more of a mullet style. In the meantime, he’ll just push it all back and put the cap on.
He gets in the car and puts on the playlist that Stacia sent them to look over before the parade, to take notes of any song that they should take off or add. Even though the parade they marched in has long passed, he’s still listening to the playlist. They agreed to meet up early and all ride the train to Santa Fe, he’s never ridden the train here before, he’s never even been to the city they’re going to, but he was given the job of working their booth for the event, with Jimin and Taehyung, who say they’re bringing Seokjin with them.
When he arrives at the Los Ranchos station, which is where they agreed to meet, he notices how many others are clearly dressed for pride. Some have their flags as capes, others have hand-held flags, and others have pins or general rainbow attire. And here he is, showing up wearing all black. The others shouldn’t blame him, he’s only lived here for a year now, and he’s never questioned anything about himself before being forced to work for the center.
Speaking of, he spots two of his coworkers and their boyfriend waiting at one of the benches. Jimin is the first to notice him and waves him down. They look more appropriately dressed, both in terms of style and weather. They’re wearing a loose, white shirt with a few pink and blue flowers sparingly printed on it, and blue jean-shorts that look ripped beyond repair. Though, funny enough, just like Jungkook, they’re also wearing black combat boots. They turn around to face their boyfriends and show that the open back of the shirt is tied together with multiple thin strings, putting the moon cycle tattoo on their back on display.
Taehyung is wearing a knitted keyhole sweater, Jungkook recognizes the stripes to be the colors of the asexual flag, along with a long, camo-print skirt. He also waves at Jungkook, a closed-mouth smile on his face.
Seokjin… is a mess.
He’s wearing hot pink booty shorts with knee-high rainbow socks, rainbow sunglasses with sequin feathers on the hinges, far too many bracelets, and a white t-shirt. Jungkook can barely make out the design on it, but as he steps closer, he can see that the shirt has a picture of Bert and Ernie underneath a rainbow, text above them reading “BE GAY DO CRIME”.
“Kookie!” Jimin screams. The moment Jungkook steps close enough, they pull him into a tight hug.
“Someone’s been listening to Laura Jane Grace, huh?” Seokjin jokes. Jungkook doesn’t know what exactly he’s joking about, though. After realizing why he’s blankly staring at him, Seokjin hums the melody of a song Jungkook is unfamiliar with, “Wearing black to the pride parade…”
“ACAB but the gays are OK!” Taehyung finishes the lyric, supposedly, that’s what Jungkook assumes anyway.
“Josué was insistent on putting that song on the playlist, now these two are obsessed with it.” Jimin explains.
“It’s funny!” Seokjin says in a jokingly defensive tone. He turns to Jungkook again, “Is it really such a bright idea to wear black in the blazing sun for the next…” he checks his wrist, which does not have a watch, but instead holds a two rainbow bracelets, a bracelet with the ace flag colors, and a bracelet with the aro flag colors, “six hours?”
“Do you really not have anything colorful in your closet?” Taehyung asks.
Jungkook shakes his head, “I guess I never truly left my teenage emo phase behind.”
“I’m sure we’ll find you something to spice up this look.” Jimin says, taking Jungkook’s arm and lifting it, examining him with exaggerated humming sounds, mimicking a fashion designer’s analysis of a model wearing their clothing. “Then, maybe, next year, you can march in our parade with us.”
“I didn’t really feel like I belonged with you guys there…” Jungkook says with a cringed smile.
“Allies are welcomed to the parade.” Jimin says, a frown growing on their face.
“I mean specifically with the float.” Jungkook says, “I’m not trans, so…”
“Neither are they,” Jimin points at Taehyung and Seokjin, “but they still walk with us.”
Jungkook sighs, “Alright… I’m… I’ll try my best to join in next year.” he says, “Maybe by then, I’ll have a better idea of what I actually am too.”
“There’s no rush to figure it out.” Jimin says, bringing their hand to Jungkook’s shoulder and providing a gentle pat.
“The train is coming!” a young child near the end of the platform screams.
Everyone picks their head up to see the dark red front of the train making its way to the stop. Jungkook gets a look at the side of the train as it comes to a stop, the red of the front continued on the sides, but tapering down to form the shape of a roadrunner’s feathers. Now he knows why it’s called the ‘rail runner,’ with what is basically the state’s mascot on the side.
“First floor, second floor, or third floor?” Jimin asks the group, picking up one of the boxes that has their supplies for their booth.
“First floor.” Seokjin and Taehyung say in unison. Seokjin takes another box and Taehyung throws one of their bags over his shoulder.
“Third floor.” Jungkook says, at the same time as Seokjin and Taehyung.
“Second floor it is.” Jimin says, quite literally meeting in the middle.
“I’m okay with that.” Seokjin says, “As long as we’re in there fast enough to get it.”
Jungkook picks up the last, large box and their last bag as he boards the train with the others. The four of them step onto the train and up the staircase by the door, where they find eight empty chairs on one side, and twelve on the other, but that side has six of the seats taken, seemingly by one family. Jimin jumps into a seat on the other side, the one right in front of the staircase to the first floor and with a table. They set a lot of their items on the table, but Jungkook lifts the rest onto the carry-on shelf above them.
Jimin is already rummaging through one of their bags, pulling out a plastic, zip-lock bag of pins. They pour them out in front of the table and hum as they sift through them. Eventually, they slide an ‘Ally’ pin to Jungkook.
“I wouldn’t want to--”
“Take it.” Jimin insists, “You’re one of the few people who work at the center who actually can wear that, so you might as well.”
Jungkook takes the pin and clips it to his shirt, “But what if I’m not just an ally? What if I figure myself out and I’m some sort of hyperspecific microlabel that only three people on Tumblr have ever heard of?”
“Then you return the pin and pray to God that there’s another one with that hyperspecific flag you can replace it with.” Jimin answers in a serious tone, but the smile on their face doesn’t match their delivery.
“I’m so close to finalizing my idea to fix issues like that!” Taehyung excitedly shares, “Once we get our new button-maker, I’m gonna have people put in requests and I can make them personalized buttons with their flags they can’t find anywhere else!”
Seokjin gasps in surprise, “Could you make me one?” he leans forward, hands gripping onto the edge of the table, “I can’t find anything with the aegoromantic flag!” He lifts his wrist with the aro flag bracelet, “This is the best I could do, and even then, it’s easily mistaken for the aro flag. Which, y’know, I’m okay with that broad label as well, but I’d just like to have something to show people that my experience is a little more specific.”
“Oh… I thought that was just the aro flag, too…” Jungkook says.
Seokjin sighs and leans back into his chair, “Yeah… they’re the same colors, the aego flag just has a triangle in the middle where the stripes are flipped, can’t exactly recreate that effect with bracelets.” he says.
“Maybe I can have a pin with just a big question mark on it.” Jungkook jokes.
“There is a questioning flag.” Jimin says.
“I don’t think I want a flag, that feels a little too… official, I guess.” Jungkook responds, “I’m still, like, 78% sure that I’m cishet.”
“But there is that…” Taehyung pauses.
“22.”
“... 22% that isn’t sure.” Taehyung continues after Jimin’s quick math helps him out.
“Yeah…” Jungkook says, “To think, if I never crashed my car, I might still be 100% sure.” he laughs it off, even though it’s not a humorous situation at all.
The table is silent in response. No one is quite sure what to say to follow up what Jungkook just joked about. So, Jungkook resigns himself to stare out the window next to him, watching the city he’s grown accustomed to slide past, until most of the outside is dirt, trees and the occasional farm house. Eventually, the houses vanish completely from sight.
The train reaches its last stop in Santa Fe, and the group of four gather their things again to step off.
After a few minutes of walking, Seokjin says, “Maybe the train wasn’t the best idea. If we drove, we could’ve parked closer.”
“But the train is fun!” Jimin whines.
“I don’t mind the exercise.” Jungkook says, “I’ve gotta get in shape anyway.”
“You’re already in really good shape.” Taehyung says, “Your muscles could easily crush any one of us. Well, except maybe Jin.” he points to the tall, broad-shouldered man behind them, who is still making whining noises at having to carry their supplies.
They reach the plaza and find the area where they’re supposed to set up, down the street the parade will be going down. Jungkook and Jimin take care of the table, unfolding the table itself and the legs to set it up. Taehyung and Seokjin get started on putting up the tent for their shade. When Jungkook and Jimin set the legs of the table down on the grass in the plaza where tons of other booths are getting set up, they help with the remaining two legs of the tent.
Jimin and Jungkook are the ones who take over on organizing their table, taking out their personalized cards with their information on them and setting them up by where they will be sitting behind the table, so that they’re in easy reach to hand out to people who need them, along with larger cards with general information and pamphlets. While Jungkook works on setting up the side of the table they’re putting the more serious stuff on, Jimin organizes the stickers, pins and hand-held flags on the other side.
Jimin takes one of the hand-held bi flags and sticks it in their semi-braided half-up-half-down ponytail. When they’re done setting up, they dig into their personal bag and pull out a large genderfluid flag. They tie it around their neck to wear it like a cape, then stand patiently by the table, ready to act whenever someone needs their attention.
Taehyung and Seokjin sit down on the lawn chairs they set up behind the table, exaggeratingly taking deep breaths to show their exhaustion. Jungkook stays standing beside them.
After a few more minutes of quiet, with the event officially starting and all the tables set up, Jimin turns to the others. “I’m actually gonna go take a look around at the other booths, I wanna see everything while I’m here.” they say.
“We’ll be here.” Seokjin says.
“I wanna go with you!” Taehyung stands up, “Kook, feel free to take this seat!” he waves. He and Jimin intertwine their hands and walk off together, nearly skipping away.
Jungkook sits down next to Seokjin. The two sit in an awkward silence. He still isn’t sure what Seokjin thinks of him, they only met for the first time a few months ago, at a company party.
Seokjin reaches forward to take a hand-held flag for himself, one with black, grey, white and purple.
“I should get one of those big flags that Jimin has one day.” he says as he plays with the fabric at the end of the hollow, plastic stick, “But I fear that Taehyung will consistently fight me for it. We’d have to sign a contract for dual-custody of the flag.” he laughs.
“How do you manage your relationship?” Jungkook asks. Seokjin looks at him with a very slight frown. “I mean, you and Tae are both ace, but Jimin is not. How do they… y’know…?”
“That’s where our fourth comes in.” Seokjin answers.
“There’s a fourth?” Jungkook shouts in surprise, sitting up straight.
Seokjin laughs at his response and playfully slaps his knee, “Yeah, Hoseok! I don’t think you’ve met him yet… he’s been trapped in LA for work these past few months.”
“Then I probably haven’t.” Jungkook says, “Though I’ve heard Jimin and Taehyung mention him sometimes. I didn’t know he was another boyfriend of yours.”
“Oh, no, I’m not their boyfriend.” Seokjin says, “Our relationship is complicated. Unless you wanna hear a whole spiel about polyamory and queerplatonic relationships, I’m just gonna leave it at that.”
Jungkook leans back in his chair, “I guess I wouldn’t mind an explanation… I’m sorry, Jimin and Taehyung never informed me that you weren’t dating, they kinda made it seem like all three of you were romantic partners…”
“Jiminie is my life partner. I like coming home to them every day, lying in bed, cuddling, and I want to spend the rest of my life with them. But kissing, sex… those things just don’t appeal to me. We’re emotionally intimate on a very deep, personal level, just not really in a romantic or sexual way. I feel a very similar way about Taehyung, though I guess I’m more comfortable doing more romantic acts with him because I know he doesn’t intend for those acts to lead to sex either. Hoseok and I aren’t dating at all, but we’re good friends. I like that he makes Jimin and Taehyung happy in ways I can’t provide, and he respects my closeness to them.” Seokjin explains.
Jungkook nods, “That actually kinda makes sense… It probably would’ve really confused me a few months ago, but now, I think I’m starting to understand this stuff a little better than I used to.” he lets out a quiet chuckle, “You guys make polyamory sound convenient.” he pauses, “N-Not in a bad way or anything, just… you make it sound easy. Like, in an ‘of course if one partner is lacking, the obvious solution is to add someone who can make up for it’ kind of way.” he verbally stumbles to explain before Seokjin thinks he’s insulting his personal life.
Seokjin laughs, but there’s a sad and melancholic air to it, “It’s easy when you mesh so well together, I guess it’s that way with any relationship. Not to mention Hoseok’s long-distance LA boyfriend he works with, I still haven’t met him.” he laughs.
“There’s a fifth?” Jungkook sits up in shock again.
“Not really, because he’s not involved with the rest of us at all.” Seokjin explains, “I keep telling Hobi to introduce him to us some day, but he’s always too busy. That’s just what you sign up for when you date a full-time dancer.”
“Wow… is Hoseok a dancer too?” Jungkook asks.
“No, but he does work study as a costume designer for an LA-based dance agency, which is where Rico works.” Seokjin answers. “Now, if you don’t mind me, I’m actually going to find us some water. You can handle this on your own in the meantime, right?”
Jungkook nods and salutes, “Thanks in advance for the water.”
Seokjin playfully salutes back, then starts jogging away.
Jungkook watches him turn the corner, but his attention is brought away when someone approaches the table. A tall man with a buzzcut steps towards him. Even though he’s wearing sunglasses so dark that his eyes are completely obscured, he is obviously scanning their table. He’s wearing a black t-shirt with text reading “Why not both?” in the colors of the bi flag.
“Transgender Alliance of New Mexico?” He reads the words on the banner behind him, “I didn’t know we had something like that here.” he continues with a dimpled smile. Jungkook is too busy staring at the man’s toned legs to notice that he’s being spoken to. It takes him a while to realize and respond.
“Y-Yeah,” Jungkook leans over the table, gesturing to the many cards on his side, “here is all of our information. We provide a lot of resources, so we don’t have any general speech about ourselves, we’ll just answer any questions you got.”
The man takes one of the cards with information about getting involved, “Are you only in Albuquerque?” he asks.
“Unfortunately, that is our only location at the moment.” Jungkook answers, “But we have online resources that anyone can access, like online forums and such.”
As he scans the back of the card, his eyebrows perk up enough to be visible. “How do I hire you to hold a lecture at my workplace?” he asks, “My job is transferring us to Albuquerque soon, but after we have our new location set up, I think it could do us some good to have a seminar about this stuff.”
Jungkook picks up Ela’s personal card from the row directly in front of him, “This is Ela’s information, she’s the one who holds those classes.”
The man takes the card from Jungkook’s hand, “Thank you!” he says and bows his head slightly, “Keep up the good work, we really need people like you right now…” his smile turns a little somber.
“Yeah…” Jungkook’s face falters as well, “I’ve only been volunteering here for a few months, but the amount of work I’ve already had to do is… tiring. I’m just grateful I haven’t had to deal with some of our more difficult cases yet…”
The man nods in understanding, “You look really young, you shouldn’t have that much stress put on you.”
“I’m 18.” Jungkook shares.
“Wow, you’re just a baby.” The man’s mouth is open in shock, then he freezes and turns his head away, “I’m only 21, I shouldn’t feel like I’m old enough to say things like that.” he takes a few more cards from the table and slides them into the bag on his shoulders, “Well, still, good luck, I hope to help out when I’m finished moving.” he says, waving goodbye.
Jimin and Taehyung return with hands full of other items from the other booths. Jimin squats next to Jungkook’s chair and takes a sticker from their hand, one with a rainbow heart. They peel the back off of it, steal Jungkook’s cap from on top of his head, and slap the sticker onto the front of it. They put the cap back on his head, teasingly pulling the brim too far down and almost covering his entire face.
“There, now at least you have something.” Jimin says.
Jungkook readjusts his cap so that his vision is no longer completely blocked. He greets Jimin’s face with a playful glare and pout, Jimin simply laughs at him.
“Did you have anyone come by while we were gone?” Jimin asks.
“A few.” Jungkook answers.
“Kook did most of the talking.” Seokjin says, “But my good looks brought people over.” He laughs at his own joke.
“The parade should be starting in about five minutes.” Taehyung says, checking his phone.
Jimin drum rolls on the table, “Ooh! I’ve never actually seen the Santa Fe parade before! This is exciting!”
“I’ve never been to a pride parade, period.” Jungkook says, standing up from his chair and walking to be in front of their booth.
They hear the announcer from the stage in the plaza, but they can’t quite make out what they’re saying due to their distance from the speakers.
The Santa Fe police department walk by first, Jimin, Taehyung and Seokjin are completely silent, though Jimin is offering some polite claps for them. Jungkook, on the other hand, gasps as they guide two donkeys past. Taehyung’s mouth drops at the sight of them as well.
Jungkook watches as color floats go past, throwing out stickers, beaded necklaces, and candy. A few political candidates walk by first, some local businesses as well. There isn’t anything he recognizes, besides some of the flags that go by. He does, however, scream at a certain sign that marches past, one with a familiar skeleton mascot.
He points and hits Jimin, shouting gibberish to get the others at the table to also acknowledge the sign. The person has a wide, open smile, laughing along with his shouting. They turn the sign to completely face them so that Jungkook can take a picture of it. A white sign with a full-body skeleton drawing, the skeleton wearing a marching band uniform, and the text reading “Welcome to the Pride Parade” in rainbow marker.
There is also a school bus that goes by, one of the kids poking their head out of the window and baiting the crowd to scream louder.
There are two floats with more outwardly political signs, particularly signs reading “No Pride in Genocide” and anti-capitalism slogans. But other than that, the rest of the parade seems to be playing it safe. Jungkook has heard stories of leather bars having floats where the people riding are in full gear, along with topless women riding on bikes. He doesn’t even see a single float with the Pink Triangle symbol he’s seen on the walls of the Alliance’s building.
With many back-and-forth “Happy Pride”s, Jungkook feels exhausted. He slumps back into the chair behind the table and sighs.
“Well, my social battery has been drained…” Jungkook says.
“I feel you.” Seokjin says.
“Come on, Kook, don’t you wanna go look around?” Jimin asks, “See what the other tables have.”
“You just went around the plaza and you got me some stuff, I don’t need to look for myself.” Jungkook argues. Jimin pouts, but doesn’t counterargue.
“I’m going to go get us a trash bag!” Taehyung announces, “I’ll be right back!”
As he runs off, Jungkook gets started on picking up all of their pins and putting them back into the zip-lock bag. However, Seokjin’s humming sound interrupts their clean up. Jungkook turns around to see a young man speed-walking towards them. He keeps his eyes to the ground, his shoulders are tensed up enough that they’re noticeable underneath the pansexual flag draped around them, arms tightly bound to his side. His hands are in the pockets of his black shorts.
When he gets closer, Jungkook can see the redness in his eyes and the pink flush on his nose. He rushes to be behind the table, Jimin stands up from the chair.
“I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he mumbles when he reaches the table, “I-I know I saw you pa-packing up, and I’m sorry, I… I just… I’ve been trying to work up the courage to c-come talk to you for, for the past hour, I…” he glances around the event, as if terrified of someone overhearing him, “I-I, it all hit a point where I c-couldn’t just ignore and deny it anymore, and I, I-- dysphoria has been really, really bad lately, and I… I need help. I need…”
“Hey, hey, sweetheart,” Jimin reaches a hand out and rubs their arm, “take your time, we’ll help in any way we can.”
“I-I don’t know where to start.” They say, “The, the only person I’ve told so far is my therapist… and I literally just told her yesterday.” their sniffling becomes a little louder, “I don’t know what to do…”
“Hey, you came to us…” Jimin says in a very soft, comforting voice, “that’s really brave of you.”
They pull a hand out of their shorts to wipe their eyes, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” Seokjin says, “Is there anything specific you need help with?”
Jungkook leans forward, “We have a gender-affirming closet, which includes stuff like binders and padding, and we also offer more legal and medical services too. We can get you in-touch with trans-friendly doctors, lawyers, anything you need.”
“How old are you?” Jimin asks.
“23.” they answer.
“You’re in the age range for our young adults group chat.” Jimin hands them a card with information about different support groups, “Unfortunately, for most of those groups, we only have in-person meetings and our only location at the moment is in Albuquerque, but if you have the resources, come down for a support group meeting that you think applies to you.”
The person takes the card from them, “Thank you… thank you…” they hiccup and stutter throughout their thanks. “I don’t, I don’t know how much longer I can live like this…”
Alarm bells go off in Jungkook’s mind. All of the training he went through a few months ago to prepare him for these situations completely leave his mind. He doesn’t know what to do.
Jimin walks to the other side of the table, slowly approaching the now trembling person on the other side. They hold out their arms. With a little hesitation, the person leans into them and lets Jimin wrap their arms around them.
“You will live on.” Jimin says, “Because you need to. For people like us, our lives are symbols of resistance, and we need to stay alive to show the world that we are here to stay.” they rub their back as they start sobbing into Jimin’s shoulder, “You are not alone. We are proof of that.” they say as they motion their body towards the table, to show the person exactly who the ‘we’ Jimin mentioned is.
“It’s hard to not feel alone when you’re the only one in your life feeling this way…” they say as they separate themselves from Jimin’s hold.
“That’s why we’re here.” Jimin says, “To make sure that you know you have a place in this world.”
They wipe their eyes again, “I’m so sorry for breaking down like this… I’m not usually like this.” Their hands are still intertwined with Jimin’s, neither of them move away.
“It’s alright, handling situations like this is part of our job.” Jimin says, keeping a smile on their face. Jungkook doesn’t know how they do it, how they keep their composure, keep a smile, speak so softly, he greatly admires how gentle they are.
The person sets the card back onto the table.
“You don’t want to take that with you?” Seokjin asks.
“I can’t risk my husband seeing it.” they respond, “I don’t know how to tell him. We’re going to be moving to Albuquerque in the next month anyway… I’ll find you again then.”
“Please do.” Jimin says, “You’re too precious for this to be the last time we see you.”
“Aish,” they turn away and shove Jimin’s hand away from them, but Jungkook relaxes seeing a smile start to grow on their face, “whatever.” they mumble.
Jimin hugs them tightly one more time, then lets the person leave. They timidly wave goodbye to the three of them.
“Good thing we were taking so long packing up, huh?” Jungkook says.
“They were cute.” Seokjin comments, “I just wanted to put them in my pocket and keep them safe, such a young little thing.”
“You’re the same age.” Jungkook responds.
“Yeah, and I’m a young little thing too.” Seokjin argues, dramatically putting his hand on his chest.
“You’re not little.” Jungkook says.
“I feel little when I’m manhandled.” Seokjin responds with a wink.
Jungkook exaggeratedly fake-gags, “You’d break their back.”
Seokjin fake-gasps in offense, “Respect your elders, young man!” he slaps him on his shoulder.
“Okay, boomer.”
“We’re literally both gen z!”
“I thought you were an elder.”
Jimin throws their bi flag in-between them. “You’re both acting like children! Just continue packing up!” They laugh.
Taehyung returns with a large, black trash bag for them to throw away any of their trash as they pack up.