Chapter Text
Noelle never thought of herself as someone that could get cheated on.
Her parents have always been unfailingly loyal, and so that was always the kind of relationship she imagined for herself. Kris’ parents threw some softball cheating accusations at each other when they got divorced, and Noelle listened to her dad tell her mom about it like she was listening to a particularly gruesome fairytale. Scary, but ultimately as unrealistic as cutting off your heel to fit a glass slipper.
And Susie is such a good girlfriend. She says I love you, she says, you’re so pretty, she steals Noelle ice cream and doesn’t let her pay the vendor back. And maybe that’s why it took Noelle so long to notice.
They spend a lot of time together. Noelle and Susie, that is. But usually—always, actually, mostly, Kris is there too. Slinking back into the shadows of Noelle’s closet when Susie pushes Noelle into her pillows and kisses her stupid. Leaning against the lockers waiting with Susie. Outside Noelle’s house in their mom’s car, picking Susie up.
And it isn’t weird, when Susie puts her arm around Kris’ shoulder, dips her head absently in to whisper something in their ear. Kris never does anything out of line. Susie is the only one who’s kind of touchy. But Noelle always thought she was just like that.
But then there’s the hair.
Noelle and Susie are over at Kris’---Susie seems to usually be at Kris’, Noelle calls their house when she wants to talk to her, but they’re best friends, so it makes sense that they’re together all the time.
They’re downstairs watching a movie, Susie and Noelle on one side but Kris’ legs thrown over Susie’s ankles. Noelle gets up to go to the bathroom—but really to get away from the movie, because Kris and Susie are both really into it and Noelle just isn’t. And then she gets kind of nosey and wanders quietly upstairs into Kris and Azzy’s room.
And on Kris’ rustled sheets, nearly covered by their rumpled comforter, is Susie’s hair.
Noelle knows what Susie’s hair looks like in a bed because Susie’s hair is always in her bed. And it’s not just Susie’s hair but Kris’ too. Warm brown and dark purple-black. Tangled up together.
She just stares at it for a long minute.
Susie slept in Kris’ bed. Probably when they were in it too. Which could be fine. They could’ve been having a sleepover, had to share.
But Azzy’s bed is as empty as always on the other side of the room. Made perfectly without a strand in sight.
Kris and Susie shared a bed. And now that she really looks, there’s way too much hair here for it to have been just once, or even a couple of times. It’s all over the pillows too.
She glances around the room as if she’ll find something that can explain this. But she only finds Susie’s shirt slung over the clothing hamper. Kris’ sweater thrown awkwardly on the floor next to their bed.
“Noelle?” Susie calls up the stairs, and Noelle leaves Kris’ room quickly and runs back downstairs, her heart hammering.
She sits back on the couch and Susie wraps an arm around her. Her mind is racing with possible explanations. Friends share beds all the time. Maybe even when they don’t necessarily have to. Susie could’ve spilled something on her shirt, needed to change. That doesn’t mean they did anything.
But Noelle would’ve thought that Susie would’ve asked her at least. If it was okay to share a bed with somebody else. With other things Susie is usually so good about that.
So from then on Noelle pays attention. Looks when they wouldn’t expect her to.
Susie is always leaned sort of protectively around them when they’re walking home. They always walk home together. Noelle doesn’t know where Susie lives because Susie doesn’t want to talk about it, but now that she’s realized it it’s inescapable. Susie must be living with Kris. And neither of them have told her. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re doing anything either. So Noelle narrows her eyes and keeps looking.
In the morning they walk into class together. And as Kris passes Noelle’s desk they yawn, stretch their arms up absently. And on their upper hip there’s what could be a bite mark. One that could be from sharp canines like Susie’s. Noelle knows all too well that Susie doesn’t always know how strong she is. Bites too hard sometimes, turns a casual elbow into a sharp shove by accident.
But it could be something else. It could be. Noelle clenches her desk and wills it to be true. She’s finding something in nothing. She won’t believe it until she sees it herself.
So after school she says goodbye and walks at a distance behind them. And they’re just normal. The next day they’re normal too, and the next, and the next. Susie doesn’t have a phone Noelle can check for messages.
But at school some mornings Kris won’t stop tugging their sweater up their neck. And sometimes Susie is looking at them for too long during class, head propped on her hand, almost absent. Like they’re the default thing for her to look at, like they’re a safe place to stay.
One day Kris tells Noelle they have to stay back with their mom to help some set up, and Susie tells Noelle she has work even though Noelle knows her work schedule, knows she isn’t supposed to go in.
She hangs back outside the school, waits a while, then sneaks back into the school bathroom, expecting, dreading, finding them there. No luck. It’s empty. She’s about to give up when she hears voices from the spare classroom.
She sneaks over, leans up to peer through the door window.
Kris is in Susie’s lap. Arms around her neck, forehead pressed to hers. But they aren’t kissing. They’re just sitting there talking, hushed. Susie’s eyes are gentle in the way Noelle loves so much when she’s looking at her. Her hand is on their face, just holding it. They’re playing absently with her hair. She says something that makes them laugh, and then they do kiss her, kiss the side of her mouth, then her jaw, her cheekbone, her eyelid. Susie smiles and kisses them full on the mouth and they sink into her, and Noelle can’t see anymore.
She cries for three days straight. Pretends she’s sick so she doesn’t have to go to school and cries so hard her whole body shakes and spends hours sitting in a steaming hot bath to calm the trembling and screams at herself in the mirror.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. This doesn’t make any sense. Susie loves her. She knows she does. So why would she do this? Her and Kris have always been close, but, with a twinge of misplaced jealousy, Noelle thinks, me and Kris are close too, I’ve known them longer, we grew up together. How could Susie do this?
Well. There’s only one way to find that out, isn’t there?
Noelle goes over to Kris’ house on Sunday night. Miss Toriel is out, her car isn’t in the driveway. But she knows where the other key is. Of course, Susie could be in there too. And if she is then maybe she’ll explain this and everything will be okay.
So Noelle opens the front door and walks up the stairs and walks into Kris’ bedroom and says, “I know.”
And Kris, alone, looks up from their floor keyboard and there is not any surprise on their face. They do not ask her, “Know what?”
They just look impassively up, waiting. Maybe for her to yell at them. And she could. Their big longlashed amber eyes. Bite mark on their smooth lips. Scratch at their neck, red and recent. What were they doing that made Susie dig her nails in like that? Noelle could yell. She could.
“Make it up to me,” Noelle says instead, and shoves them down onto their carpet and kisses them. Feels the give of their soft body under hers and thinks, i’m doing my research. Thinks, yes. They’re warm, hot, and the sounds they make when she kisses their neck are like little sobs, and Noelle presses her mouth to theirs halfway through one of them and catches the vibration of their voice in her mouth, swallows it down her throat. Susie has done this, she thinks as she pulls them onto their bed and tugs their sweater off, runs her hands along their ribcage and under the band of their sports bra. Susie has done this so why shouldn’t she?
And so two can play at that game. Noelle waits the next morning for a call from Susie, telling her that Kris told Susie everything, that they’re done. But no call comes. And at school Susie grabs Noelle by the hips and pushes her against the lockers and kisses her. And over Susie’s shoulder Kris blinks slowly. No expression on their face at all. She thinks about their face last night, those expressions they made, the little nervous lip bites and the way their mouth parted when they said, oh, yes. She feels a shock, a thrill. I have them too Susie. They’re mine too now. But Kris does nothing to give this fact away. They just go on blinking.
“Haven’t seen you in forever,” Susie says, kissing Noelle’s cheek and then taking her hand as they walk to class.
Noelle raises an eyebrow, a bit annoyed by how nice and normal Susie’s being. “We just saw each other two days ago.”
“Yeah, like I said.” She dips her head into Noelle’s neck, kisses under her jaw. “Forever.” Susie glances over at Kris and tilts her head, beckoning. “C’mon.”
Kris comes obediently over like a heeled puppy. Noelle looks with satisfaction at the bruise she left on their neck and waits for Susie to notice.
And notice she does. At lunch, leaning over Kris to steal chips, she stops half on top of them and frowns at their neck.
“What happened?”
They take a bite of their apple and shrug. Susie prickles, leans in closer and smells their hair like it might tell her something.
Noelle considers her options of what to say.
“Looks like it’s more of a who than a what. Are you going out with someone, Kris? And you haven’t told us?”
Kris narrows their eyes at Noelle just a little bit. She can’t tell how they feel. They seemed to enjoy it. But they’ve hidden themself and Susie for so long it must be like instinct now, to pretend something like this meant nothing.
Does Noelle want it to have meant something? She isn’t sure.
Susie sits bolt straight, eyes wide and jaw open. “What? No way. You wouldn’t do that. Would you?” She clenches her jaw, narrows her eyes. “Who? That asshole that was flirting with you at your work? I told you he’s a fucking creep. Is that why you were out late the other night? Seriously? He was like, older, too. That shit is dangerous. I’ll go with you to your next shift, you don’t even have to do anything. I’ll tell him to fuck off.”
Kris hums and keeps eating their apple. Susie’s eyes are fixed furiously on their face. She’s angry. Noelle feels a flush of satisfaction.
“Or–Is it someone else? That girl from out of town? She wasn’t even cool. She was on vacation and she went to the library. That’s lame. You deserve someone awesome, not some random dumbass. She probably just wanted to use you. God, I'll kill her.”
“Use me,” Kris says, and hums. “What’s that mean? Like, hook up, but not tell anyone?” They flick their gaze lazily to Noelle. “Dunno. I don’t think anything’s really wrong with that. Long as everybody’s okay with it.”
“Well, I'm not okay with it,” Susie says, her voice high and angry. “You deserve better than that.”
“Oh,” they say, voice turning a little cold. “Do I?”
Susie looks sort of like she’s been slapped. She stares at them, mouth opening and closing and opening and closing, and as they get up to go chuck their apple core into the woods she turns to Noelle as if for backup.
Noelle shrugs. “I mean, they’re right. As long as everyone’s alright with it.”
Susie lets out a frustrated sound and stands up, slumps back against the tree and peers at Kris, who has stopped to talk to Berdly. She glowers.
“If it was him I'm kicking his ass. It’s, like, disrespectful. Kris isn’t a chew toy.”
Which Noelle hears how Susie means it. They’re my chew toy. Mine.
Kris comes back over and Susie is glowering the whole rest of lunch. It’s a kind of possessiveness Noelle has never seen from her. She gnashes her teeth and crosses her arms at the back of class and casts a shadow over the whole room for the rest of the day.
“Why don’t we go over to yours, Kris,” Noelle says as Kris and Susie are trying to walk home alone.
Kris tips their head to the side, bares their neck, and Noelle’s mouth almost waters. “Well. Okay.”
“Okay?” Susie says, a little wideeyed. “Er, yeah. Okay.”
Noelle walks next to Kris instead of Susie, to Susie’s obvious bewilderment, and when they get inside Noelle just walks straight upstairs to Kris’ room.
Susie comes in first, says, “Uh, Kris is gonna grab some water. Uhm.” She glances anxiously and embarrassingly obviously around the room, as if trying to make sure nothing incriminates her. “Why did you want to come over?”
“What would be so wrong with Kris going out with somebody?” Noelle asks. “I mean, you must’ve noticed. They’ve had marks like that for a while. You never thought to ask where they came from?”
Susie doesn’t pick up on the implicit meaning. I know you know where they came from because you’re the one that did it.
“No,” Susie says, and frowns. “You never mentioned them before. What does this have to do with anything?”
Noelle shrugs. “I wasn’t worried about it. Whoever gave them to Kris probably likes them a lot. Like you like me. So I'm happy for them.”
Susie swallows. “Whatever. Let’s not talk about this.”
“What, you don’t want Kris to be happy?”
“Course I do. I just know nobody here is good enough for them.”
“Do you think you’re good enough for me?” Noelle narrows her eyes. “Because Susie, I don’t think you’ve been honest. And I have to tell you, I haven’t been either.”
Kris comes in then, with three glasses of water balanced perilously.
“What do you mean,” Susie says wearily, and makes an intentional look at Kris.
They just sigh, a little shaky and roll their eyes, set the waters down on their side table. Her brow furrows. They slump back down onto their bed and stare at the ceiling.
“I’m pretty sure you know what I mean,” Noelle says. “Kris knows.”
Susie whips to look at them. They put their arm over their eyes.
“Kris knows what?”
“And I know where they got that bruise,” Noelle says, and is slightly startled by her voice, by the hint of strangeness in it. “Because I gave it to them. And I know you gave them all the other ones.”
Susie’s jaw drops. “Are you serious?”
“Ask Kris.” Noelle clenches her jaw. “They’ll tell you.”
“When?” Susie shakes her head, but to Noelle’s surprise she doesn’t look mad. She actually looks sort of relieved. “Why? Seriously?”
“Because I had to know. Why you would do it.”
“Do it,” Susie repeats, incredulous.
“Cheat on me.”
“It doesn’t count.”
Kris makes a startled sound. Then a sort of garbled one. And then they start to cry. It's so quiet it takes Noelle a moment to realize what’s happening.
Noelle and Susie stop fighting. Glance at each other.
“Kris,” Susie says carefully. “Uh, you okay?”
“No,” Kris snaps, their voice garbled. “I’m mad.”
Susie’s sort of orbiting closer to them, fixed on the tear making its way down their jaw to their neck.
“You’re mad at me?”
Kris laughs, broken a little, and pulls at their hair.
“Yes. I’m mad at you.”
She swallows, reaches out. When they don’t flinch away she sits, takes them by the shoulders, leans forward, eyes wide and desperate.
“Why?”
They groan, dip their head onto her shoulder. She holds the back of their neck and they tip their head back to look up at her, the full weight of their skull in her palm.
“That you made me fall in love with you. That you made me believe that could be a good thing. But it’s not. You're always going to go back to her. You know everything about me. And you still don’t want to be with me. Because I don’t count.”
“I–Kris you aren’t like everybody else. We couldn’t be normal.”
“So you cheated on your girlfriend for months. And I let it happen. And then I let Noelle cheat on you with me. It’s not her fault you can’t choose.”
“I don’t want to choose,” Susie says helplessly, her eyes a little wet. “I love you both, and I love you different. But I still love you. Is that really so bad?”
“Why didn’t you just say that, then? Why did you do this to me?”
She sucks in a breath. “Do what to you?”
“Broke me open. It isn’t fair. You let me follow you around like a stupid dog. And then you come into school and make out with her at lunch. It isn't fair. To either of us.”
“Kris I come home to you. Every day. I feel like i’m home when i’m with you.”
“So why isn’t that enough? Why am I not enough?”
Susie doesn’t seem to know how to respond. Kris stares at her, tears pooling at their chin.
“What’s happening right now?” Susie says, and wipes their cheek with the pad of her thumb. “What’s happening?”
“I think we need to stop,” Kris says.
“Yes,” Noelle says, her mouth pressed. Susie hasn’t looked at her once since Kris started crying. “I think we do too.”
“But,” Susie says, her voice breaking. “I never sleep alone.”
“I’ll take the couch,” they say, and turn to the door. “Goodnight.”
“Wait,” she says, but they’re already shutting it behind them. Only then does she look up at Noelle. “Shit. God. Fuck.”
Noelle wills herself not to cry and leaves Susie there alone, silent, on Kris’ bed. Walks past them on the couch as she leaves. Kisses them goodbye. Glances back into the window after she's left, where they're laying there staring at the ceiling, watching the blades of the living room fan whir.