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Kris is no stranger to pain. They know it very well. The real one.
It is not the betrayal of your mother dancing with a stranger, erasing the memories of your father in every corner of your house. It is not the cruel absence of your brother who abandoned you and never called.
It is not the loneliness. It is also not the suffocating crimson force that controls your every step.
Do YOU know what real pain is?
Perhaps you are unaware, but there exists a rare kind of physical pain, sharper than any wound of the heart.
A pain that breaks your mind and body, coils through your very core and rips you apart inside, drains your strength and casts you to your knees — until the world becomes nothing but white and red.
It leaves you writhing in nausea, your head pounding without end. Your trembling limbs are betraying you. In place of your heart, a black abyss devours all. Yet something pumps your blood and pulses with frantic speed, echoing in your ears. The ringing is unbearable. You see that crimson heart in your hands, and realize you are going to die soon.
Ripping your soul out of yourself is the truest pain. It violates every law of the universe. It feels utterly wrong, as if you were forbidden to endure it. This pain has no origin. It is rootless, arriving from beyond.
The agony of ripping your soul from your body outmatches and overshadows everything, in every way imaginable.
Or so Kris thought.
Until a certain moment.
Until they met Susie. And than Susie met Noelle.
And now. What do YOU know of love? No, no — it is not about the love you receive. This is about you, about the love you feel, the love you give. And still, it is not about the love you pour into pancakes you make for your family. Nor is it about love for the beauty of the world, or the wonders of magical adventures.
It is the all-consuming, draining yet filling passion and adoration. The true love that you can feel only for a tall butch lesbian with a long hair and a sharp smile.
Kris had been infatuated with Susie for… for so long they could no longer remember. Longer than Noelle, that much was certain. From the moment Kris saw her tall, dark, threatening silhouette — and then suddenly heard that gentle, low, timid voice — that moment stole Kris's breath away. Their pupils flared wide, the heart thundered faster, and the mouth fell open in spellbound awe. Susie read it as fear.
But her taunts only delighted Kris further — though in hindsight, they know such thoughts were a touch mad. But tell me, who wouldn't crave being slammed against the wall, every ounce of a mighty goddess's focus burning into you? Something in Kris hooked Susie so fiercely that she chose to provoke only them. No one else.
And it set ablaze something deep deep inside.
Their first descent into the Dark World unleashed something else entirely. In just one day, Kris and Susie found common ground, becoming, at last, something akin to friends — a closeness they had failed to reach for years. That moment was, without doubt, the point of no return.
Kris considers themselves a musician — in a way. Mere love of music and skill with an instrument could never suffice. To rise as a performer, you must grip the soul of your audience, unleash raw emotion, and demand to be understood. Also, to be a worthy listener, Kris must pierce through sound and uncover the hidden feelings within another's song. For them, this was the definition of understanding music — and for a while, it was enough.
At the moment Kris could hardly believe it: in the silence of the dungeon, eyes fixed upon the rough stone bricks — when suddenly, deep within their soul, a trembling arose, growing with every heartbeat, shaping itself into music — and they realized that it was the crimson soul within them — the sole gift of that intruder — that allowed Kris to hear Susie's song.
At first, the music was menacing, like a dark and suffocating shadow pressing down. Then it shifted — now bold, so confident, yet.. bruised. So fragile and wounded by the betrayal, yet still trembling with rage. A melody strung tight, vibrating with the promise of burning revenge.
And then…
A raw guitar riff, aching and feverish was screaming desperatly through the soul, just like the pounding drums. They felt it all at once: the fragile glimmer of hope in the higher notes, and the grit of rebellion in the repeating motive. The blaze of savage, unfiltered freedom balancing the abyss of crushing despair in the descending harmony. And the bad-fucking-ass blazing, unbridled fury.
…Kris fell in love.
When she returned, Kris gazed at her as their deliverer. A savior. Not only the one who tore them from the dungeon's grip — but the savior of their life itself. Susie's sorrow was plain, and now Kris understood her completely. They had been handed the rarest chance imaginable — to peer into another's soul. It was precious, it was unique. Priceless. Kris felt otherworldly, yet crushed by gravity, knees grinding against the stone floor.
The girl with the softest voice was revealed as the bearer of the most honest and raw and scarred soul. A soul that mirrored Kris's own.
That time she said, "You know, Kris, from now on if you advise me to do something, I'll listen."
Kris really could not have been happier.
Pure, unshaken adoration — that's what Kris became after that day. They treasured every small smirk on her face, storing it carefully in memory. They remembered every detail: what she loved, what she found funny, what saddened her (apples, basically any food gift; Kris’s clumsy stumbles; talks about her home — all so simple for them to name). And what made her blush (almost any form of flirting, any compliment. Kris loved dropping compliments at random times and finding excuses to give more).
From that day, Susie was the answer to every question, every longing. A friend? Susie. A confidant for joy and sorrow alike? Susie. A companion in adventures, keeper of secrets known only to two souls? Susie.
Your personal secret? Susie. Your only joy in life? The one you long to make laugh, to cherish, to spoil, to feed with cinnamon pies hot from your hands, to take on dates beneath café lights? The person you wish to behold first at dawn and last at dusk, until the end of days? Susie.
It was perfection, almost unbearable in its purity. Kris had never tasted such comfort, such happiness, in all their life. They had never believed they deserved something like that. It was simply too perfect.
And then the Ferris wheel happened.
That. Fᵤcₖᵢₙg. Wₑₑₗ. From that moment, all began to unravel. Kris lost every shred of control, watching it crumble away.
As if they had ever possessed control over anything to begin with.
Once more, the scarlet soul unveiled to Kris a stolen vision of Susie, and…
Why is she blushing.
ₐₙd ₛₒ fᵤcₖᵢₙg ₑₐₛᵢₗy..
Wₕy ₘᵤₛₜ ₖᵣᵢₛ wₑₐᵥₑ cₐᵣₑfᵤₗ wₒᵣdₛ, dₑₗᵢcₐₜₑ gestures, to coax laughter and warmth into her face…
Wₕᵢₗₑ ⁿᵉᵃʳ ᴺᵒᵉˡˡᵉ, she ignites instantly.??!?.
ᴬⁿᵈ ˢᵘˢⁱᵉ ˢʰᵒʷᵉʳˢ ʰᵉʳ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᶜᵒᵐᵖˡⁱᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ? ᵂᵒʳᵈˢ ᴷʳⁱˢ ʰᵃˢ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵇᵉᵉⁿ ᵍʳᵃᶜᵉᵈ ʷⁱᵗʰ?
Kris never hated Noelle. They never did, and they weren’t about to start. They had seen the lingering gazes, the shadowed gleam of fantasy and envy in her eyes whenever Kris was pressed against the lockers. Takes one pervert to know one, right?
But seeing that… unleashed a new, brutal kind of pain. Sharp. Precise.
Merciless.
A flicker of jealousy. It burned and it soaked ther insides with a sour venom. Haunting and unforgiving.
That was new.
And with it came a new fear. The scarlet soul, the unseen hand guiding Kris. For all they know, it could marvel at the rising romance at the weel and… Kris truly didn't know what the Soul might do about it. Harm Kris? Harm Noelle? What the hell was Kris supposed to do now?
So they opened a Dark Fountain before their intruder's eyes.
Yet before that, Kris had asked Susie to stay the night, cause something had to be done. They could not simply watch as the only light of their life was stolen away.
To sit beside her was celestial. To witness her laughter at films, to see her within their home, wrapped in the intimacy of ordinary life. Kris's heart dissolved.
Why did Susie have to bring up the reindeer girl right now? Why, why, why?!
Perhaps Kris would have demanded "why?", but they feared one thing — if they spoke, the problem would become real.
And then the red soul revealed itself in a shocking way. Understanding.
It no longer chose the funniest dialogues. Tonight it chose to give Susie a gift. It chose — out of all options — to invite Susie to the Festival. Kris didn't know what to feel about it, but deep down they were really grateful. For not ruining it further. For the help, despite everything.
In their latest adventure, they and Susie shared so many moments that Kris stopped counting. They both chose to write ASS as their names — well, thanks to the Soul, I guess. Susie's laugh was totally worth Ralsei's scolding. They took a snapshot on the pixel beach beside two hearts. They played a rock concert together — and god damn high on adrenalin Kris was ready to kiss that drummer right then and there. And they almost kissed for real, when the crimson soul mischievously nudged them together after the Mantle game.
That moment was, without exaggeration, the most terrifying of Kris's life. So far.
Their heart pounded so violently it could be heard through armor. Susie was so close Kris could too feel her heartbeat against theirs. Her eyes darted across Kris's face, uncertainty and shock tangled with something raw and familiar. They were centimeters apart. Kris was ready to die that very instant.
Susie was stunning. The shimmering paint from the concert still clung to her violet hair. Was she real at all? Susie was such a good person, truly better than their cursed little town, hell, better than the whole world. And so much better than Kris, undoubtedly.
And yet Kris wanted. They longed for her warmth. They wanted that piercing gaze locked on them every day. To press against her, to breathe with her. Kris wanted, wanted, wanted-
They didn't ask the red soul for permission. Kris chose, and crossed the fragile space between their lips.
Only to taste her shampoo.
It was laughable in the moment. Susie being Susie. But when the magic dissolved and she departed, Kris was left with despair.
The only kiss they ever shared that night was an indirect one, through the straw of her lemonade, drained by Kris as they sat on the cold floor before the vast dead screen.
So, what is Love for Kris?
Do Kris themselves know?
No. Not until the battle against the Knight.
When terror clawed at them, when cold ran shivers through their body, when dizziness and nausea whispered surrender with every heartbeat. When each attempt to fight tore deeper into their soul.
Kris turned to Susie. To her fearless stance. Saw the tremor of fear in her eyes, yet heard iron in her words. Heard her unbreakable faith in her friends. Her trust. Her conviction in victory.
Her gaze blazing back at Kris, filled with hope.
In that moment, Kris felt it.
No truer Love than to stand against Death together.
And they faced death nearly every day.
So. Yeah. Kris loved Susie a̶s̶ ̶i̶f̶ their very life depended on it.
It truly did.
And also, Kris was fucked.
Why, you ask?
Kris remembers every detail about Susie, right?
That means remembering things she hates.
Like bows. And liars.
And traitors.
Kris was both and even worse than that.
Love is when she drags you through the darkened streets, hand locked in yours, as the town blurs under the veil of night.
Kris thinks about how her sadness contrasts with yesterday, when they sealed the Dark Fountain. Susie's smile shone so brightly it could eclipse even the sun, closing every fountain in the world. It was as if all the darkness had been blown away, and Kris's own soul just mirrored it and glowed in imitation.
They would give anything to see that same smile again.
Kris thinks about how vast Susie's heart truly is. How deeply she worries about darkners' self-deprecation. How bravely she rushes to help Undyne, even when the Knight no longer posed a threat to their group. How earnestly she tries to aid Tenna, doing whatever she can despite not understanding the tech stuff. How quickly she forgave his past mockery, even offering comfort — just like to her beloved friend Ralsei.
At the morning Kris thinks how adorable she looked, cheerfully munching pancakes in their kitchen. How really charming she looked wearing Asriel's clothes.
How Kris wishes to shield her from everything cruel in the world, so that she would have reasons only to smile and laugh — just like when they laughed together on the back pew of the church, unseen by everyone else.
The whole ceremony was goofy and amusing to Kris. First, the Soul sent shivers down their spine when Susie ate the Revivemint — it was genuinely hilarious. Letting the Soul choose between an "appropriate" and "inappropriate" spot for the sticker, knowing full well where they wanted to place it was also pretty fun.
And… Susie, blushing with little flowers on her face, looked truly sweet.
Also, for today's agenda Kris had a small plan of revenge in mind. Admittedly, it was rather unkind — but Kris couldn't do anything about it.
After all, they had no control over their own body((( So sad(
Yet to arrive at the gates of the Holiday mansion, only to turn around and lead Susie on a date right before Noelle's nose — that was peak comedy. Kris literally wanted to high‑five the Soul.
But fate seemed to love everyone except Kris.
Because, that was the very last moment of comfort and warmth for them. What followed after that was nothing but pain.
And Susie invited Noelle to the Festival.
Kris wouldn't lie, it was an incredibly romantic moment — defying a strict parent and boldly declaring her intentions. Even though Susie envied how well Kris could flirt, she was truly wonderful when it came to honest romantic gestures.
BUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE SUSIE YOU TALKED LITTERALY TWICE!????
Kris stood frozen on the second floor. Forgotten. Discarded. She didn't even look at them.
Why her?
Why her?
Why her and not me?
They felt more abandoned than ever before in their life. Even when their father left. Even when Asriel left. Even when…
Why do you bother smiling to me, joking to me, keeping doing fun things with me
right after that?
No matter what Kris did — hell, no matter what the Soul did too — it was all pointless, didn't it? As if none of their choices ever mattered.
The Dark World with the Prophecy reminded them both of it. Clear, sharp, impossible to ignore.
It was like it was laughing at Kris. Taunting them.
The Girl. The Girl. The Girl. The Girl.
Why is it so painful? So fucking painful to see her smile? And blush? Knowing it's all not for them anymore.
The Girl. The Girl. The Girl.
They were completely surrounded by the stained glass of Susie's silhouette. Kris was drowning in despair, swallowed by infinite sorrow. Cold seeped into their bones. They ached to break down, to cry, but the tears would not come.
From the day Susie showed up in this town, she was alone. Nobody talked to her, nobody hung out with her. Just alone, without friends. Kris had counted her as a friend from the instant she first lashed out — because even that meant connection, meant she was not entirely invisible.
Toriel remembered only the good in Susie, and Kris saw why. Susie was never truly cruel. She never hurt Kris in any real way.
She only wanted someone to notice her.
And Kris understood that need more than anyone else.
When she admitted she broke a piano as a kid, Kris understood her again. It was such a vulnerable moment for her; if the Soul had tried to hurt Susie then, Kris would have covered their mouth with a hand and bitten down.
But the Soul did not try.
It let Kris promise Susie they'd play together.
"Honestly, back than I would've hate you. But now-"
Kris almost cried.
That's why the past week was magical for them. Something truly special. To witness Susie's kindness finally breaking through the walls she built for protection felt like a gift. A gift just for them.
And the thought that it was Kris who gave her that safety, who allowed her to bare her fragile, tender heart for the first time, filled them with awe and longing.
Also, the moment Susie seized Kris's knife with her naked hand — it was crazy hot. Damn.
Watching it all fall apart felt like that same knife driven into the chest.
No — worse. It felt like someone grabbed their crimson Soul and squeezed it hard.
Coming back, Kris breathed out in relief — the rain was gone. Now it was raining somewhere else, rustling and rumbling in the distance. But here, they were alone, wrapped in silence, the slow rhythm of night, and the fresh smell of wet earth.
The crimson Soul pulled them around until they found a lake. Kris was tired — bone‑deep tired. After fighting all day and night, all they wanted was to rest, to sit down and breathe. The night felt too good, too calm, too safe. So Kris didn’t wait for the Soul to drag them home — they sat down right there on the shore. Susie agreed without saying anything. That quiet support made Kris smile, just a little.
The lake mirrored the moon in dazzling waves, serene, soothing in comfort. A quiet beauty of the night. But Kris's gaze kept slipping back to Susie. Of course it did.
It hurt a bit — that Susie only learned, after the old man's advice, that she held such pure, radiant hope inside her. Kris had always seen it. They had always known.
How could she not? After all she had done, after all the people she stood by, after everything she went through herself — and everything she and Kris went through together. Her hope was truly contagious. Beautiful. It touched everyone around her so effortlessly, it was almost frightening.
Susie was something else. Something marvelous. She hated the way the Prophecy ended — so she smashed it.
What a beautiful person she is. Endearing and lovable. Breathtaking charm, gorgeous, really stunning looks. Attractive mind and soul. You can't bring yourself to say "no" to her. She is irresistible in every way.
If people were even just a bit like Susie, the world would be a better place.
"Is there something on my face?"
Kris sighed. They decided not to even try hiding the blush.
Yes — there was something. Very cute freckles.
Susie smirked.
Kris loved Susie very much.
The night was horrible.
Kris almost died. From embarrassment, from pain. From being so long apart from the Soul.
Kris could tell how much the crimson had truly missed them. And, honestly, they had missed it too.
The Festival was waiting — the happiest time of the year in this town, full of childhood memories. Rides, adventures, Susie.
But now Kris felt nothing. Emptiness. Emptiness and a dull pain. The anticipation of pain. They made sure the Soul understood that too.
It didn't, though. It still tried to do something — wandering through the town, clinging to every chance, forcing Kris and Susie to spend as much time together as possible. Just the two of them, no one else. It made sure Noelle had no part in it.
ᴵᵗ'ˢ ᵃˡˡ ᵘˢˡᵉˢˢ, ᵐʸ ʳᵉᵈ ˡⁱᵗᵗˡᵉ ᵍᵘʸ. ᴰᵒⁿ'ᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵉᵉ?
Susie acted like Kris wasn't even there. Even something small, like putting their hands together in a heart, seemed to her like it was something meant for Noelle. She can't be serious.
It felt like the Soul, while drowning itself, was trying to rescue a whole ship sinking into the abyss.
Useless. Pointless.
Each step to the lake felt like a march to an execution.
They buried their face against the table's bars, hoping a little pain would keep them from seeing — but they still looked. It was like staring, entranced, at an approaching tsunami. You know you'll die, but you cannot look away.
What do you know about pain, huh? The real one.
It's when everything meant for you ends up belonging to someone else.
Jealousy is an inferno. And you are going to burn so bad.
To do something crazy with Susie — that was meant for you.
To be lifted into her embrace, above the earth — meant for you, Kris.
The wind, the lake breeze, as Susie bore you across the water — meant for you, Kris.
To feel her heartbeat — for you, Kris.
To hear her tender, uncertain words — for Kris.
To gaze together upon the most beautiful sunset — meant for Kris.
To tell Susie "I love you" — it was supposed to be Kris.
So why?
Why was it her!?
And not Kris?
Why did Susie confess
to Noelle
and not to-
Kris really, really wanted to rip the Soul out right here and now — so that the pain, unearthly and crippling, might soften the sheer agony consuming them now.
Kris really, really wanted to cry. To break. Maybe then Susie would finally looked at them today. But no tears came.
Kris desperately wanted to scream. Their soul was screaming — thrashing in hysteria, storming somewhere else. Beyond. Screaming into the void. Against the wall.
But the choking knot in their throat allowed no choice at all.
"Hahaha! Dude, you look like a pineapple! Anyway, where's Noelle?"
They looked at her. Sleep deprivation and… whatever Kris had just experienced left them with only one desire: to rest. To collapse onto the bed. And not get up anymore.
For the rest of the adventure, Kris just felt like a true vessel — and they didn't even mind. They didn’t want to join in, to take part in anything, to speak to anyone, to listen as everyone seemed already certain that Susie and Noelle would date, marry, and grow old together.
They didn’t want to "close their eyes and think of what Susie was doing now" — because Kris knew fucking well what Susie was doing — but at one moment the Soul decided otherwise.
And it had to be the exact moment Susie asked about their type.
You've got to be kidding.
Kris thought about telling her off, or kicking the water to drench her — but they honestly didn't have the energy left to do a thing anymore.
This whole adventure was taking too fucking long already — Kris had no fun, and wanted it to end.
So, their wish came true.
You know, there are cruel jokes of fate — like when flowers die without sun, and the next day the brightest sun comes out.
That's how Kris felt, seeing the glowing garlands on the path they shared with Susie.
Be glad, Soul. At least one of your choices finally came true today. The Queen and King of the Festival parade together beneath the festive lights.
The irony.
Susie's kind words, saying Kris was still important, didn't soothe them at all. On the fucking contrary. They stung and hurt. They stung. And hurt.
"I've… just been thinking about… us. Since the day in the closet, since our first adventure… Kind of feels like all thes has been our special… Kris and Susie thing."
But hope is a damn undying little thing. It makes you lift your eyes, even when everything around is going to shit.
"One thing that no one can take away. Our secret. Our adventures. Our thing that's just better is it's just the two of us…"
It makes you listen. Closely. Feverishly.
"You… fell the same way, right Kris?"
Kris only stared at her. They had no idea what expression was on their face then, nor did they know what they felt inside.
But when Susie looked back she saw agreement.
And apparently, yeah — Kris agreed.
But we all felt that soon there would be a "but".
Because fate seems to love everyone except Kris.
"It needs to be Noelle's thing, too."
And now… now the tears finally came.
Susie almost closed the door, but then she smiled — so sincerely, so lovingly, so innocently and kindly, as if scattering all the darkness away.
"And Kris. Thanks for walking me home."
Kris closed their eyes — and tears quietly, invisibly ran down their cheeks. They swallowed the thorny lump. Then offered Susie a smile in return — a real, almost mirroring her loving smile — and nodded.
The door went shut.
They say despair is the absence of hope.
Yet Kris feels both at once.
Despair is the abyss between pain already endured and pain yet to come.
And hope — hope is the feeling that you are not alone.
In that dark school corridor, Kris stood utterly alone. They felt completely alone.
No one to turn to with this pain. No one to tell. No one to hear.
And yet — hope is the undying thing.
Because maybe.
Just maybe.
Somewhere, on the other side,
Someone cares.
Someone shares their pain.
Someone grieves for them.
Maybe.
Just maybe.
Kris isn't truly alone in the dark.
They have you.
❤️